I have a lot to prove
I have even more to lose
If I forgot how to move
Would you risk a mile in my shoes?
Much of my heart I've had to forcefully remove
Just to hide the fact that I'm affected by the abuse
And maybe convince myself I'm of some use
A far cry from the sorry excuse of a life as a light fixture hanging for a noose
And even though it seems to always be me against myself it's still lose lose
So I hoist a white flag but my mind isn't interested in a truce
And ignores my pleas too please just cut me loose

©2024

You let go without saying goodbye
I never mattered at all
After that can you please explain why
You expect forgiveness with just one call?

And tell me I'm special because you're alone
Missing connection we had
Can you tell me in an honest tone
If life was different you'd feel bad?

Everything makes sense except heart
Still beats for solely your name
After you thoughtlessly tore it apart
Love you exactly the same

I am with you in my dreams at night
Can't control the way I feel
You want me
You must treat me right
Prove emotions are true and real

You have seen me at my worst
When life pulled me down to the lowest place
Yet not matter how far I have fallen
Hesitation never finds your embrace

I have written many poems about
The way you make me feel
But most of them were focused on
Wounds that have since healed

This time I want my words to show
How grateful I am to have you here
I know with my bad attitude
Admiration is not always clear

I said "I hate you" when I was younger
More times than anybody should
I didn't understand your restrictions
My feet never walked where you stood

You knew I didn't really mean it
Love unwavering through my rage
I'm sure you've spoken the same exact words
To your own mother when you were that age

I think you nag because you care
But lack another way to express
What you don't realize is that you would
Get better results if you ******* less

You deserve a daughter who makes you proud
Not one who barely gets by
But at least I am honest about my problems
Instead of feeding you a happy lie

You accept me with my many flaws
Still praise the mess that I became
I am lucky because most people I know
Wouldnt be able to say the same

You have always done the best you can
No matter how great the sacrifice
To see me succeed and fulfill my potential
You would gladly pay any price

Thank you for staying up all night
To make me a costume for school
You put in blood, sweat, spit, and tears
Just so I could feel cool

You would bake me cookies
When we had parties in class
Without seeking validation
You just wanted me to pass

And I remember the time my teacher called
Because I had broken the dress code
You showed up and gave him a piece of your mind
Until his decision was overrode

You've always fought for my best interests
You'll forever have my back
On my side even when I'm in the wrong
Defending qualities I lack

I could never explain how grateful I am
To have a mom as amazing as you
Supportive, protective, and  nurturing
Caring and thoughtful too

I hope one day I can prove myself
Mistakes I promise to ammend
All the effort you put in raising me
Was worth it in the end

Uncertain
Falling, crawling
A facade of comfort
When all is unknown
Unsure if those that surround
Are indeed pure and sound

Show me,
When in chaos there is found
A steadfast soldier
Not a quivering snake
Come, be bolder
Shed those whom ring
False and a thing
Hidden with them
A dagger
To be plunged into an exposed side

Come, prove thy trustworthiness
Give me a reason
To take your hand
And believe you will never drop me.

- Jay M
October 7th, 2020

INSECURE GENERATION

The generation of today is living an insecure life.
Life full of comparison
Possession of things without thinking of what may happen
A generation trying to prove others that they are the best

A generation where young and energetic men are trying to prove themselves by destroying others.
A generation where big and high class daddies destroy the young with material things
A confused generation showing their happiness and wealth through photography
A confused generation  hard to love people from a broken family
         Everything is invalid!

We suffer insecurities we didn't create
Many are becoming insecure
Completely unstable
Trying to compare themselves with our today's models and celebrities of our century
Probably hiding behind makeup
Cause probably without the makeup!
They,themselves are a hot mess!
They pay a ransom to look great!
If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!
Then,why suffer so much trying to look spectacular?
Why spend to your last coin attracting a whole lot of people?
They say beauty comes from within
Our generation need to stand courageously
And fight against the enemy of self insecurity!