*** bless her existence. *** bless her voice. *** bless her love. *** bless the way she talks, walks and composes herself. *** bless the way she smiles. *** bless her smile. *** bless the way she felt in my arms. *** bless when she forgave me for being an idiot. *** bless her for being in my life. *** bless bless her and cameras for giving a good effort to try and capture her beauty. *** bless her for loving me, even if it's just the slightest. *** bless her even when she no longer has any love left for me. *** bless her for the happiness she causes me to have. *** bless her for supporting me in my darkest times. *** bless her for always being in love with me. *** bless her for not completely giving up on me. *** bless her even when she stops caring about me. *** bless her even if she hates my guts. *** bless her for the light she brings to my life. *** bless her even when she takes that light back. *** bless the small space I have in her heart. *** bless her even if that space is gone. *** bless the confidence and strength she gives me to do my best and give every possible ounce of effort I can. *** bless her everything. *** bless whoever makes her happy and *** thank you if I can be that person.
*** bless her.
But she doesn't care for me anymore...

when the earth settled
i would feel the horse  
by the side of empty roads
walking behind hills of weak grass
and every time i would catch a glimpse of its eyes
it would shatter into a million smooth pieces of metallic light
and as i looked through and into the empty spaces around it
it would return to form
as if nothing happened
like how a tyrant pretends to be an innocent man
for his infant daughter

holy Icelandic horse of heart
oh how you defy my line of sight
and catch off guard
my mental stride
on highways and on silky main roads
you make me paralysed
underneath those power lines
that the birds always seem to find

In and out of focus. It's hard for her to stay focused.
Having been consumed by the life she's led.
Is it the past that haunts her, the unknown future that taunts her or the present that keeps her in bed.
The flower she had once vowed to protect, given in a moment she now regrets.
So her only comfort is to imagine death.

A dark existence, not tainted by the mistakes she's made on her long journey to the end.
Existence of peace, where she's no longer burdened by the songs of heartache moving swiftly within her head.
Or...
No existence at all, an absence of dread.

"Will this always be my life?" A question prevalent in her thoughts.
She wonders this, now that she's been through it all.
But isn't life where we encounter the worst of demons only to come out strong.

Situations not asked for, opportunities allowing compassion for ourselves to be born.
A chance to understand that in our darkest hours, we can always find the power to push through on our own.

She soon came to know this.
And once she knew this, her life began to know it.
Until there was no trace of loss left.
And her heart grew to encompass the better things life had to offer next.

The sun
The moon
The planets bloom
The worlds move
Where can we say
I love you

The day
The night
Her good night
When can we say
I love you

The trees
The birds
The rivers turn
Where can I say
You’re beautiful

The moment we meet
The beginning of our days
The moments before sleep
When can I say you’re beautiful

The time of life
The end of our days
The afterlife
Was I too late?

Now we are old
Now we are grey
Passion lost
We decay

Time stops now
I have to say
I love you and you’re ok

Whatever you give a woman,
She's going to multiply.

If you give her a *****,
she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house,
she'll turn it as a home.
If you buy her groceries,
she'll cook you a meal.
If you blink her a smile,
she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what
is given to her. Isn't that lovely?

I have dyed my hair a lot of colors-

It has been red with anger,
A statement of rage; symbol of fire,
I spent my days with my head in the sink
Putting out my hot-headed thinking
Choking on red water
And my own way of breathing,
When I was tugged on like a false alarm
Meaningless, and loud
A vibrant call for help
And I wore it proud

It has been blue with calm dignity,
When the days were easier,
When happiness was free
I remember how quickly the blue bled to green
That was okay with me,
I loved music and breathing,
And drinking beers on city streets
I was colorful graffiti
It was more of a fleeting feeling
Of matching the sky and the sea
Back when I wanted the world
To look at me


It has been violet in the violent hours,
I remember magenta showers
And tear stained smoke breaks
When the city never slept, always awake
Humming with the traffic on the freeway
In a car with friends and a future before us
Though my skin was a tight blanket-
I felt a smile beneath a purple forest
Where happiness tugged on my cheeks
And I wanted to believe in everything
Everyone believed in me, too

It has been black on the silent days
Somewhere between indecision
And bad taste; a dark fate  
Suffocating beneath a blank sheet
While I was recollecting
The lost and bleak pieces of me
That were almost swallowing me whole
I almost fell into the black hole
I painted myself as
It is much too dark now,
For the colors I so loved
They won’t be coming back

But lately, I returned to my natural state
To see how the brown curls will fall
Like branches on my growing shoulders,
Going back to my roots,
No more drowning myself in bathroom sinks
Looking for myself at the bottom
In colors that could not define me
I am sorry to myself for hiding
Who I am supposed to be
All those colors will always exist
In some place inside of me

But I wonder what my new colors
Will be

i saw a woman in my reflection tonight.
she stared at me with a challenge in her eyes, she looked like she wanted me to dare her.
she craved my indecision so she could knock it down and build some sure in its place.
her jawline looked like it could bite anyone who said she wasn't good enough. her jawline screamed good enough, great enough. it screamed its beauty. it will not listen to you.
her eyebrows ran free. they remembered years of pulling and plucking and shaping into something everyone wanted, and they sat and sang, defiant, knowing they were right all along.
those eyebrows were ferocious.
her nose held still some child, the only part that wasn't letting go. it still wanted buttons and stuffed animals, it still clung to me.
but she wasn't letting that stop her.
she pulled my eyes down, i saw her torso and shapes.
she was stout. her back wanted me to say she wasn't tall enough, so it could straighten and take up the whole room. it deserved the whole room.
her chest was there, feminine, developed. it didn't care for pressing and pressuring, it said, "here is a woman and she is for all of us. she will fight for all of us."
the shape of her was clear. there was no trickery involved in making her human.
her hair hung forward. it desperately tried to claim some innocence by covering one of those indignant eyes, but that eye just gleamed and glared right on through.
those arms held nations at their wrists, and those fingers itched to point at what she planned to change. she looked like she could wrangle a child, a horse, a life. she looked like she could save you, or anyone.
she was already saving me.
she always was.