If only I could feel no pain.
If only I couldn’t recognize
the dark alleys of anxiety,
the hollow trenches of grief and sadness,
weighed down by the anchor of guilt,
devoured by the pouncing tiger of anger.

A path that was once so clear to me,
is now engulfed in fog.
Every step I take, I tread with caution,
for one false move and I hit the ground.

With every tick, the clock gets louder,
echoing in my brain.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
The sand in my timer is running out.

With every beat, blood pumps in my body,
echoing in my veins,
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
I am a heart waiting to flatline.

But if only I could feel no pain!

I would never again have to repair
the broken-down walls
of the city that is my soul,
just to let the tsunami of pain tear them down again.

I would never endure another sleepless night,
my head resting on a drenched pillow.
I would never spend another minute submerged,
the riptide pulling me under.

My heart would never be broken
if nothing could break it.
I would never feel like nothing
if I felt nothing at all.

But the truth is,
If you take away
your thirst,
you’ll never know your need for water.

These emotions remind us what it is to be happy.
If you feel nothing, you have nothing
have no pain, have no pleasure
Forget what it’s like to cry, forget what it means to laugh
Take all of it away, and what are you?

numb.
Frostbite from head to toe.
Painkillers, ice packs, and anesthetics all at once,
silencing the nerves,
silencing the heart.

He fell for somebody once.

Then she told him nobody would ever love him and

he suddenly stopped falling and hit the ground.

So many sad faces.
Sore eyes and broken smiles.

It seems the older you get,
the more your eyes become dim.
The more your smile sags.
The more your eyes ache to close.

Why can't we all just take a moment?
A moment to look around
and enjoy this world we've been given.

There's a lot of pain in this world.
But there's so much joy as well.

A child's laugh.
Feeling the flowers.
Staring at the stars.
Falling in love.
Dancing in solitude like a maniac.
Laughing at yourself.

So much joy,
but we focus on the pain.

So many sore eyes and broken smiles
on seemingly happy faces.

Flowing down the river
Blackness all around
Is it night?
Or am I just blind

Blind to the love
The hate
The passion of those around me
Or am I seeing the truth

The bleak truth
The truth that love is gone
That all in which remains
Is a burning hate

Holding tight to where my heart once sat
Feeling the burn of pain
Bleeding through the hole
In which was made

Ripping and clawing
I see the truth
No love is here
Only destruction in my wake

When will this end?
When will the light come back
The bright warmth of compassion
The tender embrace of love

I look at that girl,
the one in the mirror.
Is that really me?

That girl with the sore eyes.
The one with a broken smile.
What happened to her?

Then I remember all the pain.
All the nights she cried herself to sleep.
All the nights she couldn't even close her eyes.
All those days spent looking at a screen,
envying the girls that were living.

She longed for that,
for a connection.
But she feared vulnerability and honesty.

So she stayed cooped in her tower of her making.
Spending her days in deep sorrow.
Is this how to live?

Those summer nights,
spent by the sea.
Wrapped in your arms.
The world spinning out of control,
while we just stood still.
Holding on to each other,
like nothing else in the universe mattered.

Sad music playing.
The smell of magic and a bit of salt in the air.
Watching the sea meet the sand.
Gazing into your eyes
and at all of the stars,
they almost look the same.

These are the summer nights I wish I had.
Instead, I'm left with a broken smile.
Sitting on my bed at 1 am crying my heart out.
These feelings will fade,
but for right now;
they sting so much.