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Why do I feel so lost?
My life is getting better day by day,
But my mental health seems to be the cost.
I'm trying to listen, but I'm tired of what they say.
The voices in my head are so loud,
It's drowning out everything out.
I feel like I have to act proud,
But I just want to shout.

Leave me be you stupid inner thoughts!
You cut me down harder than a knife,
You make me feel like I'm at a loss.
I don't want to die but I wanna give up on life!
Why does everything have to be a certain way?
Why do people continue to judge?
Can't people just finally stay,
I'm tired of each and every petty grudge.

This world is simple but yet so hard,
I want to give up but I don't know how.
I make a mirror break and use a shard,
I'm not okay, there is no way back now.
Like ***** I've known for awhile,
It doesn't change the fact that I still love you.
I keep trying to live in denial,
You keep changing but I wish you loved me too.
I don't know if you understand me
but I understand you
it's hard to open your heart
To cracked pieces.
Last December, I decided that either true love existed
somewhere out of my reach, or it didn't exist at all.
In the mirror, my reddened eyes leered back at me,
piercing and livid, searching for the problem or the answer.

Ten minutes later, I was cured by cold pizza
and a hot shower, which made me wonder
if emotions were even real, or if I was always
just some version of hungry or tired.

Some sadistic part of me considered it a victory
to have had my heart broken, because at least that meant
I could feel something. It sounds crazy, but that's love,
and that's losing. It'll make you mad,
and it'll make you angry, too.

Time has a funny way of making a fool of me.
I couldn't tell you if there's a meaning to everything,
or if we're all just trying to make sense of what hurts us,
but I like to say I learned a lot in the six months
of never again:

que será, será, and c'est la vie; the future will surprise you
no matter how much you overthink; true love probably exists,
you just need a nap; and sometimes,
you don't realize what you almost had
until you're glad you didn't get it.
She is doing kind of **** I would never do
It genuinely hurts to see the way she's treating you
Back when mine I treated you as if you were my king
Looks as if in her mind you are nothing more than a fling
I try to hide disapproval because I don't have the right
To tell who is and who isn't worthy of holding you so tight
But is hard to witness you take any amount of abuse
Emotional and physical
You refuse to cut her loose
Does it seem I am simply sipping on some haterade?
Opinion formed without even giving you a chance to persuade
In gut instinct churns that she will run once more
What is stopping her now that wasn't in the way before?
Despite previous cold shoulder you dove right back into her (eye-see)icy sea
You really believe she changed overnight into the woman you need her to be
Suspicions
Concerns
Questions swarm my confused mind
You chase what does not care and leave who loves you behind
Rushing to her side again the moment you get the chance
When she pushes away I'm sure you'll repeat the dance
At worst I threw some punches when I lost control of my fist
Appears violent tendencies are something she doesn't bother to resist
I hope under covers she at least warms your body at night when it's late
Waking up by you privilege missed most so I pray that one blessing she appreciates
I wish her to hold you down whether doing good or bad
Because I supported through struggles no matter how little you had
She better carry more weight than I could to help relieve your heavy load
Demonstrating far greater strength then the pathetic bit I showed
Inevitably she will grow tired of the endless games and lies
Wonder how much manipulation she'll endure before she will finally cave and realize
I had given up on promised transformation and pushed for solely honesty
Something tells me she is not capable of accepting that this is all you'll ever be
She does a more adequate job than me at being everything you desire
Does a word exist describing the qualities I lack which you desire?
Inside is excruciating knowing you have discovered happiness with someone new
In presence underneath maintained composure visciously longing to fall for anyone other than you
Unsure how much misery must drown in before loneliness finally sets me free
Maybe it is time to admit that this cage my heart is locked within was created with no key
Perhaps I am searching for something that doesn't exist
They'll tell you that you're selfish when you finally let them go
They'll guilt you and they'll shame you for not caring
When you take control of all the things that you already know
And let go of all the pain that you've been bearing

They will tremble in the shockwave that you leave them in your wake
As you put the days you wasted far behind you
They will tread above the water in a panic of self-hate
As they realize that there's nobody to run to

They didn't want you, but they did, when they thought you'd walk away
But reality had never crossed their mind
That maybe you are stronger than who you were yesterday
So you had to leave some clues for them to find

They'll scream at you and say that you are wrong to block them out
But the peace is almost deafening to hear
As they realize all the love that now they'll have to live without
They will try and stuff you full of all their fear

So now smile. Walk away until you can't hear anything
What they say is now no longer yours to hold
So go off, enjoy the light that only happiness can bring
And let all the things that you deserve unfold
maria 3d
I gave you all of me
and you,
you can't even pick up the phone
you make me feel so small
written on September 17, 2021
Sophia 3d
You told me you'd never put me in pain.
But tell me, What's your idea of pain?


Because to me,
Pain is sitting at my kitchen table,
Writing about someone who promised me the world,
And then took it back.


To me,
pain is never looking at your friend's eyes the same way,
Because they always remind me of you.


To me,
Pain is thinking someone loves you,
Until they don't,
With no ifs or buts.

What is your distorted,
Delusional,
Idea of pain?
someday we will meet again,
but all this time in separation,
without you i no longer recognize
the person that i am.
it hurts so much to realize,
i got so used to seeing life
from your perspective.
but even though you're gone
and all that's left is pain,
i know someday we'll meet again.
why would you break my heart into a million of pieces? Wasn't you the one who promised me that you would never leave my side? Now I'm left alone and the sharp pieces of my broken heart are starting to damage my innocent soul. My soul is bleeding. Can't handle it no longer. Will I die from loss of blood? Am I my own savior now?
you love i....
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