its the middle of the night
through the glass i see
a face; two eyes
unblinking, staring back at me -
when i see them move in dis-junction;
the eyes stay put
the nose retreats
but the lips separate far enough to inquire
'will you come with me?'
you step out on the frozen lake
and tell me its fine
you have a new helmet
and you want to be free
but im afraid
because i never learned how to skate
the ice is thin
and im afraid
that i weigh too much
that just one step
will sink you down below
where my rope cannot reach
so i stay back
watching you slide
with a gleeful smile from your lips to the cheeks
that never makes it up to your eyes,
its beautiful irony-
but i cannot waste time;
i have to keep you safe
so i push you to my peripheral vision
as i busy myself tying knots in a loop
wide enough to fit your waist in
just the right amount of stable-
i plant my feet firmly on the ground
wishing that they dont give way under me
a breeze flips my hair around
i clear it out of my face
to tell you how wonderful it feels
but somehow i know.
when i hear it whistle,
turn into wind
spinning everything around in circles
knocking you over
picking you up
beating you down like a leaf
whisking you away from me
my wish was too strong-
like the ice
i am frozen in my steps
i curse at the wind
try to throw a loop around your waist
but your arms are flailing far from me
i bargain with the playmakers
'i dont care how solid my strides are
just set my body free!'
surprisingly, they listen
with jelly legs
i jump on the ice;
but the cracks only grow wider
and i gasp in horror
as the ice splits
a stinging reminder of how i went off my diet-
im truly afraid
at what my eyes see;
a pair of skates
bobbing around in the water
a pair of unblinking eyes
staring back at me
i went too far
and not far enough=
im sorry i was too stable
im sorry its too late
to make me see
that all ive ever needed to do
was take skating lessons,
build a raft,
carry a lifeboat-
or just learn to adjust the sails
to keep the wind
from bringing you down with me.
candle headed kids,
melting under pressure.
contorting and dying under the weight of something so bright and important:
the burn of a good future just an arms reach away.
the heat of not letting anyone down.
the scorching pain of reaching through the flame,
the one thing destroying them,
just to succeed.
just to not let anyone down.
just to live.
smog headed kids.
they cannot breathe.
contorting around their lungs,
so dark in their minds.
the need for pain,
the feeling of undeserving.
no one understands a smog headed kid.
forever choking over their own mind.
Are still in a relationship.
I have never been in one.
You... are travelling to Costa Rica.
I went to France a million years ago.
Are still subscribed to my YouTube channel.
And I have no idea why.
For all I know, you're only subscribed because you don't go on YouTube all that often...
Therefore... you've forgotten.
I don't blame you.
I'd like to forget me too.
I... am lonely.
You.. not so much or at least it seems that way..
I... am blind to my own pain.
You... are probably the same way.
You... still keep certain people as friends on social media despite how things ended.
I... don't even have Facebook.
Or anything that would make me any "Friend" of yours.
You have no idea what's happened to me.
And vice versa.
You... have changed your hair for the hundredth time.
I have cut my hair for the first time in months.
I... have no idea what I'm doing.
And you are going to be set to be a history buff.
Funny thing... history huh?
How you will go on to study world history.
While I fall apart over our history.
What a mystery, the inconsistency of our lives right?
Because we weren't supposed to be friends.
I was never supposed to send you songs.
I haven't in 7 months give or take.
I cannot bare the weight of an unwanted conversation.
I have been told not to worry about hurting people.
But I don't worry about things I have already done.
So congratulations, you got out while you could.
And I deserve it.
On any other day, I would asked you to be alone with me.
I'll just be here.
I wish we could talk about something else...
I'm no longer one of your favourite artists.
I'm glad we still have something in common.
As I stare up at the sky I have the memories we made flood to mind,
The good, the bad, the ugly and all of the kind.
Sometimes I wonder if you think of them too,
Though, that is probably just me being a fool.
The times we had together were some of the best in my life,
Too bad you had to take them all under the knife.
You sliced, you diced until there was nothing left.
All of it seemed as if it was an act of theft.
You ran and hid in a far away place,
To a place where you thought you would be safe.
And I honestly wish I could say this next to your face,
You are nothing but a waif.
I treasure all the memories I still have even though the may bring me pain,
Nothing will stop my attempts in my campaign.
You can run and hide all you want,
But nothing can escape this taunt.
I hope that you can see your foolishness and selfishness,
And see that the whole thing is just a giant mess.
That you'll come out of the darkness that you think is your shield,
And be left in a place where you can finally be healed.
The memories I have left I will always hold and cherish.
And I hope that what we once had can be reestablished.
Hello and welcome to this fuck-fest of a show we call life!
Where everything you do is held to you on the blade of a knife.
But no need to worry you'll be perfectly fine!
Because you're definitely here for the rest of your eternal life.
But do not fret you'll be perfectly okay!
Just sign here, here and here and you'll be on your way.
Down the hall and on the left,
Is where you'll find where you'll life will be kept.
I painted the cracks in the sky with starlight
As the sun began to set, afraid of the dark.
Waited for the shimmer of hope to appear.
The moon hung there, sharp and bright
It called my name from it's place so high,
"I am not the stars, we shine so differently,
come with me and I will light your world
not just the path that lies beneath your feet."
So I spent all my time chasing moonlight,
letting it tire me out in hopes of just
getting to see one more sunrise in my life.
And I can't say I was lied to, not at all,
for the moon did light my whole world,
but with everything so bright it was hard
to see exactly where I was supposed to go,
I do much better with my starlit paths.