Faulty factory toys are fun to use, at first
Blue eyed girl with the white blonde curls
From dads side of the family
They coo at her
Before she learns to walk
When they built her in the baby factory
They must've forgot the little red button
The one that says
"Shut up for one single solitary fucking second and let someone else speak"
She doesn't pause to allow the other person the liberty to flit words through the air like songbirds
Instead hers land like pheasants
Shot in the skull
Trickling out opinions that were never asked for
With the brain fluid.
She's got a lot of them too
And they're all right
She knows everything there is to know
At seventeen as well
What a prodigy, she thinks
What a nuisance, say the wise men
What a delusional idiot
Bore into her skull and all you'll see
Behind the kind eyes and philosophy
Is a witch
Entranced by the enchantment
Of her own voice
A selfish piece of shit
Who buys her birthday presents at the last minute.
At least the parents got to have a test drive
So they knew what to do right this time
Factor out whatever it was
The ingredients with the sell by date
That made this thing so near to right
But odd enough to be 'not quite'.
This time make one that's not lazy
That's not selfish
That doesn't want to be a fucking artist
That lets others speak
That can contribute and participate
Not sit on the sidelines
Heading for burnout
Heading for disaster-
Uncheck the box this time that says
Can't reply to texts
Even when friends are on the edge
of suicide, For fucks sake.
Tick the box that unveils the beauty of humanity
Fix it's eyes
Teach her to see these sacks of meat
The way others do
The way you're supposed to
Instead of like puzzles or pictures or packaging for a soul
Create a person not afraid
Of making mistakes
that can make her own decisions
This time make a mind
That can jump through the hoops
Society left behind
Fix her this time
Don't make another freak
On the fringes
Never quite fitting in
And the funny thing is
Even after this fucking perfect kid
Comes along and shows that blue eyed blonde-haired girl
Just how to do it
She's an old bitch
No use teaching her new tricks
She'll shut out little miss pretty perfect project two point oh
She can't seem to help it
She thinks the best company in the world is her head
Her head?! Have you seen it
It's barbed wire and sunshine
It’s a rose choked by thorns
Do not touch her-
She will make you bleed.
if only i could reject the whole
"teenage girl" thing
i hate this
"first love" Schlick
not knowing which move is right
its painful being inexperienced
i wished i didn't care about my clothes and hair
believe me i'm painstakingly aware of how petty i am
why cant you be as inexperienced as i?
you're leaving for university in just a few months
and i already love you
(so i think)
This is a rebirth—
I will bid farewell to all this hurting,
I will shed this skin along with what I once felt,
and leave a little thank you note on the fridge
for all the bad days when I felt like sinking into my bed to disappear.
This is a reincarnation—
I'll revel in the familiarity of days long gone like past lives,
I'll listen again to the songs I loved when I was fourteen
and perhaps find new meanings,
I'll search for the innocence I lost to time and age,
and hang on to every bit of soul and memory I can muster.
This is a renaissance—
Little by little I shall rediscover my body and heart,
My soul will awaken with curiosity and be fuelled with a lust for life,
I'll fall in love once more with the world in a different light.
This is the revolution—
It's the dawn of a new age of knowing my own worth.
I have allowed myself to feel and hurt, to love and lose.
Like rebuilding a fallen civilization
I will step forward defiantly and vulnerably,
I will love myself and live unlike before.
When I was little
I dreamed of the day
I would turn 16
I expected butterflies,
A lot laughter with friends,
A cute guy that would make me feel
Something I have Never felt before
I expected adventures, love and that It would be
The best year of my life
Well, I was wrong
I cried myself to sleep
Because School was hard
And my friends would not
I was lonely and really bad sometimes
I got drunk for the first time
I skipped school and Even started liking a boy
Still I had this horrrible feeling
That hole in my heart
It would not go away
i feel like i'm calling out to you,
banging on a thick wall of glass
which conceals me somehow,
silences my cries
and stops me from reaching out to you.
this love in my heart has to go somewhere,
its spaces dying to be filled
by the pieces of who you are,
and to be there for you.
i want to love you
but i don't know how,
show me how to.
Every time I look in the mirror
I see this girl with the brown eyes
And the dark brown hair
But the eyes are not like they used to be
When I was Little I laughed a lot
My eyes sparkled
They were full of joy
Now I see loneliness
And all the fears I have
My eyes are not sparkling anymore
And I am afraid, so afraid
That they Will Never sparkle again
we loved each other
with a love too catastrophic
for mere teenage vessels
it was too demanding
required too much thinking
made us bleed
our hearts were baby birds
being forced by this magnitude
of feelings to jump
without knowing how to fly.
our hearts were still
starting to learn
how to love -
and it was too early.
it was too strong.
it was too high.
we were too young.
I was around fifteen
when I first imagined
myself as your husband
and I distinctly remember
Laughing and tearing up,
just a little,
because I didn’t think it
for someone like you
to love someone like me.
I did not know how to love...
but there we were
and in love,
adrift in the aether of
my teenage imagination,
your face was hidden from me.
I return the comfort
of that fantasy and
conjure scenes of our life together.
Spending time with you
comforts me and give me peace.
Wherever you are, please
know that I love you
and that I am looking for you.
Darling, you are literally my fantasy
and will not rest until
our love is our reality.
I cannot wait to meet you.
Have a great day, Love.
I can’t wait to hear about it!