how many tears must be shed
to baptize our parting

do I not cling
tightly enough
while the clock
ticks away life

are the marks left
on your skin
when I cannot release you
gone too soon

must the bruises
in our flesh
be as deep
as those in our hearts

shall I shatter my bones
and yours
in our last embrace

tear at our bodies
till we bleed out

give to the torch
the remains

so the ruin
of our outer selves
will reflect
that which lies hidden
within

~
Desert pond,
       idle sun.

Salt, shadow,
       and the revealing light of midday.

She traipses from
the safety of the car
        to the danger at the water's edge.

One hand shielding her eyes,
the other,
        her over-exposures.

Discomfited by a lack
         of self-confidence.

Loving the water,
         hating her thighs.
~

the constellation
was formed i see the image
forever mirror

there is a collection of beautiful things
on the street at three in the morning.
i know this because i am one of them;
tomorrow, i will be human again,
but tonight, i am divine. tonight,
i am the beer bottle rattling, unbroken,
sea-glass against the cobblestone.
i have been seen and been consumed,
which, at three in the morning
(in a collection of beautiful things on the street)
is the human experience. to live, divine—
or something like that.

so, meet me in the neon lights.
where am i? look into them as if the sun,
and find apollo. there i'll be.

happening upon a street light

and then another
and another
and another

until there are no more street lights
and i am met by a reflection
clearer
than any mirror
i've happened upon before

i don’t know how to get ahold of you.
i know i love you but i’m still afraid to open up to you.
i just feel so lost while trying not to hurt you.
thought i was ready to receive,
this prayer when i asked for a man like you.

tonight- i think we need to be more patient
tonight- i just want to be in your presence
tonight- coming to a realization
love can’t be this dangerous
this love can’t be this dangerous

this not good for you
this is not good for you
i can’t take your heart for granted
hope you understand where i stand and
this not good for you
this is not good for you
i can’t take your heart for granted
hope you understand where i stand on this

Over the years I would take pictures
of myself on facebook but rarely with a smile,
not even to look for attention and any love from anyone
the reality was I have always hated how I looked,
obsessing over my weight
thinking if I looked skinnier
I would look great.
A  few times in my life I had to deal with
this inner battle head on
and it did win me a few times
I at certain points in my life
rejected eating and enjoying my food;
all the fat comments were  
so vile and rude;
shouting your a fat loser.  
I had a period a year go of self defeat;
the minor eating issue was hard to beat.  
I would get triggered by it  
if anyone mentioned anything relating to my weight;  
the echo's of the rude peoples voices
would stand out in my mind
keep repeating the rude comments
your a fat loser;  
Even when people in my family
were saying I looked fine
and were more concerned about me.  
I now say to family or friends
please do not keep mentioning
about my weight and just talk
about another topic there are
lots out there talking about my weight
only magnifies the obsession
and on the very issues I was constantly
trying to fight inside.
I have now accepted them and dealt
with the inner pain
and battle in my own head;
to accept and love my body image more,
learn to be happier and eat more again
love myself ignore the horrible
cruel comments that have always
stood out in my mind.  
The comments and thoughts
are always going to be there
but I shouldn't care so much about them
and not let them control my life anymore.
The rude people in the street
might have won the battle
with me for a short while
but they haven't won the war.  
I chose now to eat and be more healthy
and love myself again
and that is the final score.

We are weary of those who fall in love easily.

They only choose to see the best in us.

Even when we have forgotten.