I can't find the words today... If I speak, no one will believe me They never did, anyways So I put my heart on display But my mind is slipping My soul is aching And I just want them to listen to me I want somebody to believe me Just because my condition isn't physical, doesn't mean it isn't real Mental illness infects the mind and body Some people are too ignorant to understand
Save me and **** me Hurt me and heal me So priceless yet so tasteless Why is this love They tell me it's emotion Others say action Attitude and beliefs Love is affection they say Do they really know Does anyone To love To live To even breathe It's all so hollow without a reason I mean think Really think Can you honestly say that you know This world is turning and no one cares It's moving and breathing But they don't notice My questions fill my brain Of what Why, how, when Tell me this When was the last time you said I love you and meant it Or have you once said I would live for you Because dying is to easy When I say I love you I say it with every fiber Every amount of my being I would live for you Because that's the challenge Dying is not the point of living Dying is the end of it Where they remember you Only for a short while Then you are just Earth Beneath their feet Walked on A vessel no more Only dust So tell me Do you truly know the meaning To love To live To breathe Without, we are meaningless
Honestly though... Can anyone answer that? Am I the only one who thinks this way?
I'm an animal A puppet on a string They control me And I don't feel a thing They think that they own me I'm a monkey in a cage And they can't distract me From the war that has been waged I'm envious of their freedom My mind fills with rage I'm sick and claustrophobic my skin is turning green My head is spinning They ignore my scream A sharp piece of wire Sticking out from the weave I push to my wrists And I start to bleed My blood turns to embers as my skin turns to ash My soul leaks away Forgetting it's past No real death here It's all to soon No freedom should come From forging your tomb For this is only a dream Bestowed upon me by the moon Oh how I long for an opening A way out of this mess A pill or savior Comes to take my stress My hair is falling out My bones begin to show Starving for a familiar face Someone that I know But all that they tell me It'll be over soon Lay down and rest love They whistle me a tune All of these beautiful lies fill my head A pretty whisper wakes up the dead This is only a prism dream Dressed under a grey screen Those bright eyes can't stay hopeful A star plummeting to the ground They fight with me using actions ever hurtful But this is only a dream
He was walking home Ticked off with a broken nose They stole his things And with no shame Left cuts and bruises Head to toe covering him No one gets his mind No one really tries He hides in the closet When he gets home In fear of his intoxicated father His leather belt Swinging from his fist The boy cries in bitter isolation He can't trust anyone With no safty He fears for his life His mother was killed when he was five Nine years later He just wants to die Multiple times he's tried Every one of them He survived His wrists bleed for releaf His skin pulls tight Then it's released He tiptoes out of his room This for the last time His father asleep in the chair He looked pail His chest barely moving If you weren't paying attention You might think he was dead The boy got an idea Such a melancholy idea He went in to his father's quarters Peaking under the bed There lay a box full Unsold meds A knife in the kitchen would be his weapon Nothing but a sigh let out His father was soon to be no more His heart pounded His mind thundered With anger and pride "This is for Mom!" He screamed with tears in his eyes A knife to the chest He fought the man Pushing further and harder He worked fast The eyes glazed over Both fear and joy filling his heart Into the bathtub Pills in hand He turns on the water He uncaps the bottle Putting it to his lips Up turned He sinks down Letting the drugs take their toll Gone ****** Suicide This was the price For freedom For justice
Sometimes the wind blows past my face. And I ask myself "How come my dress won't fit me?"
Sometimes the bath water is cool. And I ask myself "When will my job get easier?"
Sometimes I destroy old pictures. And I ask myself "Will my brother be able to handle his responsibility?"
Sometimes lights scatter on my slender figure. And I tell myself "I think I should draw now."
Sometimes people say things about being a happy person. And I prepare myself "Work starts early tomorrow, I'll go earlier."
Sometimes I need to feel something. And I state facts myself "That driver is a terrible driver, but I'm a good driver"
Sometimes the drugs i do make people ashamed to know me. And I whisper to myself "Everyone around me is so stupid."
Sometimes people take advantage of my kind nature. And I scream at myself "Ugh! Why is work so unbelievably inefficient."
Sometimes I remember I came from a broken home. And my lungs burn with ash "But I'm trying to quit."
Sometimes I hide my darkest secrets of people who betrayed me. And I wail at the ceiling "God this night is fun!"
Sometimes I dream about a life where I'm happy. And I tell myself from the bottom of my heart "I'm happy to be who I am."
Sometimes I think about ending my life. And I tell my friends "I need time and space to get better."
Sometimes I cry for no reason. And my heart speaks to me "It'll pass."
Sometimes I remember my heart has been frozen for decade. And I pridefully spout "I wouldn't have it any other way."
Sometimes my nightmares give me anxiety attacks. And I think "I need a warm shower to relax."
But tomorrow, after the dreams I can't handle have passed. I'll forget a few more sad thing I've had done to me and have done to others. And I'll echo the words of others to show them how stupid they are. My heart will remain frozen to keep the few things I like about myself. Forget, forget, forget the memories that caused me so much pain. It's my only choice. Love, hate, pain, all of it has to go. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes I think I'm broken. And I have been broken many times. And know he should have picked me. Because I'm better.
Because I can control myself.
Just my interpretation of a loved ones struggle. It's difficult when I'm not working with all the available information and a treacherous wound of betrayal but. In truth, I can find solace.