I know you won't understand how I came forth with this conclusion
Thinking I was happy was no more than an illusion
Just once I thought you would go and ask
But you never did, so my pain wouldn't pass.
even if someone showed they cared
My mind wouldn't change.
Just uselessly shared.
Not once have I been understood.
Not my family or even my doctors are good.
One day sadness rose to an ineffable height.
I saw no escape, nor did I see light.
Oh how nefarious people seemed to be.
Just endlessly firing words as if on a killing spree.
My life is a book, though I tend not to read.
It's filled with sweet sorrows, not flowers but weeds.
For My decrepit heart could beat no more
And my tears shall finally rest, instead of pour.
Expecting you to be there
Expecting you to care
As I get lost in the echo
Of your hollow words
Whispers of emotions
You didn’t feel
Telling others of first sight
and first touch
but truly not recalling them
I became the victim
Of your “three word lie”
As I feel my heart die
knowing you can never
knowing you will never
Feel the way I felt
when I looked into your eyes
My pit flew things through air
I wasn't there enough to care.
Her image haunted my thoughts but i knew nothing
And I wasn't there enough to care.
I was some where far off,
some where terrible still
but oh so different than where she held me.
I wasn't her pride.
I wasn't in her presence
even when i was.
Some where far off
I wasn't there enough to care.
and when her reign came down on me
i wasn't there.
So i tried not to care.
I dug my claws into my world.
I held my place
if I wasn't there
I couldn't care.
And I still don't look her in the eyes
but its not my head that hurts any more
its my gut.
and its my pride.
Its my heart that's solid inside.
Its those thoughts
if i could die.
sorry i wasn't ever good enough
sorry i still cry today
sorry i sit here and seem to always get hurt the same way
maybe its because you fucked me up so bad
i find the same situations
and play them out the same
in hopes your soul will return
instead its a stranger
and i don't know this map
i don't know what to do
what to say
how to feel
what do i do?
i'm sorry i'm lost
its like navigating Siberia without a map
i cried my whole way home from the bar tonight
thinking of you
thinking of what you'd tell me if you saw me now
thinking of the hand you'd raise to me if you saw
a teardrop fall from my gray eyes.
Words on fire
Words on steroids
It can burn down walls of restraint
It can lift the weights that we can't
It can bring the emotionally strong to tears
And bring the weakest new strength
Poetry is a beautiful thing
Tender beating with scarlet vines aligned and sublime.
Decorated all over.
Is it over, reality?
Where is my fantasy,
I want to smoke my memories away,
decay the pain that was brought here by the pulpous flesh beating tenderly.
I went with its guide and now I lie lost, bitter inside,
begging for help and questioning why,
why my tears fall down my face,
why am I a disgrace.
I couldn't cut the scenes away,
I couldn't try anyway.
A pill or ten was my win,
though I never died then.
destructive distraught bought my life,
and now I'm stuck in this limbo of paved depravity.
Why can't I float,
am I defined by gravity?
please set me free...but I guess I can't be,
I don't deserve to be happy