I wanna write about you. And I do. You drip off the end of my pen, Off the blinking line of my cursor, And fill up white space With the nebulousness of what you are to me; Your cumulonimbus formlessness. Enter. Pause. A moment of consideration. I am constantly unsure of what this all means. I love you. You’re bad for me. I might be bad for you in return. I want you. I don’t want anything and I burn for you, I write for you, I pine when I am a creature of pragmatism and action. You don’t want me the same in return, if you do at all. The absence of you is terrifying. The absence of you was a relief. With you I am elated. With you I feel as though you slowly pull my heart apart, As though you forcefeed me hope, For I am unable to do anything else but wish for— Change —when we are together, Though I know it is impossible, Unlikely enough to deserve the word. I can see the planes of your skin, feel Them beneath my fingers I can trace their lines with my mind’s Tongue. Wishing is pointless with you. I know this and still cry for the moon.
I can't deny what I felt I never will deny what I felt Because that was The best ******* love I ever had I just wish You had been ready I wish You could have accepted it all Because nobody Will love you The way I did And you threw that away You threw me away And as much as I would love To say I regret it all To say I hate you To say I wish it never happened To say I'd take it all back I can't Because I can't deny what I felt When we were in love When you loved me back
I knew i was making A mistake A huge one Going through all that For just a guy Is ****** Everyone told me that I just didn't wanna listen I was distracted I needed that But not anymore Time to wake up again And leave Before i break my own heart Again.
After days of fighting again, of going round and round and circles... I woke up to the most beautiful, burning, sunrise... the orange clashing with the pinks in the most beautiful and chaotic way. Inspired by the sky, I accepted he was never going to change his ways... the friendship was never going to change and always end and restart the same way like it has... with damaging words and unforgiving flames from the fires he was always lighting.
can you do me a favor? can you do something for me, in hope that one day i might do something for you in return? what i need you to do shouldn't be difficult, though some part of me hopes it will be. i would do it myself if i could. i need you to stop loving me. because i can't love you.
dead air hangs heaviest on phone calls cut short the static hummed like an ancient hornets nest in my head deep imprints left from landline buttons on my cheek i thought if i pressed hard enough i could pretend plastic resembled the feeling of his face against mine i thought if i pressed hard enough i could pretend the static sounded like his voice in my ear
he told me once that he liked my skin but what he meant is that he liked it better on the floor i would have never guessed how quickly hungry hands could eat me alive but i wanted their starvation to be my salvation i always knew i was a better window than a wall but I didn’t know how easy it was to see through me
seven syllables like bee stings my throat began to swell like his words themselves were anaphylactic and as i began to see stars i pretended i was in shock he left me like a bullet exits a body and i guess that’s what i get for loving a loaded gun but I’ve always been known to be the first to pull the trigger roulette was just a way to pass the time between waking and sleeping
i was a phantom of longing and lament i missed his hands even when they were around my neck i wasn’t a woman i was shades of blue and violet and unwarrented violence
the perverse pleasure of pain left like a malady in my mind that spread across my nervous system and seeped its way into my bone marrow the only chemo i could find were empty beds and dark rooms indiscriminately i handed myself to the radiation of sterile hands and nameless faces i wanted them to rearrange my molecules or at least help me shed the skin he had liked so much
etched into my eyelids in glowing persistence were the words he left me with i hung onto them, i gripped them tightly, white knuckled desperation i clung to the sound of your voice rattling like a chain link fence in my mind “you will never be enough” i wanted so badly for you to be the cure i made myself love-sick **** and limerence felt like love even when the landline went dead i realized that corpses have a funny way of staying just alive enough to get through the day
I want to isolate myself Long enough To figure out Telepathy (I want to have time) So I never have to worry again (To be upset) Worry they don’t really like me (Alone) Or that they do, or that it looks like I do (But there are so many) Worry they are doing not good (Choices and possibilities) Worry I don’t know what to say (Never enough time) I never know what to say
Remember when life was so easy? When your biggest fear was the boogie men in your closet or under the bed? When you did things with no worries? How optimistic you were? What happened now? Why so shallow? Is it adulthood? Could it be because the way society shape us? What caused us to to drift apart from who we truly are? Did we become our own worse enemy?