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Níla 2d
I fell for you, not like leaves fall from a tree, in swift moves until they reach the ground they seek
Maybe it feels more like a trap, running in circles cause I **** at reading maps
Tip-toeing obstacles as I dare them to collapse
Let me be trapped
Hold on and consume me like a fly caught in a spiders web
Pick at my self doubt until boldness
is all that I have left
it’s good to know you
because of your laugh

when i see you smiling
it lightens the dark spots
on my heart
and fills my tummy
with butterflies
and knots

i really care about you, lots

i know that life is a *****
and your brain sometimes tells you
nasty lies
and ugly fibs
but my friend,
we are all ****** up
we all have have things
we’d like to change
life is just dumb like that
life is so strange
but you’re not alone,
and i can promise you
i’m just as insane

please don’t disappear
into yourself
because that’s when it gets scary
that’s when the intrusive thoughts win
and we can’t let those *******
have your trophy
the dark corners of your mind
will do their best
to blow their dust
into your lungs
but hold your breath
and turn away
to see just how far
you’ve come
cracks form all around my body
like an egg shell
and the icky, gooey bits
underneath begin
to seep through
to the surface

my heart hurts so much
as it bleeds
filling me from the inside out
with thoughts of my
pathetic needs
creeping up on me
every night
while i’m trying to sleep
and reminding me
why there’s so little
in which i believe

i spread my teeth apart
to form gaps when i smile
trying to let my secrets out
one drop at a time
but every time i bleed
i keep picking at the wounds
instead of letting them heal
there’s nothing scarier in this world
than admitting how i feel
If only I could summon the will to banish my daemons;
Exorcise the rot that for too long has brought me low;
Waged a war unseen and unheard by the outside;
Inside, a mutinous cacophony of a ****** battlefield;
Where the parts of me unfouled by corruption, weep;
Tears of crimson blood run down as flowing rivers rage;
Anger, that the current refuses to change its course;
Sadness, that I was the one who had diverted destiny;
Swept away by tides no mortal man can hope to shake;
Trapped, like mighty Atlas, beneath the weight of fate;
An unfortunate purgatory of endless indecision;
A fear to see myself beyond the scars I have caused;
Calloused, my pessimism knows no boundaries;
There can be no going back to brighter days;
When days are comparable only to the blackest night;
Sunrises carry the gravitas of the setting sun, reversed;
Life, loses the beauty that once inspired the muse;
Leaving me feeling empty, lost on 'oft forgotten seas;
Praying for Charybdis to churn and drown my daemons;
Finally setting me free from this self imposed slavery;
Shattering the chains holding my past to my present
Kay 5d
Theres a part of me swirling around inside
Hoping to be free, to be discovered.
Yet when I let it out, everything changes.
It takes over me completely.
Consumes my soul and the darkness overtakes the light.  
I drown in my own freedom..
Am I supposed to bury it down so deep I hopefully forget about it?
I can live in the light and pretend the rest doesn’t exist.
Yet I’ll be denying a whole entire half of me.
I don’t know if it’s even half really..
It doesn’t like to share..
it’s either dwindled down n hidden or it takes completely over.
But I can’t deny it’s there even while suppressing it so well.
Even in my happiest moments it finds a way of exposing itself and I have to cover it up with a fake smile and pretending to be perfectly well.
It hits me like a brick ******* wall.
No matter how high the bliss or how low the pits I’m in.
It always has a way of surprising me.. reminding me it’ll never go away.
I could live a lie, or live completely taken by this darkness.
I fear there is no middle ground here.
i don’t always know
if it’s worth the fight
what is wrong
or right?
should i open my eyes
in the morning
or
do i continue the night?

i don’t want to know myself
as well as i do
and there is still so much
that i hide from
but what i know to be true
is awful
and there is nowhere to run
but further inward

which is becoming harder
and harder
to achieve

because
you see,
there are so many masks
layered on top
of me
keeping my eyes covered
and causing blindness
to what really needs
to be seen

but admitting
that you’re afraid
of yourself
is stupid
and who am i
to stand between
me
and myself
and all the
crazy things
that
i dream
I kissed a night;-
that had promised to keep me warm inside, falling
in love with its ghost- her absence haunts me still.
Steered by the afterimage of a crafty mindset;
a dramatic picture- its frame, filled with all pains;
their hurts written in unflinching paint.

Suddenly, I find myself hanging it all on a wall;
staring at it in a perfect dark, a dark work of
art- capable of still seeing it all.

Sometimes, its just her, him, them or it;
how I choose to see it, isn’t how well I express it.
Killing time, while battling a bipolar practice
of depression; that promised me just a subtle kiss-
but had embraced me in its dark aggression.

I kissed a night;-
that had promised to keep me warm inside, and
it was that very kiss that ****** all the life out of me.
i try to open my eyes
and realize they are
nothing but buttons
i try to spread my wings
and plummet
to the ground
it’s all been a lie
and they’re only
made of cardboard
that gets soggy
and falls apart
when it rains
outside

can anybody hear me screaming?
or is it all in my head?
doesn’t my false smile
tell you the lies you want to hear?
masking my tears
and living within a façade
to blend in with the crowd
trying to make sure
i’m not crying too loud
my mind swims
around
in a pool
of self doubt
and i never even know
what i’m
so depressed about
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