And even though it hurts the most to say I love you, I always will. In stolen moon light I sit writing something of hope and what could be happiness. My words are broken like my heart, my mind is cold like December. In fallen leaves I found love on an October evening in the middle of no where reading books of fairytales that never seemed to come true. I wrote Dad at the top of a paper I hoped to finish writing but, in reality I  don’t even know where to start. Where do I begin when love has no ending, where do I begin when once what was love is gone...

i've been having a difficult time
deciphering fact from fiction and fiction from
dreams i had when i was a child,
the percolation of the cells
in my chest grow heavy, enormous,
even,
pushing into my throat these
cries for anything
but drowning, anything but
tornadoes all alone,
but awkward kisses and tear-stained
celestial sheets of cotton.
where is my passion? have they taken it all?
was all that blood i've shed a lie?
do i want to end up dead?
i thought intellectual stimulants
and forced photographs in front
of that fountain, again,
could be enough to elevate my senses
back to reality, but i have only
learned how to decorate the darkness,
to numb the throbbing thoughts,
to stuff full the leaking veins of
love and lust and lost breaths,
enough to get out of bed
and into his or his or his
because i remember this place
from a dream i had as a child
and it hurts, i hurt, you hurt,
i smile and ask for more

A videogame told me to be a dictator,
A great warrior.
Reality wanted me to be a great thinker,
A doer,
Someone who's not afraid
Of the shadows of a lamp.
Mother told me to clean my room
And get a woman
Who's nice,
Like her
Towards her.
Father told me nothing
As I waited for my brother;
When he hated all,
Dad saw me
Too late.
The tv told me many things
And here I was,
Like the beans of all flavors,
Said Harry.
Compared to his life
Mine is a trip.

I regret the fact that I struggled
trying to find who I am
And I lie to myself and say,
''I do the best that I can''
Shrug it off like it ain't nothing
like it’s out of my hands
Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans

Shrouded in darkness.
My wall, my clothes and my thoughts.
I’m lost in darkness.
The girl they knew is gone.

I thought of you once more,
The way you broke me,
My heart is at war,
I no longer wish to be.
My wings lost all their feathers,
I can never fly,
I just sit and write letters,
Until my thoughts die.
You indeed strangled me,
A little innocent rose,
I cannot let my petals flee,
Pain is what I chose.
Bursting in flames,
My heart still cries,
When it hears your name,
Denying your lies.
My soul consisting of agony,
Wishes to become a ghost,
Disappearance my path shall be,
I will run from you the most.
Your name will never caress my lips again,
Nor will you break my bones,
The memory of you will be my pen,
Writing on the stones.
I am going alone,
This pain will never be spoken of,
The wind has blown,
Taking away my guarded love.