I know I'm in pain.
But is this pain from living? Or dying?
Is it a punishment for trying to survive?
I'm sorry, I don't have the answers.
But I'll keep looking.

I need you to walk away,
to forget about me, be happy.
I'll live with this pain each day
but I won't let it ever break me.
My love is my own mistake.
Don't be sad for me, please, forget me.
"Go back to him, now!" I ache...
"I'm in anguish, with you!" Be happy...
I need you to walk away.
I need you...

They'll tell you that you're selfish when you finally let them go
They'll guilt you and they'll shame you for not caring
When you take control of all the things that you already know
And let go of all the pain that you've been bearing

They will tremble in the shockwave that you leave them in your wake
As you put the days you wasted far behind you
They will tread above the water in a panic of self-hate
As they realize that there's nobody to run to

They didn't want you, but they did, when they thought you'd walk away
But reality had never crossed their mind
That maybe you are stronger than who you were yesterday
So you had to leave some clues for them to find

They'll scream at you and say that you are wrong to block them out
But the peace is almost deafening to hear
As they realize all the love that now they'll have to live without
They will try and stuff you full of all their fear

So now smile. Walk away until you can't hear anything
What they say is now no longer yours to hold
So go off, enjoy the light that only happiness can bring
And let all the things that you deserve unfold

You told me you'd never put me in pain.
But tell me, What's your idea of pain?


Because to me,
Pain is sitting at my kitchen table,
Writing about someone who promised me the world,
And then took it back.


To me,
pain is never looking at your friend's eyes the same way,
Because they always remind me of you.


To me,
Pain is thinking someone loves you,
Until they don't,
With no ifs or buts.

What is your distorted,
Delusional,
Idea of pain?

I suppose i should be happy,
My God gave me a blessing by taking away my blessing,
The blessing I was so confused about.
My dear, my precious Firdous.

I suppose I must be happy,
Every inch of my brain is telling me to be happy,
But why is there a ringing in my ears;
And so my weight on my chest,
It's so **** aggravating.

I suppose I could be happy, except that I;
I demand silence,
I demand peace,
I demand anything but to feel like this-
Worthless, insignificant, trash.

I suppose I am happy,
To be the puppet of a universe filled with
So much standard anomalies...
That the universe did not curse me to ****** my own kin...
that I didn't curse my precious with a life...

Oh the little things we tell ourselves to make it easier to live for another day,
Oh but I suppose, I suppose its necessary.
It's **** necessary.

Goodbye my precious. ♡

-fir.m

someday we will meet again,
but all this time in separation,
without you i no longer recognize
the person that i am.
it hurts so much to realize,
i got so used to seeing life
from your perspective.
but even though you're gone
and all that's left is pain,
i know someday we'll meet again.

your image flickers in the dark,
you are so distant, yet so close.
i raise my hand to stroke your hair,
i try to hold this lifeless ghost,
but the illusion fades away
and leaves my loneliness exposed.
your image flickers in the dark,
you are so distant, yet so close.

why would you break my heart into a million of pieces? Wasn't you the one who promised me that you would never leave my side? Now I'm left alone and the sharp pieces of my broken heart are starting to damage my innocent soul. My soul is bleeding. Can't handle it no longer. Will I die from loss of blood? Am I my own savior now?

I suffer from chronic illnesses,
it's a lonely path sometimes.

No one can see my pain,
it's like a bent shadow of myself.

Avoid of empathy, compassion
and vice, pain doesn't care about
your life, or your plans.

Pain separates us by it's great
chasm between nerve endings
and it's laboured breathe.

Like a thread, pain vibrates
from one end to another
with little resistance.

It comes uninvited for
pain is no one's friend.

©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton