Curls become straight
Hair flows beautifully
until it wraps around me
Holding me down
Fighting against my will
Enjoying the pain
Of the screams
My heart makes,
again.
-a.s

We make the history,
that love want us to be.
Same *** marriages,
who would have thought?
Relief in the eyes of all ages.
We have the freedom to accept
not only who we are, but what we are.
-a.s

Your kindness reflects,
the hospitality of your soul,
on the surface of the waves.

Your silence reflects,
the loudness of your mind,
in the echoes of the room.

Your voice reflects,
the honesty of your heart,
in the whispers to my ear.

Your positivity reflects,
the clarity of your thoughts,
flowing in your mind.

Bury me underwater;
where corals can grow like plants,
piercing through my veins,
sticking out of my rotting flesh.

Burry me underwater;
where my torso would be,
my own personalized treasure chest;
with my broken heart,
as the most valuable finding.

Burry me underwater;
where fish would feed off,
of my undiscovered bruises,
and my unhealed wounds,

Burry me underwater,
so I can feel again.*

-a.s

I'll build some walls
to protect  myself.
Atleast,
that is plan A.

If my first wall,
Breaks down,
I will try again.

If my second wall,
Breaks down,
I will build somewhere else.

If my third wall,
Breaks down,
(I'll give up)
And look who's behind it.
Maybe even ask
For some help building
it back again.

I don't even have bricks yet.

-a.s

The golden jewels of your soul,
Embellished in my broken heart,
The silver flakes of my breath,
Adorned your unfaithful words,
How could a beauty like love,
cause so much damage to our
diamond-filled bodies?
-a.s

Do you like playing games?

Puzzle me,
find my lost pieces;
rotate them;
flip them over;
make them fit.
make me fit, in my body.

When you're done,
glue the pieces together,
this way I'll be unbreakable.
That's all I want to be.

-a.s

I looked around,
you caught my eye.

I wish you hadn't.

There was eye contact,
It was strange.

At that moment,
I regreted looking at you,
but I couldn't stop.

With anger and hate,
I kept staring,
at your beautiful,
dark brown eyes.

My heart was beating,
it wanted to get out if my chest,
run away and hide from you.

I didn't listen to this pure *****,
I ended up in this situation.

I was still staring,
as I began panicking.

I looked away,
and then closed my eyes.

You had won.

But the reason why I looked away,
wasn't because I was afraid,
or because I was weak;

It was because;

I couldn't handle,

the confrontation,

with my own reality.

-a.s

Engagement rings
Are worn on the
Ringfinger of
The left hand

Is it
Strange

That you feel pain
In your left arm
When you get
A heart attack?

-a.s

Is see her standing over there,
looking in the mirror
comparing herself to others.
She's hating herself,
because she doesnt have,
the beautiful ballet-arms,
or the widest gap,
between her thighs.
I never noticed,
how skinny she was,
until now.
I could almost,
see right through her.
Every time she concentrated more,
on perfectioning her dance,
you could see the layer of insecurity,
covering her capabilities.
She's passionate,
and has talent.
But she doesn't believe it.
And in her head,
she never will.

-a.s

I don't believe you,
when you say,
those three words,
the three magic sylables,
each sylable with its own emotion,
forming a sentence of commotion.

A powerful sentence,
yet you say it careless.
The words glide out of your mouth,
over your dry lips,
as they dance in the air,
without a care,
they end up in my ear,
as they find comfort here.

One natural response,
and my heart is racing,
Not knowing the consequences,
it will be facing.

My brain holds back,
trying to keep my heart on track,
trying to restrain,
but still reminding it of the pain,

The fake smile changed in a frown,
as soon as I looked down.

My mascara blends out,
as my tears take a route.
The scars that are left behind,
leave an impression on my mind
and an engraving in my heart,

People stared at me,
wondering who I could be,
avoiding my biggest fears,
and covering up my tears,
make-up was a mask,
and it was my new task,
I changed my role,
to protect my soul.
-a.s

I am burning inside
I am looking at the smoke
my smoke, my ashes,
all evaporating from my skin
It's heavy and almost falls back
They almost enter my body
My confused pores open
and my body awakens,

-a.s

Don't wake me up
when I'm drowning
because I'm melting
in the sorrow your bones present
to a soul so daring as the ego that
masks my identity.
-a.s

Momma always told me,
to never go to sleep at night,
when I'm angry.

