Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
lexi 11h
I want to be happy
I really try
but my brain has a chemical imbalance
something that can never be truly fixed
I'm chemically ill
this illness isn't the kind that makes you throw up or be congested
this illness makes you sleep and lose your appetite
it makes you stay in bed with nothing to do
it makes you weak and tired and achy from staying in bed constantly.
when I am happy it's almost uncomfortable
its as if happiness just isn't for me
I find comfort in this illness in knowing that's how I'll be forever
I find comfort in the fact that it will never change.
lexi 11h
you always hear 'it gets better with time'
what if it doesn't.
if it does when will it happen?
I've been fed the same sentence for 6 years.
'it gets better with time'
but its only gotten better for a week maybe 2 then I'm right back.
does it ever really get better?
or is that another thing we try to tell ourselves?
or is that another lie made up to calm a child's mind.
this was written quickly I don't like it much but I'm bored so
lexi 11h
Why
Why do we do it?
Why do we cut ourselves?
Why do we burn ourselves?
Why would anyone ever harm themselves on purpose?
Why?
Is it to feel some kind of physical pain to silence the pain in our heads,
Or is it to feel like our mental pain is valid too?
Is it worth it for only a few seconds of relief?
Is it worth the struggles of addiction and hiding it from everyone?
Is it worth it to have your showers stinging after?
Why do we start to crave the pain that comes from SH?
Maybe everyone has their own reasonings but its all the same,
It's all hurting yourself to feel something.
Now all you crave is that release no matter how it's done, it's all you want.
Almost like a drug addict you're addicted to the pain the release.
Then it's got you, you're stuck and you go back to the question.
Why?
Why did I ever start this sick cycle?
Why do I keep going?
Why can't I stop now?
Why is it so addicting?
But no matter how much you question it you simply can never fully quit,
You simply can never do something wrong without it being your first thought anymore.
And here we are back to the question.
Why?
Jet and Ivory
Lamp and Mars
A hint of this
A bit of that
               Tones for occurrences

Black that disperses
             Or arrives in an instant

Blue’y blacks with undertones

Black that absorbs
                                  Or reflects
Black so vivid
                         Within emotion
A Marionette In The Dark
By: E.J. Crowe

I drip puke and spit blood.
Bags under my eyes—
heavy with contemplation,
under the toxic spell of drugs.

The alluring call…
the pills whisper to me from behind the walls:
“Come home.
You belong to me.”

I stumble to my closet, slow—
covered in glistening sweat and dried *****.
I muster the strength to find my pills—
my beautiful percs,
so pretty,
so good—
a potion to forget
the awful, decaying wound
of this festering world.

I SEE THE LIGHT.

I trip—
fall
into the darkest corner of my room.
Huddled,
knelt,
dumping out my faded RX bottle.
Counting them.
Smelling them.

The demons finally have their hold.

I look around—
my musty, dry room,
a sliver of light peeking
through a busted makeshift curtain.
Dust particles dance
in the sunray like Ashes

I haven’t left the house in a week.
Haven’t showered.
Haven’t changed.
The floor’s a graveyard—
scattered crushed pills,
broken beer cans,
whiskey bottles,
dried blood.

What have I become?

The addiction became possessive—
controlling.
I was its marionette.
It weaved the strings of my bane existence.

Hopeless.
Lost.
Beautifully scared.

I hear the faint laughs
of my friends walking by the house.

***** them.
They don’t care.
My family doesn’t care.

****,
my dad gave me the pills.

Only the pills love me.

My beautiful white powder.

I use my knife to crush them.
Sweating heavy,
smelling like a living zombie.
As I drift to sleep,
my only company
is the warm embrace of my
euphoric state,
and dilated pupils.

God…

when can I be normal?
She said “I don’t think I’m ok,
infact that much I know.”
She spends every single day
running against the winds blow.
When did she stop trying?
Did she even ever start?
Spends all of her time crying
as if to water a drought.

The tight rope is too tight,
and you walk a very thin line.
Another day and it’ll be alright,
and tomorrow you’ll be fine.

She said “I don’t want to a survivor.”
I tell her there’s worse things to be.
Keeps holding her breath like a diver,
but lack of oxygen is worrying.

We were standing right under the streetlight,
with no stars in our sight but those created with might.
With the cold’s bite making our skin burn and bright
saw the discomfort in my sight, “you got to clutch your jacket more tight.”

