BPD
I hold onto love
Like sand
It scatters easily
In my hands
And I will attack it
Probe it
Interrogate
Intimidate
Isolate myself
Until nothing remains

All this
To prove
To those who love me
That I am unlovable
C
The smell of rain
A constant reminder
Of all the pain
Reminiscing
About the lovely moment we shared
At the park
Hand on my damp face
And a passionate kiss
That’s when i realized
I only want you
Sage 3h
They tell us to
reach for the stars
but then they slap our hands away
for raising them unwarranted
They tell us to
dream big dream however you would like
but then they destroy the
Empire State of dreams that we have

They smile while they yell at us
they smile while they fail us

Preparing us to the Future
they say
when the past
is what they're basing their methods off of
but they don't learn from the past
A cheerful breeze bellows in my longing heart
A warm reminder of fading wounds
Wounds I formerly left raw and reeling
My hope emits sunbeams reflecting on the calm waves
Hope of my newfound strength that will conquer the waters once they stir again
And faith that I may become whole once again
I sit and think of my days as a trench
A pitfall of hopeless negativity
I look back to my sorrowful anger and smile
As my devastation became my strength
For I am no longer a trap for the pain to fall into
I am a mountain, standing tall and proud
Just because you fall apart doesn’t mean you can’t pick up the pieces.
You
You.
Yes, you.
I see you.
I see the darkness looming under those ocean colored eyes.
The one you've tried so hard to hide.

Taking over every inch of you.
Enveloping you with the devil's embrace.
moon 6h
did she tell you how my heart tells me i'm a boy?
did she tell you how i cried when i told her about my parents,
how i could barely breathe on the other line telling her how much i would shake feeling my house collapse every time they would yell?

did she tell you about us?
how i was always nervous to hold hands?
how distant i would be when things were bad?

did she tell you about That day?
that godforsaken day.
did she tell you how i said words from my heart that you called bullshit?
or how i kept saying that i couldn't do this anymore because she was holding me down.
i can't listen to music without thinking of her,
did she tell you that?

god, i have no more secrets and she knows every corner and part of me but will never look me in the eyes again.

my skin has been stripped and i lost myself giving her parts of myself and i feel like i have nothing left.
Flicker
Breathe
I close my eyes
Taking a deep breath
Why am I here again?
Why?
Is there something important
For me to do?
Was there ever?
My body is always sore
Everyday it hurts
Why do I keep going?
I wait for my body to give up
For my time to stop
For the days to finally end
I’ve said I’m fine
But never really was
I’ve dreamt of places far away
But never really got there
Those places I want to go
To disappear
And call them home
Help me
An echoing voice in my head
A convincing smile
This is my lie
A lie no one has ever seen through
They never will
The voice responds
Help me
Another smile
Why can no one hear
No one hears
No one
i am just
so
damn tired                                                  
   of being
                                                          mental­ly sick

P.A.P 4/25/18
Chloe 7h
It gets worse
At night.
When all the lights are off,
When I'm completely
Alone.
The feeling
Can be overwhelming.
This heavy, black
Misery.
This pulsating, pointless
Anger.
I'm driven to tears
By my frustration at
And fear of
Things that are far, far
Beyond my control.
When I am in this feeling,
It is real.
It is so,
Scarily real.
But the next morning,
It's gone.
Some sadness may linger,
But that blackness
Is gone.
It's like
It was never real.
And I don't know how to fight this,
When almost all of the time,
It isn't real to me.
So I make it real.
I make sure
That this feeling
Is remembered.
I write about it,
I mark it into my skin,
Letting the faint scars remain,
So I can look at them
And remember that
The black feeling is real.
That forgetting about it
Won't make it go away.
It'll just render me blissfully ignorant
Until the feeling comes back,
And there I am again,
Exactly where I was last time,
Feeling like this is the first time I've ever
Broken down in this way.
Then I feel like a child
Without any experience,
Any means
Of dealing with this.
I mark myself
So I don't forget
That what I feel
IS REAL.
This is kind of my way of venting, thanks if you read this, I hope if anyone can relate, I made them feel a little less alone. At the risk of sounding like a total hypocrite, please don't self harm, if you feel depressed, talk to your loved ones and people who can help you.
My life is like a Jenga game;

once something is wrong

life turns to

ruins.
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