The lakeside cabin was as old as history.
The lake itself was ancient.
The cabin was in our family for years.
None of us knows who built it,
all we know is we always have fun there.
Playing in the lake all day,
staying up late telling ghost stories around a campfire.
Many years ago I went back.
I couldn't find it.
Recently I went with my family and it was back.
Maybe it wasn't where I thought it was at first.
Maybe it was never there.
All I know is we had fun.
That's all that mattered,
We had fun.

I am just a boy living in an unrealistic world. Unrealistic yet the most real thing I could think of. Full of words that are pictures and pictures are words. They say a picture is worth a thousand words but all you need to paint a picture is three. This is the world I live in, full of expectations verses reality. Where the reality is the expectations and the expectations is not reality. For in this Earth wealth is more and less than status. Wealth is a gateway to education at it's finest while the rest of us learn book to book. We all live paycheck to paycheck. Weather we want to admit it we know it's true. We all live with fears, but those fears just might come true.

There once was a girl I fell in love. I thought that our love was enough. But low and behold she left me dry and fled into the sky. Hair of silver and wings of gold, at least that is how I'm told. She flew into the sky so bold, even seven fold. We could have been together even now four years later. still no later did I truly fall, did she start to leave my hall. Into the blinding light of day that how she flew away. Hair of silver wings of gold, at least that is how I'm told. She flew into the sky so bold, even seven fold. Her beauty is still untold, diamond eyes and nothing sold. Into the dark of night the moon interrupted her flight with hair of silver and wings of gold, at least that is what I'm told. She flew into the sky so bold, even seven fold. Onward and upward she did go even the clouds did so. In a trail like a bridge, the clouds formed into a ridge. And blocked her path up above they tried. And blocked her path they did. Back down to earth she fell, right into my arms. Oh how I wish to have a girl like that again. Like an fallen angel lost on her way to heaven.

That feeling you get,
You know the one.
Tingling everywhere and your tongue gets tied.
Only around that one person.

Doesn’t matter where or when,
Be it a good time or bad.

All the want to be with them more,
The longing to feel that feeling again.
So you keep coming back.

Again and again you return.
Never getting enough.

Whoever they are,
Don’t let it slip.
The way you feel,
Hope for lip to lip.

Kisses in the moonlight.
The night so bright.

The feeling is like flight,
The feeling of love.
The person you feel for,
You hold high above.

And so in the light of day,
Nobody knows why we feel this way.
It’s natural I guess.
As long as it isn’t an mess.

That feeling you get,
You know the one.
Tingling everywhere and your tongue gets tied.
Only around that one person.

Doesn’t matter where or when,
Be it a good time or bad.

All the want to be with them more,
The longing to feel that feeling again.
So you keep coming back.

Again and again you return.
Never getting enough.

Whoever they are,
Don’t let it slip.
The way you feel,
Hope for lip to lip.

Kisses in the moonlight.
The night, so bright.

The feeling is like flight,
The feeling of love.
The person you feel for,
You hold high above.

And so in the light of day,
Nobody knows why we feel this way.
It’s natural I guess.
As long as it isn’t a mess.

The creature, my demon.
Just a dream.
I tell myself this,
Deep down I know it exists.

Two more.
Two what I do not know.
My demon told me.
I understand I just won’t believe it.

My demons long,
To be with me I mean.
Thick of nightmare,
Full of dread for the dead.

Drawing used to be my cope,
It would help.
Drawing them in,
That’s why I stopped.

In this nightmare,
I tell myself there is light.
I know there is none.
I tell myself this just to get through another day.

Now I use humor,
Joking about the unknown truth.
Laughing the pain away.
One second at a time.

Laugh by laugh,
Second by second.
All I really need is a friend.
Right to the end I need a friend.

Me looking at you, you looking back.
Almost like a reflection back as when you move I move too.
In the water or in the bathroom you follow me.

Calling me to you where I cannot go.
And you try to follow me yet you leave when I do.
    I come back, so do you.

Whatever can I do?
Are you looking at me or am I looking at you?
    Looking back I think I understand.

Your hand matches mine.
You are the most devine.
    Your eyes are mine.

You see me and I see you.
We wave at each other perfectly in harmony.
    Empty space surrounding.

In the dark of night, the light of day.
You look like me in every way.
Almost like you are me.
    That is impossible to be.

Am I you or am I me?
Looking at you catching up the slack.

    Me looking at you, you looking back.

