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Bhill 1d
Can you make up your mind?
What?
Why, oh why, did you decide on that?
What?
Oh, I get it....  
Not really but...
I have to admit the end result is pretty good
Remember life is a series of decisions..!

Brian Hill - 2019 # 248
Life is full of decisions...
I just can’t do it,
Please don’t make me,
I don’t want to see it everywhere -
All the things I should be doing, everything I thought I’d be,
I want to lock myself up somewhere else,
Even if the light won’t get to me.

Don’t come close,
No, I told you so!
It’s dangerous here, maybe even deadly,
No matter whoever for it can’t be a good thing,
I don’t know if I think you’ll hurt me,
But please just stay away
I need to manage myself but you’re taking that away,
Not that I ever had it,
It seems I keep slipping,
Further, further, gone.

It’s okay now, it’s the end,
I’m done and
Won’t be coming back again.

You’ll see how much less misery,
You’ll have away from me.

This is over,
I’m sure I really give up this time,
This is me actually giving it up,
Goodbye.
Saying goodbye to everything I once had hope in because I’m done.
As summer fades
Fall has begun
Our once bright days
Now setting Sun
Uncertain what the future holds
Just know that I am getting old
For youth one does not get to keep
Through window blinds of life I peek
A path that's been filled with mistakes
I've walked alone but chose to take
My baggage with me where I went
Much money earned; much money spent
An epic track that seemed to reach
Earth's corner's as I searched and seek
For happiness with love and joy
These things I lost when just a boy
Were taken; someone stole from me
No safe to crack; there was no key
Defenses were not set in place
A child who had yet to face
Like Adam when bereft of sin
Attack that had struck from within
Where body fully left in tact
A shattered mind you won't get back
And over shoulders look for pieces
Equaled grains of sand on beaches
Traveled much, went far and wide
Blind to the circles spun inside
If challenges aren't met and faced
One can't expect to win a race
In life, with loss comes also gain
For cost brings lessons for our brain
All adding up to wisdom learned
So as time goes we can discern
This is the trade for youth with age
In our "life book" we write a page
Our bodies start becoming meek
Not equal outlook that is bleak
As faculties get old and fail
Some ways our vessel is a jail
The footsteps made are less and less
But minds expand an endless breadth
A question though of great concern
is, What if someone never learns?
They pay the price; accept the cost
But in return there's only loss
There's no trade off or benefit
An idiot who is a twit
You'd almost feel some sympathy
For one pathetic and who's weak
Unless of course you realize
The suit he wears; tried on for size
No twisted arms; he was not fooled
All info given; went to school
Just sat and stared off into space
So much potential he would waste
Break-even point, where are you at?
Is it still forward or way back
There comes a point, true with all things
Sometimes it hurts the heart and stings
We realize the end has come
There's nothing more that can be done
All effort from here on, a waste
The money spent is better saved
Don't think of it as giving up
More simply that one's time is up
Life is a journey that's for sure
But may be one that is endured
Instead of riding off in glory
Constantly are saying "sorry"
Trying to right each mistake
There is no life; an endless chase
A dog who tries to catch his tail
An nonstop game of "try-and-fail"
You ask "Why should I even try?"
Pathetic tears to say 'goodbye'
I have one choice that I can make
That will erase all my mistakes
If I'm not here I can't ***** up
Forget "half-empty", there's no cup
The disappointment and the shame
No longer need to play that game
Sure people might feel bad at first
But don't forget; somehow subvert
In closing I can finally be
What all expected me to be
A hero or a champ who "wins"
Not loser who just fails and sins
So tears don't cry (and you may not)
I'd say that I had fought the fought
But you know that is one more lie
Don't need to add; just say 'goodbye'
Written: September 2019

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Tetrameter Format]

I wrote this poem as a sentiment or feeling but I am not actually contemplating suicide. I would never actually do that. I don't want to harm myself but sometimes the sadness, desperation, and despondency bring me to a place where it runs in my my mind not as an actual act but more of a thought of sympathy. So, I am in no way making light of suicide or trying to be coy. This was written from an honest place inside but I am not in a dark place or thinking of hurting myself in anyway. (Just to be very clear in case anyone might think that or be concerned). This piece is more of a perspective piece (and an honest one) but not one I share in any true or meaningful way at this time. =)
Someone said: it's always easy leaving someone knowing you'll return.
And since then,
I've promised myself that this time, would be the last.
I don't intend on coming back.
I still can't get over those words, they give me chills.
Much love, N.
Nicole Oct 4
He wakes in the morning
With a different name on his breath
Every year
A different homage to a different girl
With something indescribable on his tongue
About them
Never noticing or beginning to ask
Why he gave up writing poetry.
Shofi Ahmed Oct 3
Before a split second
that shows up.
And gone before
the blink of an eye!
Brad post Sep 26
There used to be a fire,
that burned inside of me.
I never had to tend it,
it had always just burned free.

It roared so fiercely,
and burned so ******* bright.
It kept me moving forward,
and broke the darkness with its light.

Then something started changing,
and the light began to dim.
The flames began to lessen,
and they never grew again.

Every day that passed,
the fire was less and less.
And the darkness creeped in,
making my direction a guess.

Then one day it flickered,
guttered, and died.
The darkness consumed me,
and I grew cold inside.

Now I just stumble,
trying to relight my flame.
But I can’t see where I’m going,
all this black looks the same.

I just need a spark,
to rekindle my soul.
And if I can’t find it,
then I’ll never be whole.
A poem about the slow consumption of depression
William Troup Sep 25
Groaned, my mother did
   as my father wept in glee!
   A piping voice, with flailing hands;
   a struggle, I may always be?

Moaned, my parents did
   as my pasture swayed in seas!
   A fiend afoot, with wasted times;
   a failure, I may forever see?

Frowned, my brother did,
   as my journey cracked its stream!
   A chance away, with wishful smiles;
   a dreamer, I may really seem?

Smiled, my sister did,
   as my riches parked in streets!
   A sonorous voice, with waving hands;
   a struggle, I may always meet ...
deyrah Sep 23
So, all the love, cynical pleasures, and time spent together, building up memories...
Feelings, piled up, and love spreading out.
"I don't want to be with yhu anymore"
Was how yhu ended t...
I'm dedicating this one to a friend here.
I hope she moves on to happiness... *smiles
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