I know
I can never make you smile
The way she does
The way he does

I know
You'll say it's pure nonsense
But when you smile at me
And at them
It's different

You write poetry about her
And even though
I didn't know you then
It still hurts

Do I like you
Do I?
I don't know how to answer
I just don't know why

I love your smile
It was what caught my eye
When I first saw you
Across the class

I forgot about you
Then I remembered
But it still didn't matter
Even though I tried

I want to make you smile
Like they do
But it's impossible
me and you

Just a poem :)

Can't stand me today.
I've got Monsters in my head.
Voices that want me dead
Standing on a sky rise,
their screams make me think,
I can fly.
Consequence aside.
Don't care if I die.

Clouded cold and dark.
My thoughts are broken.
Lost in rain, drenched and shaking.
I need to let go of this pain.
A hot rock, I hold in my hands.
Bleeding and yet,
still I'm gripping.

Words so heavy I can't stand.
Anger so loud I can't hear.
Bobbing around in my head,
Crying, screaming, and threatened.
Running is all I want to do,
With pain so deep I can't breath.
Trying to say what I need  to say,
losing my words to yours.
Nothing it seems is worth trying, when I'm wrong , til your wrong.
Mirror full of lies, my head full of garbage.
I know when I quit, no one will know.
I know when I choose,
I'll let this life go.

Dark days escapist
ilsa 2d

I am here and I am gone.
Sometimes I come in strongly,
sometimes I am nothing more than a whisper.
You see, my life is like a little red radio.
Shifting, yes. Evolving, no.

Stating my momentary pleasures in a hot seat,
moving with a quiet current of low mumbles.
There are numbered stations for my feelings,
controlled by that little red-silver tune dial
that chooses a separate mood for every moment.

Moreover, the volume dial,
telling me when to keep my mouth shut,
to be static in the air that the atmosphere rejects.
and sometimes, making me feel the stations
through a door slam or a "fuck you."

See, my life is like a little red radio,
always caught in between two stations.

I apoligize for how terribly depressing this is. I'm going through some things

I wish he would know
I wish he could see
I wish he saw
I wish he saw me like i see him
I wish I’d let him know
I wish I’d be brave, and if I was,
I wish I don't wreck it all.
I wish when I enter his smile would grow.
I wish he couldn't control it, like me
I wish he greeted me with a hug
I wish he said goodby with a kiss
I wish he knows the pain bare for him
I wish he could end it.
Before it ends me

I know the ridges of your body
down to the way your lashes
kiss your cheeks

I know the sweet taste of your skin
and memorized the sighs that
escaped your lips

I know the awe of a sunrise
and that they'll never compare to
the mornings when you first open your eyes

I know the rumble of your voice
when you reminded me
"I love you and it's an inevitable choice."

What I don't know
is how to run in the rain without
drowning in your kiss

How to curl in someone's arms
and forget your warmth isn't his

How to slip my fingers in another hand
and overlook how the spaces don't fit

I know so many things
about your soul and smile

but will I ever know
how to live without it?


Utter control
I call myself God
Flint and stone my middle finger and thumb
The wood that is consequence
Come alive by the flame from my fingers and my nod
I call myself God

Fucking around

I am drunk, excuse how blatant I am about everything right now.
I miss you because I thInk I am falling in love with you, and since you will never see this I am going to pour everything out.
I Love how difficult you are. I genuinely love that it isn't easy with you, whether it be on what we are having for dinner or if I'm trying to get your clothes off- everything takes time. I lOve it. I hold every second of you close, especially now.
I loVe your smile, I love when you try and hide it. I lovE how easy it is to shock you and how easy it is to make You blush. Well- nOt physically blUsh because you're half black and your skin doesn't really turn red, but I can tell. and I fucking love it.
I love how hArd of a worker you are, it iNspires me to be the same, I love how much you love your family even though sometimes I think it isn't deserved. I love that I hAven't even told you how undeserved it is because I know you love them so much, so much that it's pure, and I don't want to ruin something so crystal clear.
How do I say any of this to you? I don't, you asked for space. I texted you and told you I missed you a few minutes ago and I don't regret it. That's fine, I might in the morning, I'm gonna go take a few more shots so it probably won't matter. I'm only drinking because I don't know if I will wake up if I don't, and I have to be up early. My new job has ruined my sleep schedule. Oh yeah-
If we end, I will be fine. I'm still whole, still a complete person, but fuck I will miss you.
I'll miss your voice, your smell, your obsession with sunglasses and your inability to talk about how you feel. I'll miss every part of you. Even the shit parts.

I love you, Ana. I've never said it and it will take me a long time too (if I get the chance), but I do. I love you and I think I might love every part of you.

I need more tequila. I miss you.

Fuck me, genuinely someone come stab me why am I in this spot ????
Wyatt R 5d

I feel like I can't be honest anymore.
I feel like I have to hide
the rest of me away.
I feel like there's no point in trying
because I always come up too short.
I feel like I'd be lying
if I said I gave it all my effort.
I feel like it'd be a disappointment
to show these words to anyone outside.
I feel like I should shut in
and love the end when it comes.
Slowly fade away
with a miserable look on my face,
I feel like it's the only way I can go.
Feed the flames until it requires more.
The cost of sin is my life,
so why delay the consequence?
Why take the time to vent
to people who have no idea who I am?
Why take the time to put myself
out there if I'm just taking up space?
It's hard to vibe with you
when I'm swimming in hate for myself.
The times have gotten worse.
Me, myself and I
is becoming not good enough.
The crazy outweighs
the brief calm that comes
after the worst comes back on me again.
I feel like the time I've got
is counting down
and I have nothing to show for it.
I feel like I'm stuck
in a rut dug too deep.

When I think of you too much,
my eyes lull
my ears drop off
my mouth becomes a field
of cotton,
never ripened enough
to pick from.
Everyday tasks grow fercious
with their complexities,
even the necessaries
I've come to
ache for
such as drinking, 
eating and sleeping
are shot up 
a giant's leg of a stalk,
and you know 
I can't climb that high up, my love.
So I sit, in a daze 
and stare 
at the world growing grey,
all because 
your shadow
has not crossed over it yet,
your lips 
have not spoken enough
for me to draw out
your words have yet
to tangle themselves tightly
around my tongue,
so that I find 
to breathe
when you are not here,
but have no air left in me
when you are.

As a lot of injustice is what I get,
What I should better get is lost.
I should get lost under this cover,
This glorious cover of anonymity.
Let nobody read my thoughts,
For leglimency I've occlumency.

My HP Poem #1516
©Atul Kaushal
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