She said that,
I'd attract negativity,
and that it would,
show up in my dreams.

Therefore I'm scared,
to fall asleep tonight.

-a.s

My tears are slowly evaporating,
they ended up in the air,
which became saturated.

My skin is drying up,
it feels tight on my cheeks.

I stare at my reflection,
in the mirror,
not knowing,
who I'm looking at.
-a.s

Your dangerous silences
make me doubt every word
that I had actually said
believing they came from my heart
knowing they came from my head

Your beauty is my beast. -a.s

I am afraid of failing.
Everybody expects me,
to be me,
to think deep,
find a solution,
and succeed.

I am a perfectionist,
I have always been,
I want to achieve.
And my mind tells me,
no excuses.
Yet,
Every time I fall,
reality hits me harder,
and I disappoint myself.
I realize I had set my standards,
too high.

I want to be independent,
strong,
and confident.
I will pull myself up,
because I need to prove myself,
I can do anything,
I set my mind to.

And I may have been through a lot,
But there's no reason to give up.

The nicotine cleanses
the pure depression
my limbs collected
when your lungs
respirated the air
my soul exhaled
-a.s

Love is blind
But it makes me mute
I can't tell you how much I love you
In the way I can't even love myself.

Explaining this to you
Is harder than I thought
So I smile and lean towards you
To kiss you on your forehead
Hoping that's a signal you'll understand.

-a.s

I hid behind you,
your body was big,
and your back was protecting me,

I felt safe,
from all the negativity,
that was surrounding me,

but the moment you felt raindrops,

You ran away from me,
and hid behind someone else.

This is the reason,
I still have trust issues,
even with myself.

But one day,
people will hide behind me,
and I will protect them,
no matter what.

-A.s

Acid tears
New divide, old lost
Water calming the above
Wrecking life down under
Blue chemicals aren't enough
Don't you care to stop?
-a.s

Inexplicable,
that's what she is.

The way she acts,
shows her kindness.

The way she walks,
shows her presence.

The way she talks,
shows her intelligence.

The way she looks around,
shows er cautiousness.

The way she writes,
shows her experience.

She's a young girl,
with an old soul,
that's why
I love her.

-a.s

That moment when;
a small salty teardrop,
becomes a river full of sorrow.

That moment when;
you're laying there,
sobbing,
staring at your ceiling,
and having difficulties with breathing.

That moment when;
you realize you're stuck,
in a world of grief,
and you're alone,
lost in a maze of insecurities.

That moment when;
I still relive these moments.

-a.s

Love is hard, and I haven't found its soft spots. (yet) -a.s

Travelling with the speed of light, in the darkness of the salty waters; these fish are like no other. The way they separate their personal space defines the disturbance of our minds. Finding yourself at peace is like a fish returning to it's 'crowd', taking their own route, finding happiness in a place where there is no drought.
-anne

She lay on the brancard,
She wore a playful monkeysuit
It reminded me,
of her cheeky personality.
As I passed by,
she looked up,
and smiled at me.

I wonder if she felt,
that I was a doctor,
she told me she'd be fine.

I knew that her injuries,
would be fatal,
I couldn't help (myself)
so I smiled back.

-a.s

Its not the shine,
of my silver blade.

It's not the unbearable pain,
which I enjoy.

It's not the attention,
I want to get.

It's the fascination,
of the red color of my blood.

The color red,
Stands for love,
but also for anger.

Two things,
I struggle with the most.

Miss u
Luv u
Happy 2 b ur gf

I miss you,
I love you,
I am happy to be your girlfriend.

Everything you say,
Say it differently
Make changes,
Live hapily.

