separating thoughts
from my head
fighting the demons
haven't slept
awake every second
nobody to tell
this is hell
this is hell
I swear, it feels like it
this is hell
nobody to tell
i fear, i'll be like this
forever in my soul
nobody to love or hold
watch time grow old
a heart gone cold
how do you live
like this anymore ?
there's no spell
this is hell
i swear, i'm so naked
nothing to sell
this is hell
my dear, i have waited
for so long
in this lake of fire
that now i am nothing
but ash
and you'll always be
what i could never have
a part of me
bearing my black
a dream unsold
never be, untold
how do you
get it all back ?
for i swear,
this is hell
this is my hell
i swear, it's mine to keep
nobody to tell
all i have felt
for an eternity
somewhere within me
burning me
for this is hell
this is hell
i swear, it's true
this is hell
this is hell
my dear, here without you.
Dad,
I am no longer your little girl
you can no longer protect me
not from the monsters within.
In a black hole you see me falling
In dark corners curling,
In the bottom of oceans sailing;
storms stonewalling.
Dad, you might think I am thralled -
But I tell you!
In my bed
I am appalling, trawling
reaching
for something to grasp
trying to calm myself down
Shoving the memories back.
Fighting the demons.
I see them
sprawling across
me
my dreams
my lungs
my THOUGHTS..
my thoughts
my thoughts...
DAD!!
I am betrayed
by my own mind...
my body
is REBELLING against me...
Despite the mountains
I trained
to carry
above my shoulders...
Some days -
Some days it feels
I am skinned alive...
One breeze of air
is enough to run sirens
alerting a world of
A BILLION neurons
Leaving me
stranded
agonised
looking for shelter,
wishing I can
crawl back
to my mother's womb
sit, curl, and hold my legs -
grasp the umbilical cord
hear her heartbeat
1... 2...
Breath... In... Out...
Dear Dad,
don't you worry.
You raised a strong girl.
patiently she learnt -
how to beautifully braid
her fears and tears.
Your little girl
learnt how to play-
with the monsters nested in the head....
and the monsters under the bed.... into poetic ink
and art on the wall
she transformed them all.
She is a survivor, who copes
That said...
Every now and then
in my own bubble
you'll see me
slipping
in my favourite corner
sitting
unconsciously
graves for my unborn children
digging
not seeing a point for
living.
Deep inside
I will be silently screaming
I am brave
I am brave
But I am
slightly cursed
scarred
wishing I was still
your little girl
Aged streets,
Covered in brush and the life of the forest,
A place where time stands still,
And humans rarely tread,
Places where factories once stood,
Churning out industrialization,
Now sit,
Covered in a layer of life,
That humans seem to despise,
The trees crawl and vie for life,
Along the hot dry cement,
As the lake wind blows,
The scents of times past,
To this forgotten place.
Hidden amongst the trees.
To my heart that sings
The lullaby songs of tears
In my late years, for my own offsprings
Are there hidden, my childhood fears.
For many years, I didn't see my parents’ faces
To endure the soothing warmth of embraces
Like the brightly rays in my children’s eyes-
Except the hopes I constructed of illusions
That I came to accept the default choices,
Which is I wasn't lucky to be loved by them
As their son.
But now I am a MAN, with my own children
and standing in their places
Trying to fit into their shoes
And replace their traces-
Yet I am trying not to make their mistakes;
And also travel not on the same roads they had-
So for my own cancellation of the feelings I disclose,
I hope that the fears I feel shall fade in time,
with the songs I compose;
As well as my heart finally conciliates
with the pains I expose;
For even though our legacy is hard to trace,
It shall start here with my embrace;
For my heart's resilience, if only I espouse
To love not less like them,
without an excuse.
Words hurt no matter how small.
Words hurt and hath their power to enthrall.
And I've been hurt
By your malevolent call.
Like the impossible love of Venus and Mars and as time progresses- the death of old stars.
You thought I would never miss you-
But I see your red hair as a burning visage in my mind.
I see your face as a hallow, sacred artifact and your lips as gentle as Hyancith's.
But that discus that Apollo threw
Has struck my heart and the blood hath spewed-
all over my hands.
So I sit like a hag, aged by heartbreak
Mourning like a widow- a black widow, that will kill her joys for a selfish sake.
Words do hurt no matter how small
Words hurt and hath their power to cause downfall.
The sun shine rose in the dark rainy night
The wind howled and the dogs snapped
Out from the shadows a creature stalks
Only to find a weeping child
The creature leaned in and there was a shudder
The cold from his hands frightened the child
The creature looked at the weeping child
The child looked up to see a face
The face the child did see was familiar
There was none in the world just like it
The creature smiled and said come back to me
The child nodded and put his hand in the creature's
They walked toward the sunshine and the creature became a man
The child grew taller and taller than the creature he grew
Until they were no longer child and creature
But became love's first hand
So much as the great fire needs air to flourish
You'll have my heart and soul to nourish
But
if you stray aside
my heart and soul will surely die
And
in the ashes of my pain and suffer
New hope and love will surely buffer
But
if in the ashes more pain comes near
I will be forced to end it here
And
once it ends my heart will see
All the love that is free
For in this world there is peace and love
But
far more beauty to behold from above
In the beginning we found each other
You stole my heart then willingly gave me yours
Though we seemed to be in love
You slowly wandered away drifting from my heart
Then I made a mistake and hurt you when i didn't mean to
And you want your heart back
So in a saddened state I give it back
To hear you have found another
With your slight of hand you snatch my heart
From your eternal pocket and give it back
But the thing that you never saw
Was that it had cracked
Time went slowly and I wanted you back
But the crack always remained
So the crack turned for the worse
I saw I could never get you back
For you see that tiny crack you left in my heart
Began to grow and stop it never did
The crack grew larger until it began to break
I see now that it can never be fixed
The crack widens as I wait for you to see
No matter what I will always be true
That even though my heart is shattering
I will always love you
But now I see that my wish is child
That you will never come back
So my heart breaks even more each time
I see you or hear your name
The lights go out in my child like wish
I see the truth that I will never have you
You have gone away and left me here
Sullen and broke with a shattering heart
Now you've gone and I will never see
My heart finished breaking
And now is sand
For that single crack you left in my heart
Caused it to become a shattered heart.
The winds of time are not kind
On the withered heart of this poor soul
To those who are seeing the torture it endures
It is harmless fun
The soul wanders endlessly
Looking for its way out
Some ways may be easy
But they are far to painful to travel
The shallow emptiness that lies ahead
Filled with loss and misfortune
From years of suffering
It's one true goal out of all others
Find the one who will take the pain away
Through all this kindness and happiness one thing is true
The love I felt and the the happiness we shared
Those times took away the blue
But now these thoughts
About us being afar have hurt me bad
So it's best if we go apart
Though I don't want to it is easy to see
that it i the only way from hurting you