I look at that girl,
the one in the mirror.
Is that really me?

That girl with the sore eyes.
The one with a broken smile.
What happened to her?

Then I remember all the pain.
All the nights she cried herself to sleep.
All the nights she couldn't even close her eyes.
All those days spent looking at a screen,
envying the girls that were living.

She longed for that,
for a connection.
But she feared vulnerability and honesty.

So she stayed cooped in her tower of her making.
Spending her days in deep sorrow.
Is this how to live?

Taking your own life...
Such a strange phrase but yet, we are strange beings
We have power in our hands
Choices and free will
Taking your own life
Life is like a candle
Once the flame is snuffed out, the light is gone and the smoke dances.
And the ones around it miss that light.
Even if we ignite the flame, its never the same flame is it?
Never the same flame twice because the first was an original...
Taking your own life...
It will never stop raining for you, Chester.
We won't ever stop raining for you...

Because
For the price of saving all the people in that dark void, you were losing yourself...





Your struggles, your triumphs, your voice... Your music is a statement that
YOU
ARE
STILL
HERE.

Hearing the news of Chester's death...it broke me. His songs got me through dark times.  Just like Robin Williams, Monty Oum and many others I adore so much, I won't forget you Chester.
Rest in piece
bob 2h

fourteen days doesnt seem like much
at least not to someone whos never had the touch
never felt the pain of loss or surrenidy through  themselves not another
never delt the shame or inevidability threw themselves down without a mother
it hurts but theres a way to the end they tell you
it hurts but theres another day to spend and embell you
you dont need this you need to stop
you dont bleed this you need to stop
this isnt you it isnt who you are
just shut up and get in the car
another day hiding in the shadow knowing they see you hurt
no other way subsiding in the shallow glowing in the sea you burnt
another night another thought it'll stop it'll die
yeah another  travesty another lie
out again to chase the "dream" in the hours
in doubt again erase the dream im in dowers
slurring and swirving drowning in perfection
blurring the deserving and frowning at the reflection
abe to see it but not abe to know it is pain
sitting alone to remanice in the rain
i hurt her i couldve killed her
if it werent her i wouldve killed in a blur
shaking with the pain another drink down the hatch
quaking in shame another brink of the patch
yeah right another glimpse of the light i can get out
soon locked away with no way out
theres more i may never say
yeah fourteen days isnt much
fourteen days is no pride especially for somone who lied
fourteen days is where i am and its where i will be id like to think
i pray to "god" not to pick up another drink

joriz 4h

tunay nga naman
merong magpakailanman
sa kamatayan

Do you ever stop and think,
'What does she want?'

It's even harder when they don't listen to you.

The dark beckons
Whispering its sweet silence
Drawing me closer
Hoping I fall into its embrace

Sadness and misery
They seem so peaceful
Pushing me over the edge
Just to watch me fall

Spiraling downward
Head over heels
No end in sight
For this eternity descent

sage 10h

The world doesn't like sad girls.

It likes sad boys that the happy girls make smile.
It likes how the happy girls make the sad boys fall in love with their every word.
It likes when the boy who is no longer sad kisses the girl who made him so.

But then the sad girls are still sad,
and no one cares.

i read a lot, knowing no one could read me.

Dreamy sequel ceased and
From thin air came a blow,
Misery slithered silently
Wrenched my heart it though

Tremors were deepfelt
Not a frown did I show
Ma mère accused divinity
I knew I did me wrong.

Thud fall shook me bad
Things were rosy a while ago,
Night came down like silk
An atonement started to grow

When posed an interrogation
How come happened so?
My eyes averted sheepishly
And conscience plummeted low

My head accepted verity
Mais heart refused to follow,
Like a squab shutting eyes
To overlook a felis shadow

With broken heart, a lost face
And failure laden torso
Shackled in remorse did I
Go sinking down the hydro.

Glossary
My mère - My mother
Mais - But
Squab - Baby pigeon
Felis - Cat

Concealed depression is
Buying water proof mascara
So you won't have to reapply makeup
after each daily breakdown.

Concealed depression is
Laughing at everything
so they won't question
why your eyes always water.

Concealed depression is
staying up until 4 a.m
because it's the only time
you can ignore the world
and no one will notice.

...Or concealed depression is
taking three melatonins
in hopes you'll sleep deep
enough to keep the terrors at bay.

Concealed depression is
Staying consistently busy
So your mind will be too exhausted
at the end of the day to fight you.

Concealed depression is
the impatient selfish monster
that burns bridges as you cross them.

Concealed depression is
feeding yourself lies like
"I'm fine" or "I won't cry".

Concealed depression is
the uphill battle that you don't get to win once;
it's a mountain you're forced to climb every single day.

Concealed depression is
silently screaming, hoping someone
will have super sonic hearing,
swoop in like a bat,
and carry you under their wings.

Concealed depression is
never hugging too tightly
or meeting a gaze too intensely
in case your guts may slip
out before you can catch them.

So when they accuse you of changing,
when they accuse you of rage and indifference,
of violence and apathy,
when they ask why you never called,
when they ask why you never told them,
all you can say is that concealed depression
is like an overbooked hotel and there's only room for one.
All you can say is that you were afraid
Your darkness would drown them too
and then there would be no one left to save you.

A cerebral puddle of hypersensitive learning static-- I dip into a forbidden fountain once again, deeper this time

Exposing the buffoon of our own nature and both dressing it and addressing it.

Taking it apart-- Analysis and fragmentation

An conversationalist's dream!

Expanding the groundwork laid out before me and building an empire with the infinite knowledge I attain, through means less conventional (to some)

I throw the dice again and again. I never lose...
just blessed I suppose (thank my stars)

But in reality I could of lost it all...
Brain drunk and mindless...

Blazed in a sunset overcoat, my radiator blood stream is perspiring in a way that I have never noticed until now...

Fading in and out of focus
~My safe zone is diminishing~

I can no longer draw you the lines I walked that day.

Alleviating my sickness for a time
Vexing my temporary cure... I really must be ill

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