Emily 1d
They told me I would never make it to the light...  
That the shadows would drag me into night ,
My storms would create too much death-
Demons would eat at me alive,
I have to say...


They were almost right  
The storm became my weapon
My shadows became my army
There is  no light  for
I am the queen of night

May the light fear my might
May my storms  shake the shores,
May the demons hear my roar.
I don't need their light
For I am the Queen of Night .
Emily 1d
My words are sharpened
My will is made of stone
I'm ready for the war now
Get set here we go
The fears that once broke me
Are now steps I've climbed
The tears that once controlled me
Won't keep me up at night
I've sharpened my swords
I'm ready to fight
So you say I'm worthless
I've been told that all my life
I'm done with running away
So get ready for a fight
The creatures of the night
Are now standing by my side
So get ready here we go now
I'm gonna fight with all my might
They say that heroes fade
But legends never die
You may break my bones
But I'll get up and fight
You can't break the will
Of a legend who never dies
So get ready here we go now
Get ready for the fight
You beat me once before
But now Is my time to show
I'm taking my own destiny
I'm making my own life
So don't try and stop me
Cause you won win the fight.
Emily 1d
When the ashes fall
And all is thought lost
the ammo runs low,
white flags are almost raised
When your legs give out
your dreams almost fade
Remember,..
The pain
Blood
The rivers of sorrow
Flooded from the oceans of regret
The anger inside your caged heart
Roaring clawing its way
It's not fear not misery
Nor sorrow or regret,
No…
This is you
The bravery breaking fear
Faith over anxiety
One day you will see
Those who doubt you are afraid of you
One day,
You will see the world through your eyes
Not there's
Just wait.
Your apology meant nothing to me.
Your apology was not meant for me,
Your apology was meant for you.

Your apology was pathetic.
You only did it to save your mind from eating itself in the middle of the night.
Constantly chomping at the thought of our last conversation.
The one where you called me selfish because my feelings were hurt.
The one where you said we would never work because our trauma doesn't match.
The one where you said I couldn't possibly fathom being in the same house as my rapist.
The one where you told me our relationship was a pool and you couldn't understand how I was able to dive in.
The one where you told me you never wanted a relationship.
The one where you threw me away like a rotten banana peel.

Like a banana,
I opened myself up to you.
Peeling my layers one by one.
I started to get bruises from all the nasty words you said to me,
you said to my friends, and
you said to my family.
But I was still good.
I was still a sweet, ripe banana.
You always knew how to make me feel ashamed for being a bruised banana.

You were right,
we will never work.
Your reasons were wrong.
We will never work because I was never what you wanted.
We will never work because you could not open yourself up to me.
There were things you kept from me that I never would have kept from you.
Our trauma doesn't match because I'm working through mine and you're still on the first step,
afraid of what the next step has in store for you.
I have learned how to handle my trauma while you still let it eat away at you.
You let your trauma control your life.
I won't let my trauma control mine anymore.

Our relationship was like a pool,
I was ready to dive head first into the deep end
while you stare at me from the steps,
unaware of how to swim.
Our trauma was like a pool.
I jumped head first into the deep end,
tackling my trauma head on.
Ready to face my fears,
confront my rapist,
my abuser, and
my family.
You stood on the steps,
getting your toes wet.
With multiple swim floaties
and a group of people encouraging you to jump in.
You were afraid of what you'll find at the bottom.
Even with floaties and people cheering you on,
nothing will ever be enough.

We will never work because I cannot be the counselor you seek.
You were wrong. I do know what it's like to be in the same house with my rapist. I was with mine for a year after he raped me. Unaware and confused that he could ever do something like that to me if he loved me so much. Our trauma is similar, you just refuse to believe everyone else's trauma because its not as rough as yours.
Up
I begin to stir
Fragrant scents of memories
Wake to see sunlight
Starting the day with a haiku!
^-^
Lyn xxx
Enzo 3d
Everything is a cluster fuck of emotions, an endless stream of feels,  a torrent of agonizing thoughts, and I'm just drowning in my own doubts and getting lost in confusion. I find answers to problems and problems to answers
Searching for resolution and conclusion amidst this convoluted cluster fuck of emotions
Stream yeah right by joji
Sam 3d
This is an anthem
for my heart
who just lost the battle
to gain your love.

This is a cue
for the drums
to start the beat
when I raise
the white flag.

This is a ceremony—
I should start.
An event of telling you
that I give up.

I

Gave

Up

Not because I'm weak
or because I'm tired.
It's because I see
that your love isn't me.

I'm happy for you
as I forfeit my long dreams
along with my feelings.

~
orange tints
dusts and lints      
sunrise peeked and        
curtains leaked          

woke and told myself        
it was a beautiful slumber    








but why are you more beautiful on my shoulder?
your peace with your mind is the piece i've been missing
It's a problem, you know,
when it feels like we can't talk.
I know
When the words escape me,
and the motivation was never there
to talk to you, that
Something is wrong.

Honestly,
if I'm being honest with my self
         not that it's easy to do
I'm not being honest to you.
But then you never were with me either—
were you?

It's over
         basically...
I'm ok with that.
I think I want it to be.

Then again—
this might be nothing more than
me making something out of nothing
         which is something I'm prone to doing.
But at what point is me making excuses for you
an excuse for myself?

And even if I'm totally wrong in
my assumptions of your intent;
it doesn't mean it's not a problem.
To me,
I need more
a reassurance that it's not all in my head.
But that's not how you think.

We are
         fire and water
         night and day
         yellow and purple
         hot and cold
         spring and fall
         tired and energized
         love and hate
associated with one another
But terrible together.

And I'd ask you if any of that was true
         those late night I love you's.
But if they weren't, then truth be told
I don't know how I would handle it.
I'm just so tired of feeling both of our emotions when he doesn't carry his weight
You call yourself fire but you are the water that quenches my flames
You are the dirt that snuffs out the coals
And Buries me.
And the dust that coats my throat
Until I’m choking
And coughing up the coals
I swallowed
Trying to keep the flames alive

But it worked
And they are still flickering inside me.
Keeping me alive

Because I am fire.
But only for myself.
Though I’m sure I have left a few flames in my wake.
I wonder I they’re licking at you
Threatening to swallow you?
I hope instead
you take them as a lend
Bottle them up
In your darkest hour
And until my light, I’ve left in you,
Flickers out,
I hope you let those flames
Left in my wake
light your way.
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