Still my mind,
Because it refuses to believe
I am
Your
Only
One

I remember,
A precious hours, minutes and seconds
I remember,
A tender talk

Since the day
I first saw you
I feel reflection of my mom
Silent, kind and sensible

The same day,
I wished for togetherness.

I can't trust you anymore
I won't deny my feelings on that
But I know I might be overreacting
I know I'm acting a little bit like a brat

But I can't help but take this hard
I feel completely and utterly betrayed
Because I thought that maybe this time i could trust you
Maybe this time I wouldn't get played

Its happened so many times
You've stabbed me in the back
But each time I forgive you
And each time I get the backlash

You want me to trust you
You want me to tell you everything
But this is exactly why I dont
Because with drama you bring

I've noticed that all my problems started with you
The ones that really hurt me at least
Because in my head I've noticed this recurring pattern
That without involving you in things, my issues decrease

I've reach a point where enough is enough
A simple apology wont cut it this time
I don't want to get hurt again
Is that really such a crime?

My breaking point for this
Wasn't even the worst thing you've done
You forget that I'm the one
Thats aline with the gun

So cut me and stab me
Beat me till I'm blue
Each wound that i've received
Isn't in clear view

Maybe its my fault
For never uttering a word
Pretending that each time
That I wasn't at all hurt

I'm sorry in a way
That its gotten to this point
And the fact you will never see it
From my viewpoint

The greatest minds have repeatedly said
The matters of the heart are delicate & bare
So I looked & I looked, for the magical potion
Everytime a glimmer of hope shows, I think in slow motion

Wondering what this person would mean to me
Overthinking if I should just shut my brain & let it be
“Let’s see where it goes” if it goes, it never does
Let’s just have fun instead, ignore any real bonding or trust

I keep her inside the heart of my thought
Whatever I think, I first think of her
Whatever I do, I first think of her

Unconsciously
I started to follow her
Because,
my peace resides there
she is inside me, that much

I stopped,
Unfollowed her, in my consciousness
To wish her grow in her personal space
Feeling, she may want this

Then, I was nobody
But my love holds the same

If this is not love,
I lost my faith on it
Because of  _

I don’t mention
Because I will,
love you,
Forever.

i've been taught
that i can't trust the
people i should be able to trust most.
so i stopped trusting others.
and started closing myself off.

i wonder,
what is the ratio
of tears i've cried silently
(sobs i've suppressed into my pillow
gasping breaths that hurt my chest
hiccups, undoing the fibers of my lungs
wheezes, like those of a drowning child
all so silent.
i can't let anyone hear.)
to tears other people have seen.

what is the formula
i need to learn
to both protect myself
and keep myself from ruin?

because, surely
if i let others
see me at my most vulnerable
then i will expose my soft heart
and my fragile bones.

because, surely
if i do not let others
see the pain i carry
then eventually i will fold
under its weight.

what is the mathematical constant?
is there anything that stays the same?
is there anything that i can cling to?

i've become so afraid
of showing anyone anything
that no longer are my darkest fears secret.
now everything i am is.
everything i love is a deeply-kept secret.
even passing interests
are never spoken of
unless i am absolutely sure
they can't be used against me.

i've been taught
that the very words i speak
the thoughts i formulate;
they don't matter.
my opinions
come second to everyone else's.

i would ask you to trust me
and take this poem as something meaningful
but i've been taught
that trust will kill you
and my words are insignificant.