When I die will I go to
heaven or hell?
Maybe somewhere we don't know about.
Wherever I go,
will it be better than here?
I hope it's a perfect place
Why are people here *******?
Everything

The silence permeates the dark
Wishing it was empty
Now lonelier with you beside me

Save me and **** me
Hurt me and heal me
So priceless yet so tasteless
Why is this love
They tell me it's emotion
Others say action
Attitude and beliefs
Love is affection they say
Do they really know
Does anyone
To love
To live
To even breathe
It's all so hollow without a reason
I mean think
Really think
Can you honestly say that you know
This world is turning and no one cares
It's moving and breathing
But they don't notice
My questions fill my brain
Of what
Why, how, when
Tell me this
When was the last time you said
I love you and meant it
Or have you once said
I would live for you
Because dying is to easy
When I say I love you
I say it with every fiber
Every amount of my being
I would live for you
Because that's the challenge
Dying is not the point of living
Dying is the end of it
Where they remember you
Only for a short while
Then you are just Earth
Beneath their feet
Walked on
A vessel no more
Only dust
So tell me
Do you truly know the meaning
To love
To live
To breathe
Without, we are meaningless

I'm an animal
A puppet on a string
They control me
And I don't feel a thing
They think that they own me
I'm a monkey in a cage
And they can't distract me
From the war that has been waged
I'm envious of their freedom
My mind fills with rage
I'm sick and claustrophobic
my skin is turning green
My head is spinning
They ignore my scream
A sharp piece of wire
Sticking out from the weave
I push to my wrists
And I start to bleed
My blood turns to embers as my skin turns to ash
My soul leaks away
Forgetting it's past
No real death here
It's all to soon
No freedom should come
From forging your tomb
For this is only a dream
Bestowed upon me by the moon
Oh how I long for an opening
A way out of this mess
A pill or savior
Comes to take my stress
My hair is falling out
My bones begin to show
Starving for a familiar face
Someone that I know
But all that they tell me
It'll be over soon
Lay down and rest love
They whistle me a tune
All of these beautiful lies fill my head
A pretty whisper wakes up the dead
This is only a prism dream
Dressed under a grey screen
Those bright eyes can't stay hopeful
A star plummeting to the ground
They fight with me using actions ever hurtful
But this is only a dream

He was walking home
Ticked off with a broken nose
They stole his things
And with no shame
Left cuts and bruises
Head to toe covering him
No one gets his mind
No one really tries
He hides in the closet
When he gets home
In fear of his intoxicated father
His leather belt
Swinging from his fist
The boy cries in bitter isolation
He can't trust anyone
With no safty
He fears for his life
His mother was killed when he was five
Nine years later
He just wants to die
Multiple times he's tried
Every one of them
He survived
His wrists bleed for releaf
His skin pulls tight
Then it's released
He tiptoes out of his room
This for the last time
His father asleep in the chair
He looked pail
His chest barely moving
If you weren't paying attention
You might think he was dead
The boy got an idea
Such a melancholy idea
He went in to his father's quarters
Peaking under the bed
There lay a box full
Unsold meds
A knife in the kitchen would be his weapon
Nothing but a sigh let out
His father was soon to be no more
His heart pounded
His mind thundered
With anger and pride
"This is for Mom!"
He screamed with tears in his eyes
A knife to the chest
He fought the man
Pushing further and harder
He worked fast
The eyes glazed over
Both fear and joy filling his heart
Into the bathtub
Pills in hand
He turns on the water
He uncaps the bottle
Putting it to his lips
Up turned
He sinks down
Letting the drugs take their toll
Gone
******
Suicide
This was the price
For freedom
For justice

Sometimes the wind blows past my face.
And I ask myself "How come my dress won't fit me?"

Sometimes the bath water is cool.
And I ask myself "When will my job get easier?"

Sometimes I destroy old pictures.
And I ask myself "Will my brother be able to handle his responsibility?"

Sometimes lights scatter on my slender figure.
And I tell myself "I think I should draw now."

Sometimes people say things about being a happy person.
And I prepare myself "Work starts early tomorrow, I'll go earlier."

Sometimes I need to feel something.
And I state facts myself "That driver is a terrible driver, but I'm a good driver"

Sometimes the drugs i do make people ashamed to know me.
And I whisper to myself "Everyone around me is so stupid."

Sometimes people take advantage of my kind nature.
And I scream at myself "Ugh! Why is work so unbelievably inefficient."

Sometimes I remember I came from a broken home.
And my lungs burn with ash "But I'm trying to quit."

Sometimes I hide my darkest secrets of people who betrayed me.
And I wail at the ceiling "God this night is fun!"

Sometimes I dream about a life where I'm happy.
And I tell myself from the bottom of my heart "I'm happy to be who I am."

Sometimes I think about ending my life.
And I tell my friends "I need time and space to get better."

Sometimes I cry for no reason.
And my heart speaks to me "It'll pass."

Sometimes I remember my heart has been frozen for  decade.
And I pridefully spout "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Sometimes my nightmares give me anxiety attacks.
And I think "I need a warm shower to relax."

But tomorrow, after the dreams I can't handle have passed.
I'll forget a few more sad thing I've had done to me and have done to others.
And I'll echo the words of others to show them how stupid they are.
My heart will remain frozen to keep the few things I like about myself. Forget, forget, forget the memories that caused me so much pain. It's my only choice. Love, hate, pain, all of it has to go.
-------------------------------------------------------------­------------------------
Sometimes I think I'm broken.
And I have been broken many times.
And know he should have picked me.
Because I'm better.

Because I can control myself.