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Why tell me this?
I'm not even good
You'd easily find someone better
And you say now I'm the best?
Don't even jest, if that were true
Why then when I let go of you
Did you not at least try
To say 'no' you'll choose me
Still -
Why do I ask?
Because believe it or not
I did it for you, because
In the long run I know
I'll only be a disappointment
You deserve happiness
Of which I can't give,
Ever
My question is this
If I were the one truly for you
Why wait decades
I spent time forgetting
Numbing my self of you
And you break me
Apparently this fast
Now, when I thought
I was rid of you at last
That was my measure
My act of love,
To let you go, so
You can find someone above
And beyond me, who would
Truly, fully, equally deserve you
Between us two, when we
Were together
Maybe you were happy,
But I felt my self getting lesser
I never liked who I was
When I was with you
I'm telling you now at least
You deserve to know
So please just go
Don't let me spoil
All this time forgetting you
And how you feel
Maybe our love was strong
Maybe our love was real
But that kind of love would have
Broken us, fazed you,
And destroyed me
And you taught me as much
To care for and love
My self, like you did
So let me have this,
Miserable but loving my self
Not somehow happy with you
But slowly decaying, disappointing
I want you to be happy
With someone who can actually give it
The way you'd deserve it
Believe me, I beat my self a lot with it
Admitting finally that that happiness
Won't come from, won't be with
Me.
julianna 16h
I wanna paint a picture of
How much fall hurts
Like a maple leaf dipped in gold
Ripped from my skin,
Leaving behind parallel lines
And dark days
It makes me sleepy,
Cold, and nauseous
A rally for blood and depression
It leaves me wanting people near,
But oh so alone
The yellow and orange
Hurts so bad
This is what my fall looks like.
s 16h
I have discovered that I am a living illness: I am contagious.
The love of the life said these things to me in the last couple months and it has been breaking my heart because it's my fault and I know it;
"I have never felt this hopeless in my life"
"I don't want to live right now"
"I have no more motivation or excitement for life"
"What happened, I didn't used to be like this"
"Since I met you I haven't been sincerely happy"
"Could you pray for me to get in a wreck and die on the way home"
"I am not good at deceiving my emotions"
"This has been the hardest two months of my life"
"Why aren't you letting me be depressed"
"Why don't you talk to me about sad things like you do with all your other depressed friends?"

Listen up love,
I know how you're feeling.
I know what it's like to sit in bed and dread having to live another messed up day in this world.
But sweetheart do you know how many of us wish that we only had depression for two months?
Do you know how many of us wish we knew what triggered our depression?
Do you know what it takes to keep going after 5 years..?
It takes a lot,
a lot.
And I don't want you to have to experience that,
I don't want you to experience that.
In fact, you won't experience that because I won't let you.
Because you are not created to be depressed.
You became depressed,
because I came into your life.
When I met you, it was like I was meeting a motivational speaker.
Stoked on life and the future.
Adventure was your middle name.
But then after you met me, you felt like you would connect with me more if you became sad too.
You wanted to relate with me more and help me.
But then you internalized it and it took you captive and now you can't get out.
It is a slippery *****.
And I am so sorry.
I am really really sorry.
Baby now I am being the brick wall.
I am trying to hold us both up,
because if I fell, we both would.
It's hard to be strong sometimes.
You're right, I am not okay all the time,
but I have to be.
That's what you don't understand
sometimes you have to fake it.
It's horrible.
I broke you.
I have to fix you.
I need to fix you.
Because I hate myself enough already,
and if I can't help you then I will hate myself more
I don't want to do that.
I have tried to tell you that it gets better.
Your mind might be pitch black right now, but you have to look for the happy.
You have to look for the little things,
a pretty sunset, or a little boy hugging his mom, or a flower.
You have to look for the little pieces of light throughout this ******* up world.
Your pitch black mind will start to have spots of light,
just like stars.
So next time when you look at me with tears streaming down your face and you say,
"I can't do this anymore"
I am going to give you a hug and say
"keep trying because it gets better"
even though I know that I am lying,
and that it probably won't.
I am really sorry.
I have discovered that I am contagious,
like a cold.
don't catch me
please.
rant
Lil lotus 17h
I love porcelain dolls
How smooth the porcelain is
The creepy eyes
I love how fragile they are
How fragile they feel
How breakable they seem
Thats why i get along with them so well
Were so fragile, Our eyes give it away too
Always looking so sad or even creepy

One to many cracks we break
We just shatter
Not much we can do once we do
I guess you can try to glue us back
But
the glue
will only last so long
its a never ending cycle

We love
We hate
We *****
We break
You glue
      And  just Wait
I have no one anymore
Who are you
Question my insanity
I dare you
Talk to me like a memory
Like you used to
Tell me I'm nothing
Without you
I have nothing anymore
What is that
It's not mine, you bought it
Take it back
While your at it, take this broken mind too
The only reason it's destroyed is because of you
I am no one anymore
Who am I
Like a plane that leaves a streak across the sky
There is proof I was there
But it will fade
That quickly, in your mind, I'll disintegrate
Blow away
Crumble
With no trace
Who am I to leave my mark
Upon this place
There are no words anymore
What's that sound
When the air suddenly
Rushes out
Like a vaccuum
A black hole straight through my heart
What's the right thing to say
When you're ripped apart
I have no one anymore
Who are you
Question my insanity
I dare you
Talk to me like a memory
Like you used to
Tell me I am nothing
Without you
i got addicted to you
so easily

the withdrawal
almost killed me
is there a rehab for broken hearts
I hate this ******* life today
Its all ******* insane
Why was I ever born at all
Life’s just one big migraine
Can't seem to get out of the dark
Can't seem to find my light
The joyous things life has to offer
No longer in my sight
I lay here crying all alone
And feeling undesired
So tired of this life i’ve lived
Wish it to be retired
Just how life and humanity make me feel most of the time
Alfa 1d
666
whispering rain tapping on the window
flooding my ears with sound, fluorescent
light screaming inside my brain, lift
your hands towards me again, you
won’t see me de nuevo. Wilt
beneath the demanding life you’ve beaten,

and maybe your fear will agitate
you, into a comatose state you
had put me in.,and hidden
me away from the world, mauling
innocence out of me with incremental,
unwanted touches that cannot be undone.

from handcuffs on wooden poles, foaming
mouths pouncing on my skin, melting
within myself as you drowned wearisome
unhinged fantasies onto me, and use
children for your pleasure to continue
terrorizing freely while we all trickle.
Abused as a child, here is my testimony about my abuser. Six lines in each stanza, she truly was the devil.
em 2d
i got sad
at a young age
its like getting sick
but there's not one medicine to fix it

i'm scared
because i wasn't sure who i was
when i was younger
so when i get happy
if i get happy

i don't know who i'll be
what to expect
or what to go back to
hi i wrote this in the middle of a mental breakdown
Rejected by a few more friends
Just thrown out like the trash
I'm falling and i see no end
Expecting a big crash
They used to all give me support
They used to to have my back
And now the facts they do contort
They stabbed me in the back
I am so sad and ******* mad
Why can't they let me be
I didn't do anything bad
Yet they've abandoned me
Bad enough that i was ghosted
And left without my group
Now I'm left to be composted
While trying to recoup
They used to like my company
They used to sing my praise
Now most of them won't talk to me
Alone in my malaise
I keep losing so many friend
Forgotten, lost in time
I really wish this **** would end
But ghosted one more time.
Written after my mental health support group ghosted me because i was sad.
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