It was all being given to you and none to me
Showered in abuse instead of love
Embraced on the cheek with a fist instead of a kiss
Looked at with disgust instead of admiration
Told that I'll never be able to leave but you can't wait until I'm dead
I'm the one loving you when no one else is
The only one treasuring you when no one does
Still in love with you because i know you won't make it alone
But here I am, loving you
When you don't love me
Stuck in this 'love galore'
Too jealous to justify
I earnestly belived I could capture
These ever passing moments in time
And as each one falls past my fingertips
As coarse words fall from my unkempt lips
I only find myself cursing
The lucky few, for whom words are never amiss
And am left still rehearsing
Searching for a way to capture bliss
Too depressive for my own good
And far too negative
That might imply I can be understood
That's a bit closer I suppose
I'd ask you to do it
If I thought you would
Overblown and borderline
Constantly finding ways to undermine
To my detriment
To retreat or to repent
Or keep going
Down this beaten path I did invent
Years fly by
Days crawl on till there's hardly any time
Finite and dwindling
Ever draining supply
I still can't find a way to aliviate what's on my mind.
Might as well keep writing down
The same thing
don't know what I'm doing here,
came with high expectations
for my pretenses to fall through,
but the only one falling now is me;
I can't seem to understand,
how everyone else can do this so easily
live a life they never asked for,
as if they did and they're happy;
how could anyone be happy
in a world as cruel as ours,
where its cooler to not care
than to get angry and cry,
because there's nothing
that any of us can do to change it
what I'm saying is again,
I don't see a point to this bullshit
why fight, struggle, cry, and hurt
when the end game is the same;
dead and then forgotten, buried in the dirt
or burned and turned to ashes,
sitting pretty on a shelf or scattered to the wind
our bodies becoming nothing fast,
while our soul begins a new journey on its own
wherever that is, whatever it is
maybe I'm more ready than I thought
to taste that kind of freedom
Life like a box and body stuck
dragging line to line
and these're hard lines
Lines like rules and rebellion chained
merging point to point
and these're hard points
Points like pills and soul addicted
dying time to time
and these're hard times
Times not ready to change
So am I...
What is the antidote?
This is something I desperately need to know.
Please just help me.
I'll get you anything
diamonds, rings, and
big shiny things.
What? You don't know?
It says it right here on your card
plus you told me so.
Now I'm stuck
in this rut.
I really needed this antidote.
i left my home in Alabama,
cursive I wrote,
in curses I spoke,
making the same mistakes
of turning to quill
to appease my aches.
an ocean ablaze
unquenchable by ink
still caught in a haze
just let me sink.
sitting at the edge of the Quay,
watching my heart just burn away.
cura te ipsum,
I hate that you're fine while im all messed up,
Im crying, and I bet you are fast asleep,
Im hanging on to every word you said,
And i would let go but im in too deep.
It hurts to know that you feel great,
On top of the world without me around,
Its killing me to talk to you,
But your voice is such a beautiful sound.
Its hard to believe that youre happy,
I guess that you dont miss me at all,
Im tired of arguing with you,
And waiting all day for a text or call.
You told me that I have too much time,
and nothing to think about besides you,
Well im sorry for having emotions,
But my heart is still broken in two.
Im not trying to be a bitch,
Im just sick of you not caring,
It would be nice if once in awhile,
You would ask how I'M faring.
You don't understand what I'm going through,
Im doing everything i can. I'm stuck.
But none of that matters to you,
Why can't you give just one single fuck?
a glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling by a strand of dental floss
laced with indecision
the storm of the summer solstice erupts just outside the stained glass window
wrapped with the threat of death
the red front door is locked, I want to turn the golden knob to allow destruction to flood the ballroom// we are safe from the storm for the red front door is locked and I swallowed the key
we are sound and sheltered and stuck inside
I feel four walls encasing my skin, they are despondent to my cries, I plea for freedom, it cannot be found in this monster house
but the sea rages on outside
a crack of thunder, a blink of lightning , a sting of strong rain
I remove the key from my body in the only way I know how
I open the door.
the glass ceiling breaks.