AB 6h

It's easy.
Giving up is simple.
You just stop caring.

It's the lead up that's hard,
Losing friends is hard,
Losing yourself isn't hard,
Forgetting what you lived for
Is hard.

But giving up is easy.

The fear,
The darkness inside you,
It's always been there.
Always within you,
Giving into it is hard.

But giving up is easy.

Living is fucking hard,
Trying to be yourself
In a world of copycats
Is hard. Being who you
Want to truly be
Can feel impossible.  

But giving up is easy

I want to be me.
I want to continue live my life.
I want to do the things I've dreamed of;
I don't want to give up

But it's just so damn easy.

Sometimes I think the darkness inside me will always win and no matter what I do it just cannot be pushed out.
Ree 1d

my first love left me
when he realized that i'll never be quite as whole
as when he first met me
my first love left me
because he did not know that every day spent with him
was me sharing bits and pieces
of my once whole self
my first love left me
after teaching me that sharing was caring
that we were forever, always
my first love left me
without saying goodbye
with memories of false promises
with an aching heart

Lorna 2d

What does the crossroad tell me?

Go your separate way,go forth young one,set sail,leave the sand ashore behind,find the road to El Dorado,go deep and see Atlantis.
Look at yourself and truly see yourself.

The cimented road tells you to walk the line,go straight wise one,look for the best option,stop at the suitable table,start and always finish,try ,try ,and wake up ,ready to go on.

But theres a third path,a mysterious fragile path of sand. It does not talk,it only exists. You chose that one.

Guess what?

It's today,it's the dreams ,the realisations,the despair,the regrets.
It's the what ifs,the waits,the why's,it's the dreadful reality,it's the 9am job,it's the missed oportunities,it's the bad decisions.
  It's quicksand,and it's eating at your feet.
Farewell , dear one.

I've decided that my resolution for turning 22 will be to chill out.
Everyone tells me that when they see me out in public I look angry or stressed.
And ya know what?
They're probably not wrong.
I am so stupidly anxious and I worry about things that haven't even happened yet.
I want to learn to let it go, or
just wait and see what happens.
I want to learn to say yes instead of always saying no.
And when I am out in public or where ever I need to let myself feel whatever I'm feeling; but do it in private.
Go to a restroom or stay in the car and just let it the fuck it out,
because I will always be anxious and crazy but I have to stop letting it control me.
I claim to be such a nice person but I'm not anymore.
I'm really just not ME anymore and I haven't been for a long time.
I want to figure out who the hell Paige is.

Also, I want to take care of my health and only wear clothes that I love.

The worst part about
missing you is not knowing
whether you feel this
way about me too.

The clocks have never
worked in our favour,
maybe I must accept
we'll always be bad timing.

I'm not sure
if I was going to to see the band
or to see you.

I know you cared for me
and I'll never understand
why I deserved someone like you,
but what's even harder
to comprehend is how
you could touch me
and look at me like that
and then throw what we had away.

I want you.
I want you to call me in the middle of the night crying, telling me whatever it is that would make you feel the amount of emotion needed to a) actually literally cry and b) feel the need to open up about it. I want you to tell me you're failing math so I get my pen and notebook and teach you the fucking formulas, I want to watch you while you do homework and I write some stupid poetry about the way your eyes roll, I want to watch you a) feel overwhelmed with school work and start to give up and b) realize your future is more important and read it over again, and again and c) start to understand. I want to watch you start to understand in school, in life, in work, in us, I want to watch you grow. I want to see you wake up one morning different, growth inside of you, flowers sprouting from your fucking forehead, and all I want to do is have the chance at being able to water them. Like the kits of cosmos and daisies you bought me to start a garden in my kitchen, I want to sprinkle nothing but good things like kindness, support, adventure, a shoulder to lean on and a phone number to call when you need to cry. I find myself really hating myself for causing problems, jinxing us in ways I never wanted to. If I could figure out why I like to self sabotage so much I would never do it again, but I never notice the road I'm taking until I'm forced to look back on my mistakes- and that's exactly what they were, mistakes, everything that led me to this moment I'm in with you. See, I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose my chance to see the person you really are, underneath the orange that just peels to another layer, underneath the snake (scorpion?) that sheds skin just to have a fresh new batch- I want my chance to know you. I've felt joy sitting next to you I don't remember feeling in a really long time, maybe ever, and I am stuck in this limbo that I want out of. I want to be able to sit next to you, smoke hookah, hear you talk about the classes that are changing your outlook on the way you speak to people about what you are feeling, I want to be there, in the lobby, at my house waiting, to hear about whatever it is you discovered that day. I want to listen to you- listen to you speak, listen to you grow, listen to you start to open up. I imagine you, standing there in front of me, moving your ribs aside for a second in order to grab your heart and sticking it to your sleeve. I imagine going to your house one day in between classes and noticing the blood-stained- T-shirt you're wearing and the beating organ stuck with scotch tape to your wrist. I imagine being there, because that's all I fucking want. Call it another chance, call it me shedding MY own skin and opening up to show you the version of me that fucks up, that self sabotages, that scared you into wondering if I'm someone who is worth the pain of letting your caution aside. I know words don't show much, but I am. I am. All I want to do is show you. I close my eyes and I see your eye roll, the scars on your leg, your love for your family, the way you insult me in Spanish when I'm being annoying, the way you hide your smile instead of just vocalizing your happiness. I close my eyes and I see your busy schedule, your extremely high standards, your responsible nature and your hatred of promising me time in case I end up upset- AND I WANT IT ALL. I want all of it. I want all of it.

Hey everybody- I want another chance with my girlfriend

a lustrous moon glossed in mist
shines on impatient lips longing to be kissed
while a thumping heart drowns in the dark,
weighted by a romance devoid of spark.

her heart is as restless as a dove,
starving for infatuation & love.
his heart is empty & cold,
living life only to grow old.

the hazy contour of slender hips  
dissipates as candlelight is extinguished by his lips;
her quick footsteps & the click of a door lock
are drowned by the steady ticking of a clock.

tonight she spreads her wings to fly,
eager for takeoff & sweet goodbye.
unchained, she is finally at ease.
abandoned, he shrinks to his knees.

He cries.
& so she flies...

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