Just below the surface,
Just under the skin,
A deep and blinding darkness,
Devouring from within,
Eating up the light,
Swallowing the soul.
Chop the heart in pieces.
Never again whole.
Clear and present danger,
Residing in the mind.
Looking for a safe place,
But there’s no safety to find.
I’m my own worst enemy.
My nemesis is me.
No one sees the battle,
‘Cause the fighting’s within me.
Fighting to survive,
Against a mind trying to die.
Looking for a reason,
But never knowing why.
The war’s lasted a lifetime,
But the battle’s just begun,
And the fight is neverending,
And yet it can’t be won.
You can win it one day,
And the next leaves you dying,
But you struggle to keep fighting,
And can never stop trying.
To stop is to give in,
To give up on it all,
So you attempt to get up,
Every time you fall.
Each fall is more painful,
And harder to overcome,
But you cry yourself to sleep,
And rise again with the sun
With each day a new battle,
That you wish will never come,
But you fight it anyway
Until you can succumb.
Concede to the struggle,
Or fight through to the end.
Either way you’re fighting
Until you can transcend.
How do you keep living
When you've met angels
But were denied heaven
I wanna sink to low depths
Still I keep praying
When I feel so bad
Continue trying to be worthy
Can these conflicts that fill me
Be the making of a good man?

-JCM-
molly 6d
If I think too hard

I can still feel their hands on my body
Four of them rubbing and squeezing and grabbing my skin
Desperate for my oblivious being.

If I think too hard

I can still feel the scratch of his stubble
As his skin rubs mine
And the other caresses me
Taking away my control.

If I think too hard

The world still spins
I can hear the moaning
And the distant sounds of nature
Outside of our tent, but so far away from my reality.

If I think too hard

I can hear their comments of praise
To each other
As I lay there blind drunk
And they do with me what they please


If I think too hard

I try desperately to shield the memory,
The three of us entangled
And together,
A trio of drunken disgrace.

If I think too hard

I cringe and cry
And my legs clamp shut
Disgusted at my stolen consciousness
And forever violated by my memory.

If I think too hard

I hate myself for what happened
I hate him for being drunk
And I hate the other for being selfish,
Breaking my heart and my trust
written during a very difficult time of accepting that some things you wished never happened, did.
I’m not tissue paper,
Despite what you think.
I might crumble,
But I won’t break.

Won’t fly away
In gentle wind,
I won’t dissolve
When the rain hits my skin.

Steadfast through
The hurricanes,
So do what you will,
But here I’ll stay.

I swear I’m stronger than you think,
Might be weighed down, but I’ll never sink.
To be honest
Of all
The biggest battle
One fought is within

Between  
Head and Heart

Let’s keep breathing
Till
The HEAD starts to BEAT
The HEART starts to THINK
Genre: Observational
Theme: Nothing, but a truth
Wyatt 7d
I stiffen, I stumble,
I'm static, I'm humbled
and slowly I mumble
these words of defeat.
You're reading, I'm writing
of all of my findings.
I'm digging, I'm hurting.
Outcome, bittersweet.
The past is my mask,
and today is a blur for me.
That mask has molded me,
the future's grown murky.
In depths of despair,
I write out my affairs.
Devil thought he got me,
yet I've drained all my worry
onto the page in front of me.

I'm bitter, yet triggered
to reveal how I feel,
I'm the sender of mail
made out to you to no avail.
The girl that catches me
inside miles of magic
won't know how I'm feeling,
these words of mine are tragic.
I cannot grow wings
yet my words make me soar.
I've never had a voice,
yet the page hears me roar.
I've bled, I've fed into mistakes.
Hands write so fast I can't keep up it's pace.
That mask of my past no longer fits my face.