For my whole life I have never truly lived.
Many risks not taken and many things mistaken.
Every art piece and music score. Every item I have in store.
I am left to face myself in death knowing I have done nothing.
As the sun of life sets I know that there is night again and with the sun down there is room.
Room for a new sun to rise and take its place in the galaxy of life we all come to call home.
As the sun rises, the spark of life on Earth is continued through all eternity.
What is time?
Is it the seconds that pass by, the minutes of our life counting down?
The life you share in love with one another? Whatever it may be you choose how you spend it.
Alone at home, with people you call family, at the place you call home.
Home is not a place you live.
Home is where you are with the people you choose to surround yourself with.
Who you call your own.
Home is not a house, home is family and friends together being themselves.
Looking back at it I did not simply do nothing. I belonged to something, I had my home.
And you have yours. Where you belong, belongs to you and you to it.
I belonged somewhere and now I must leave. In leaving comes emptiness.
An emptiness to be filled with new life coming in as I go. And so I say goodbye.
In goodbye is reassurance and happiness. Happiness in knowing I have done something.
That I can leave  knowing I have changed the world. Knowing all there is to know.
At the very end of that sunset, I can move on swiftly with care.
On to that eternal night bright with the stars in the sky of all the other lights of life.
I have done something, I have.

Times and times again
I get this ugly temptation
To confess my love to you
But there are some conditions
You have to be alone in your room
You also have to be in a good mood
Third you must not be armed
Preferentially your arms have to be tied
Finally I want you to listen to me
Until I am satisfied
Only then you can speak your mind
I will talk about your genesis as the whisperer
And mine as a poet
The December night when you whispered
A ***** little thing you saw, at a party
At that point I truly saw you,
First time not diluted in the background
An orchestra of violins, pianos and trumpets
Played as I gazed at you snowed under the lights
Standing two stairs above me
That night your name was etched on my mind
then on my forearm which I will kiss before bed
and then in every fibre of my existence
I miss those days, when every stranger's face was yours
Every voice was mistaken to be yours
I shed tears pretty as the mistletoes
Because you were cruel
You said awful things, you did them too
Didn’t understand which way the wind blew
For three months I loved you
Like my life was dependent on it
But then we were separated
Deep within me, I was relieved
I thought I could escape your curse
I didn’t though
you came back, harder than before
you wanted help which I was glad to do
I wanted to latch on to anything that resembled
You, you, and you
And when the parting was over
I came back, but you were still cruel
Like you were back in December
And at the end of my manifesto
I will look into your eyes, and say
I still feel the same way

I assume at that point there will be two possibilities
You either hate me for life
Or you want to end me
If I am right, I’d rather have you **** me
People often raise eyebrows
For how candidly I talk about death
They don’t know I fear it, more than they do
But sometimes it is a preference
Over something else in life
So in the name of virtues
I permit you to end mine

This OCD
It's killing me
I'm a bit dead already
(But I won't die)

A normal day
I saw a spot on the glass
I cleaned it once to sanitize
Don't know what touch came to my mind
I voice in my head I can't comprehend
I wasn't sure of myself
So I cleaned it a second time
3rd time out of doubt
4th time to maintain my sanity
15th time it was insanity
And I still thought that the glass wasn't cleaned
In that moment I became diseased

I heard these voices constantly
Dictating me,giving decrees
Things I didn't think about
Now so hard to live without
Thinking of them

Intrusive thoughts
Intruders
Included
Such apparitions
It haunts me still
And they wouldn't leave
(I begged and begged and begged)
Such thoughts
I could die
(But I wouldn't )
I felt like the worst man alive
Was I bad
Or was I mad
It made me insufferably sad

A spot a speck
A fallen drop
Rendered me paralyzed
And I carried out rituals
Just to have some respite
I cried inside
Most difficult to fight
To win with your own mind

Internal demons
Killing me
Using me as their device
Too frightened what would others think
An academic boy
Being possessed
I didn't utter a single word
Until I was caught
It was too much
I was obsessed,compelled and disordered

I don't know why I did things
I just felt disgusted
By the spot the speck
Real and imagined
I doubted everything
Even things I did seconds ago
And made crazy theories
Of how that speck would **** me slow
Rationality thrown out of window
Lady Macbeth why won't you go

I confided
Couldn't bear
Thankfully
My parents were there
They couldn't understand
Why I was acting
Such
Over silly things
But it was real to me
It mattered too much

I searched the web
To find the cure
But thing I read
Made me more
And more scared
Was I forever impaired

I went to the psychiatrist
He fed me with some medicines
I would be lying if I say they didn't help me
But my real fight was with the demons inside me
The thoughts
Be gone
I beg to you be gone
I to again become the master of my life

Make your mind stronger still
So what if speck landed on you
It won't be the end of the world
Boy gather will
Said mrs psychologist

I tried it was hard
To be exposed yet prevent reaction
Be obsessed and prevent the compulsion
I had panic attacks
And emotional outburst
Yet I feel
Slowly but surely I am getting better

Thank God my family was so considerate
I feel for those less fortunate

Mental health is all too real
And first step to cure it all
Is to talk(please please for God's sake talk)