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Millie 37m
Obsessive compressive
Self flawed and depressive
This puzzle never fixed
My mind is a glitch
This loop is infinite
Till begrudgingly
I let go
Millie 59m
Most people go to sleep each night
So they can wake up every morning
And live
I wake up each morning
So I can grow tired every night
And sleep
Alice 1h
the sadness
is back again
i don't know why
it just seems like every time
i get better
i move forward
the world tilts
and all of a sudden
i am no longer running away
i am running into the darkness
always running
and i'm tired
so tired
Níla 5h
It makes you cry and leaves you sad
But you like the salt and you love the mad
No I can't deal with this today,
No matter what I say,
What's the problem? Make it go away.
Everybody wants a yes person a yes man.
I used to think I could bless them in my plan,
The plan to make everything and everyone okay.
Even if it left me crying in bathrooms at night,
Just sitting there contemplating my ability to fight,
No I'm not okay, I'm not ******* alright.
I need a day without everything weighting me down,
I need a moment for self care, I need everyone to stop being around.
I don't mean to be rude I'm just trying to breathe.
All my dreams I've spent a lifetime learning to grieve.
I'm 29 years old and what is there to show for it?
I have nothing. I don't have a driver's license, I don't even own a car,
My hopes to becoming someone I'm proud of seems, so **** far.
I don't have my own place, I don't even own a **** bed!
Last thing I need, is some **** space in my own head!
I worry about you I worry about them but I never get to worry,.. about ME...?
I worry about that job, I worry about THE job,
I worry about it all.
But when I'm down, depressed, broken and drained.
Who worries about me?
Does anyone worry about me?
Maybe it's my state of mind and I'm too blind to see.
Sleep don't come easily and mornings come too soon
I fail I fail, no glory here, from where from whom?
A past that proves it defines me every chance I get to be free from it's embrace,
Every time I'm close to happy it stops me in my tracks and laughs in my face.
No job can trust, old wounds family bust.
I am changed, I am changing. To the world I'm still that girl in her 20s throwing her life away.
Maybe I am, look at the life I do have now
Do you see anyone that's willing to stay?
Look at my life now, do you see a happy person?
Cause in my reflection I see pain that's worsened.
Look at my life now, do you see any decent employers taking a chance on me?
At any place that doesn't have meals starting 15 dollars and the kids eating free?
Look at my life now, do you see a girl becoming who she truly wants to be?
Nah I don't recognize this girl in the mirror I see.
Nah this girl... couldn't be me...?
Look at my life and tell me what you see
Yeah maybe I am this girl,
and maybe it will always be me.
Oooh boy depression at it's finest and over compensating for other people's happiness. That's what's going on here. I'm working on it, you know, about putting everything and everyone before me. Yeah I'm working on it...
you gave me false faith, i took it with honor,
i gift you my space, went lower and lower,
can't say that i'm angry, can't say that i'm glad,
you mustn't be blamed for boiling my blood.
the one that is guilty is my tender heart
that made me believe, i won't tear apart.
i am the blind lover and you are dishonest liar.
how dare you play with me? i guess, you didn't know your affection on me.
don't blame, still love.
Monisha 8h
Just like that,
I felt a sprinkle of pain,
You know the kind that gnaws and grows,
And nibbles your insides.

What started it, I wonder,
A buried thought,
a deserted experience,
Befallen, buried, squashed,
Run asunder, but still alive.

It pushes through the barriers to say,
Hey you! Yes you!
I exist,
Don’t think your looking away,
Will stop me coming back, some day.

Huh! I beat it hollow,
and there it’s slimy self crept back,
I had learnt not to feed it as it would grow,
I keep it on such a strict spartan diet,
My oh My! Look how bulbous it looks!

Hmmmm! Pain, were you feeding inside of me merrily while I was asleep,
Chewing my tissues, chomp chomp, burp,
Deep so very deep,
I feel I am missing a bone or two,
you gluttonous pain,
I am sure you’ve gobbled up many cells too.

Dark, gray, silent, doom,
Am I on for lifelong gloom,
Aah! Hrmph! Boo hooo!
What do I do,
So many around me,
Who do I reach out to?

Oh I do reach out,
And they say,
You? Couldn’t be,
You’re so strong,
It doesn’t fit you well, this pain you see!

I laugh, Is this pain
A size smaller for me,
Am I self indulgent,
In saying it hurts.

I start looking around,
And see many like me,
Laughter hiding the pain,
Cloaked well, their touch warm,
The tremble reaching out in vain.

It’s tough, this despair,
Sometimes with valid cause,
Many times so much accumulated,
Unaddressed, unmet, covered with gauze.
It rears it’s **** head
For many
Eating their insides,
It’s canine jaws,
Sharp and unrelenting.

I still don’t have an answer,
Who does really,
Expectations, recriminations, justifications, validations, manipulations, mechanisations,
Eat us up a bit more.
We sleep off some days
hoping to sleep away to nothingness.

And then we arise to the morn,
The sun filtering through, casting its warmth,
A bird in the distance chirping away,
Pain still there but so are my fingers glowing like starlight along the Milky Way,
My limbs stretch and I purr away,
The clocks tick tock,
Reminds me of a chance,
A new beginning,
A fresh start,
A fresh me,
A wounded but mighty heart!  

Facing my pain instead of sublimating it,
Nursing it tenderly instead of ill treating it,
I know you’ll ease out, heal out,
And I will be better each day,
Because this life, this beautiful life,
Is worth living each moment, every day.

When I face you, I shall share you,
Tell your story to those I want to,
And suddenly, you will feel acknowledged and dance way into the oblivion because you’ve been sung to, heard, cuddled and celebrated.

Till then, I trudge along...
This is an ode to so many of us who carry burdens of hurt, unresolved pain, and stories to self which need to be heard. May you seek and find those willing to listen and hold your hand, sometimes that’s all it takes, sometimes you need more, but seek you must. I send you my love and hugs and Godspeed to find your pain and acknowledge it, only then healing starts.
I would describe depression as purple
and show you the frailty of my sanity
a long hallway with a long staircase
that goes up as it goes downwards
parts of you will fall off as you climb
rattling and echoing like a ghost
passing yourself seven times over
dusty lungs barely keeping you up
do you ever wonder if it ever ends?
//on depression//
Micah 10h
I'm sorry I'm struggling
To grasp the fact you found someone
And I feel selfish because I was the
The one
That said we needed to go different ways
And when you asked if I wanted to hear about her
I couldn't bring myself to speak
I just sat there, on my bed, phone jammed against my ear
Could you hear my breath leave my throat
Hear all the air being ****** out of the room
Could you hear me
Shuffle through my emotions and then toss them all onto the floor
like a scattered deck of cards
A messy 52 pick up
Only a small "If you want to" fell out of my mouth
But we both knew I did not
So we continued
Move forward
Move On
Sunday never came for me.
Straight from Saturday to Monday.
No church for me, no,
I'm forsaken by God.

The devil's on my shoulder
the days are growing colder.
the nights are getting longer
Yet Sunday never comes.

I pray for a different life
I hate living in constant strife
I don't want the life that has been chosen
But Sunday never comes.

I'm not a believer
I've never been one.
So maybe that's why,
Sunday will never come.
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