It's late, around 1 am
There aren't any whispers
Hushed night
But you can see a small light coming out of my room

Seeing myself wrtiting this poem
It's all transparent now
Εnunciating each feeling on the paper
It's all so vulnerable and sensitive

Deafening thoughts inside my head
Trying to escape
But all the gates are closed
Nobody in, noone out

You and I
an easiest lie
we shouldn't even try
nothing to justify

we may lie
but cannot deny
we are the one , never to unify

alan Jul 10

Life has no meaning, to me, to them,
but I live for a reason, for me, for them.
Life goes on, it will for years,
so why should I sit here in lonesome helplessness?
I am able to walk, to stand, to help, to help me, and them.
But I'm stuck in the selfish turn of things, too tired to try again.
I rather get up and do something,
and for the rest of the day be at peace with myself,
knowing that a bit of my heart was devoted to it.
I am one person, what can one person do?
Everyone is one, one person, me, them.
People have done things because they are able, am I too able yet?
I have been trying so hard to show people the meaning of life,
but I feel it's nonexistent, but
the reason to live, well, I have a reason, I have a purpose;
to try and make tomorrow better, as long as
there is a
tomorrow.

alan Jul 7

They're not better, they're just not your style,
and you'll get better if you do it a while.
Keep on going and get back up,
catch those tears and fill your cup.
You are useful amidst your pain,
take that chaos and make it sane.
Pick a way and carve out your path,
find something calm within your wrath.
You're not the only one, you know,
you can use these things to help you grow.
You can, you can,
you can.

i made a promise
i'd write for you
but words have been creeping inside
afraid to show and help me try
i swear i tried
and i tried for you
so i made a promise
i'd try for myself
but i failed in that too

06/07/17
alan Jun 28

Poems start with 'I' and then they follow with a negative trait,
fill them all up with clichés so people can relate.
Make it rather boring, and use a common rhyme,
not like people see this example almost all the time.
And maybe if you make it long, and make it seem like you try,
then they cannot forget that I still want to die!

Poking fun at myself.
Atta Santoso Jun 28
e\\

After a desperate night and thoughtful day I decided to re-write several facts about my crush!

First of all, chill. I know my crush won't see this because of lack signal or lack of love idk. Both reasons are acceptable.

Here, several unworthy facts about my crush that you shitty hoomans gave no shit about:
1. He is taller than me. Like 15-20 cm taller. I'm not talking about gigantic monster and won't date one, but if I have to date one it's okay lol. I have friend that tall like Eiffel tower and big as fuck and tbh I'm afraid of him. I'm sorry bro you remind me of troll even though you're fine. Ehe.
I agree that tall guys are hot, but with my body like smurf and boy like troll can't even imagine what our future be like if we were together. So, bye bye Eiffel tower.
Anyway I'm 155cm so he'll be like 170-175 cm.
And I just realized that he is tall too wtf.

2. He is deadass Einstein with attitude like Hannah Baker. He is-in fact-weirdest mothafaka I've ever met. One day he'll be like 'oh I'll invent flying shoes' and one day he'll be like 'do you guys see my motivation to live?'.

3. He is innocent. Nuff said.

3.5. His phone is the most private phone I've ever seen. One day I was too curious to know what's​ hidden in his phone and deadass found nothing. I think it's normal for boy to have porns or naked women etc and expected to found at least one and ya I found nothing.
((Found picture of me though))

3.51. His browser history is clean.

4. He loves anime tittiez.

5. We love to spoil each other

6. I ONCE ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED HIS PEE-PEE DAMN IT. Not disappointed TEEHEE.

7. Same thing happened to me. He accidentally touched my boo-boo. He didn't recognize tho. But there I was standing still, stiff, wanted to die.

8. He is afraid of God. Sins ain't myth, sins are real.

9. He didn't know Lana del Rey.
D I S S A P O I N T E D.
Soon boi, I'll let you go deep in my world and meet my astral mama.

10. He isn't a fan of Paramore. Super disappointed :).

11. He lives far away from me.

Last,

12. He is one of the finest art God ever made and I love him to death.

Boi, i think i have to end this unworthy facts about you.
I'm afraid.



to cry.






I thought after I wrote this I'll be laughing or smiling etc.
But.....




e//
In the end,
I love you.

You'll find someone better than me smh.
Don't choose me.
Ehehegeheheheheheh.
I've got several more reasons to love you and some of it
Hurts me
So this is the end.
You'll always be my number one boy'friend.

Haaagt:(
Lure Pot Jun 18

You are tired tonight
Should take some rest
You are tired tonight
Try to get some sleep
You're tired, very tired
Get off fag will be best

Have a sweet dream
Have a good night
Keep pens on ream
Morn will be bright

You're tired, very tired
Should take some rest
You're tired, very tired
Try to get some sleep...

alan Jun 9

The path of time is full of pain,
full of crime, and full of rain.
So many people want to fly,
so many people never try,
all those people want to die.
The path of time
is a road rarely crossed.
And so many people make it to the climb,
but then they fall and they are lost.

At night I dream of what could be.

So I try.
But it always goes over better in my head. Because I didn't try,

I never tried,
and so the dream is dead.

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