elise f 49m

I am drowning
Gasping for air
Reaching for help
Held down by what I cannot stop
Surrounded by what I cannot bear 
Choked by what I cannot see
Cut off by what I cannot explain

×××

living on borrowed time
trying to my make you mine
but fear looms in the eyes of
my demons and they're pure
and they're real
and i am not
but you are, yet
don't you see all
i could make this be
make us be
set me free
i know to swim when you're around
the depths of this nothing
it sees no limit
but neither does my emotion
this raw emotion that is so very
very real
it's my reality and it lets me be
the person i know i am
the person i know i'll become
if this borrowed time lends me
some more
of
itself

food for thought

you drive me
downright insane
but i need you
like a flower needs rain

you make me
lose my head
but i'm not
dead just yet

you're insufferable and i love it

let me walk you through this mind

hold your hand with my words

in which they will bind our souls together and you’ll see

the pain i feel isn’t an illusion or a dream

the demons are real but irrelevant

when i look in the mirror, see these eyes

and realise

that the bluest sky and the sunniest day;

it’s coming my way

if i just give myself some time

to figure out how to heal

coping without breaking the seal

this depression has made

and yes i’m scared but now i see

that when i’m with me

i know i’ll pull through

and this will all be a distant nightmare

in which i found myself

but most importantly

found peace inside this mind

life and blessings intertwined

dragging me to the other side where my smile lasts for miles

and happiness is my only reality

i know i can do this
AAA 22h

i feel faceless
shut out from this world
out of touch from reality
lost
He hurt me
i can't forgive
i can't forget
i pretend
i try to act like i don't always have him in my mind
the violent act
the rape was traumatic
i think about him everyday
and that is hard to understand
that every single day i replay this event in my mind
Him on top of my body
i was dressed in nothing but shame and disgust
me shutting my eyes praying to live
praying for him to stop or drop dead
screaming No
but he only responded with "stop moving it's almost over"
there are details nobody knows
i am too afraid to tell anyone
i remember everything
the way the sand embedded in my skin
the way his fingers wrapped around my hair to gain control
i froze
and i hate myself for that
He gained control over me
i remember the smell of cigarettes
i remember his God awful voice
and it's been almost three years
and i have nightmares every night
i need space from my trauma
i can't heal
SOMEONE HEAR MY SCREAMS!
someone understand the chaos in my soul

yesyes
how is not?
stopped it happening
i can
again
ever
i can?


venture into............
Self Respect is the greatest gift you can offer to other people


or i cant?
i know really i cant?
i wish i could

too much too see
i cannot breathe

don't take my word for it
iT

but death is an illusion
because

life c..a..me first
life
so we need him
Adam and Eve
its not a lie
but its not true

i before e
self
everyone


the lie has to exist
for this truth


but if I is love
then why cant E be
if he could just see

i am sad
i am that letter
him and me

I will
always need A
accept it

don't play

x

i love you help me

tear stained cheeks

my heart feels what the soul doesn’t

reading words bled into paper

written by a hand that’s forgotten what happiness feels like

eyes wander, palms feel cold like metal

similar to the blade you use to remember how to feel

whilst smirking mouths judge you from across crowded rooms

false accusations and lies

hatred cold like their ice hearts

and all the while

you’re the victim but feel the villain

don’t know how to reach for an outstretched hand that isn’t there

that never was

because in reality

people don’t care when it becomes too much to handle

don’t see that you’re drowning in the wake of your unhappiness

don’t see that you’re forgetting how to breathe

forgetting how to feel

forgetting how to be the human you once were

and shards of this broken heart ricochet and the splinters, yes, they crack

shattering the glass you’ve built between reality and the lie you feel your life has become

the lie that your life is

the lie that is all you are

and all the while

escapism is a far off dream and you don’t know how to be

co-existing is pain

when your heart wants only for the soul to be free

when for a fleeting moment you forget

that happiness is an illusion of the brain

and all you feel is hollow and bent

misplaced and out of shape in a world that never really cared for the words

written on your tear stained cheeks

help us
help yourself
so we can

elin roberts voice
written
shared with
elena ferro kirby
published
now
Andrea Armstrong Sep 2015

I would rather be dying on a forest floor,

Then to be behind bars that hold me captive.

Perri 2d

I'm crying out for help
But I'm invisible
My pleas are going unnoticed
I need reassurance
So instead, I scream
While flailing my arms
In a dance on the edge of death
No one is watching my performance
So I decide to wail
Sweat is dripping down my face
As I beg for someone to hear my pain
My soul is aching and I need help
Please someone rescue me
You will feel guilt
When you realize I was begging
And you turned a blind eye
But by then
It will be too late

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