I have a problem,
I trust people easily and too much,
I believe every word spoken by them,
My heart every word touch,
For me love is to trust a person blindly,
Knowing they will not harm you,
And be there from you like family,
But now I have trusted one to many,
And each and everyone has broken me,
Now the harsh reality I see,
I can never trust anyone,
Not even me.
You come off as tough and unyielding,
And I, a maliable form..
Show me your weakness;
And I'll show you my strength.
“You do this to yourself”
“Just stop thinking about it”
“It’s all in your head”
I wish I did
I wish I could
I wish it was
I come to you not because I want to
But because I have to.
I come to you after hours of sitting and thinking,
Thinking and sitting,
Wondering and worrying if what I am about to tell you
Will alter your view on me.
No, not what I’m about to tell you,
What I am about to trust you with.
I feel naked as I stand before you with
Words on my tongue, laying my mind piece by piece between us.
Piece by piece, word by word, thought by thought.
I trust you enough to recall my darkest days and my brightest moments.
I give you a piece of me and all I ask is that you accept it.
I don’t want you to nurse me back to health
I just want you to understand.
“You made all of this up”
“What’re you going to do? KIll yourself?”
“This is just you looking for attention”
I wish I did
I wish I could
I wish I was
You look at me with pity in your eyes.
Not because I’m hurting, oh no,
Because I am a fool
How could I, the happy, smiley, outgoing child
Be unable to look at my own reflection and say
“I am proud to be me”
You mock me.
You mock my words.
I feel tears prick my eyes but I am too ashamed to let you
See me break down under you.
I am ashamed.
I scramble to pick up the pieces of shattered glass that lay between us
But my shaky hands and glassy eyes betray me.
I retreat and begin to wonder how I could be such an idiot.
With a racing heart and shallow breath I reflect.
“You always have someone to talk to”
“You can always talk to me”
“It’s all going to be okay”
I wish I did
I wish I could
I wish it was.
Whispers lingering in the air
Gossips flying here and there
Judgemental eyes and deadly stares
Throw every word at me, I don't care
Is minding your own business, such a hard thing to do?
Is your life too boring for you to take interest in mine too?
What did I do to you to deserve this?
You back stabbed me and left me wondering in an abyss
Some parts of the story might be true
But everything else you say is completely taboo
The secrets I kept were carelessly divulged
And so my reputation was completely misjudged
You don't think of the consequences of your lies
How it could end in someone's demise
Though I guess a part of it is my fault too
For I was dumb enough to give my trust to you
Now I know your tricks when you play
You enjoy hearing the secrets that other people say
Then these people are also the ones you betray
Expect my revenge, I will make you pay
Am i brainwashed ?
Because when i envision christ...
I see a image that might not be what he really looked like...
The stories that I've read
And memorized in my head
Might be far from the truth
But its going unsaid
Some have been preaching words
Untold by the lord
Steering against his ways
When he calls
We unknowingly ignore
Living in fear of his wrath
When really he understands
He forgives what you've done
We're the rays
And he's the sun
Together is all we'll ever be
Me and the lord are one
My love was not a one night stand
Why do you always tend to pretend?
I am no hooker nor a player of hearts
Yet you've judged me from the start
Why do you not trust me, like I do
You said we'll be one, but now we are two
Love is all I give with my loyalty and care
Everything I have, I talk it out and share
But you do not show any love, nor affection
Rudeness and fights are often the reaction
Everyday, you want me in your bed
Lusting your desires till the nights end
I am not a pretender, when I say I am in pain
Yet, you mock and taunt me again and again
Sooner you might understand, why I've left you
On my face each day the heavy smokes you blew
I'm a human, but you turned me into a moaning doll
Your language had turned vulgar whenever you call
You couldn't take the defeat,
that I walked out of your life
So you stabbed me hard with a kitchen knife
I survived, now recovering on the hospital bed
Writing a poem to post, as you might think I am dead...
©sim
You sit in choir up in your holy place of honor.
Does your heart hurt every time you see me?
Or are you unaffected.. like all that happened was nothing. Something you can just shrug off as a mistake, like forgetting to take the trash out.
Mistake..
You can't give back what you took away.
I don't even want an apology, I just want some acknowledgement that it happened so I have the simple courtesy to know I'm not crazy. When things seem good it feels like a Mirage
It's there but gone just as quickly.
Can I trust my eyes or heart?
I've been betrayed before.
It makes you question everything & everyone
Can I trust you?
I don't know.
Don't make me hate you.
Because I don't hate ppl
I just hate myself.
I punish myself for not being "good enough."
Maybe I'm good just as I am
And you are the one that isnt good enough
You don't just sexually abuse a child...
I pray for your soul,
I'm sure you aren't at peace either.
Sadness ... I feel sadness for a broken world.
I am aware of your thoughts
I am aware of your writings in the broken clay pots
I am aware of your love and kindness
I am also, well aware of your feelings
But you are doing it all wrong
You have grown weaker when I thought you were strong
You blame me each time I refuse
Infact, most times you have literally accused
But you are unknowingly exhausting yourself too much
Truth is, my love is ominous
To every being, born and unborn
You to, in your previous life sworn
To walk in hand with me, but here you are being selfish
Think back dear, think back of the promises and wish
Once you understand your role
Your soul and heart will glow instead of being a coal
You are a godly being, yet easily seen
I am here for you, do not fear
I know your trust is about to sink
But calm down and just think
Think of who you are?
Who you were?
In your cycle of life of birth and death...
©sim
Whether if it's a man's or woman's sleeve, a sweet sweet smell
can cover the foul
I trusted you.
I trusted that even if I let go of your hand,
you'd never let go of mine.
I trusted you.
I trusted that you would listen to understand,
not listen only to retaliate.
I trusted you.
I trusted that you were my go to person,
not the one who had to walk away from me.
I trusted you.
I trusted that you would argue until it's fixed,
not punish me with silence and distance.
I trusted you.
I trusted that you would stay with me,
not walk out of the house and not come back.
I trusted you.
I trusted that you would come back wanting me,
not back only coz I asked you to return.
I trusted you.
I trusted that you want me even through this,
not just be with me coz you have to.
I trusted you.
I trusted that you love and care for me,
not just said so and still had the courage to walk out.
I trusted you.
or maybe that wasn't trust.
Perhaps...
I assumed you.
I assumed that you'd hold my hand,
even if I'd let go.
I assumed that you listen and understand me,
even if you're only going to retaliate.
I assumed that you were my go to person,
even if you wanted to walk away from me.
I assumed that you would argue until it's fixed,
even if silence and distance were mere threats.
I assumed that you would stay with me,
even if you wanted to walk out and not come back.
I assumed that you would come back wanting me,
even if you would only return coz I'd have asked.
I assumed that you want me even through this,
even if you were only being with me coz you had to.
I assumed that you loved and cared for me,
even if you had the courage to walk out.
I assumed you. And thought I'd trusted you.
Coz isn't that what you do,
when you love and think you really know someone?
Trust them and assume them?
Maybe that's where I went wrong.
I should've trusted you for who you are.
Or assumed differently.
Maybe I should learn the difference between the two.
Maybe I should learn to love better.
Maybe I should...