I see you around
but you can't see me.
I'm here,
I'm reaching out,
but it's in vain.

I'm hurt,
what can i say.
I feel like you forgot,
I feel like i'm not important,
but i know it's not true.
It can't be true.

I see you standing there
my beautiful friend,
I run to you,
you run to me,
but there's no reaching you,
the glass is separating us.

I scratch and scratch,
you do the same,
but the glass just won't break.
Tired I let my head sink,
I smile at you with tears in my eyes.
So close and yet so far.

I sink to the ground
and press my body against the glass.
I want to touch your skin,
I want to feel its warmth.

Each day i sleep at the glass,
I just dream it away.
I dream of reaching you,
of your body against mine.
I believe one day
my dream will come true.

I could cry
I'm exhausted
anxious
lonely
on edge
lately I feel like I've been walking on a mental tightrope
unbalanced and ready to slip at anytime
I keep telling myself I need more sleep
or it's just this birth control in my arm,
but I've told myself these same things since I was 14 years old
and I've slept since then
I've switched birth control since then,
I've still hurt myself since then

I remember the time,
When you were still here.
I remember the day,
When I had to pass through the fear...

I remember the pain,
I can still feel it sometimes...
My tears fell like rain,
When I heard that you're not fine.

Do you remember that summer?
When we took tons of rides...
I wish I could go back there
And hold you till the end of times.

That was the last year,
The very last time we met.
And as my biggest fear,
I will remember it and regret.

I remember that call...
The deep voice on the phone.
Hours spent staring at the wall,
Repeating the words '' He's gone ''

But those are my memories,
I really hope that they will last.
You're still in my heart,
Not just left in my past.

A crack in my skin,
you glued it back together.

  a blemish with my mind,
you fixed it by force.

   a doll

that's what you wanted from me

compliant. complacent.

   easily doted in affections
and sacred anecdotes.

   you were devout to me,
but weren't you that way with all your dolls,
with all of your collections?

   I was promised to be your favorite,
but a favorite isn't pushed to the back,
kept in an attic with no golden rays
willing to shine on the broken skin.

   your favorite wasn't ignored.

   I wasn't your favorite, but perhaps that was for the best.

    you're a dollmaker,
a cruel one with
tenebrous standards, ehtics.

and help those who are your
f a v o r i t e creations;

as every day passes by,
I thank myself for
denying your quips any longer,
your routines,
the melodies of your lackluster
yet pretty promises.

   I was a doll, yours to be exact,
but pretty promises with no
density, and formidable
abandonment and ignorance
shall only go so far.

I saw her walk through the cold chamber
She was wearing her old pretty dress
Her face was pale, she looked so sullen
I'm seeing her ghost again, I guess

She has long past died and I knew it
I guess I just can't move on, Oh why?
Mourning so deeply full of sorrow
I ask Thee, "Why does she have to die?"

I still remember the olden days
When I had held her close in my arms
And I could feel her breathe securely
I know she feels safe from any harm

But why, my dearest love, oh why?
Why leave me here broken and alone?
Is this a dejavu, I'm grievous
Grief-stricken, because of you I moan

-harllynne-