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What is this fickle world,
where not everything is as it seems.
Who am I truly?
Forever changing & evolving into something more or less.
My world is as a sandstorm in a desert.
I flutter along with the motions,
nothing more & nothing less.
I call out to you from the deepest depths of my heart.
Do you feel me?
Do you hear my cries?
Come save me.
Wrap me up in you.
Come save me.
^.°♡°.^
I need you
What is happening
I'm scared
I know this is just my depression talking nut
What if I lose you?
I can't lose you.
You are the only thing keeping me alive
I love you
But I'm worried
We keep fighting
It isn't our fault
We both have chemical imbalances
We need to fight together
We have to stay strong
I need you
Please don't leave
For once I'm actually happy
I can't lose my happiness again...
Sonia 4d
I miss the days....
When all I had to do
Was scream your name
And I would know that
You would be there
In less than a second
Because you would never leave my side

I miss the days...
When all I had to do
Was say I had a nightmare
And I would use that as an excuse
To cuddle with you
In bed

But
Those days are gone
And now I have to wait
For you to show up
You tell me that
I'm old enough to face my fears

But
I don't think
You realize
That I'm growing up
And I need you the most
Because I'm facing
Everything I'm introduced to
Alone.
Sometimes, you don't want to grow up
Alex 4d
Please just stay
in my life
because you'll forever be
in my heart
ollie 5d
They don’t write poetry about the unrequited
This stuff starts slow
I love myself and hate myself at the same time
But lately I’m leaning more towards the disliking
There’s a voice in my head
Not really there
I’d call it a thought
It’s just static
It’s just background noise
It yells
I say things kindly as I can manage
This guy screams them
And I know it’s just me wanting to let it out
Forget me and just be happy
I’m not worth giving a life up for
I’m not worth it
I’m not worth money and invitations and group projects
So leave without me
I can handle it
I know that I’m disgusting
I don’t want to leave
I’m scared of it
I’m scared of how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning
Am I supposed to take care of myself
I can barely make myself eat
I can’t speak
It’s a different feeling
Being stuck in bed all day because you can’t force yourself awake
I know I have a lot of energy but it depletes by the day
I miss my dad
And I ******* hate him
I wish so badly he’d start to understand that I am a teenager
That I write
That I bleed a need for caring
I stopped being a child too many years ago
It’s his fault
I want him to leave without me
I don’t want to go anywhere near him
I want him to leave me alone
He’s responsible for the mess you see writing this
Do you think fathers realize when their sons are destined to be failures
I want to hold a hand
In a comforting way
I’m tired of being sick of all this
Is it fine that all I feel is this darkness
Am I ever going to be enough
Enough for who
Am I enough for you
Are you even reading this
Who are you
Can you tell me
Can you tell me if I’m enough
Or if I’ll ever be
All I need is someone to tell me that they love me
I know that’s selfish
And I know I don’t deserve it
But it’s all I can do not to plead for it
Lately... like for the past 9 years, I have been on an emotional roller coaster that I've been screaming to get off, but I can't get off, and it keeps going and going, and no matter how hard I try to get off of this ****** ride, I can't get out of my seat. And I keep trying and trying and nothing is working and nothing ever works and I don't have enough motivation to try anymore, so I lose all of my hope and I am tossed and turned and this ride continues... and there are times when it slows down and the track isn't bumpy and I'm not thrown as much, and I don't feel as sick... and then the loopy loops and the hills and fast speeds and everything else starts to pick back up again. And I keep hoping for the ride to break down and stop and finally be over... so I don't have to suffer, anymore.
Ruby,
You’re so deceiving and crude,
You whisper lies into my brain,
And convince me its the truth.
Ruby,
You're are persistent and rude,
Your silver tongue cuts like a knife,
And you weave doubt with ease,
With an artful craftsmanship
that sickens me to the core.
Ruby,
Why do you seed such things in my mind?
Leave me to question everyone I know,
Make me believe I’m unloved.
You are a master designer,
Have everything laid out,
To slowly drive me insane,
One bit at a time.
Ruby,
Are you tired yet?
Of causing me to fear for my life?
Are you tired of keeping me up all night?
When will it be enough?
Will you ever leave me alone?
Or will your attacks be as persistent
As waves crashing against
The ever withering stone.
Ruby,
I have given you a name,
As to identify your game,
To know when these thoughts come,
They are not my own.
But the scary thing is,
I try to convince myself your separate,
Another being,
But you and I are one and the same,
Intertwined so tightly I don't know where you start and I end.
These thoughts are real,
While you are make believe.
So I will confusingly converse,
With you in my brain,
Until I feel so insane,
I can't keep things straight in my own head.
Ruby,
It's so twisted,
The way you make me feel,
Like somedays, you're my enemy,
And others, my only friend.
At times I feel like I have you under control,
Or at least in the back of my mind,
And yet when it all becomes too much,
And I isolate myself from this world,
You take a grip of my brain,
Of my emotions and thoughts,
And though I will fight tooth and nail,
I feel you grow stronger,
With each passing day.
I'm so afraid that you will reign over me,
And I will merely be a passenger on this ride.
I don't know how to stop you,
How to keep you in check,
I don't want to go back,
To living like I was,
Listening to your voice,
Telling me to starve myself,
Telling me to walk for hours on end,
Telling me no matter how hard I try,
I will never be enough,
Never amount to a single thing in the eyes of my family and friend.
I'm terrified of what you say to me,
Because I can't stop debating,
Whether there's truth in your words,
Or just more of your endless lies,
That constantly stream through my head.
Ruby
I don't even know if you're real or not,
How would I tell the difference?
What would either even mean?
Yet I can see you so clearly,
Right there in my head.
I'm more confused and scared,
Then I've ever been before,
And somedays,
Giving up seems so much easier than fighting you.
No, I can't think that,
Get out of my mind.
I don't know about tomorrow,
Or even the next hour,
But for right now,
I'm taking back control of what's mine.
I'll tell you one last time,
Just leave me alone,
There's only room for one in my brain,
So it's time for you to go.
Did that scare you?
Intimate you at all?
No, of course not,
You don't quite work like that,
Yet it made me feel better,
Even if it was just a minute,
So anyways,
I guess I will see you again tomorrow,
Old friend,
Old enemy.
Just to clarify, Ruby isn't an actual person, or at least not a physical person (as confusing as that sounds). She's that voice in the back of your head that tells you-you're not enough. She’s different for everyone, and for most people, she’s manageable. But for me, she's raging out of control. And I hate it. I hate her. I hate everything about this, so instead of exploding from all of this, I'm channeling it more into writing.
Gianna Nov 23
if i fell for you because of your eyes
and how they held galaxies from afar
how did i get my heart broke by the way
you wouldn't lend me a star?
please don’t go
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