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I hear her whispering to me
sweet, gentle words in my ear.
I want her to reach out
touch me, hold me, wrap her long spindly arms around me.
To take away the strain it takes to breath.
To tear away the persistent pain.
The pain that rips through my thoughts like the crash and ferocity of a wave
breaking on the shore.
I want her to keep talking to me.
She beckons me
“Come here, let me help you.”
She pulls me in as if she were doing everything to save me.

She might save me.
If I follow her the way she wants,
like the way I want to.
As if I were a moth chasing a child holding a wildly moving flashlight.
She might save me.
The more she whispers to me.
The more I crave her.
The more the pain rises like it’s an elevator,
shooting to the top of a skyscraper.

I might listen to her.
I might follow her.
I want to.
I want to see her, go to her.
I need to.
I need her to take away my pain like she promises.
A promise so strong two pinkies solidifying it would not be enough.

Death, she calls herself.

She might save me.
Estel 2d
Sometimes I’m just sad
And I can’t help it
Please don't get mad…

I just need someone to be there for me
Someone to hear
All the thoughts I’ve never said

Someone to come near
To calm my fears

Someone to wrap their arms around me
When I feel too weak to stand on my own

But it’s just a mere dream
I’ll be left to scream
All alone
While the clock strikes
I can feel all the spikes
Burning in my chest.
riri Jun 4
pouring all the water in the glass, till the glass starts spilling out everywhere
this happens every time she drinks from it
she's fully aware of it, but allows it to keep spilling
wetting her shirt, the floor, and the table
drops on her skin racing to the floor, trying to beat gravity

meanwhile they were in front, watching all of it
wondering why she isn't doing anything to stop it
second-hand embarrassment is what they felt
for the fact that she can't simply drink a glass of water without spilling it all
"what a mess" they thought

nobody wanted to be around that girl
"stupid" and "strange" are words that were used to describe her
because at such an older age, how can she not drink a glass of water?
how can she not control herself?
how does she not think about how uncomfortable it is for others to watch?

she knew what was happening, but continued to let it happen
she watched as everyone judged her, but still kept on going
is it inconsideration or self sabotage?
she wanted to see if they would see past that
but in the end, she realized that was what she was defined as
extra contents that are spilled out can be used against you, even by those you love the most when you least expect it
Estel Jun 2
Yeah I don’t know how to quite explain it
Why I do the things I do
You wouldn’t believe me if I told you
But it’s a whole mess up inside my head
Some days I don’t wanna get out of bed
I’m my worst critic
Always being so cynical
Sometimes it even gets physical

Inside I feel so dull
Not pretty like a doll
I’m no genius
And I got a lot of missing pieces
I can’t take a joke

And last time I spoke
You might of taken it the wrong way
But no blame on you
I know it’s all on me

I try so hard to keep my emotions at bay
But if you said “hey
Tell me what your feeling”
You might see what I’m concealing
So don’t look too far
You’ll just see scars

It’s a waste of your precious time
Just ask me “how are you”
So I can say I’m fine
It’ll do.
Estel May 28
I thought maybe I’d do it with suffocation
But maybe electricity would be better
I could make it look like a foolish mistake
After all that’s what I am
Who would care anyway?
I always try to give
But get dirt in return
I’ve been crushed so many times
I don’t wanna get up again
Not this time
Not for any of you
You don't care.
I don't really give two ***** if you stay
I don't really give two ***** if you go
I'm just so depressed don't ya know?

I don't really give two ***** if you stay
I don't really give two ***** if you go
But either way, I still feel so alone
I normally don't feel depressed like ever but these couple of days I have been. Okay I know I say I am leaving, I am but Thursday will be my last day so just gonna post a few more poems than I will leave. Inspired by LILHUDDY Americas Sweetheart! Check it out! Also sorry for the cursing.
Estel May 26
I can hear the blade cutting into my soul
I wanna scream in pain
Why do I do this? I ask myself
But I don’t have the answer
Should've known I was too messed up for you
now look what I’ve done
All I can do
Is cut deeper and deeper
Watch the blood trickling down my leg
It’s everything I deserve
I’d cut myself from this earth
If I could
mary liles May 24
two brothers and a sister.
she is destined
never to know
they are friends
(of course)
and close.
but he knows him
better than she
ever will.
Hope May 23
Gravity couldn’t hold you to me
Staring at the thins walls that separate us
I can’t hear you toss and turn
I was naive to think we had it this time
I embraced all your faults
But you weren’t ready to hold mine
mary liles May 23
there is one that i can count on.
it is my friend;
we speak together at night.
we walk hand in hand.

there is one that i can count on.
it is my pet;
i care for it; it lives with me.
it sits in my lap.

there is one that i can count on.
it is my plant.
i watch it grow.
i ensure its life.

there is one that i can count on;
it is my friend
it is my pet
it is my plant:
it is sorrow.
guys i think i need some help
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