Jezebel.
There's very few sentences that can sum me up
as well as if I was to tell you
that sometimes-
when the day takes too long or the night ends too quick
when the pain of the last few makes me feel like I'll never love again
or when Iron & Wine starts playing again when it's much too late for that,
then by saying sometimes
I still cry about a girl I never even got to touch.
I lost the chance years ago, but I'm still here writing about her.
for me, that means:
I am resilient. I will love you until the end of time, even if I don't know you.
I don't know when enough is enough. giving up is something I never learned how to do, and my expiration date was marked the second she took her call. knew that then, still do now.
I see clearer now than I ever have before, but I look around and I wonder what it's like to be found.
I almost got to touch her, once or twice, but I just laid in her sheets and wondered if I did it now, if it'd hurt worse later.
if I do this now, if I put it into words, will it still hurt me in the morning?
I'll never find an easier way to let you in on what the inside of my body looks like than by telling you that I still cry for a girl I never even touched.
I'm not sure you know what I mean by that.
the cold would send little snow drops
trickling down my spine
dancing and singing praise to the moonlight
gestures of repentance despite knowing my damnation I continue to sit there, looking for my salvation
But with the icy cold drops, that warm me
and a look back into my bitter stained history
i have released and accepted what has always
been known to me
that salvation and emancipation has only been a dream
when I asked you
if you missed me you said,
I mean it, when I tell you you're my friend.
and when I asked you
if you missed me you said,
I mean it, I never want to be with you again.
Sure that beach is beautiful
But can it teach you why life is worth living
Sure it seemed less empty last time we were here
Something weird about feeling nothing at all
Sure your company's comfortable
But do they make you feel uncomfortable
With the things that make them comfortable
Like falling off a shelf into a box
The book of hard knocks
Walking past your options
Left with no other option
Put hope up for adoption
Sure that girl is beautiful
But is she all that truthful
Hiding in the corner of your mind
Seeking what you may find
Getting left behind in the wind and the rain
And the sound of your cries leaves me blind
I can't find
The old me
I'm lost and
I'm empty
I'm lost among the Debris you left when you went away
Don't try to find me I'm not the same
And my shadow falls on folded arms and outlines all the pain
Sure this world is daunting
But it is almost as haunting
As the things I think of when I'm alone
I'm buried in a fountain
Of self doubt I'm not amounting
To much
I know I can't keep falling
Pick me up I'm almost crawling
Bless me with the golden morning sun
I see all these things going on inside you
wouldn't it be good to just let go?
We can benefit from one another emotions don't have to stay bottled up until you explode
I can be your outlet
and you can be mine
I'll carry your burden for you
in the marks that you leave
When you do it
I want you to think of these things
That spark such emotion
Until you feel relief
in the sight of my battered flesh
I want to be your release
your peace, and solace
My tears
Sweet to the taste
So you don't have to shed yours
And I will love you for it
for all of it
To show you your worth
I marvel at you
Your strength and resilience
Your character and your kindness
To me you are a wonder
Undeniably, a beautiful fracture
But to show you the way...
It is as natural for you
As flight is to the bird
yet you resist
I can sense the rage in you
for my bad behavior
You must show me my way
and through that
you shall find yours.
No longer am I surrounded
By the sweet embrace of Joy
But forevermore clinched
In the painful grip of sorrow
The agonizing maze of despair
The ripping tides of pain
These have come to me
And all I feel is null
The tears once shed
Have all but gone
Leaving hollow voids
And salt stained walls
Seeing through the distance
Feeling what once was
Lost in a space of forgotten
Hoping to begin anew
My head is ignoring my heart
Yet my heart screams it's sorrow
Hoping for my head to hear
The agonizing pain it's in
Yet all my head can do
Is dream of a far off place
Where there is no sadness
Pain or dismay
Where there is only forgiveness
Love and compassion
A place that is kind
And free of worry
A heart once filled with so much love..
Now grey, slowly turning into stone.
Love is fading, it's getting hard to feel.
A heart so tired it's shutting down.
With every beat it gets colder.
Another heart lost to the dark.
No more wasted love.