this is how it works
you're young until you're not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath

now this is how it works
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took
and then you take that love you made
and stick it into some
someone else's heart
pumping someone else's blood
and walking arm in arm
you hope it don't get harmed
but even if it does
you'll just do it all again

my stomach has become an hourglass
digesting the sandy grains of time we have before you leave me
i can count the days on my fingers now

but you still whisper sweet forevers in my ear
you still kiss me like we have all the moments in the world
you still hold me like you don't have to let go

and i have to remind myself
that i don't get to keep you in my pockets
that you signed a contract with your future
and my name isn't on it

i have to whisper the bitter "nows" when you're not around
and hold myself together when you let go

Ha. Fucken how crazy are my proms/writing.
Jeezus no wonder you didn’t want to see me. ****. Quick call the guy and just say nah, got nothing to talk about. Hope he goes away…
Smart move.

i wish i could forgive my mother
let go of those bible verses she stabbed me with
but i keep using band aids instead of stitches
and forgiveness feels like a heaven i don't believe in

i wish i didnt flinch away every time she touched me
my mother never hit me, but she never needed to
i still confuse her gentle brushes with pain

i wish i didnt talk to her with gritted teeth
but i have to keep myself from spilling somehow
and if the words come out, im scared they will sound like my inner child screaming
why why why why why why why why
i was just Trying

i was a child
and you wanted me to be a gold star

I remember you as my equal. Intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. You were the first woman to ever scare me intellectually. I respected you fiercely. Protected you fiercely. ******* loved you fiercely. Still do, despite the endless pain. I miss you. And **** it hurts to see you disappear that little bit more.
I wanted to send you flowers. What a ******* loser I was.

You live on "borrowed time"
At least that is the story you say
If that actually is true
Can you explain the delay?
Knowing how fake you are
Sure it's just a lie
Many of your words are *******
Surprised you are not covered in flies
Uncertain how you got to this point
Was a time where you once stood tall
What I mean;
You had a reason to
Still do with no reason at all
I guess along journey you changed
The person that I see
Became a perfect example
Example of who NOT to be
You tread upon backs of others
In order to get what you want
Even if that means inflicting pain
You do not mind being a ****
Not thinking about future
Solely focused on present thrill
Feeding on people's energy
Seem to never get your fill
I suspect you are miserable inside
That's why you tear others in two
Only way to ease your suffering  
Make everyone as unhappy as you
But never seem to shed a tear
Wear a permanent grin
I believe it's because you are striving so hard
Concealing the agony within
Broken so many ways
Have a house but it's not home
Without family to return to
Probably easier to roam
A steady rotation of bodies
Little boys avidly chasing your tail
Your company isn't free
Because *****'s for sale
Thrown like a football
Highest bidder gets the pass
You get bored-no problem
There is always greener grass
Your life rests in ruins
Lost so many parts
Kids
Friends
And reputation
Vanished like your heart
Falling apart a piece at a time
Pretending to keep together
We both know you can't maintain
Perfect charade forever
Your youthful beauty all but dead
Wear so much paint on your face
Entire cosmetics section of Walmart
Stuffed into your makeup case
I see beneath false advertisement
True colors bleed right through
Under skin is grey and black
Soul the ghastliest hue
Reflected in statements you make
Sound either insane or idiotic
Unsure if you are playing stupid
Or you are truly that psychotic
It appears you hurt those around you
Because you can
As if you don't have enough suitors
Steal another woman's man
Your cruelty clearly defined
At least it is from my point of view
Fool everyone else surrounding
A persona that isn't true
But karma will catch up in the end
Hope you're destined to be alone
I feel that is what you deserve
Frozen straight to bone
It's never too late to turn over a new leaf
Begin treating people right
You have to want improvement
Fear for you it's out of sight
Content with road you're walking
Not knowing where it leads
Flesh poked with needles
Uncaring it bleeds
Darkness swallowing you whole
Don't seem to be aware
It's strangling the last bit of goodness
Within remaining there
I do not understand how you can glance
In mirror and not feel disgust
All the disappointment you've caused
Lost a lot more than just trust
Next time you drag name through the mud
Make sure own hands are clean
You have more sins in your book
Than a ***** magazine
If expecting us to back down
In for quite a surprise
Soon as we go toe-to-toe
I will cut you down to size
So better watch your mouth
If the plan is to avoid confrontation
Free to do and say whatever you please
I warn you - there will be retaliation

You are the elixir
of overworked men
a companion
for lonely souls
and a boxing ring
for the fighting spirit
Your camaraderie
leads to immediate
regret
but such pain
forces peace
in the new day

the sun is a done
bun hon'.
worry now,
it can't be undone.
hurry now,
your pens and paper for fun.

you know it's too soon
to feel the flurry bow
down to rend bones
into red and vapor for fun.

so **** my **** and call me cherry.
pour the sherry one more time,
I can feel the divine
flesh and scrape her for fun.

knives and saccharine,
guns to blow the *****
off each and every one.
don't worry hon',
it's just for fun.

step one.)
say goodbye to your mornings, don’t grieve them
set your alarm for an ungodly hour, no breakfast
drink your coffee, try not to taste it. the caffeine is all you need
sit at your desk and complete your tasks
attach your self worth to numbers :)
don’t think about it

step two.)
work during your lunch, eat your silly little tasks away
your worry will go away if you keep working
look. look at everyone working harder than you
compare yourself to them immediately
unrealistic expectations? standards too high?
look. look at them again. they did it. why can’t you?
compare your worst to their best :)
overthink it

step three.)
stay late. try to be the last one there. your superiors will be so impressed!
count up the number of tasks you have completed!
now count up the number of tasks you still have to do :(
eat take out for the third time this week
don’t worry about your arteries, those silly tasks are more important
ignore calls from your family, you have an important call waiting!
you’ll call them back. your phone dies -_-
stop thinking

step four.)
drive home exhausted. might be dangerous, but who else is on the road this late?
only your competition.
fret about the silly little tasks you have when you get home
you’ll take some of the tasks from your desk to try to beat the rush tomorrow
your bed is covered in tasks. your laundry is overflowing;
clothes stained with takeout and coffee you didn’t taste
complete your tasks. don’t worry about the sleep you aren’t getting.
there will be coffee in the morning :)
recount your tasks. are your numbers up yet?

don’t think for yourself :)

repeat steps 1-4 until dead.


why aren’t you happy?