the summer that made the sound of crickets mean more than it did two, three, even ten summers ago.
the summer that gave a warm glow within the halls of that familiar seasonal cottage.
the creak from each step on the stairs, each a song to be sung.
out the door to find her waiting for me,
with another step closer to her was another million butterflies in my belly.
her sundresses "for the days between Sunday and Sunday" she always said,
as they flow with each skip my mind slows it down, her down, watching every detail of her grace.
the summer I learned that sunsets were made for girls with brown eyes.
the earth revolved only for her, so the sun would descend across the sky just so right to only fall into her vision,
and to remind me "this is what home feels like".
the summer I learned that the gift life had given me was the gift of her presence for seven weeks.
the beauty in her was too delicate to give away to anyone and she let me, out of all the people on this planet, see what god made special about her;
the way she blinked three times when perplexed, before asking to know more,
how she always peeled my tangerines, because she knew i didn't like the peel to get under my nails.
when she laughed tears would always stream down her face, no matter a roar or a soft chuckle,
and then she would swear the optometrist sprung a leak when she got Lasik.
when she was sad that that leak was easy to repair with a Jerry Seinfeld impression.
all the little lightning bugs of her personality came together and made a glowing goddess, she was the embodiment of the sun.
but summer is called summer for a reason, and that is for fall to have it's appearance.
as the trees started to lose its green she started to pack to leave,
and as did I.
she was going back home and my home was leaving me.
this girl was the climax of my story, and only at the tender age of 22.
and I know my tale will never have its perfect resolution without her.
that summer, I found out she was the definition of my love,
but to her, I was just another girl in a sundress.
You cannot say you truly love her.
Not until you've seen the demons
she fought or still fighting to keep
her sanity, nor the monsters that
fuelled her nightmares.
Not until you've had an idea about
the storms she had to face bravely,
yet still managed to share her light
and warmth with you.
It's not always warm coffee and
blanket shared on cold mornings.
It's not always sunshine and butterflies.
It's not only her light that needs to be
When you say you truly love her,
you gotta love her dark, too.
Into the quiver
For the first time
I feel as though I'm free
Free to laugh, smile and joke
Free to be the true me
So long have I been hiding
So long has it been
Since the sky has graced my sight
So long since life filled me
Things that should be there
All rush forward
Seeing the light for the first time
Feeling the warmth of it's glow
The comfort it brings
Eyes grow wide
As the mind comes to realization
Maybe this is real
Maybe you are finally whole again
Reaching out with a simple gesture
Grazing against such a familiar touch
Feeling the warmth grow hotter
Seeing a smile for the first time
Things long forgotten
Finally risen to the surface
The familiarity of this presence
Gentle brush of ones true self
Shell has now crumbled
Lost forever in the void
No longer needed
By this one true self
I've been asleep for quite a while
An endless millennia of indifference, it seemed
No escape nor any respite
Nothing makes this heart beat and breathe life
This world is an abysmal plane
An existence that brings pain and sorrow
Only a few finding the happiness they sought
The rest fighting viciously for what's left
"The sun will rise..", they said
".. and will bring the warmth we need"
Forgive me for the blasphemy
But I don't think it will come for me
I've been here for quite some time
Seeing the greed that all men possess
Hearing the sadness that all women repress
Failing in the good life that all obsess
And yet here I am
Still not loosing faith in a little corner of me
That the sunrise will come
And alter my dreaded fate
As I was loosing all hope
Succumbing to all the despair
Accepting the spiral fall to death
Sunlight touches my stone-cold heart
The sunrise came to my frozen wasteland
It made my heart beat like it lives again
This long hibernation comes to a hopeful end
My life turns upside down, my faith rewarded
You, whose love nurtures my dying emotions
You, whose warm kisses riddled me sweet sensations
You, whose same cold existence brought warmth to my dead
You, whose smiles and love replaced all sorrow and dread
It's not too late to be the warmth
To be the sunrise to those who still sleep
To those who lost all hope in this limited existence
To be the truth that replaces indifference and makes all men see
Be the beauty that brings this world at its knees
Restore the faith the soul-less have in humanity
Be the pockets of warmth in this cold reality
Be the life for one person in this endless dark sea