Pulling me in and out of consciousness.
A battle I can never win.
Fighting for peace relentlessly.
Making me out a fool.
A drowning fish that's forgotten how to swim.
If I breathe you in I'll suffocate slowly.
Bound to the depths of the ocean.
A pain that thrives.
Patiently waiting for the moment, when I'll be eaten alive.
Can I captivate the rising sun before I set off this deadly explosion?
How long can I survive?
Been biting the bullet for as long as I can remember.
I refuse to be made a fool this time.
Baby, I adore you in a special kind of way;
where I only need to think of you
to know everything will be okay.
You're my warm winter blanket,
even in the sweltering summer.
I was a blank coloring book before
and now you have filled me with color.
I don't look at the world
the way I did before I met my girl.
I've never admired the flowers
or soaked in the love of this world.
You've made everything brighter,
and I don't know what to say.
All I know is I just want you,
even on your rainy days.
You cling to me like cellophane,
wrapping yourself around myself
with your electric forked tongue,
as you drag each of my neurons
out into the world; exposed they are,
as I am left to feel their nakedness and chills.
I feel their bite and electric fields.
their pain has become my friend.
© 2017 Amanda D Shelton
The moment water trickles down your body
The moment you step out of the showers
The moment the smell of freshly brewed beverage hits
The moment amazing breakfast washes into your mouth
The moment you put on music and hum along
If I could go back to the day I first laid eyes on you, if I could erase your very image from the deepest parts of my being, I'd do it in a heartbeat. You couldn't begin to know what you do to me, the crippling pain that I feel when reality actually hits. And it hits so hard. I don't want to have to face this. You don't know me, you'll never know me. And if we ever so happen to meet it'll be a fleeting glance lost in a sea of other gazes. You'll never know me as intimately as I'd like, and boy, does that hurt.
You're perfect you know. To me at least. You make my days seem a little less miserable and even with all that you've been through it didn't kill you. It couldn't break your spirit. Its what inspires me. But see, the thing is, I'm not strong enough. I'm not powerful enough. I'm not enough. I can't be like you. I can't shake this. It isn't as bad anymore, I'm a big girl now. So Don't worry about me, not that you'd ever know what I'm going through anyway. How could you?
How many times have you heard this? A lot I bet. Thousands of times. Words can't be that unique can they? Millions of ways to phrase the exact. Same. Thought. I want to be special. I want to be remembered and so loved that the darkness can't seep into my bones anymore. They've taken all they can from me. I don't want to say I love you. In fact I wish that I could hate you. Strip every bit of humanity from your being and magnify your flaws. I want to be able to despise you, but in some way, the thought of leaving you completely behind is horrifying. I can't, I won't.
If anything its getting worse with each passing day. Every thought I have is tinged with you. I think of you the most, your joy, your tears, your raw passion that fills up an entire stadium and rocks the very foundation that was barely keeping me upright to begin with. Your voice mesmerized me from the very beginning and damn if I don't resent you for it. You're all I've ever wanted, you make me feel protected even when there are a million miles and faces between us. How is it possible, to love someone so much?
My heart beats to the rhythms you create, the tempo carrying me away from everything that has ever caused me harm, away from the harshness of this life. It keeps me safe from everyone. Everyone but you. I know that you'd never hurt me, or anyone else for that matter intentionally. And that revelation alone has caused my resentment for you to double, while the love that I have for you has tripled.
There is a war waging inside of me, it feels as though I am tearing myself apart limb from limb, it scares me. I'm scared that soon, there will be nothing left of me, nothing left to give. There is only thing that will remain inside of me, the only constant in this blurry haze of love, longing and doubt. I'm afraid that I'll succumb to these emotions. All of these caused by one beautiful, perfect, terrifying person.
Lonesome child all on her own
how sad to see she's all alone
Trapped inside a desolate home
too afraid to wander or roam
Lonesome child shadowed by gloom
locked inside her lonely tomb
As days that pass seem almost endless
the girl feels more isolated and friendless
Lonesome child who needs affection
why are you so afraid of rejection?
The love you seek is within your clasp
and yet you let it fall from your grasp
Lonesome child all on her own
how sad to see she's still alone