I slog through this museum of people living their best life.
I hold my phone tightly.
Like an emotional support animal,
Cocooned in my bed.
I dig through people's lives like someone stuck in an avalanche.
The only movement I have are my fingers, swiping.
My body groans as it realizes it will be frozen through time.
It's 1PM and I’ve been awake since 6 AM scrolling.
It's hard to breathe, I can feel the weight in this Sarcophagus I built.

I force myself to focus in my own lane.
I can see someone had their heart broken,
It stands out in a crowded room like a glow stick.
Everyone can see your pain.
Everyone knows that we have been there and they regretfully have done that.

So let me stay on my island,
Barricading my insecurities and tucking them into my vulnerabilities
Until you can't see what’s hindsight with my 20-20 vision.
I’ll pile my damaged goods till it seeps out of the storage boxes with childhood toys in my mind
You will see my mind will grow calluses that built this lighthouse on my island
To let people know that I am damaged goods.
So steer clear, find your cargo elsewhere else.

So let's hear it,
What makes you think I can trust you.

Water falls as you wash me
wrapped between your legs
Your arms over and around me
Gentle and loving
as they were moments ago
in a bed where we groaned and touched and tangled
loving safely and connected
Budding trust and blooming bonds
growing closer and closer together

Waiting for the paint to dry
I want to start a fresh page
but if I do not give this one its time
it will bleed on to the next
It will lose parts of itself and
imprint where it does not belong
Patience is a virtue, perhaps this is why

I long to share this with you
To crawl into your arms
and bloom. Your love.
Open my petals
Don't pluck me from my sepals
Help, don't hurt..
Please.....PLEASE
My memories are in the dirt

You think I am a happy person...

I know I dont trust you enough
To show you my pain.

--

She wears a smile
And shares her warmth,
She wipes her tears
And hides her scars;

You see the rainbow she exudes,
Because she doesn't trust you--
With her festering darkness
And the thunderstorm she survived.

She hides her demons
Behind masks of her strength,
And iron will--
While they devour her from within;

You will never get to see it,
She will never let you in...
No one will have the power
To hurt her - never again.