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I finally
found out
what I want to be when
I grow up.




RICH
haha, hope I made you laugh or at least smile...   :)
L 1d
who knows if

this is just a game for you

whether your coming and going

like shuffling cards

will deal me out

when your fun is over



am I just

a constant

something to carelessly toss

like dice

unsure of the result

only caring for the thrill of the moment



is it love,

my love?

or is it just a gamble?
Emma 1d
I wanna write about you.
And I do.
You drip off the end of my pen,
Off the blinking line of my cursor,
And fill up white space
With the nebulousness of what you are to me;
Your cumulonimbus formlessness.
Enter.
Pause.
A moment of consideration.
I am constantly unsure of what this all means.
I love you.
You’re bad for me.
I might be bad for you in return.
I want you.
I don’t want anything and I burn for you,
I write for you,
I pine when I am a creature of pragmatism and action.
You don’t want me the same in return, if you do at all.
The absence of you is terrifying.
The absence of you was a relief.
With you I am elated.
With you I feel as though you slowly pull my heart apart,
As though you forcefeed me hope,
For I am unable to do anything else but wish for—
Change
—when we are together,
Though I know it is impossible,
Unlikely enough to deserve the word.
I can see the planes of your skin, feel
Them beneath my fingers
I can trace their lines with my mind’s
Tongue.
Wishing is pointless with you.
I know this and still cry for the moon.
Laura 1d
I can't deny what I felt
I never will deny what I felt
Because that was
The best ******* love
I ever had
I just wish
You had been ready
I wish
You could have accepted it all
Because nobody
Will love you
The way I did
And you threw that away
You threw me away
And as much as I would love
To say I regret it all
To say I hate you
To say I wish it never happened
To say I'd take it all back
I can't
Because I can't deny what I felt
When we were in love
When you loved me back
I knew i was making
A mistake
A huge one
Going through all that
For just a guy
Is ******
Everyone told me that
I just didn't wanna listen
I was distracted
I needed that
But not anymore
Time to wake up again
And leave
Before i break my own heart
Again.
-Oy
.20.Jan.2019.
I dreamt of you last night

When I woke up the next day

The sky was ablaze

And for a moment I could see the future...

We were always destined to go down in flames.
After days of fighting again, of going round and round and circles... I woke up to the most beautiful, burning, sunrise... the orange clashing with the pinks in the most beautiful and chaotic way. Inspired by the sky, I accepted he was never going to change his ways... the friendship was never going to change and always end and restart the same way like it has... with damaging words and unforgiving flames from the fires he was always lighting.
can you do me a favor?
can you do something for me, in hope that one day i might do something for you in return?
what i need you to do shouldn't be difficult, though some part of me hopes it will be.
i would do it myself if i could.
i need you to stop loving me.
because i can't love you.
i am much happier in comparison
Leah 4d
dead air hangs heaviest on phone calls cut short
the static hummed like an ancient hornets nest in my head
deep imprints left from landline buttons on my cheek
i thought if i pressed hard enough
i could pretend plastic resembled the feeling of his face against mine
i thought if i pressed hard enough
i could pretend the static sounded like his voice in my ear

he told me once that he liked my skin
but what he meant is that he liked it better on the floor
i would have never guessed how quickly hungry hands could eat me alive
but i wanted their starvation to be my salvation
i always knew i was a better window than a wall
but I didn’t know how easy it was to see through me

seven syllables like bee stings
my throat began to swell like his words themselves were anaphylactic
and as i began to see stars i pretended i was in shock
he left me like a bullet exits a body and i guess that’s what i get for loving a loaded gun
but I’ve always been known to be the first to pull the trigger
roulette was just a way to pass the time between waking and sleeping

i was a phantom of longing and lament
i missed his hands even when they were around my neck
i wasn’t a woman
i was shades of blue and violet and unwarrented violence

the perverse pleasure of pain
left like a malady in my mind that spread across my nervous system
and seeped its way into my bone marrow
the only chemo i could find were empty beds and dark rooms
indiscriminately i handed myself to the radiation of sterile hands and nameless faces
i wanted them to rearrange my molecules
or at least help me shed the skin he had liked so much

etched into my eyelids in glowing persistence were the words he left me with
i hung onto them, i gripped them tightly, white knuckled desperation i clung to the sound of your voice rattling like a chain link fence in my mind
“you will never be enough”
i wanted so badly for you to be the cure i made myself love-sick
**** and limerence felt like love even when the landline went dead
i realized that corpses have a funny way of staying just alive enough to get through the day
I wish I could take a break from life

I swear how many times I’ve said this??

I want to isolate myself
Long enough
To figure out
Telepathy
(I want to have time)
So I never have to worry again
(To be upset)
Worry they don’t really like me
(Alone)
Or that they do, or that it looks like I do
(But there are so many)
Worry they are doing not good
(Choices and possibilities)
Worry I don’t know what to say
(Never enough time)
I never know what to say
Remember when life was so easy?
When your biggest fear was the boogie men in your closet or under the bed?
When you did things with no worries?
How optimistic you were?
What happened now?
Why so shallow?
Is it adulthood? Could it be because the way society shape us?
What caused us to to drift apart from who we truly are?
Did we become our own worse enemy?
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