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Flowers bloom
The sun shines bright
The outside seems alright

But you're there
All bottled up inside

Storms don't last
But yours felt like
Clouds of dust following you
All year round

All you wanted was to shine
But all you see is their squinting eyes
So you stayed behind
Waiting for the crowd to be kind

So you wished
If there was another universe
Where your feet wasn't chained to the ground

You started your first day
Thinking of new beginning
But you stayed inside your head
And ended up running
"Maybe I couldn't"

Strangers and friends
Didn't differ that much
Gone faster than the wind
They wouldn't look back
Nicx Oct 30
Insecurity floods me like nicotine in my lungs
Resentment and discomfort as regular as my jagged breath
I don't want to feel this way, but it isnt your fault
Though, as always, I'm plagued by the urge to run away
I don't know why this reaction is so pervasive
I never want you to see it, but I'm sure that you do

I'm not good at hiding my emotions anymore
I know I should be open with them, but I don't want these ones to exist
They make me feel small and broken
Like I should be immune to this poisonous ash by now
Especially when the fire lives within me
Incinerating me from the inside out
Convincing me that it's in the air
Like I could leave and not feel this way again
Like the answer is in anything else but myself

I don't know how to cope with this, how to trust that you love me
Because these emotions aren't fair to you
And I don't think you could love me through them
So, no, I don't want to talk about it
I don't know how to explain it to you
In any way that makes sense
I don't know how to peel this bitter taste from the back of my throat

I guess I don't know what you see in me, besides what I can do for you
When you two are much more compatible, and our futures don't feel aligned
Sometimes I don't feel like a person, at least not a whole one
So I guess when I hear how great he is, I just see everything I'm not
I see everything I can't do, for myself or for anyone
I know jealousy is insecurity, but I don't know how to make it stop
How to be happy with myself and change when I'm not

I don't know how to build a better life
When I've never even wanted this one
I'm sorry I'm not past this yet
Peter Rogers Jul 30
Make a move to quick, it might be the end
Over knowing who’s doomed and who’s to dig
My ceilings seem the same and feelings for the fame
Yes, I’m stuck out in the state that I’m in

Plucked out on plate without a pen
Can’t remember what I’ve ate or where I’ve been
All I know is I’m headed home to that secret street unknown
Thus, I’m stuck out in the state that I’m in

Boxed inside a church without the ten
Just got outta work with keys to lend
I’m looking to get paid for the songs I’ve never played
Plus, I’m stuck out in the state that I’m in

Snuck out with some z’s I couldn’t catch
Yes, I slept until the dreams were flooding fast
Guests are over soon, next morning or afternoon
Trusting, I’m stuck out in the state that I’m in

I saw you’re in a blaze of red hot smoke
I remember fire’s hot and what you wrote
Love lending a hand, thumbs are working all they can
Sup, I’m stuck out in the state that I’m in

I can see you one hundred percent but not in person
We’ve agreed all that we need is division
Rather make a move when you’ve got few motions to
Than be stuck out in the state that I’m in
Must be stuck out in the state that I’m in
Just me stuck out in the state that I’m in
I can't imagine what it's like
To wake up free of fear
And to be completely certain
I have a purpose here
Life would be so much easier
If the past would disappear
But I cant let go and the memories
Only seem to get more clear
Feel so stuck
Lexi Jun 16
wanted to cut..
did nothing..
cried and then went to bed..
maybe I’m growing as a person or maybe I’m just to scared of the consequences..
like a dog with an electric collar.. eventually it’ll be to scared to move knowing that no matter what emotion, action, sound it makes.. it’ll be wrong.
Cut + doctors = kids Taken
Throw phone = broken phone ..****
Cry + sleep = sad soul with two kids
Nylee May 16
I feel like I am a rodent
for you, kind of a pest.
Not welcome but stuck,
Not my home, but make do
with what I want.
You hate the sight of me
don't want to fight me.
You feel I am drinking
the life out of you.
But soon you plan to
get rid of me, permanently
plotting to execute,
the plan to precision
leave me out in the cold
not to be your problem anymore.
Nicx May 14
What is wrong with me?
One moment everything is fine
Then I'm triggered and gone
As if it's always been this way.
Why can't I feel ok alone?
I know I'm good and enough
But when you're not here
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Days pass on top of days
I can feel myself burning out
I need time with myself to recharge
But I have an insatiable ache for you.
I'm mad at myself for this
It's not your fault
But it'd be easier if it was
I wish I didn't need anyone else, but I do.
I never asked for this life
Everything is painful and I don't understand
How so many people just keep going
For as long as a lifetime.
Every connection feels life changing
Witnessing your humanity moves my soul
But is it real or just an illusion in my mind?
Do I see you or just a projection of me?
I want to cling and I want to run
I want to text you and to give you space
I want to say **** it all and I want to stay
So many dualities that I can't breathe.
I should be happy because things are fine
Nothing is inherently wrong
But I feel so unsettled and uncomfortable
Like nothing will ever be enough for me.
I just want to be ok
And I don't want to need anyone else
I have to learn to balance these issues
With the curse of my human condition.
You isn't one, but many
I thought I was done,
I thought words will bleed no more.
Yet, here I am, looking at nothing
thinking and writing about you.
Will this anguish and longing ever end?
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