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I'm trying to wrap my heart around the reason that you left
but the more I try to think for you the worse the answers get
Maybe the lies that were uncovered were meant for me instead
of those, I thought were the reason you mumbled under your breath

all I ask is for a conclusion to years of dedication
but now you're gone and I'm left here holding on to degradation
a simple code yet quite unclear leads to infatuation
and I miss your family but I don't think I could ever face them

the thought of you with someone else after all that we had planned
hurts my heart and hurts my head but won't change where you stand
you're so far away and I can hear the chasm that splits our hands
to forever separate our hearts to never connect again
I love that you love me
let me hold your hand
we fit like a glove see

But don't watch me cry alone in my room

You hold me together
like a ball on a string
you'll always be my tether

but don't watch me fall into my shadow

what are you upset about
I have a bad feeling
my heart hurts when you shout

and now we don't talk about our problems

you're gone most of the time
I can still touch you
but your hand doesn't fit in mine

I have run out of tears and just stare

we sit with both hearts heavy
I think we both know
I think we are both finally ready

except we both know we may never be whole

now we don't talk at all anymore
and I still think about you
my heart is still bruised and sore

but I think I can now see why you were upset
When in the moment, it's hard to see through anyone's eyes other than your own but when things start to go bad we are so quick to point the finger. I am so prone to keeping how I feel secluded from everyone that when someone who loves me gets close, I try to shield them and in turn push them away. When I notice this, I only see that "we don't talk about our problems" when the whole time I wasn't. After reflecting and trying to evaluate where things go wrong only then do I see where I fell short.
There are always rings left
after the cool drink sweats
leaving his mark to be seen
a blemish, a scar, an unlovely ring
that my mom would always get mad about

but being a child
my mind ran wild
and time after time I would forget
and sit
my glass on the bare wood

and time after time
I would run and hide
hearing remembering what I did

I live in fear
every time I hear
your voice growing in anger

don't yell at me.
Desperation breeds creation
and I cannot forget
that beyond a desperate plea for elation
hides a concurrent twist

An overview of hidden views
never seen in daylight
Is impossible because they're often skewed
but beg for some kind insight

I see a scatterplot of scattered thought
and try to find the truth
But I grow weary within weathered thought
though I remain still in my youth
I do not struggle
With the concept of trouble
I often chase it

I brush away rules
Just like a hardheaded fool
It's time I face it

Vividly aware
I stop full pace and I stare
At only a thought

Thoughts that hold the world
My small mind races and swirls
Ensnared, trapped, and caught

But I think too much
Often I spit and I cuss
Knowing I fall deep

Please try to give me
The rich bittersweet release
To finally, breathe
a poem of haikus
This **** doesn't get better
I'm not going to lie
There's just longer periods of time
Where you don't cross my mind
And I know that I'm selfish
Because I can’t let you go
But how can I
When you're all that I know
You say that I'm incomplete
And that you need someone whole
But now that you're gone
Where do I go?
I'm walking in a direction
I really can't quite see
I can’t see any of this ****
With all of this fog inside of me
You say that’s my problem
That I can think right
So now all I do is think
But I don’t think right
And I don’t think that's right
I shouldn't have put it on you
But when the shadows dance
All I think of is you
So just whisper my name
From somewhere far behind me
And I promise I'll hear you
I promise that you'll feel me
But I'll be to far gone
To come save you again
I tried to be your hero
And yet I was just your friend
You said that you loved me
Then where are you now
You said you wouldn’t leave
But when I look around
It’s just me standing here
Looking at the clouds
And I lifted you so high
But I was the one let down
So please don’t come knocking
You know I couldn't forget
And the love inside my heart
Battles with my head
It screams to let it out
But I don’t think I can
So tries to **** me
By looking like your hand
And when I try to find you
I find my demons instead
Maybe we weren't meant to be
But ******* love to pretend
My acting career
Destroyed what I feel
It twists my thoughts
And it controls how I heal
The scars have faded
But now their fresh
And I constantly feel jaded
The envy is real
As the pain subsides
I thought you were gone
But you live in my mind
Could we know hope
Without loss?
Without truth
Would all be false?
Without joy
Would we all know pain?
Questions such as these
Make life a game
Answers never found
Questions never asked
Our perceived personalities
Are our perceived masks
I'm tired of life
I'm tired of pain
But I'll continue this lie
For the sake of the game
My wounds never heal
But scars are left behind
My tears tell a story
My eyes seem to hide
Do you see my pain?
Do you know the truth?
No, you're wrong
You see what I allow you
My poker face
Wins the hand
I'm on my knees
Because I can no longer stand
You read my words
You think you know
But even these words
Can't quite show
My mind isn't quiet
My thoughts never cease
Fading away
Would cute this disease
As smiles are replaced
With the sadness that seeps in
Forgive my actions
But not my sins
No god in heaven
Can cure my sorrow
Standing on the edge
I can see my tomorrow
I see my ****
Can you see yours?
I keep mine inside
I'll never tell
For those who never knew
I'm sorry for this
But I'll continue this game
For the **** of it
Every choice I make
Has an alternate mistake
Every word I write
Tears apart my life
I can not forgive
I can not forget
I stop my hand
But my mind I never can
I am the second guess
I am just a reject
My mind plays tricks
My heart never forgets
The scars left behind
Are the obvious signs
But no one sees
Exactly what pains me
And they all fade
But the pain remains
They only see
The happy me
Love
A four letter word
What is love
Other than absurd
A question never asked
Leaves answers never found
Sets a limit
Said to be unbound
Ponder this question
For I'll only ask one time
Is your love
The same as mine?
How do you know
With only one word to describe
What it is you feel
What is on the inside
I can not explain
Nor can I show
This thing called love
Might as well be a hoax
I can't decide on what it is
I am so confused
I can't make sense of it
All I need is a clue
There's a sea
Separating me
From reality
And I reach out my hand
Even though I can no longer see land
I can hear you calling my name
But you're so far away

So I sink and I drown
And my body's never found
But my soul is still there
Living in dead air
I don't know where I am anymore
And I don't know what I'm living for
But one thing remains clear
You're still there and I'm still here

I need you and that's the truth
I don't know what I'd do without you
And I don't know where I'd be
If it was left only to me
I need you

If you think of no one think of me
Bc if it wasn't for you I don't know where I'd be
And I will never forget you
Bc I know you're the only one to see me through
I need you

From your wistful laugh to your fiery eyes
To the passion you wear on your sleeve all the time
I need you

So call my name at least one more time
And allow me to truly try to find
You
Because I. Need. You.
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