When you ask how much I love you
My voice seems to sink, seems to
Too easily find the trench in my heart where
Insecurities and incapabilities reside
Due not to lack of willful telling but
Due to lack of willful selling
... selling you warmth of "us"
... selling you the state of "love"

My love

Exists only where words do not
In a sacred space of give and take not time but
Space... ah, yes. Space.
Enough to fill the spaces of doubt in your mind
Enough to love your heart to love mine back in
Space that we create
That our effort designs so...

When you ask how much I love you
And my voice seems to sink
Close your eyes, kiss my lips.. feel the answer
In the place my heart beats skips
K 4d
I wish I could escape from you.
Escape from the emotions I have about you.
I wish I could escape from this captivation that entangles me,
I tell myself that one day we could be together,
But I feel myself sinking into that familiar dark abyss of loneliness again.
You caused it.
Seeing you with her caused my heart to shatter into a million pieces,
Once again I'm alone.
Once again I feel alone.
Once again I feel trapped.
Because I am I love with a man older than me,
And entangled in a love that will never be.
So I sit here,
And wallow in this familiar desperation,
The loneliness keeps me company,
But only for now.
ayvan 6d
once a week— one hour
I wouldn’t see you long
as the week went
the memories would ache
it’s been months ever since
and it’s always just been
once a week

but even after this long
your voice still seems like a song
I can’t tell if your smile
is just a smile
or a thousand stars
I cant tell if you’re being sincere
or if your laughs at my jokes
are just polite
I still can’t tell when you talk to me
if you put up with my constant trying
just to be nice
or do I mean something else

after all this time
just once a week
you mean so much
I’m a fish trying to swim
in water that is held by two hands
hands that try to seal any gaps
to not let any water out
but water ends up escaping
my stretched fingers reaching out
but you’re always one step in front—
I'm one step behind
I know I’ll never be able to reach you
never be able to walk next to you
no matter how far I re a c  h
you’re out of my grasp
yet I keep swimming
like that little fish in your hands
until all the water had escaped.
With all efforts, it is still in vain.
"I Have No Sympathy"

Some of us want to escape,
To escape the constant pain;
Others...they do not...
They escape to avoid the blame.

I have read these things,
For I must know;
But as for having sympathy -
That is well and truly "no".

You did this to escape
The blame and shame you deserved;
You broke your family and us,
For we never got what we deserved.

You knew full well the fate you would meet
and instead of facing us -
You put a rope around your neck
....and jumped off a seat.

Your family deserve sympathy of course,
but you showed zero remorse,
You did this to them,
And you did this to us.

Some will continue to blame us
For your premature death;
But you are the one who took your life -
leaving us not "fixed" but with more strife.

If I am evil then so be it,
I have no sympathy, not even a bit;
So evil we may be seen,
You left us with more shit.

You knew full well
that justice would have been ours;
You knew full well,
that this had gone way too far.

Nobody knows how many you harmed
but with your death you did so much more;
You escaped justice,....
....selfish to the core.

None of us are stupid,
yet we deal with ignorance;
A victim blaming culture
with no common sense.

You are dead and gone,
You've no need to worry;
But your victims left behind
- we wont forget in a hurry.

You knew you were guilty,
You know you have no choice;
So you left us to deal with
the mess you had caused.

I have many emotions,
but sympathy for you is not one;
We live with it daily....
....but as for you...you're gone.

"Suicide is not a sign of weakness"
so we hear people say;
Well I and others beg to differ -
you were too weak to let us have our say.

I have no sympathy,
and yes that may make me cruel.
But you hung yourself for a REASON,
And NONE of us ...are fools.
Apologies....this one should come with a Government Health Warning :(
Kit Aug 8
I feel your dark, wet whispers on my skin.

I am waiting for you to jump me, bite me and poison me like the spider.

Crave my flash like the spider craves a fly, I'll rip out her wings, run over the table little girl, try to escape only to fail in the end, try to escape only to surrender.
Oh, you will surrender.

But for the love of God, don't talk to me unless it's for divorce. I hate your voice, but crave your touch.
Let me feel your skin one more time,
what have we lost, and, what is left?
A little child with no parents, just bones.

