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When I was a young man
I had but one wish that of to find tme the girl of my dreams no afairs or one night stands but a real relationship
Through child abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother this left alone In the world lack of confidence unable to form any kind of
relationships
Then along came my Angel Helen the only girl ever to give me a chance
the only girl ever to love me where others not even a clance
We fell In love married she gifted me a son but Helen was very ill when I first met her for Helen had been cheated on by her first husband
she had loved himbut he did'nt love
her
She was left with mental health Issues but when she was carrying our son Helen almost became well again but then her health started a downward
turn
Ten years Into our marriage Helen devloped chronic back pain breathing problems unable to walk I became her full time carer 24/7 I was happy to do that for her because I loved
her
Slowly over the years her Independence was eaten away till she was totaly dependent on my help which I was more than  happy to give for I loved her she had given me a life I had never
known
Then she came to the point
In her life when there was no cure for the dreadful pain she suffered  Helen had no quality of life finaly after twenty years I lost her to
Heaven
Ro lose the love of your life tou cannot put Into words to
describe how that feels to lose hhe one you love
Gazing upon a silent sleeping city through my window pain
Your perfectly captured picture I'm clutching soaked and tear-stained
Your bright smile in my mind is forever singed and framed

The rain instinctively falling to the beat of my broken heart
Missing you like flowers misses the desert rain
I'm holding on to your perfect memory
How do I cope with this longing pain
You were the air that I breathe, I'm starting to choke on oxygen, your silhouette still haunts me
I feel I'm slowly going insane

How am I suppose to let you go
When I'm constantly craving your healing touch
I can still feel the taste of your lips
This heartache is living within my soul

From this spiraling emotions, I have no escape
I only have God to blame
Every part of me being led by blinding hate
I can no longer see happiness
It was stolen by a tragic fate
The tragedy is a part of life
It's how we pick our selves up after the strife,
Keep moving forward
Put your hurt in a vice
Squeeze till love is in lust
Stars don’t shine like they used to..
and these visions in my head are horrid..
and the voices are merciless
telling me it’s all my fault and
that I’ll never find real love.
Whatever that is.
But I’ve been here before.
Take care of yourself, darlin.

Just so you know, you left
my soul a little more broken...
my mind a little more
paranoid and untrusting..
lonely and confused.  
There’s no hope in my eyes
or hop in my step.
But I’ve been here before.  
Take care of yourself, babe.
So heartbroken
Left Foot Poet Jan 2018
<!>
inspired by a conversation with Maira Kalman


******* a name, adopt a persona, let my fingers do the talking,
place the instrumental sharp point tip upon the blankety blank paper,
maestro baton raised, coordinating,
the first sound, the vocal chords trembling,  
the first thought, the ultrasound image, entrance of a first violin,
coalescing into, into the initializing single primary phonation,
the stinging geometry of chance at last,
throwing  down the gauntlet, glove slapping, and the
tendons tense, the mouth opens, release and indentation,
a letter's curvature, a black and white downward stroking,
a sign is televised, revealed and released

a one way only sign

time bends knee, gravity suspended, terror morphs to
expelling rapid firefights of imagery needy for spacing,
even pauses mid-word  leave just this:

where is the in in
intimate?

are you the in in
inmate,
or the jailor at the gate?

you swear never again

until committing once more,

a sentence commutation, by committing a first sentence,

and the greater toll taken and paid for,

and the in in in-nate,
questions your sanity

happily


<•>

9/17/17 10:55pm
Left Foot Poet Oct 2015
only I know
when I email you
tidbits of life,
that I need only
address you as b,
for in a nano second,
my tablet will acknowledge
that I am writing in secret code to mine own
beloved



~~~
7:05 am
NYC
they say men are foolish and stupid with love,
but have I told you about the girl who missed out on the one chasing the idea of another great love.
highschool was never for me
and I guess here is too

for real I was fighting
don't I deserve someone who's fighting too
I'm tired of getting tired
between all you choose me
between all your eyes look me

between all i choose you
between all my eyes i choose you

between us there is a deal
do you know?

our hearts write it in clear
like the sun comes near

like the trees move when winds appear
repeating your name in repeat

telling all world one word
yo are to me and i am to you  
that is the fact in clear
the love is the holy tie between two hearts and it is ending with marriage
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