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What if

What is she won't talk to me anymore
What if I'm just her past time
What if she will leave me

What if I just played her feelings
What if I'll left her behind
What if I'm tired of her

What if
What if

***** what ifs
I'm **** afraid
But I must face it IF it will happen
RainyWriter Oct 6
To me,
My words,
Are my thoughts.
Milk in a pan drifting,
Lazily in mexican waves,
On tiptoes with fingertips,
Stroking the three litre line.

To you
My words are
The time you blinked
And clots of milk swelled into pregnant pufferfishes
And a siren hissed incessant incantions you swore fate birthed to hex your mind
And a trident foamed at the mouth relishing the theft of nature's permission to shapeshift  into a lightening bolt and to zap your stove a blistering white in three times ten to the eight metres per second
I logged into Hello Poetry today after 5 years. Found a whole heap of very bad teenage poetry (only left the better ones public so trust me they were awful). Maybe my poetry is still bad but I'm almost not a teenager anymore.
-elixir- Sep 21
Stop holding me back for once,
see the fire burning in every ounce
of scribbles and words of mine.
Stop making me guilty for my flight,
and look into the horizon so bright.
Stop making me resent your roof,
while all this time you stay aloof.
Stop shaming me for someone's fault,
and let them go into the devil's vault
of sins, see the virtues in me that I lock
from the fear that you might tear and block.
Stop thinking my life for your honour,
and save this human in me from this horror.
Stop it, with your words that shatter my esteem
and do make me drift away from your team.
Stop the assumptions from the lores of the devil,
and look into my dreams arranged in levels.
Stop it , Stop it, Stop it,
When will you feel words I write
and stop linking insanity with my fight.  
Stop it
STOP
I’m confused
I don’t know how to be happy
was I happier fat?
Or am I happier skinny?
I can’t tell the difference
it’s all the same
it doesn’t matter what I look like
the pain will stick to my hip
through thick and thin.
literally.
Is it my body? Is it my clothes?  
or the way I don’t like the rounded curve of my nose?
no.
it’s none of those.
-elixir- Sep 1
My smile was my flight,
while it was your fright.
The year of ambitions piled on,
as you prayed it begone.
My foundations of hope,
was beyond your tiny scope.
My soul and mind that governed me,
was the threat to your state of monarchy.
The steps I took for higher success,
made your mind filled with abscess.
The thought of my mind's own executions
was beyond the apparent permissions.
The sky's a limitless flight,
unlike your pitiable plight.
I have risen from your filth,
and left you with your myth.
I hope you grow out wings,
and fly away from your strings
of insecurities that taint your soul,
that once to me you sold.
FLY AWAY
The mirror is my enemy
The razor blade is my friend
My room is my hiding spot
My mind is my happiness

My figure is not all that great like hers
But, you have never made it great anyway
My eyes are not small and brown like hers
But, you have never made it great anyway

I really need your attention but she gets it all
I guess am not light skin like her
I guess am not pretty like her
I guess am not slim and slender like her

My reflection is my enemy
The cuts on my skin is my friend
My bed is my closure
My thinking is my fairy tale

My beauty is no more.
But, you have never made it great anyway
My shape is not to your liking
I could tell how you compliment others
But, you have never made it great anyway
I really need your attention but she gets it all
I guess am not light skin like her
I guess am not pretty like her
I guess am not slim and slender like her

Me is my own enemy
The scars on my skin is what remind me of who I am
My sheet is my comfort.
My emotions are my god.

THE END
lk ode Aug 30
Heavy baggage turned deadweight,
stowing away, clinging on—
down, down, down— we both shall sink
The tighter we clutch, the farther we fall
tense tendons and crooked insecurities leaving us
at the bottom
of
the
ocean.
Your words falter and shake,
“I didn’t mean it like that”.
But you did.
As if you think I’m not already aware;
As if you think I can’t feel that weight
Already bearing on my spine like stone.
As if I didn’t already question
Every
          little
                    thing
About me.

You meant what you said,
It just wasn’t the right timing.
Roro Aug 28
When life is all about fixing whats wrong

Then everything right, good, and strong

Won't stay, pass by, or come along.
Do you ever get that feeling
That you’ll never know love?
That this perfect relationship
Just won’t show up?

And I’ll just be here alone
Feeling so unloved
Watching people get married
Have kids, grow up

I get so lonely sometimes
I wish I had a best friend
And I’m thankful for the people
That listen and mend

But intimacy is vital
It feeds the soul
And my energy is low now
But I want to grow

But what if nobody shows up?
What would I do then?
When feminists all tell me
That you don’t need any men

And my mum tells me that
I should find one soon
Before I’m thirty and I’ve spent all my time
Alone in this room

Spiritual people say
To fall in love with yourself
But I can’t grasp who I am
Isn’t it better with help?

It isn’t co dependent to have
Some needs to be met?
just because some people prefer solitude
doesn’t mean it’s best

And inner peace, can I have that?
With all my meds?
And working 9-5, the days fly by
half in bed

Why do I hate myself for wanting
Someone to love?
Nobody’s perfect so why wait
Until you’re all cleaned up?

I don’t rush I just am sick of
Me unsatisfied
With basic conversations
cold men with high drives

I hate it now
It doesn’t mean anything
I want to talk
How can you not want to kiss?
what is inside your thoughts?

Is there something wrong with me?
Cause it’s been 3 years
Of feeling lonelier and crying
Till I’m sick of tears.
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