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Amanda 1h
Wish I could do something right
So words would ring true
Wish I met high expectations
Maybe then I could lose a few

I wish I was not weighted with
Weakness well within my core
If only I was put together differently
Strength would emit from every pore

I create my shortcomings
How am I sabotaging my own goal?
Not trying in the first place
Allowing fear to take control

My heart bleeds in anticipation
Before cuts have a chance to appear
Live my life in apprehension
Assuming danger to always be near

My motionless state of insecurity
Realm of dysfunctional doubt
I forever am encapsulated in time
Your head is a jail and I cannot get out
Not so proud of this one but eh.. here it is anyway

Written 8/25/18
apiwe 14h
“Define me in one word”,
I said
Hope gleaming in my eyes and
an anxiety of the unknown
twisting, gripping, turning my gut.
You laughed lightly; beautifully flashing your perfect, perfect teeth
You ****** in a sharp breath,
Rolled your eyes back as if
the word was glued to the inner of your skull
Fidgeted.
A dry, humourless laugh croaked past through my lips
"Hot!"
You said through your slightly smirking lips
And I bit back
the floods that welled my eyes
the bile that rose up my throat
as I realised the humiliation that I had reduced myself to.
And The silence
punctuated all the words unspoken.
my optimism is a curse,
a demon that tricks me
into dreaming the impossible-

i fall for it every time
Nothing matters to me
I might as well be
In a different galaxy
I’m disconnected from reality
I sleep my nights dreaming
I could be someone else
And lose sight of me

I hate my anatomy
Chemical bonds gone wrong
And I choose to dissect
Each and every one
I never lose focus when I criticize
My imperfections
I intend to improve myself
But that won’t change my perception

And there you go
I figure you’re prefect
In every sense of the word
Nothing can stop you
Not even the cosmos themselves

But you’re just like me
A flawed human
In this world full of impurities
We bend like metal
And sway
Wherever the wind takes us

That’s the price we pay
Each and every day
Our insecurities
Hide the best of us
But we wake up in the morning
And continue life

But one thing for sure
We’ll keep fighting  
Until we perish
Life can be beautiful
Never forget it
winter Oct 30
i wish i could be art
please give attention im losing myself
Make up is my Arsenal
Its one of the many mask a I wear.
Like a warrior going into battle I fair well.
My enemys yeild with every ****** I apply.
I wonder when will I stop this lie..
Myself self wealth, self esteem, self conscious. Selfish I am allowed to be. Allowed to grow like a ****. Beauty in my eyes. In my color. In my tides. I pray to *** to bring me beauty. To bring self love. Medicine to my soul so i can finally fix ever hole. Hold me in your arms. Hold my face to the mirror so I can think. Finally I am beautiful.
ShrutiDadhich Oct 28
I saw them decorating the whole place,
& decorating me;
    the thing to be sold,
    the burden which since my birth they did hold,
     the burden from which today they will get free...

I saw them giving me so many blessings,
& also listened to their relaxed breathings,
   Cause their biggest tension is soon going to end,
In my whole life after those seven rounds I found them most relaxed...

I saw them giving my hands in the hands of a boy, to me a stranger,
I wonder are they the same who kept me away from boys, from that lover?

I saw them packing in my bag
so much of gold & insurance paper of the new dowry's car,
   but they forget my love, my guitar,
I saw people asking them -
       "Does she know cooking?
     Is she good at house holding?"
But nobody bothered to ask,
      Was I still breathing???

& at last tearing they took me to a car,
& told me,
"Take care of your new family,
            & your husband"
the one who has got a new servant!!!
As I looked in the car I saw them smiling cruelly,
& as I looked back,
I saw them smiling,
& those momentary crocodile's tears ending,
I saw them relaxed & calm ,
Having got freedom of the biggest burden & a very big duty...
I have seen my elders guiding me every time that I will have to go to family of my in-laws...
It's just because of these guidelines & the destructed marriage lives around me that I'm having a big phobia of marriage, & these days am unable to sleep because of nightmares of my own wedding, which is equal to my destruction...
This is the form of the insecurity & fear I felt in my dream...
Hope to get rid of these nightmares after sharing it in this form...
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