How can I possibly fix this misery
It’s like a non stop bleeding injury
That I constantly feel everyday
Is there a cure for it or some way?

I was so innocent then, now I’m unsure
How can I fix my heart that was once pure?
Am I still the same, is all this in my head
Life feels so fake from the books I’ve currently read

Its events that occur from time to time
Yet here I am making simple words rhyme
When am I going to experience what they do?
And when am I going to find friends who will be true
Jealousy arises within me as I see others laughing
Meanwhile all I secretly do is basically crafting

Writing words that appear out of nowhere
And after I’m done, I would simply stare
At the poems I’ve created which is my only talent
Yet are there any others that are somehow unbalanced?

The feeling of hopelessness drips in me
I wish I can view the world like in the past
And to be able to finally see
That friendships are likely never to last

Why can’t I see the colorful side of the world
To be able to listen to the words I’ve been told
My heart currently feels extremely cold
Can’t all this just be sold?
Maybe I just need an animal to hold.

The child that viewed the world as vibrant
As there were no given requirements
If I could return to these peaceful days
And forever be stuck, yet I wouldn’t learn the right ways

Life moves on it’s how we survive
Soon will be able to drive
The amount of responsibilities is hard to take in
Am I ever going to finally win?

Diverse opportunities come my way
Hangouts and current friendships that want me to stay
But I want to leave this all behind
Or maybe even wish for time to simply rewind

Where I used to love the little things
But now guilt is all it brings
For how I didn’t succeed my ways
Exams that constantly fill my trays

Pressure is adjusted frequently a lot
The damage in my heart that I thought I had fought
Which constantly returns one day around another
And when anyone asks I’d say I’m subtle
Battles I fight that never seems to end
Why can’t my mind just for once try to comprehend?

That the ones who truly love and already in front
So why am I constantly trying to hunt
Hoping to leave her cruelness all behind
But there’s still a missing piece I’m hoping to find

What if that piece was filled years ago
But it’s like I covered it up with heavy freezing snow
I’d first cared and asked as much as I could
For the ones who I cared about yet now I feel stood
Not by them, but by the one who I knew would hurt
So why haven’t I yet learnt?

My heart needs to be fixed as soon as it can
And I want to adjust myself a suitable plan
Afraid of pushing away the ones who have been there since day one
But of course I can’t just simply run

If my actions continue to stay the way it is
Life’s for sure gonna get harder than this
With college applications and constant regulations
Patiently having to wait if we receive any invitations
Scores that are required to enter
Yet my patience will soon surrender

All I can think about yet ruined my life
Hopefully one day my poems would be rife
When people who done me wrong return
To ask for help, I would never give them an intern

Confident as I sound
My heart still feels like it hasn’t been found
Trying to get over what she did
Wishing I could NEVER forgive yet god forbid
Peace is what one shall make
Even if they are one hundred percent fake
But why am I holding my life like it's at stake?

How to get over it is what I frequently ask
It’s simply a disturbing task
Undeserving of the attention I silently give
Why can’t I just focus on myself and let me live

Digging myself into a deeper hole
As if I have just lost control
Unable to explain the way I feel
But when can life finally feel real?

My heart pouring and bleeding
Trying to connect the words while I am speaking
However, the tears in my eyes just keep leaking
When it’s not me, but the thing that’s beating

Hoping to feel the sense of excite
Knowing that it was right
Now it’s impossible to enjoy what I used to
When will my time stop being so blue?

To deserve more than this is what I expect
But do I have any sense of respect?
As I drift away from the ones I love
Especially how I used to be above

Constantly giving advices to the ones who ask
How come I never use it
Is this another impossible task?
Or something I can rarely admit

This isn’t me
But who is she?
Is this the one who is calm and pure
Or the one that has been recently endured

Amount of things I am somewhat afraid
Numerous people who have had me played
Too dumb to notice don’t understand how
Can’t all this just leave me alone and end now?

If I lose him, I’d end myself
Not what you think so stop asking yourself
Through the amount of pain my heart has bled
Fake rumors about me will never stop being spread…

My confidence had somewhat decreased
And I however am not simply pleased
I just want the girl who wasn’t hurt
Change can really affect one as well as leave tear marks on their shirt

Failure is what I’m afraid of most
But I won’t tell anyone, so instead I’ll have a delicious well made toast

Seasons change.
Time goes on.
The morning dew will fade away,
And shadows form.

