Just because I wrote about death doesn't mean I want to die
I know sometimes I feel like dying
Then sometimes I want to live
But it just all mixed up feelings- Julie

If you talk
in your dreams,
what does this
really mean???
conversations of
the unknown,
  while in your
dreams are shown,
is it someone
that you know???,
or is it a
complete stranger???,
as your mind
steady wonders, and
as your dream
steady lingers,
If you are talking, while
unconscious, while you
are steady dreaming,
just know it's
very harmless, but has
certain meanings,


B.R.
Date: 05/7/2025

[  ] I don’t know why I’m like this.
[  ] I’m sorry.
[  ] I never meant to hurt you.
[  ] The cruelty slips out,
[  ] and I pretend it’s not mine.

[  ] It’s not on you.
[  ] The storm’s always been mine.
[  ] I’m just someone
[  ] who forgets how to breathe
[  ] until it’s too late.
[  ] And I need help.
[  ] I always have.

[  ] I’m unraveling, quietly.
[  ] I don’t sleep right anymore.
[  ] I don’t smile the same.
[  ] And I’m scared
[  ] of what I’ll lose
[  ] once you see too much.

[  ] You’re the only calm I’ve ever known.
[  ] But I know how this ends.

[  ] I’m not mean because I hate you.
[  ] It’s never been that.
[  ] I just push
[  ] so you’ll run
[  ] before I ruin you.

[  ] I can’t save myself.
[  ] But if I scare you off,
[  ] maybe I can save you
[  ] from becoming part of this mess.

[  ] I want you to stay.
[  ] God, I do.
[  ] But if you stay,
[  ] you’ll see the worst parts
[  ] the ones I bury
[  ] under shaky smiles
[  ] and half-laughed jokes.

[  ] I don’t want to be someone
[  ] you pity.
[  ] I don’t want you
[  ] to hold my pieces
[  ] like they’re yours to carry.
[  ] You don’t deserve that.

[  ] You’re my best friend.
[  ] The only one
[  ] who ever made the dark feel less cruel.
[  ] The only one I wanted to get better for.

[  ] So maybe I need to go quiet.
[  ] Disappear for a while.
[  ] Figure it out.
[  ] Alone.

[  ] Please forgive me
[  ] for being too broken
[  ] to be held.

[  ] I love you.
[  ] I’ll miss you.
[  ] I’m sorry.

You say my grades don’t matter.
You say, “I love you no matter what.”
Then why am I invisible?
Why do they only see the red numbers on my sheet?

You ask me, “Is everything fine?”
What do you expect me to say —
that I’m f**d up?
That I dream about leaving?
That I keep a blade in my front pocket?

You say I don’t share,
but you don’t pay attention.
I play the piano till my fingers bleed,
I scream songs that reflect me,
I even talked to you.

Maybe it’s because you liked me,
never loved me.
Maybe I’m so flawed I can’t see,
or maybe it’s both.
Maybe we’re both flawed —
we’re only human.

I’ve made a playlist for my funeral, guess I’m bound to die.
Don’t know when, but I know one day my home will be the sky.
I hide my hurt behind a smile, a well-rehearsed disguise,
But deep inside, I’m bracing for the last goodbye.

A Garden of Peace
How to Disappear Completely
Leave Out All The Rest

life feels worse
but good with you in it

In the hollow night where echoes sigh,  
Beneath the weight of a shrouded sky,  
Life flickers dim with a whispering ghost,  
Time’s fleeting kiss is a muted host.  

With each heartbeat, a sorrowful toll,  
As dreams disperse like the leaves that fall,  
The specter of death in the twilight's embrace,  
Hovers near in this desolate place.  

A dance of shadows on gravestones worn,  
Each moment cherished may turn to scorn;  
For life is but dust in the coldest breeze,  
A tale written down with forgotten pleas.  

We walk through valleys where echoes won't fade,  
Chasing lost hopes in the twilight shade.  
In darkness we linger, and what do we find?  
Only shadows that echo a heart left behind.