Years went by and a single dream
Intoxicated me like none other.

Willow leaves whispered silent lullabies
And the sunlight's rays poured into my haze
I stared longingly at the possibility.............

Yet these lustful diaries
so forbidden,
so drunk with rich fantasies,
the smell of each thought
fumed with tempestuous spirits
dragged me under into the lonely abyss.

And the fantasized romance became torture
and freedom -
limitation and liberation all at once.
This dream was a playground.
A sanctuary, a church to let my spirit soar.
Glorious joy I could feel, but only for a second

Then, the truth sank in
like a sinking ship  

The shackles of a single question still haunts me
-- what if?
And I wonder.

The pain is dull, haunting, yet hangs over me constantly
I am reminded that I remained in my dream world.
Unable to speak up,
From the wisdom of the pure heart

Unable to see the dream was always on this earthly plain
In plain sight.

In frustation, rage, and pain
Silent pain

I flip through my poetry account

-- God damm it. I have done this before
More humor in my maturity and realizations of how I live in my love world
I am tiny,
miniscule amidst
these waves,
gray, grave, and claiming
every ounce
will and work
from my poor soul.
I have so much to give,
but how little it is
when compared with
the demand.
If you ripped my heart out
Right from inside my chest
You'd wonder how I often do
How a heart so shattered and empty
Could feel so heavy.
(Another snippet from the Lyric/Quote Wall.. surprisingly haven't come across the full version of this poem yet but I'm starting to go through another journal document of old work from RH who knows what I'll find.. Happy Writing~BM)
To rawness
Leaking out of me
Each tear of flesh
Your words bring
Represents us
How could you
Ignite a heart
Then leave

Now I don't know
Where to go
Torn and bruised up
I'll leave too
I learned I didn't need you.
Because I have everything now,
and you are nowhere
to be found.
z 9h
gorging through the sturdy built walls of persona
the piercing beak spares nothing of your emotion

unwelcomed but persistent it swoops down
filling your ecstatic mind withs its ferocious feathers of poor aura and corruption

malovent in its actions; its screeches reflect off of your deception
of things that you once loved and held with full appreciation

that’s the power of overthinking -
for it’s suspiciously secrete like the crow,
surviving off of adverse assumptions.
overthinking really does overpower us.
H x H 9h
❝the broken love wholly,
the hurt care eternally
and we die constantly.❞
My head is full of static, or maybe im made of static, all i know is I’ve lost myself in it and im not sure how to find my way out. Ive lost all feeling, its almost like im not even really here at all.
I feel myself fading, i wish i could save her but i know that she must be long gone now, i feel myself becoming someone else, someone i fucking hate. But i cant stop it the static, the constant feeling of.....

“Forget it, I don’t know. Never mind. Its okay im okay, no its really fine i don’t know its just a bad day, don’t worry about it.”

Static fills my chest as my vision blurs and im gone lost in my head the world around me just gone, everything sounds far away,  sometimes i wish i could stay here forever. Where the world is quiet and i don’t have to feel, or really think, its the closest thing ill get to peace. But i always snap back, and the sounds rush in and I’ve lost another piece of myself.
anita 13h
i think
some part of
it would end
i had to deal
with any of
the hard
a page from my book, haunted (available on amazon)
I'm still in pain, a year has passed, I trusted you, I prayed alot.
But just this past month I've given you up, want to love you but don't know how.
Are you really merciful?
Are you really good?
everything once sure I doubt and I doubt.
Your love for me, your existence, oh please, oh please just help me.
I'm sinking burdens drawing me down, my stone face a mask for the wicked world, my secret tears that flood my heart, is there really a heaven? I only see hell.
The fiery flames that take and take, my love, my heart, oh God! Where are you?
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