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My thoughts lately too loud
Staggering
Hate the sound
Cannot silence commotion inside
Why peace is difficult to find
My mind always takes me back to the darkest lowest depths of my thoughts
how do i tell you?
how do i put into syllables the roaring of emotions i feel within?
the loneliness that plagues me
the regrets that haunt me
the ache in my chest
& the lack of air when i choke on all the words that are waiting behind my tongue to stumble out that i push back down so that i dont ruin the moment
how do i tell you i miss you?
without it sounding so desperate for connection?
how do i tell you i need you?
without causing you to worry that i should be hospitalized again?
how do i tell you how deeply i love you?
without suffocating you or making you assume it's romantic?
how do i tell you that i cry at your photos?
feeling left behind like a photograph of a memory you no longer have
i radiate with pride for how far you have come, for how beautiful your soul is
& slowly drips in the jealousy of a forgotten feeling, happiness
i can't remember the last time i woke up to feel content & secure within myself
i can't remember the last time i felt loved & grateful for more than a few fleeting seconds
before the imposter syndrome takes over to steal the moment away from me
somewhere deep in the cobwebbed hallways of my mind, i know
i know that you would care that im in pain
that im struggling to stay alive
somehow i know
& yet that very thought is exactly what prevents me from saying a word
you cannot know how hollow i've become
you cannot see the person you once knew wither away before your eyes
how do i tell you how ashamed i am of myself
falling back on all the bad habits you were once so proud i thought i had gotten past
falling victim to the same toxic love i barely escaped before
how do i tell you how desperately i cling to anything that can alleviate the pain for a single day
the food, the shopping, the desire to self destruct constantly looming over my existance
how do i tell you without being vulnerable
what joke could i tell that would reveal it all but keep me in the safety of my aloneness that i have grown to find comfort in
how do i tell you...
Nicx 2d
Have you ever heard your truth
Echoed back to you from another's lips?
Like a droplet into still water
Their words reverberated through my soul
They mirrored back my struggle with trauma
With their walls of fiery anger
Holding onto rage like a lifejacket
We've been floating in similar waters
Preparing for battle in every moment
While we're the ones aiming the guns
Grasping so tightly to our secret truth
That one day the pain will **** us
We're acting like we're already dead
Before we ever learned how to live
Inspired by an essay
We refuse to be comforted
Because those who were meant
to comfort us
Hurt us the most
Once,
I fell in love,
with a ghost,
which wasn't,
as much,
a mistake,
as it was,
a mystery.
She promised,
she would,
always,
be there,
but by habit,
she faded away,
gradually.
As I screamed,
begged,
pleaded.
I couldn't,
grab her hand,
it wasn't really,
ever there.
That was when,
I fell in love,
with a ghost,
but she didn't,
fall for me.
Xallan 7d
The sun sets
later, over a sandy horizon, and
my cat
sleeps at the foot of my bed.

The robins are
smaller,
and more fearful,
their songs less sweet.
The mosquitoes are
smaller,
and less aggressive,
with less bite.

The sea's high-flung mist
obscures
the stars.
My summertime blanket.

It takes
more effort
to get up in the morning:
I'm not
chasing
anything
anymore.

The sky collapses
when I'm not looking at it.
My mind collapses
when I'm looking at it,
but
I'm Lot's wife,
I'm Orpheus, I
can't help but look back.

But I can be washed out onto the beach,
into the
soft feathers
of the waves, the
soft feathers
of the fog.

As the sun sinks into the sea,
draining color with it, it
leaves behind
an aura:
orange and bright,
a shadow
of a black hole.

I'm
alone
in the sand,
I'm just another
odd grain.

Maybe the sky
has to
collapse:
my heart isn't
large enough to contain
all it feels,
my head isn't
big enough to contain
all it sees,
my skin isn't
vast enough to contain
all it senses.

Maybe I can
learn
how to chase a sun.
Datore Fargo Aug 7
I spit,
my tongue,
right out,
on the,
cold tile floor,
I couldn’t taste it.
You stared at me,
and it,
me,
it,
horrified,
practically disgusted.
“I thought,
that was gum,”
you said,
bewildered,
basically out of breath.
I would have,
answered,
but shrugged,
instead.
Datore Fargo Aug 7
Hi,
nice to,
meet you.
I’m the,
disappointment,
your mother,
told you,
not,
to take,
in bed.
Instead,
you took,
a leapt,
and asked,
my hand,
to wed.
Do I,
say yes?
Or maybe,
*****,
on your,
clothes.
My favorite,
flowers,
are daffodils,
and daisies,
but they’re wilted,
and have lost,
their charm.
That should’ve,
been me,
instead.
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