I don't remember when we stopped
Going to the grocery shop together
When the silence grew too loud to talk over
When I'd stopped trailing after you with the rattling bones of canned soup, clutching the well rusted handles of the shopping cart asyou pioneered your way
Down the discount aisles proud and dusty
Stopping to pick up another sugar laden piece of the American Dream
I do remember my first day grocery shopping alone, squeaking with my empty cart hesitantly down the aisle waiting for you to come and tell me to put back the extra box of chewy chocolate chip cookies
The scuffed tiled floors shone, the fluorescent lighting cast a dull glow and I swear I heard soft angels humming over the white noise from the refrigerators
As I headed home to our white picket nightmare, the blue bags in the backseat shone like medals, subtle victories.
We had a kingdom,
I was your queen and you were my king,
I thought you were everything
but our kingdom,
As I'm walking through the ash,
Trying to pick up all of our pieces,
My pain suddenly increases.
You were kind and fair,
You were everything a king should be,
But you left me.
And here I am holding my broken armor,
Wondering if you will ever return,
But I need to learn.
Slowly but surely, I start to build my castle again,
I have pieces missing and some that don't go together,
But it can stand this cold weather.
I realized I made him into a king,
I have to take off his crown.
Beginning of the end.
Seems crazy to think about the days when
You couldn't get enough of being my boyfriend.
A million text messages everyday you'd send,
Now I'm lucky if I get ten.
What are we doing? Are we playing pretend?
Used to get a "Good morning, beautiful" when I'd wake and
Everything's divided between now and then.
I've got my bags packed but I can't seem to leave.
I try so hard not to doubt because I want to believe
Because I don't want you to go away but we've
Become something I never dreamed.
Can I play naive?
But when I feel you pulling away it's hard to breathe.
This doesn't make sense, let's think a minute please...
These days, I listen to break up songs,
But I keep a happy beat so I can sing along.
It's not all sad, sometimes we talk for so long,
And it feels like we're playing ping-pong,
Was I going crazy for thinking it was wrong?
But then I watch the clock, and I realize you're gone.
So I find my own thing to do,
Seems like you only want me when I pull away too.
Right now your edges are bleeding blue,
So I wait for you to change your hue.
As I'm lacing up my walking shoes,
Where are you?
You got a new tattoo,
I guess now you're disappearing into Blink 182.
One day I'll see you clear in my rear-view,
But today I hold on because it's hard to say adieu.
Okay kid here's the deal, you'll come into this world and everyone will tell you how to feel.
Fast forward, fifth grade, you're in the bathroom stall. The first time you knew the word gay, it was written as a slur on a dirty cement wall.
When your brother came out it shouldn't been a surprise, but even
you became accustomed to the fear behind his eyes.
Using art as an outlet, you set your electricity free, bleeding words onto paper, grasping for being who you wanted to be.
Drunk on idealism and Tumblr walls, discovering yourself, refusing to fall.
Into the same routine and monotony like the rest, you took your pain to the stage, ripped your heart open and confessed.
Screaming I AM WHO I AM, with your arms open wide, who knew one day you'd finally refuse to hide?