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Recovery is supposed to be
synonymous with Renewal.
Rising from the ashes,
old flames re-lit,
persona rediscovered.
But what do you do
when there’s nothing to Recover,
the Before
up in flames and gone with smoke.
How do you start over
when you don’t know where to start
when you don’t know who you are
when you don’t want to be an also
a prop to someone else’s story
while yours is left unpenned
And within just a moment,
you are not Less,
but Different -
a shift that feels nothing but Empty,
a tear in the fabric of your soul
ripped by the slamming door;
a gap just wide enough
for salty tears to sting a freshly broken heart;
a laceration just deep enough
for time alone to heal.
Introspection and reflection
deftly weaving silken threads
to bring renewal and resilience
to a mending soul that is now stronger than before.
Filling the Empty
with purpose
instead of validation.
Not destroying the Before,
accepting the damage,
rising from the ashes not to relight but to renew,
beginning unhindered by the past -
letting sunlight stream in
through stained glass windows
formed as you made your peace
with your broken pieces,
igniting beauty from destruction -
a fire all your own.
alanie 3h
I feel like I’m drifting through the days. Feeling waves rock me back forth, occasionally slamming me against rocks. At least its consistent. I can’t do anything without tearing up. Everything in my life is falling apart and I’m afraid to drag people down with me.

I sell harm relapsed. I haven’t told anyone in real life. It has been a week and I have cut myself 3 times. I don’t know whether I’m angry at myself for being so **** weak or if I’m angry at the world for making me want to hurt myself. I was doing so well. I can feel myself falling apart and there is so much I could do to attempt to pull my life together, but I’m not doing anything. I’m sitting here watching myself fall apart, watching the walls around me crumble. I’m slipping further into my relapse and I need a self care day, but I don’t have time for it. So I keep going, pretending to be fine, I’m okay I swear. But as soon as I’m alone I break and sobs wash over me. I don’t even know why I’m crying.

Theres this boy. I used to like his best friend but I think I am falling for him. His name is Sam and theres nothing special about him. He really isn’t that cute, but for some reason I think he’s gorgeous. I went to this party and hid in the corner because my anxiety got so bad. Sam came over and talked to me in the corner. He didn’t try to make me talk to people, he just kept me company. I feel like such a burden because he would’ve had such a fun time at the party if it weren’t for me. I told him he didn’t have to stand in the corner with me. I don’t know why he did it anyway.
I apologize if you actually read all that. I needed to write out my emotions, even if it was in a non poetic way.
I’m so weak but i act like i’m the strongest
I’m screaming for help in my head yet i act like i’m doing fine
I’m broken yet i act like i’m the happiest human being

I’m not what you think i am
Sometimes what you think is not always the way it is
Even though the distance
Of light years between them
Will never subside
And will always remain
But this has never stopped
The soft waves of cerulean
Seas and oceans
As well as their moonlit lover
From recognising and feeling
The gracious presence
Of each other
And joyfully confessing
their sparkling eternal love
To each other
Even in the absence of
Any means to ever
come close
Or touch each other
Eight feet beneath gallows hole,
a measure for a dawn.
the rope of snaking coiled pole,
constricted curtains drawn.

Obscures a light within the soul,
till too difficult to carry on?

Sadness fills our void with tears,
it eats the heart and mind.
All good things they come to pass,
with bad things intertwined.

Struggling and serpentine
same of mind and meet,
for both they seem to collude
scheme just for your defeat.
According to the Chaldeans the source of all evil was the heavens, one of the 'two' heavens, that one which was the night time sky. This evil was found in the actions of men, their hearts or sufferings and could only be expunged by magic. It was dangerous to be out at night for the heaven of the night was the great celestial serpent always searching for victims.

The snake that stalks the pole is a reference to the serpent of heaven who
rounds the axis of earth(pole). Some mythologies has a northern and southern serpent or twins serpents as the sky in each holds different stars.
What if I'm no better than what you've already tasted
Another sample of rotten fruit
Skin fresh and ripe
With a sour taste on the inside
What do I do now...?
I need someone right now.
Please don't make any sound.
I need someone right now.

A tsunami of hardships rushing tremors of blessing into my
tornado spinning life.

A kiss of misfortunate fates attached to overwhelming shaking I can't do this alone...

A silent churned catastrophically composed orchestra overloading my senses.

What do I do now...?
I want someone to hug now.
A wanted soul wants to be found.
I need someone here right now...
my entire life, my body and soul have felt so hollow
this pain in my throat’s just too hard to swallow.
oh the ******* guilt inside me is a fire burning
so i build up walls to protect you from hurting.
i didn’t want to end up all by myself
but for you it’s best i’m not a book on your shelf.
you shouldn’t read through the chapters of my chaotic life
and endure the same misery as if to be stabbed by a knife
the same blade i use to ******* & slice my skin
opening my flesh, trying to release my demons within
i get hypnotized by the way my blood bleeds
watching myself suffer, lacking what a human needs.
one mortal cannot tread through life without love
does my life even matter if they’re already given up?
the voice of depression: “i am so lonely. i keep questioning myself. questioning my life. what’s the point anymore?” It is such a consistent and persuasive disease. it’s similar to how a shadow can never disappear; lights on, it’s right beside you (even when you aren’t looking for it). lights off, it’s surrounding you (the darkness is all shadows, not just yours.)
Kevin Aug 14
An empty boat glides through a tide-less sea
Echos of thunderous silence reminisces the rowdy sailors once on board
Without fear they sailed across the dark waters
Without the knowledge of forthcoming doom they kept the spirits high
Navigation impaired by the wrath of silence, their abominable gaiety and preposterous hopes were muted for eternity
Life drained, flesh rotted, bones crumbled to dust, and the boat was filled with peaceful death
Though without an inhabitant it still continues to drift towards a predesitned chaos
Its calm trail behind disrupted by an impatient tranquility
Its still path ahead disallows all animations with an unfluent time
Yet it moves forward
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