for once,
i want to be
someone's first
fucking choice.

       — n.y | m e
haint gonna mock ridiculous science
     asper to be bled
dark practices to leech out mailer daemons,
     not so laughable nor in cred

double, when oppressed diabolical  dread
oompah loompah fealty l'chaim fled
as hand grenades explode within my head
mettlesome monsters

     make mercuric chrome dome feel like a led
zeppelin with fractured stairway to heaven in stead...
delivers me zombies, where angels fear to tread  
cuz, the devil and psyche did wed

shotgun Swedish crow did house mafia style
wrenched, wrested wretched
     mental state most intense (no croc) dial
shattered, slewed, splintered sanity,
     thus practitioner with "FAKE" know how aisle

apprentice Aunt Roadie,
     who will skewer me evil spirits den da deuce
till I beak home one sacrificed overly cooked goose
a burnt offering shish kabob

     no longer able to raise cane on the loose
like a red bull
     rocky on the shoals of a frantically angry moose
livid with rage
     (akin to diary of mad a housewife)
   entropy written, where death will be only truce

pyromaniac qua ramshackle shanty (tinderbox)
     unleashes wicked zeal
hellacious incendiary juiced ride
     up plies noisome rubbery odor,

     sans hot wheel
along the outer limits of functionality explosions
     precipitate like drops of molten steel
routing hunger, searing nostrils,
     tearing tenuous fragile tethered tendrils

     self cannibalizing via tooth and nine inch nail      
     linkedin with nauseousness as thine meal
exemplary asper full blown panic attack
     lodged within mine genetic blooper print deal.
Let me be me
It doesn't matter if I'm weird or normal
Straight or gay
Pretty or ugly
I don't need your judgement because I already judge myself
The labels I have I own and wear and if you try to put them on me I'll tear them off
Because I am me so l will be me
For every one judged which is EVERYONE




No beginning.

(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

My mouth has stopped speaking,
My eyes have stopped seeing.
My words are no longer written…
I have no imagination for dreaming.

No feeling for screaming,
No passion to believe in,
No happiness for me;
Only misery.

I have nothing left beneath my rib cage.
Forever trapped in all ways,
In a million mile maze;
No way to relate to the lives people play.

Lost in all ways to your nation of islands;
All stand united, I make no demand.
Ask for no place to barter, life is a non-starter;
Never seen a wedding garter in these days of haze.

Left dazed and confused, with nothing to soothe,
The constant blues, who knew?
Not me, I never did. Did you?
My empathy?  You can keep it!
My apathy lacks all my cares.
Don’t ask me where they are; I am stood at the bottom of stairs
And the first step is too far; I stare into stars,
Looking for a future, but no luck so far.

Let my coffin be gift wrapped, I will not cause a fuss.
Just lay down to rest;
Robot ready to rust and dust is all that will remain;
Because even when I go I will still hold on,
To every searing scar of my pain.

The pain is all I am left with and all I know.
No encore to this show, please, I cannot repeat myself anymore.
I have said enough.
Close the door.

Remove the good vibrations, silence the dawn chorus.
People were sent here only to test us!
Act 1 – I lived.
Forget Act 2.  
Think only of you, like all others do
And when I am run through in this queue,
Where we are all waiting to die,
When Fuck!  My!  Life!  
Is in the hands of a non-believer;
The fingers no nearer to touching a soul.  
Why am I growing so old?
Why am I always so cold,
To everything they think and say,
For they cannot think, without saying it.

Pins and needles, my nerves are talking,
The timer is ticking and it does not bring anything.
All will soon be gone from this basket-case of mine.
Life is a swine, soak it in wine,
Right on time for the next nasty surprise.
I sigh, I sign my name, my life and oh the days I will never forget.
I have tried…
To forget;
But no luck yet.
No thought for regret.

I have never seen a happy day, 24-seven-straight.
A constant pain, happiness never even looked my way.
Always broken like biscuits at the bottom of the barrel.
Quickly kissed, forgotten even quicker; I hate Christmas Carols
And New Year celebrations because they are all the same.
Each and every year is another year of pain.

I am a faded picture on a damaged milk carton,
Never going to get a heart won,
Because a loser only loses love
And I am lost in a life that is a cartoon.
Drop an anvil on my head so I can see the stars…
And the end.
Love is the pin to my balloon.

(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Aa Harvey 11h
Exit light

This river runs deep;
I write in my sleep.
If you could see the things I see,
You too would have to speak.

I have been frozen,
Never truly chosen,
Many times broken,
But now I feel the heat, burning inside of me.

Pressure builds so I pick up the quill
And I will never be still, until…
But now I am here,
So I hope you can hear,
The words I cannot help but write,
In the middle of this pitch black night;
The phone my only light.

Predictive text, has only left, me to forget, a train of thought.
A lack of wed, no peace in bed, I write my best whilst wearing nought.
Insomnia it comes and goes, so even when my eyes are closed,
I may be watching all of those that creep along my wall.
The insect beings and spider queens have all joined teams,
To watch over me…and I can hear them talk.
Inside my dreams I am minute when I am mute.
If only you could hear my voice, maybe I could reach out for you.

As I fall down into oblivion’s din,
No saving grace is listening.

(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Aa Harvey 11h
United States of Aa.

United States of apathy,
United States of anger;
United States of a bastard,
I am the United States of Me.

United States of love,
United States of trust.
United States of dreams,
But I am never free.

United States of disharmony,
United States of tears;
United States of sorrow,
I have become united with my grief.

For attraction leads to speaking
And speaking can lead to a kiss.
A kiss leads us to touch each other
And to touch can lead to sex.

Sex can lead to love
And love can lead to a need for each other,
That is incomparable,
To anything you’ve ever felt before.
For each time you fall in love,
It takes over you like the most addictive drug.

It’s somehow better than the last time,
At least that’s what you think.
But sooner or later you’ll realize,
The pain you felt the last time has reared its ugly head.

United States I wish to heal,
But only I can heal me.
United States of empathy,
I am the United States of Me.

(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
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