I will bury you under the mistakes of yesterday, but I will burn your remains in the face off my past wrath.
I can kill you on spot, but oh, don't talk to me, just touch me,
make me feel, for you are the only one to make me feel, deep deep down in my tainted, wretched heart make me feel divine again.
Question this in every possible way please.
Waiting in Barbados,
For him to come to his senses.
The heat makes fools of us all,
Save for those used to its
Fiery caress,
Not much cooled
By the lukewarm sea.

Under the palm trees I can wait,
An eternity it seems,
Sipping rum straight from the bottle
Refusing the beads and conch shells
From the beach boys
By the turquoise sea.

Only when the sun sets, quick, surprising,
Its luminous frangipani
Red, thrown down from peach-colored clouds
And night falls soft.
Music from old Bridgetown,
I can go out and forget.

Then I dance to familiar, foreign beats,
Offered to the passing ear,
Pulling me further away from the northern frost
I begin to lose perception,
The moon and stars realign,
Washing away care for possible pasts.

But, waking up on the cooling sand,
Full moon, like an old woman scolding,
Silver-crowned waves roll in,
Irreverent, laughing at me
And I see I am such a stranger
To the land,
To the absence of him.

One last swim in the sand-bottomed pool,
Beneath the cliff, walls sheltering,
Limpid water caressing and
Crystal sun trying to blind me.
I must arise before I forget,
Leave here before it claims me
And rush back home to wait.

September 22, 2002
This is about the very beginnings of a relationship, being drawn to someone, knowing you must have them, but feeling the fear of rejection or failure. It also means that going far away is not enough to escape the pull of that person, of one's desire for them.
Elizabeth Aug 7
And it was one step closer to the end. I left my apartment with no mind of where to go but I heard him shout “hurry up you don’t have much time until you grow up” so here I am with a pocket full of change and optimism. Down thirty first street the drummers drum thier roll, I step to the beat, I count the patterns with my feet. I still have no mind of where to go or where I am going but, I must  hurry before I get old. My favorite coffee shop I pass, the smile of the freckled boy almost lured me in but I felt it’d be best to just walk right past. I hold my head down so no one sees me escaping my past and entering a future so foggy I can’t even find my way. I don’t worry about tomorrow or what the sidewalks will bring for I must hurry before I get old. I pass the sign that tells me where I am headed and it is one step closer to the end
I hope you find your way
it's something only felt in bones
scraped up shards split open
by three days' grace
and forty four days' solitude
when i'm picking up
pieces of my soul
shoving them into canvas
hastily snapping twigs to
build a new nest for the winter
i feel like a hawk on the edge of a cliff.

i could do it, you know
and i tell you that every time
i could fly if my wings weren't clipped
freshly broken-tipped
slicked with oil, with dirt
and the wrong kind of paint
and i'd fall
not like i did before
but fifty thousand feet above the ground.

a mid-air pirouette
trapeze artist over train tracks
salt-stained acrobat
swinging from the power lines
where the safety net was torn in the storm

but oh, for ten seconds of freedom
who cares about hitting rock bottom?
Cynthia Aug 5
You dig a hole in the ground
You keep digging deep down
So the echo won’t slip
because your goal is to scream
Scream loud
to ease the pain inside
 
The dirt in your hands
is the sin/ the problem/ the hate/  
That you have been carrying around
Somehow you kept holding on
now freedom is what you seek

Fading memories is your dream
But what happens after you scream?
Yes, you feel a bit at peace
Yet the feeling you get makes you
bitter and sweet
You have been carrying this weight
on your feet
feeling the heat
Blood flowing through your veins

Love turned into hate & trust into fear
So after all are you really at PEACE?
Days later,
you go on with your everyday life
growing weary and cold
 
Then…
The battle with your mind begins
Because digging is no longer your escape
Your own fear has captured you in a cage
 
So you write it down on paper
Not in pencil but in pen
Because there are no mistakes
That can be erased (erasing parts in your life)
What’s done is done
And your shame cannot be wiped away
 
Once again you fight in the flesh
all you want is peace
And a resting place
Yet you seek no one but yourself.
The old is gone the new is here (2corinthians 5:17)
Have no fear for He is with you
Seek Jesus let him be your escape
The one who fulfills that empty SPACE!
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