Blissful snow,
Paint intentions so pure.
The sun will glow,
And waters run furthermore.

Setting sun,
Darkness settles all around a waning moon.
Roses curl,
The world falls asleep.

When suns rise high again,
Will flowers bloom?

What if I said no

Now
Screaming
Weary in pieces
Talking with myself
Pain each bone
Walk paths troubled
Alone in a forest

Before
Not a soul abandoned
Least is to ever see sadness
Safe haven , I was
Merry with everyone

I request assistance
All ran
Others chatter laughter

Oblivious of most hated
Adamant  to accept
Till too late

Will I ever forgive ?


Burden of regret
I should have said no

When I recover
Things shall change
Defend a heart

Self sufficient
Lesson learned

It’s the way he woke up laughing
and she woke up looking for me
And how, because I was there,
no one was afraid

I got out wishing I had died
Like after a car crash
when they make you sleep
to manage the pain

I hear my reasons
right outside the door
I try to feel joy
and it’s there, but in silence

And everything starts to lose meaning
I know I need to be here
I know it doesn’t really matter
An existential threat

I cannot believe it
Do you not think of me all the time?
I have so much love to give
Always so much on my mind

I wish I believed you
I wish you were right
I don’t know how I got here
It feels like I’ve just woken up

I fall asleep laughing
and wake up half asleep
I wake up
I wake up

I see us 6 months ago.
The smiles the banter too and fro.
The way you smiled oh how it glowed,
The way i saw your feelings grow.
But now it is others whom from love flows,
And they look like us ... 6 months ago

That feeling where your stomach drops and your heart sinks
The moment you realize I was not meant for you and I think
I realized before and lied to myself for the hopes of having a family
And understanding you were not meant for me
Every lie is a dagger in my face
You’ve spilt the insides
What’s left for me

Today I'm feeling
Hopelessly heartbroken.
I must rediscover
Something called love.

When you were on my mind
Only you captivated me.
Rereading our love notes
Listening to your voice
Deep withing my memory.

Now I begin to settle into sleep
Effortlessly drifting off feels like
Endlessly falling
Down into a cascade of
Sweet nothings you never said.

My heart feels split in two
Ominous fears fill it constantly
Regrets keep it beating
Eerily in the silence.

Life will always be relying
On my memories of you
Vividly captured
Engrained within my head
Remembering all those
Sweet nothings you never said.

I don’t want to be the one who knew and didn't say anything.
It hurts
I don't want to be the one who has to tell all our friends
Because it hurts
I don't want to mark a date on the calendar or visit your grave on every birthday you have
Because. it. Hurts.
I Do Not want to listen to a song we once shared and cry instead of you sitting next to me and singing along
It ******* hurts
I don't want to sit at your grave for hours on end because you're not here in person
It hurts
I don't want to call a stone my bestfriend because you are so much more.
God it would hurt.
I don't want to watch your family cry, i don't want to tell your girlfriend and watch her break down
It hurts
I don't want to think back on memories and cry when we could be making new ones…
I love you and i know you're upset
And it hurts
I know I'm being selfish but this time I won't apologize because it's what I needed to do to keep you alive.
And god that hurts..

My father is a bear, like a bear he would do anything to protect his cubs.
My father is a bear wild, unpredictable a body full of malice and hate,
A mind that never stops running
through these woods we call life
My father wants to hurt the world because it hurts him but, Deep down I see this rising feeling A slight possibility of the happiness he needs.
My dad is no monster but he's still not good
the negativity that comes from him speaks volumes
but then again this man can be so kind so maybe he's more then cold inside but then again you don't seem
to get what you're doing .
your words and actions hurt feelings your loudness and shouts used to shake houses, anger powerful enough to knock down trees,
that's the truth and I know it's hard to see I don't write this to spite you but poems are feelings.
I used to fear you and now i'm just like you, the anger rushes through my veins with nowhere to go, I see why you act like you do and I apologize for everything you go through.
I love you but my voice is not being heard, I am in your shadow but I don't wanna follow your steps
Dad understand I have nothing against you but I refuse to be you and I will not go down that path