Ye sham ki tanhayi
Phir teri yaad laayi
Ek zakham chupaye
Ankh mei aansu bhar aye
Tumne dekha hi nahi
Ek nazar se kabhi
Hum toh gam mei dube
Yaad ayi teri bewafai
The silence of noon
Brought back your memories
Hiding a scar, tears brim
You never saw me
Not even a glimpse
Have been drowning in pain
Remembering your unfaithfulness again...
Beyond miseries of my broken heart
Lives the shattered pieces fallen apart
The player has made it into a jigsaw
Putting the pieces on high verge and low
Each piece is dipped into a pool of red ink
Soaking blank pages, while dried to shrink
With a sharp knife, the player craves a shape
A 3-D formation tucked in with a tape
The shape of a heart to replace the broken part
The broken heart now a 3-D paper art
Hoping for a beat, the player hears a cry
The shape is applauding, you made a good try
But the paper soon withered along with the ink
That left the player wondering to think
Why such an experiment was of need
His own 3-D paper made heart could not seed
The real feel and the love for he could not see
Now, insanely crying for his love, that was me...
Swallowing all those pills and burning your throat taking seven shots of whiskey never once cured the emptiness that sat in the hole that filled your chest.
It only made you sick and hungover.
Your Mother tried to hold you in her arms and rub your back until you were better but even in that daze, while you’re trying to drown yourself in your tears and spitting up blood, you never forget how numb you feel and you never forgot her name.
It’s always a lie that causes the most pain, you know?
It’s not the veins you opened up, or the nights you spent with your head buried in the toilet throwing up the vodka you tried to fill the hole in your chest with.
Or the way you smile through the tears.
It’s the fact that you’re completely aware that you weren’t worth the fucking truth.
Each time it grows a little darker
Each tear a little sharper
Make it stay a while longer
Let it gleam and feel its heat
Be okay with not okay
Feel elated there’s a beat
Because we are so much more than this moment
This moment doesn’t own me
I think yesterday I smiled
And today I couldn’t speak
Wrap me up and feed me
Water me like a mule
But I’ll make it through this new day
If it’s the only thing I do
I'm hollowing out.
You put me through the wringer.
What do you want from me?
I gave you all I could off me.
I told you not to break my heart..my trust.
I loved you with ALL of my soul.
Seems it was all for nothing.
I've been broken before.
I loved you.
I meant every kiss.
I don't know what to feel.
My feelings are dissolving away with each tear.
You don't know the extent of my past.
You don't know how battered I've been.
The lengths I've been dragged through.
The secret I keep within.
Don't push me too far off the edge because I will not wake up to you.
I have so much pain inside.
Mental & emotional abuse hits the hardest.
I feel myself dying inside again.
The light keeps fading from my eyes.
My heart keeps beating off tune.
It's sitting fragile in my chest.
My skin keeps aching for an electric touch.
My mind is so far away.
I keep reaching out to pull it back but it's getting harder & harder.
Worst part is that no one cares..
When I'm not here don't look for me.
Wherever I need people the most they take the knife and twist it in harder.
Don't look for me.
Don't speak to me.
Don't touch me.
Don't hurt me ever again.
Collecting my tears in my cupped hands
Feeling the aches by the leashes of wips
Some of the bodies still sway as it hangs
Slaves are we, fetch gold till our skin rips
They call themselves the clean beings
Their skin flashed white while ours dark
They say we are dirty and our blood stinks
And stamp our backs with a hot rod to mark
I am a girl with so many broken dreams
Trapped in slavery with other unfortunate slaves
My mouth is sealed yet my soul desperately screams
I wonder why people of such, declare godly behaves
My mind is numb, my body is torn
I am used by many, as a nights babie doll
I wish I wasn't a female to be born
No one comes for my rescue, whenever I call
I am so done living like a house without a door
No knocks, no greets, just entered by goons
Each night I have to kiss the filthy floor
Beaten, ripped, spitted...no one hears my moans
Tonight I am passing out from this world for good
My life is worthless among these hungry lords
I am not gonna be another meal or fleshy food
My soul can no longer bear the wrath nor,
my body can afford...
I like talking about fucking
And I like laughing about awkward situations that aren’t my own
I love hearing about how other peoples parent relationships are just as fucked up if not more than mine.
I feel understood when someone new inevitably tells me they have anxiety,
Or that they hated school.
Cigarettes and beer on men’s breathes still make me dissociate.
And I still try and squash my stomach out of existence or into my pocket to put someone else’s comfort first.
And I still ignore pain during sex and separate my mind and body into compartments to situate myself in the part where it feels good.
I’m still angry.
I still get pangs when I see particular people’s names, or photos, or mention of their friends or favourite music. The pang is dulled now like a blunted needle…
But still the stab reminds me of the twang it used to bring.
That would pull at my limbs till I was foetal and wretching.
I think I got bored of my own pain,
Or I wore myself out.
I think there’s only so long you can hold both sides of a non-existent conversation.
I’m still reaching for affection, compliments and pet names…
And I don’t know if it’s sexual or parental but god I just want to be hugged.
I caught myself by surprise once when I snuggled up to my dad and as I lay beside him watching a movie, I revealed to myself how much I was hurting.
I am sick of crying bathroom selfies. I am sick of shower crying and breakfast skipping. But I do like the rush your body gives you after you’ve let loose on tears.
It makes me wonder if depression is just a little bit addictive.
I still like that feeling…and sometimes I want to feel sad because it feels deep..
But it’s only enticing until you’re there and then it’s a deceptive tar pit of hell,
And you’re tricked and sticky and heavy.
I haven’t been depressed in ages,
But my memory’s bad so I might have felt awful last week
I’m not sure.
it took me
to fight back
and never believe it
3 minutes before
when you dinged
our chat box
it took me
2 majoring classes
and 2 Prof Eds
just to hide
like the rest
of the world
our chat box
just to annoy
you were so
yet you managed
to beat that number
causing a ruckus
over my crappy phone
it took me
6 different ways
on how to keep
the conversation alive
last seen chat
it took me
6 different girls
that you are
it took me
7 sighs and a poem
to finish the thought
that my heart
and the tears
have i really
or am i all experiencing
this one sided love
in the first place?
my heart breaks
and I badly regretted
the decision i made
how i wished
i didn't do it
to let it stay
what it was before
but this stupid heart
falls so deep
my eyes fail
and the tears go
help me out,
cure me in.
before i go insane
insane because you