I'd jump off of this canyon
these hills, mountains
whatever you call it

I'd die burning in the sand
the heat melting my skin
the wind washing ash away

I'd become my own fossil
waiting to be discovered
by some explorer like me
-a.s

A house
A roof
A car
A pet
A father
A mother
A brother
A sister
Yet no happiness
in my eyes.

I wonder,
why.

-a.s

You were the warm
layer of smoke drifting
off of my sigarette;
a lovely smell,
a dark color,
a hazard for
my health.

The little fire,
at end of a burning
sensation,
is similar to
the pain
in my chest.

My heart is in flames,
as my tears will quench it,
(again)

-a.s

As a mom,
I can't speak,
she's weak,
she has to learn,
there's no return,
he breaks
her fragile heart,
she was emotional
from the start,
I didn't know
but I told her
to let him go,
she's on the
right track
and soon
I'll have my
daughter back
-a.s

Day 6;

The negativity,
overwhelmed her mind,
guided to her heart,
ending up at her soul.

Her loving heart,
Destroyed her precious soul,
Leaving the shattered pieces,
on the blank pages of her diary.

-a.s

Stuck in quicksand,
i reached out,
to grab your hand,
you just stood there,
looking at me,
with a slight laugh on your face.

the resentment,
in your beautiful eyes,
pushing me down,
forcing me to drown,
Taking my last breath,
I give up.

Something,
I forbade you to do.

-a.s

I quickly close my eyes,
holding on tight to my heart,
entering a world of misbelief.

A world where,
I am always wrong,
my words are always hateful,
and my actions are crimes.

I'm my murderer.

-a.s

All I am is a storm with skin
A tsunami waiting to begin
The damage to be done
A last lullaby to be sung
A clean sweep of tears
A salvation none has fled.
-a.s

I am a gift waiting forever
No one dares to look inside
Treasure hidden beneath pain
It's only one way to stay alive

Walls built, concrete failed
Colors mixed, oil staind
Beauty

-a.s

laying in my bed,
cuddling with,
sharp objects.
sharp,
shiny,
objects.

they poke me,
I giggle,
I cry a red tear,
a happy red blooddrop,

It slides down my wrist,
and creates a beautiful artwork,
next to the other lines.

I love it

-a.s

I'm staring,
pondering,
silently,
at nothing.
Suddenly,
I feel,
a layer of grief,
flow over my body.
I have no pain,
yet it is unbearable.

-a.s

I care so much,
about a person,
that cares so little.
why am I falling,
and still crawling,
back to you,
to get stung by you,
over again.

I'm making the same mistakes,
the ones,
I will be regretting,
sooner or later,
when I figure out,
who's the real traitor.

-a.s

My heart believes
in our butterflies
as they grew up
in our fresh bodies.

Their healthy colors
making an artwork
resembling our love;

A nutricion
that evey heart
yearns for.

I try to tell my heart
that the butterflies
quickly fly away;
knowing they'd stay.

Believing in our love is as hard.
But lying to myself is way harder.

-a.s

I miss you so much, in the moments my heart screams your name. Not being able to let go of the words you whispered and the smiles you created. Seeing the vibrance in your eyes, in the rakes of my conciousness. You resemble the love and hope my heart connects to, in the dreams my mind provides me with.

I left,
not because I didn't care,
but because I cared too much.

I left,
not because I wasn't strong enough,
but because I have been strong for too long.

I left,
not because I stopped loving you,
but because I loved you too much.

I left,
not because you had to leave,
but because I held on for too long.

I left,
not because I wanted to escape,
but because I was confronted with the reality.*

-a.s

I want to feel the love
I saw in your eyes,
when I caught you
looking at my smile.
An even brighter one
turns into a big laugh
and our eyes meet again.
I would love to spend
all of my hours
holding your hands,
dancing with your soul.
-a.s

Then;
my poems were about;
our positivity,
our happy emotions,
our belief in neverending love,
our belief in us.

My poems made your heart race,
and made your soul feel my warmth.

Now;
my poems are about;
my negativity,
my sad emotions,
my misbelief in neverending love,
my misbelief in us.

My poems make your heart break,
and make your soul feel my frost.

Freeze to death, please.

-a.s