aye-way 2d
i can't remember the last time i cried
i just recall crying way too much
so much, that i'd stay days red eyed
some days, hysterical, without his touch.

pathetic is what my ego would call me
for i was nothing without a man
embarrassed is what i'd feel because, i too could see,
i was nothing without this man.

i had a dream of myself: lost, my body: bare.
i had a dream about me in the shadow
truth be told, that dream was a nightmare
but i was just too weak, too naive, to even think so.

then i had a dream that i wasn't alone
this dream was of him and I
truth be told, if my heart was made of stone
i'd tell him, when i woke from that dream, i cried.

i can't remember the last time i was sad
i just recall being way too depressed
but now when night comes and i lay down my head,
i dream of myself: happy, solus, and yet, still undressed.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]

this poem is about my ex, he's a different guy from the one i've been writing about recently in my poems...if you read 'the rebound' then the guy i'm talking about in this poem is the 'cool boyfriend' i mentioned. i was in a very toxic relationship with him to the point that i never even processed the abuse i put myself through (that was how bad it was). i just hope this poem reaches out to some people who are yet to realize they are in a toxic relationship. it's nice to be in love with someone but it feels a hundred times better to be head over heels for yourself. Thank you for reading my notes if you did much love xx
We stare deep into each others eyes.
Hand in hand as you hover over my body.
You close your eyes.
And give me a kiss.
I cant get enough of this.
The sweetness in your lips.
The passion in your eyes.
I want to savor the taste of honey.
I can only imagine what other flavors will come by.
I fly close to the clouds.
And I attempt to touch the sky.
You pull away
Take a breath
A sweet smile but...
There’s something underneath
Behind his perfect white teeth...
A smile so sinister,
I can barely muster
The courage to just pin you to the bed,
As you lick me deeply while I hold your head.
But I stay still,
An innocent soul,
Greeted by beautiful sins tied with a bow.
Who knew being bad was so much fun?
I close my eyes as your fingers run
All over my body.
Leaving its mark.
I'm your territory now.
Do what you want.
Hold me down, break me in half, fuck me until I lose my mind.
Make my brain shake and turn my eyes blind.
From rolling them so far back as I take you in.
It’s so good, I don't feel human.
It all feels deliciously foreign.
I feel like an uncontrollable,
Savage monster.
I want more
I keep... wanting...
I can't... take this anymore.
Please, make me your whore.
I don’t know what to think or do.
My body just wants to become a slut for you.
For your eyes only to listen,
And your ears only to hear.
As you whisper I love you and as you make me fear.
Fear of stopping this two person ride.
I can feel you slip slowly inside.
I let out soft moans.
But with this I shouldn’t have loaned.
You take the advantage to hear me so vulnerable.
You pound me into something unrecognizable.
Everything in me is breaking.
I'm a chaotic mess.
But I’m also falling
In love with this moment, in love with you,
in love of feeling like we are one too.
Stroke my hair and whisper me your dark desires.
I'm crazy for it, it’s making my heart catch on fire.
Make me yours,
Make me your slave,
Don’t even try to save
Me, just do what you want to see.
Keep me locked in your rib cage, don’t let me free.
No don’t stop,
I'm not crying,
I'm just insane.
Insane for your touch and for your thoughts in your brain.
This is so good, I  feel like I'm going to heaven.
You leave my legs shaking with ecstasy,
My breasts moving to your rhythm.
This primal lust overtakes me.
I am talking so dirty.
I can't even think anymore
Fuck this entire rhyme scheme,
Give everything to me.
Let our minds go crazy.
Explicit content warnings forgotten.
Take me in.
Make me...
Forever yours.
mindless, breathless, weightless...
I fuck you and you fuck me over.
There is nothing that I wouldn’t give,
Just to have you in my arms again.
Not fucking, just laying, content.
To feel your breath on my neck as you fall
Asleep, in love, take your pick
Like you take my fingers, oh so willingly.
Instead of gentle caresses, it’s all hard.
Biting, scratching, squeezing,
All hard, like it will be the last time we touch.
You don’t want my love and I don’t want this frigid air between us.
sara Jul 6
I'll draw the line, it's too far gone,
predictable like dot to dot
to map these problems out again.
Our criminality self-made,

insufferable, ill-timed, insane;
all but an ounce of pride to gain.
Though, guaranteed to cut a loss,
we'll kid ourselves it's worth the cost

for half a gram of happiness,
with half of that stuck on the desk.
We've only got a quarter left:
it's all to play for, do your best.
Drugs within any relationships will breed intensely petty arguing, and competition hidden under the guise of comradery. Be warned x
I'm naturally a damned fool
Who’s an earnest tool
As I burrow through my coyness
Strangers leer upon me
I can feel there sorrow eyes daut me
For my precocity of intimacy.
For I don't lack legitimacy
I swear it to be.
I won't be the fool,
Who is the tool for the fool.
I just need to know if I'm minuscule to you.
Or am I more than I molecule to ridicule
I just need you to overrule my angst
By telling me what am I.
jas Jun 9
im sorry...

pour a shot
shoot me in the f*kn head
this shit is explicit
im on my knees at the edge of my bed
just prayin
lord save me
from all the sorrow
all the tears
i spent my whole life living in fear

broken hearted
torn apart
limb by mfn limb
if love is a sin
send my ass to hell
every task i try turns to dust and i fckn fail
i keep asking for signs like my ass aint blind
never ever did i learn to read braille

this is the end of the beginning

im sorry..

to put 100% effort into all that was worth it
the future
love doesn't last unless its lust
if just for a moment
my body is just like a catacomb
tore my heart right out of my chest
and now im in debt
for the rest ..of my mfn life
enough is enough
im signing over my got damn rights
of this life
I know this is wrong.
It always is.
They say it’s never the answer but it feels 10x better.
A blade to the wrist watching the blood drip down.
I’d rather feel pain then happiness
Is that psycho? Who knows probably is.

Hopeing to hit an artery. It’s a game of Russian Rulet.
Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t.
Let’s play a game shall we.

                            With love,
There was just the tip on the edge of the blade.
sara May 29
Recoiling in a lover's arms,
I stare out through steamy glass
and find my peace among the stars.
Cold, but still I melt his heart.

I hear music through the walls,
never once said I'd break your fall.
I'm sorry. Though, I'd never ask
that you should hit the ground so hard.

Nor that you should fall at all.
Control yourself- you know the rules.
You don't know me; I don't know you.
Please act your age, don't act the fool.

And still with hopeless puppy eyes
they laugh to me with loving smiles.
This is a game and I'm your prize-
stop thinking I'll be yours in white.

I'm not here to connect with you,
I'm only here to get with you.
Please, this is not a union.
I'm using you; please, use me too.

Away with knocking on my heart.
I'll lick your fingers clean to start
then nibble on your ear for main.
Friend, love and lust are not the same.

Though we are both but hearts alone,
it's not your heart that makes me moan.
Reciting rules to men full grown:
if you should fall, you'll fall alone.
Sorry if this offends anyone

//y e s cool love is great but sometimes no love is also great??

Let it be
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