I dance
On the altars of shattered faith
Bow to the self-made gods
In the place I call home

(there is a distinct lack of feeling
apathy, they say
without even trying to
explain color)

i miss the way you
would let me ruin you
and take advantage
of your vantage points
and use your skills
to **** myself slowly
and you never knew
what i was doing
what plan i was brewing
because if your did
you'd never let me out again
and i've only just been set free
from my cage

when you get the call
would you cry at all
would you mourn the girl you never really knew?

when i start to fall
would you stand up tall
or would you let me ruin you?

there are some days that I cannot fathom
the anguish another individual must feel
to openly hurt the ones he loves for attention
when we sit here (cowards)
denying our own reality to make ourselves
feel better lying down next to strangers
fading away my heartbeat ceases
until i can comprehend something other than
mistakes painted in opposition to the universe
or how i miss your touch most days
feathering blushing hues fading fast
in the sunlight these are the days
i miss you most when the memories i hold dear
pigment themselves vivid in my pastel routine
my easel is no longer in a home
my art is no longer stagnant on a wall
it is
walking
(talking)
breathing
crying right in front of me
walking away from me
in the distance now
those days i do not understand us
or what we have become
i reflect on how seasons transition flawlessly
without any form of communication
other than knowing of the passage of time
and that right now is time for change
(it is time)

My hearts constantly shattering
Chasing what was never mine
Chattering and phasing at times
Just to lose you as a fallen pine
The truth holds, we can never rewind.
Now I’m bold and stuck not fine.

visit old places
to search among memories
in hope to find you

Down and
Down and
Down down down

Where am I falling
That goes so ******* far
Down?

Am I even falling?
Is this open air?
Or am I sinking—
Drowning in despair?

All I know is gravity
Weighing down inside of me
Squashing my guts
Riding me
Gravity is on top
I am bottoming

Submissive in nature
I perceive myself as helpless
My environment dictates all
She is my strict mistress
No control over my fall
I sink further into distress

I stopped wondering where I’m going
All I know is it’s down
Spinning, twirling in my descent
The world around me whirling about
I stopped wondering where I’m going
And started to look around
At the sky drifting farther away
And the impending ground

The lack of temptation for creation. Exploration of herself is becoming more assuring. She keeps searching, but her heart is the main thing that needs curing. Feeling broken with every breath she takes! One day I hope she will figure out that in this life it’s ok to make mistakes. Learn to love and appreciate every experience with no delays, no interference. Mirror the image of beauty that you once use to see. Pure hearts become destroyed when there’s a lack of certain energies. She thinks love left her multiple times, but thank the heavens above for opening their doors for a true queen. Because even on the cloudiest days her mom sends sunshine just for her ultralight beam.

CP.

picture me as nothing more
                             than a
      deflated balloon
         clinging to the walls of your heart

My everything is
she has become to me
Nothing is missing