I just get so tired of all the lies
And the regret
Tired of all the tears that I've wept
Tired of being me but not being me all at the same time
Tired of feeling like I'm empty inside
Tired of being tired even though nothing changes overnight
It's been 18 years and I'm starting to lose this fight
So how can I get back to the times where it all made sense
And I'm no longer depressed or feel like I'm in somebody's else's head
How do I tell my parents that I live with this illness and although they can't see it
It's been apart of me for a while
How do I tell them that I'm ready to die at any given moment
And I've already written my letters goodbye over and over
Trying to get it just right?
And how do I tell my friends that I love them when I can't love myself
That they make me happy
But bring so much guilt
How do I tell them how I feel when I don't even know what this feeling is
I'm just TIRED all of the time
And when I'm not I think of why I shouldn't be happy
And why the worlds so fucked up
Or how things just aren't meant to be perfect
Just a little damaged but I'm completely fucked up
With no hope
And I don't know how to crawl out of this deep hole
I can't break the chains
Or move the hand from my mouth
I'm just stuck here like this
And it's been like that for a while
skim the surface of the body,
still completely overwhelmed.
feel inclined to dive inside,
reside upon the brim.
lily pads meander in
the tear gland of my eye.
i had sought to feed off that
which preys into the autumns
and was myself a parasite,
a meagre knot of pond scum.
in the long list of romantics
that lived and loved and died
for myself to spring to life
on some distant desperate branch on
my extended family tree,
somebody fucked a peach.
It's written on my skin in vivid red ink
that i must be the distant descendant of a person
who fell for every small blonde hair and the way they dance
and skin primed to absorb the whole sun in an instant
and sweetness that wants to burn every taste bud from your tongue.
And it's written on my face.
I bruise like a peach
and i keep springing leaks, juices
ooze from my eyes and
the torn up skin on my limbs,
they taste like salt rocks and sweets.
smell of you
on the road
it touches me
a shiver passes me
I look for you
green eyes in foreign faces
smell of in the night
I stretch out my hand
looking for your hot skin
under the cold sheets
smell of you
pursued my senses
I caress it
I hug it
because I can’t hug you
It was my birthday
But I cried
I was suppose to be all happy and cheers
But I cried
Found myself drowning in tears.
I was hoping you would still be the first.
For the past two years,
You were the first to wished me without fail.
But this year I was left in tears.
I am sure you love when it rains,
when the drops fall off the sky,
when you watch them racing down
from clouds too heavy and high.
But do you see what those clouds do
when they pour down all the rain?
They let go what weighs them down
so they can swim in the sky again.
You too are like a cloud,
but you have been heavy for too long
because for you sorrow is weakness
and you just want to be strong.
So you hide all of your tears,
lock down all of the pain.
But if you want the clear skies,
Let your tears be like the rain.
Don't keep the weight you carry,
let it go in the tears you cry,
and once the rains are over,
You'll see a rainbow in the sky.
Beneath the white snow of her
a beauty is motionless.
Waiting for her moment as wilted
rose petals fall motionless,
crimson tainting her purity.
The words still lingering, buried within
never to be exhumed from her thoughts.
This bride forever waiting , still holding
on to the rose, she is wilted like it,
but her beauty is motionless as others cry.
born of blast furnace heat
swirling and shimmering
skies rained blood
enriched with grief
it seeps to transition
passage via roots
of long dead trees
leaching through depths
shredding and stripping
the substance of life
constituents left behind
now neophytes release
into the next phase
in the evolution of tears
Crumbled like paper
My heart still beats
You stepped all over
Yet, with care it treats
Laughed and humiliated
Infront of your friends
My smile quickly vanished
As you shrugged off my hands
I ran towards the lake
Where we, very first met
And sat there for hours
Till the sun began to set
A gust of showers,
Started to pour
My tears blended within
As my heart once again tore
The rain provided a comfort
To sooth the bruises off my heart
But my mind flashed visions
Which kept breaking me apart
A final breath, to let everything go
And pull myself together in line
Shyts do happen, no one's perfect
It's his loss, not mine!!!