I hurt, yet I write to deal with that hurt.
Clutching to pens, for better or worse.
If I either merge with the clouds or go in reverse,
just know I was happy that you read these words.
It's a daily conflict and come to find out
that it's a daily that's also become my reward.
That word has multiple meanings to me,
I've always used my pen like it was my sword.
Yesterday was a day that I sold out to misery,
yet today is a day where I claim a victory.
I've come a long way. This is expression of that.
Unproductivity.
What a silly word.
What a massive waste of time.
While the minutes and even hours race by,
And apparently it’s already July.
The future is coming.
I realize that statement is true yes, but
That doesn’t mean I’m any less scared
That doesn’t mean I’m any less unprepared.
Time moves fast, most of the time that is.
However there are those moments
Where I’m struggling to stay afloat
Resisting the lull of falling behind
Persisting despite my hatred of
My somehow ever-racing mind
I don’t know what to do to slow down
I just need more time, time to breathe.
Time to relax, time to let life pass me by
Maybe just a for a day, where I could get away.
I could leave this town, and avoid
My suffocating obligations
And my equally frustrating
Responsibilities and duties .
And worst of all,
The winner of them all by far,
The anxiety that holds my brain hostage.
Telling me that there’s no time
Yelling at me to focus, to get things done.
But all I can do is sit. There, quietly.
And stare at the wall directly in front of me
For what seems like hours but they’re actually days.
And everything seems to be slipping by.
Minding it’s own business, and I wish it wouldn’t.
I feel as if I’ve lost my tie, my lock to my identity.
The person I thought I used to be
Dedicated and focused.
Is now frustrated and unmotivated
What am I supposed to do?
I suppose, I’ll continue to sit here.
Whether it be at my desk, on my bed.
Racking the ideas and words through my head.
Over and over attempting to
Wait out this unproductivity.
And praying that inspiration
Won’t take much longer
Because I’m afraid I’ve lost what I used to have.
Unproductivity is defined as a lack or abscence of productivity.
Where did it go? I used to be so motivated, so driven, where did it all go?
I'm not quite sure, but I hope it decides to return sometime soon.
I miss it very dearly.   July 7, 2018.
Aa Harvey Jul 10
Discrimination


Knowledge is power, know your history;
Study his story or her story.
Whichever you favour, to choose your reaction;
For illumination, learn about the history of your nation.
For history repeats itself,
So make a change, to help yourself.


Learn what made you, the person you are.
Know your roots, before planting your seed,
Don't let your mistakes, line your history.
Affirmative action will set you free, to ignore the bigotry.


The Afro-American struggle has similarities with your own;
Surely you too, have been persecuted by someone.
Sure maybe on a different scale,
But still persecuted, like the feminist females.


Still treated differently
Because of their thoughts of you.  
Their opinion of how you look,
Or what they see you do.
Surely they've closed the door to you too?
And sent you away,
Before hearing your words?


Simply because of the way,
You are perceived to be.
It may have even lead you,
To question the person they see.
They judge you with their power,
Without even knowing you;
But even Einstein looked stupid,
With his mad scientist hairdo.


So follow what you believe, you can really do,
Don't quit because they say,
You can't do the things you wish to.
Prove them wrong, prove yourself right.
Never let them overcome your struggle,
Because nothing good comes easy,
There is always a price.
So is it worth the fight?


The hardest fight you'll have
Is with the demons inside you,
But when you've conquered your inner demons,
Nothing in this world will be able to stop you.


(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Lyn-Purcell Jul 9
By the window sill
The sun sets, seems lost in time
Struggles of wonder
Just letting my mind drift while watching
  the sky changing colour. It's beautiful!
Got more haiku's coming!
Thank you everyone for the kind comments on my Lynterns! ^-^
Love you!
Lyn xxx
Destiny C Jul 4
All my demons coming to play.
One tells me to slit my throat-
The other tells me to pray.

One tells me to bleed.
The other tells me 'sweet dreams'.
I cannot trust one or the other-
Maybe even both.
But I cannot escape them.
One sits on my bed.
The other is inside my head.
I'm not psychotic or even hallucinating,
just hiding from my demons.
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