Sand 15h

I lie awake
awaiting sleep
I lie in wait
For a moment's peace

But this restless energy will not leave me be
No wide yawns or heavy lids will come to set me free

"Sleep, sleep"
I whisper, in tune to my heart beat
"Drink me"
The coffee at my bedside tempts me

I close my eyes and start to count sheep
"Sleep, sleep" I whisper softly

"Fuck it" I eventually groan
reaching for my coffee

Drank too much coffee. Cannot sleep

Preoccupation with making something permanent
A feeling of expectation
incorporation of a certain situation
or habitation into life, for good
It makes me freak out.
Desire,
for a certain thing to happen
fear of that something actually happening
Or that it's something that might be permanent.
Worry,
the attempt to find certainty
the desire to control things.
Control you, controlling me
I'm afraid you'll find my black
It will come back again.
It's like an arc weld done incorrectly
Eventually it will start to bleed
And fall apart.
But I dreamt about welding and you welding me
into something permanent
something desirable
something non-penetrable.
You had me molded against the truck and...
I don't know who you are, but you put your fire in me
So deeply it burns.
A fire that firefighters can't dissolve
Doctors can't resolve.
You're in me,
and I love you.

I had a dream, or was it reality.

Doctor doctor
I need some therapy
It has been hell for me

I'm still here
Counting my blessings
Hoping they rescue me

Where do I go from here
Am I less of me

Doctor say something
Please just talk to me

You need help and I'll help you

Time for some therapy

Doctor doctor
I feel like a pawn
I want to be a king piece

The problem I have
Is someone is still playing me
Folding me at every crease

How many steps do I go
Let my soul rest at ease

How did I end up here
Standing or on my knees

I see that you have a problem

Time for some therapy

Doctor doctor
This is session three
I don't feel any better

Every problem I fix
One just cones around the corner
I don't know why the pester

How am I getting by
I feel like this is a letter

One eye open one eye closed
Now this seems like a jester
Am I trapped in a closet
With a jacket or sweater
And it keeps getting hotter
Regardless of temperature or weather
I know this is a rant I am going off tangent
But this word we call pain i cannot even imagine

- silence breaks in the room -

1 second
2 seconds
3 seconds

The doctor smiles stands up and walks to the door and opens it.

I see that you know the problem

Time for some therapy

Copyright Matthew Marquis Xavier Donald 9/9/2017
Chloe Aug 18

A poem
a day

Keeps the doctor
away

Jordan Ang Jul 31

the Doctor will see you now
the nurse announces into the hallway
she doesn't shout - only raising her voice a little
louder to get my attention.
i'm nervous, it's my first serious appointment.

as i sit down the stool, She looks into my pupils
it's an eye exam, She says
lightly brushing across my face
skincare is of importance, also sleep more
your eye bags aren't a good sign

grabs my arm, pinching it lightly
muscle density isn't all that bad,
her rope of iron is hooked onto Her ears
a small disk between Her fingers
breathe in, breathe out

a stethoscope!
it presses against my chest, the palpitations almost
minuscule, yet She grabs onto my arm
Her ears almost dance at each knock
fingers tap to my rhythm

Her stethoscope presses harder down my chest
it's almost as if my organ is pushing back
against the now warm instrument
then it sinks, i swallow it
down, down, in! she pushes lightly into my skin

why is Her warm hand in my chest?
She sinks deeper and deeper in
until she grabs the soft fruit of my Eden
She's gentle, feeling every jump in my chest
this is supposed to happen?

Her fingers caress every vein, studying it,
tracing it, she notes down the rate in her head
no good, She says, getting faster by the minute
my sweat pouring down my neck
isn't making this any easier, is it?

then Her hand slips out
i didn't realize she needed no gloves
She notes down Her measurements
in...  a blog?
be sure to be back tomorrow

i stand up, button up my shirt
i am sure to be back tomorrow.

Though I am not related to you,
Hardly ever I felt this in your warmth,
Actually your care is so fatherly,
Not once did I feel unhandy with you,
Kindness is imbued in your nature.

You never lost your cool, and,
Organized weekly lab meetings,
Understanding all the workers.

Docile I had been so much,
Ready me for thesis you did.

Most kind of all my teachers,
On advising and enlightening,
Homely atmosphere you provide,
Always there holding your cool,
Not failing to lift our spirits,
Thinking about you I am,
Your wisdom is full of light.

My HP Poem #1627
©Atul Kaushal

Troubleshooter she is,
How convenient it was,
And now I end my M.Tech,
No one else could help,
Kindest person she is.

Yes you were strict,
Oh and so cool too,
Understanding me.

Slowly but surely,
Under this ceiling,
Mam you helped me,
And like a real sister,
Not a doubt here.

Did your job require you to?
I do not think so, madam.
Did you help me as you could?
I think you helped a kid brother.

Thank you Suman Didi.

The Hindi word Didi simply means "Elder Sister".

My HP Poem #1626
©Atul Kaushal
Clive Blake Jun 11

Tell Dr Blood it's Mrs Bloomsbury;
He always sees me right away;
He's such a wonderful doctor - so much
Better than that Doctor Day.

What the devil are you incinerating,
I consider your tone a right cheek,
I've not bothered you for ages; I've
Not phoned for at least … a week.

But this is an emergency;
Yes of course it's serious,
I'm sweating, shivering, sneezing
And feel quite delirious.

I'm running a terrible temperature,
I'm covered all over in spots,
My body aches from head to toe,
My muscles all tied up in knots.

My heart's got the palpitations,
Though I've still got a pulse - it's quite weak;
My poor throat's ever so red and sore,
It's increasingly hard ... to ... speak,  

My eyes are all glazed and weepy,
My ears are infected and blocked,
I think there's a chill in my kidneys
And my joints have all stiffened and locked.

My stools - are alarmingly liquid,
My water's grey, misty and strong,
I'm suffering pins and needles, in fact ...
I don't think I've got very long.

He can see me on Thursday morning,
An appointment for half-past-ten,
But that’s no good at all to me ...
I'll be better again - by then!

Lila AM Jun 29

she asked me where I work
I started crying

the doctor would not see me today
the receptionist
sitting in front of me
wouldn’t book an
appointment

she told me to
call now
the same clinic where i was
physically at
in front of you
call now

after looking vaguely
for the third time in five minutes
at her computer screen
and tell me
for the third time in five minutes
no doctor could see you today
the nurse asked me
where I work

she thought she could distract me
distract my pain
by asking me about work
don't you have somewhere to be?
go to work
come back tomorrow

I know it sucks
but I wont do anything more for you
maybe you could skip work
I could hear her say
just don’t go to work

I went downstairs towards the exit
I stood by the door for two minutes before walking out
I had to cry more
I had to go to work

I did not know what I had to cry about
I was not in more pain then I was the day before
my last day with amoxillin

the same pain

it was just longer
tomorrow will be even longer

Next page