CP 4h

I know you loved looking at the stars
Sitting outside and admiring at what's ours
Shooting stats and cigarettes
I'm full of regrets

I should have come to see you
But I didn't have a clue
I know you loved looking at the stars
Sitting outside in the humid night
Where everything still felt bright

You seemed so happy I came to your side
It's still so raw inside
I look at the stars alone tonight
And I know it will eventually be alright
Because instead of looking at the stars, you're now a part of the constellations you used to describe to me  
You're up there, finally free.

Stargazing with you means that now looking at the night sky
I don't have to say goodbye.

My pappou passed away and I miss him a lot right now
Belle 11h

How does the world expect you not to kill yourself?
I do not understand why we are put on this earth.
We are born and we already have expectations put into us, then we are put into school by the age of four.
Forced to stand in line like some militia.
We get 30 minutes of free time then are summoned by a whistle and teachers go down checking to make sure we are all aligned.
Tell me how that sounds moral!
We are in school for another 14 years after that, and it just gets harder.
Soon, teachers start choosing favorites and start telling you that you're not good enough, smart enough, or quick enough. You try to do a sport you love only to be told "somebody else was better."
Your friends start to leave you to go join a different group of friends and all you get is a subtle wave and half smile as you walk down the hallway.
You graduate high school and move onto college.
Another four years of school.
Maybe nursing, maybe education, maybe psychology.
Whatever it is it's preparing you for a job that you have to have the rest of your life.
You don't get to have fun everyday.
You have to work, and though they say "the right job is fun." The right job is stressful. The right job is hard. The right job is still a daily struggle. The right job is still a constant battle!
Why were we put on this earth only to continue working, and making our life into one big unhappy nightmare?
Yet, when someone say they want to kill themselves, everyone replies, "oh but the world is so wonderful."

Manda 15h

From all the things I'm running from,
they are killing me,
designed to test me.
Maybe it's the temper or the patient,
Whether to quit now or then,
But for as long as I know,
The matter of time,
Is always the same,
And in another part of universe,
It's okay,
to say the time is up,

Dull grey days turn to bright
Moons go by and suns will rise
I know I'm gonna be alright but
The devil hides in a lovely disguise

My mind rushes through this emptiness
A racing heart speeds with every step
Hoping that I can come to my senses
Before two hands applaud cement

Life comes quick but will end even quicker
When you shout and you scream
But they say "that's stuff you whisper"
I just need to wake up from this bad dream

The burning liquor slides down the back of her throat
as euphoria sweeps over her like an antidote
for the despair within her very soul -
and now she’s no longer in control.
She doesn’t drink because she likes the taste
but to forget every single trauma she has faced.

brown eyes i thought you were the one
you hid behind a fake smile and convincing touch
i let down a wall for you
brown eyes i bet you think you won
brown eyes little do you know behind that wall were 20 more
and behind that; was a bullet proof door
you think you played me
you think i'm just another girl to add to your list
but brown eyes your name is irrelevant and you had nothing but a poisoness kiss
brown eyes you're the one that's just a number to me
a number on the list of boys before you
with the same deceiving words and cold heart
all who i let in thinking maybe they would just fucking stay,
the ones that had a smile on their face while they tore me apart

brown eyes,

you're just like everyone else

You were the light of my life
If only sunburns where amnesia
I'm gulping down these memories
Like i'm not in a desert
Like you're still here.

Kelsy 3d

I ruined someone else for the sake of my own well-being.
and I damaged someone who had already been broken deep down.
I can never take back what I did to him.
and I'm sorry.

The tides of fate are shifting,
the right is wronged,
and the wronged right.
Yet here I stand,
with an empty satchel,
Wandering the streets of fate.
That they hold something,
prizes that once were lost,
or just a hint.
Hope at least, that I might find.
Find which has been lost,
and claim it mine.
Yet here I sit, with a broken mind,
and a lost soul, searching for purpose.
Here I sit world, give me what you owe,
for I can search no more.
The hope that once was,
is no more.
The life that I hosted is no more;
I have lost all meaning,
Yet I sense, not despair, nor sadness,
indifference is it?
Perhaps that is my curse.
Observer the plethora of emotions,
observe all that I am missing.
Yet I keep wandering,
That one day I might find meaning,
Is this my curse?
Do tell me world,
that I might what what im looking for.

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Is that what you say?

When I was lying in bed, covered in my own blood, choking on my despair. When it hurt too much to speak or eat because there was no skin left on my lips. When they were so messed up at school the next day that I had to lie to my friends, that I had to lie about the scars that I'd caused, the scars that I would tear off when I was upset, only to be replaced by deeper ones.
Does that sound strong to you?

When my arguments at home were so bad that my mother thought I hated her, that when I tried to apologise I broke down for fear of messing up and making things worse. When my father stormed into my room, finding me in tears and hyperventilating yet still screamed at me for making my mother cry. When I passed out, waking in my mothers arms on my bedroom floor with my sister  and my father having a screaming match. When everyone was crying but me because I was so far past crying that I couldn't move.
So you think that was strong?

When my best-friend turned against me, jealous that I had known our shared friends longer, claiming that I hit and bullied her, that I abused and threatened her, leaving me friendless and alone in a class of people that I'd never thought to become closer to. When I was called to see the head teacher, confused and eager to look after someone I called my best-friend, but was accused of smashing her head against a brick wall and dragging her across the floor and I was too stunned to defend myself, and ended up having multiple panic attacks, and sat there blubbering like a fool, thinking that I was going to be expelled over my best-friend's lies.
Do you think I felt strong?

So next time you hear someone say,
"oh, well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"
tell them,
to shut the hell up.

All the things I mention are all based on real events that have happened to me, and the one thing I can't stand is when people don't know what to say, so they pretend to know what they are talking about by brushing me of with a over used saying that isn't even true. If you do this; please stop.
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