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Amputate them from myself.
Not masochism, but medically necessary.
Do I deserve such a relief?

They multiply, and strip away time.
Their mitosis is parasitic. Alien. Destructive.
This ailment leaches from me.

So glad to see you temptation...
One of love’s demons, life’s meanings

Darkness inundates this plane.
Lone light on what I’m craving.
Perched upon a ring pillow of velvet.
Distant from a vestal white, ****** pearl.
Far from what I need right now.

I don’t want to feel this lurking hostility!
Distracts my complete hospitality.
Stalking me like a meal, I can’t show what I feel.

Not until I break down and release.
Like an animal, on my knees at feast.
Only a small chunk taken from their population.
In mitosis they’ll be back shortly.
To start this destructive cycle again.
I am a woman

I am a woman
who loves women
who loves men

I hate that I get confused
I hate that I act differently
depending on whom I’m with.

My name is Mayara Deo
I have a shaved head
I wear man jeans
I spread when I sit

And I rather prefer to be called masculine
than feminine

Still
I love my female body
I feel **** in bikinis
I feel **** in boxers
But I feel observed
         preyed on
         & harassed in bikinis.

I am a woman
I do have a ******

Still
I hate being told that I am not a man.

I hate that I still confuse
my identity
my sexuality
my being

for the sake of society’s expectations of
of whom I should be.

I crush on guys

I crush on girls

I have loved a man

I have loved a woman

And if one day
I love a person
I hope to marry them.

I hate labels
**** stereotypes

And
I ******* hate that they’re ingrained.

I hate not being considered
stable
sure
a manly-woman

a womanly-man.

My name is Mayara Deo
I am a person

And I want a person
to fall in love with my mind.

I don’t care to bear children
I do want kids
I want to always have a career
I want to care for my home.

I want to be seen as an equal

I want to feel comfortable
wearing a suit on date
with a man.

I want to feel comfortable holding my girlfriend’s hand

For I want to feel valued
as myself.

**** all men

**** all women

who choose to not understand

why I feel so confused:


It’s because of you.
Empire Apr 30
She smiled
And meant it

She laughed
And felt it

She cried
But still wanted life
It's so funny.
I've experienced love in many ways
But I've lost them all.
Let them go.
But I don't think I ever stopped loving you.
No one else gives me butterflies the same way you still do
Although they aren't really butterflies anymore.
They're bricks
Tearing me down every time I look at you
because I know how much I want you and every time I remember that I become more aware of the fact I'll never have you
I'm so ******* desperate
That no one realises anymore
A poem every day
23/4/20
Unknown Apr 27
I have drawn the unlucky card within life of having friends,
I always befriend people who use me,
break me,
manipulate me,
use my kindness against me
and walk all over me.

This card has served me great moments of loneliness, depression and suicidal thoughts and along with this card, it has made me feel worthless, ugly and alienated.

Friends, have never been by my side in life.
Friends, always end up leaving me in my life.
Friends, constantly abuse me emotionally and made me question myself.

Although the question is, who are you without your friends?
ive always found it difficult to find genuine friends within my life and the moment I do find friends that actually do care for me, I push them away bc im scared they'll turn into the people who made me hate myself and my life.
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