Now the pool is just too deep,
and your laps aren’t making time.
Another day and another promise to keep,
and tomorrow you’ll be fine.

The tight rope is too tight,
and you’re walking a very thin line.
But if you hold on with all your fight
then tomorrow you should be fine.
Hold on
another day will come.
Aurora 2d
Here I am, struggling through the battle of life,
Fighting the monsters that live inside me.
I’m tired — I want to give up, I want to run.
But their ****** laughter still echoes in my head.
Every wound they gave still bleeds, the pain still fresh.
Something inside whispers, “Let go,” but now I see—
It was never me. It was their curse that clung to me.

Here I am, waging wars I was never meant to fight,
Bleeding from wounds I should never have carried.
The pain still knocks me down, again and again.
I escaped their grip the first time I spread my wings—
But why did I have to flee?
When my angels left, I had no one left to turn to.
My cries for help were drowned by the devil’s laughter.
I watched my angels bow to the dark — and hope abandoned me.

Here I am, looking back at the wreckage of my path,
Their voices still echo, loud in my mind.
All the pain, all the memories fuel this rage—
My heart, twisted, filled with hate.
My broken mind hates the one I love,
And loves the ones I wish I didn’t.
So I built a fortress around my heart,
Forged in hate, it shields me from life.

Now I’m alone—surrounded, but alone.
I want to break free.
But now I realize…
I have become my own captor.
And escape feels impossible.

But still, I’ll try.
I’ll keep going.
Because I can’t give up now.
Life has always been lonely for me
Life has always seemed impossible
to breathe
I recall many nights
crying my own body weight
praying to be taken away
Never wanting to be in this place
I've seen torment
I've been torment
I've seen screams
and dying souls
I can never seem to let go
Let go of fear
let go of pain
let go of it all

Though I've tried
many nights off to die
fly straight into the moon
because it's all I knew
The only friend I had
my spirit tortured and twisted
nobody ever around to listen
desiccating into the ground
Never dare to make a sound

Life now can feel similar
The days pass me by
I lay down and I cry
My soul becomes intertwined
with the cruel torment of my mind
How can I leave it all behind?
new fears new screams
I feel my spirit failing
but
I'm not alone
No not anymore

I had the moon before
and this time
I have you
I can't forget
all that you do
it's surreal to believe
but it's amazing to conceive
I have you
and you have me

The world is just as cruel as before
but this time I'm not alone behind closed doors
I have your warmth
I have your love
everyday
in every way
we are
alive and okay
Which is more than I ever used to say

The way you hold me
The way I feel
ethereal
simply under a tree
or my head on your shoulder
It's in the eye of the beholder
and I can't wait to see your beauty
everyday as I get older

When I cry myself to sleep
When I get sick and only weep
I used to be crawling within me
and only me
but now there's you
I don't have to come undo
I don't have to talk to the walls

With you I can have it all
all of everything that matters
red and pink color splatters
when the demons come to crawl
I know you'll be there dancing with me
at every ball
at every wedding hall

A dream so surreal
yet here it is
it's real
You and I
Me and you
Life was always gloom
but you bring the sun and the moon
to my bed
and lay me softly to rest
next to you
in your warmth
I'll never come undo
idk
Tomorrow needs you .
You don’t know what seeds
you will miss out on seeing grow.
You already planted them so,
you
might as well live another day.

See what sprouts pop up in the
warmth of the sun.
Tell me, are you having fun now?

It’s just the way life goes.
So, please stay a few more days.
A few more always leads to
A few more.
Chloe 2d
My body is not my own
Pass it along to anyone
And my heart doesn’t live inside
I have nowhere to hide it
And the places I’ve called home
They are not my home
I think I used to feel differently
but now I don’t know

You always had a place to go
You always had someone to hold
I had to listen to you fight at night
And now I’m alone

I know you never loved me
Sometimes I still want you to touch me
Down in the trenches
You always knew what to provoke
so I’d never come to my senses

And it’s mostly all my fault
It would be easier to say I blame you
I was too young
I didn’t know
I was hurt
It wasn’t my decision
but it was mine to make
Still,
I can’t take it back
I cannot escape
It has nothing to do with you
anymore, anyways

It all crescendos to inaction
And floods my interactions
It all feels too big
It’s in a cloud
above my head
And I can’t reach it
The intangible
weight of grief
I am a miserable
ghost of me
In progress
Next page