Amanda 6h
Trying to stay up, life is getting hard,
Holding me down, chains round my heart,
These scars are bars put up to guard
Deepest, softest, most vulnerable parts,
Tells me I'm pretty why dont I believe?
I look in the mirror, but I don't see,
Can't find anything beautiful in me,
Just a broken girl, shards of her heart on her sleeve,
Roaming the globe, looking for home,
Scared to get hurt so I walk alone,
On my own, few people really know
The real me behind the smile I show.

HOOK:
Trying to fix damaged spots,
Wanting to get back things I lost,
Repair broken emotions I feel,
Not all wounds are meant to heal.

Why does it feel like my insides are bleeding out?
This hole in my chest I'd rather be without,
Have nothing to fill it with besides doubt,
These pent-up frustrations make me wanna shout,
The truth about me is that I am too proud,
And when I talk I sometimes get loud,
Won't  listen, words lost in a cloud
Of blame and pain, I go round and round,
Ask questions, with no answers to be found,
Just screaming silence, I'm sick of the sound,
At night thoughts keep me up, I'm spiraling down,
Writing the anchor tying feet to the ground,
The only reason I decide to stick around.

HOOK

I wish I could start again,
Do right the second time,
Find a way to heal my pain,
Maybe then I would shine.
I miss who I was before pain transformed me into the bitter cold person I am today. I can be so loving but distant and closed off simultaneously. I am not happy with myself most of the time.
Amanda 19h
I am still trying to be your friend
Looking past many flaws
It's kinda hard to see past
The stress you always cause

I know I should let you go
You are a battle I'll never win
Something keeps me holding on
Through the chaos I am in

You are not worth it anymore
This is not what I envisioned
I truly mean it this time when I say
I am done with being imprisoned
No date on this one..
I wish it were without pain.
I wish it was just fantasy.
But it's not.

I wish I could say that everything's gonna be alright.
I wish I could give that comfort.
But it's not.

Time is unraveling and there is nothing you can do about it.
You can ignore every stressor in your life,
but time moves on.

Whether you decide that you want to spend every minute of your day,
alone,
in your room.
It doesn't matter.
Because Either way,
time unravels the same.
I'm                                                      
no saint                                                      
never­ was                                                    
never will be                                                      
so      ­                                              

I                      
will make                      
your mind see                      
a scarred mortal                      
heart                    

I
fell for
a     baleful
halo disguised
white

                                        And
                                         because
                                         of       it      my
                                          heart has paid the
                                          price


I
given
trust to be
paid with several
knives

      All                                                   
  are dealt                                              
unlike hands                                              
and to play life's                                              
game        ­                                        

Why                    ­                                                                 ­       
should I                                                                                         
b­e judged for                                                              ­                          
every fault and                                                              ­                          
flaw                                                                                         

Flaws                  
make me                  
beautiful                  
I'm human like                
you                

                  Now
                    people
                     have worsen
                   making  hating
                      cool

                      ­                                              Time
              ­                                                       from my
                                                                        childhood was
                                                             ­         stolen    from   my
                                                              ­          life

I
only
want to find
my own way in
peace

I                                                       
hate you                                                     
perfection                                   ­                  
It's used way too                                                  
much                                                   

It's                                                                                             
also                                                                                              
expected­                                                                                               
from everyone                                                                                           
here                                                                                           

My      ­    
love for          
words and myth          
burns bright in my        
soul          

                               I
                              have lied
                              I have judged
                               I  make  mistakes
                            so

                                                             ­                    Why
                                                           ­                      condemn
                                                         ­                       me  because
                              ­                                                  I   am   honest
                                                         ­                          look

         I've
         got my
              share of chips
             and cracks on my
          skin

Don't                              
make me                              
some target                              
on      media's                            
wall                              

I'm                                                            ­                  
alive                                                           ­                   
Living art                                                              ­            
now broken and                                                              ­          
scared                                                          ­                

But      
God sees    
and for all    
I have done    
He    

                                will
                                deal with
                                me in time
                                  The way He sees
                                  fit

These              
L­anterns              
my lanterns              
will adorn the              
sky              

With                                                        
my truth                                                        
I am fraught                                                         
with flaws and I'm                                                          
pro­ud                                                         


   ­       Now            
          lanterns            
take a piece
of my heart and
burn

                                             Rise
                                            to the
                                             endless sky
                                               and take my soul
                                              home
These Lanterns poem are really close to home...
Consider them like a continuation of my poem 'Naturally'.
I can't act like I'm perfect all the time. Needless to say that society's obsession with perfection has worsened. It feels like an image one will forever to forced to strive for but never reach. To be honest, being perfect all the time only makes people more excited for your fall from grace.
What I mean by people 'making hating cool' is that people enjoy jumping on the hate bandwagon when someone (e.g. a celebrity) does something they don't like, says something they don't like, or makes a mistake. In most cases, it's unnecessary. It's sad it happens...

The divine light that these lanterns have comes from a really emotional and insecure place in my heart. A treasure that I want you to see. I'm young, I've made my share of mistakes. Who hasn't? I've got a past. But I shouldnt be pressure to feel guilt for screwing up in life sometimes.
These words are from a 22 (23 tomorrow) year old who even though she acts like shes got it all covered, she's terrified of life as a whole. Fraught with her own personal issues and demons. But I'm still here for a reason.
There have been days where I wanted to end it all but I didn't.
Because deep down, I know. I couldn't deny myself a chance in life.
A chance to finally have some stability and to be happy. A chance to truly find myself and embrace who I am.
Something that I'm honestly still learning to do.
I hope people here who are going through this understand where I'm coming from.

I'm me, Lyn Purcell and there's nowhere and nothing I'd rather be.
Thanks so much for 88 followers. For me it's insane!
No words can express how I feel but you have my gratitude!
Really!

More Lanterns are coming as well as Sijos.
So, have a lovely day/night and be back soon!
Lyn xxx
Your tide rolled in
Your tide rolled out
The best way to describe us,
Our love,
To define what happened
Is to compare it to the ocean,
My sanity the sand.
Your love became a tide to me.

Consistent in only one way,
The way it never
Never ceased to exist
Yet inconsistently  
Constantly changing.
Your waves cascaded over me,
across my shoreline
swallowing every bit
of who I once was.  

All the while I was gasping for air.
Your water filling every crack
Your tide rolled in
Your tide rolled out
Each passing time
disturbing my sand
My sanity
Taking away the smallest pieces
Every time the tide rolled in
Until finally
Nothing that was once there
Still existed.
You clearly
don't give a fuck about me.

So why
do I give a fuck about you?


*Your intentions are clear.
I'm so done with all the bullshit
here’s to the days it seems as though love is hiding in plain sight. a forgotten warmth, promising all things to be whispered behind nervous palms underneath the moon. the question is written inside her eyes clear as day, a flash of hurt crossing their bridge when she’s pushed to the distant regions of his mind for another. roses are her favorite flower and maybe he’s not one for clichés. the streets are empty now, the distance between them measured in trees. but their branches still do not cross.
currently at work + i just want to go home + hangout with my best friends but they’re both busy tonight :’(
mascara stained cheeks
and ripped fishnet
stockings, smoke
drifting out cherry
lips as the stars laugh
above her tired mind,
she loves him,
she loves him not,
she wants him,
but no-
no she does not
ugh
sort of in doubt of my progress every time i hear a tired sigh, watch a pair of eyes roll upward, try to ignore the whispers in the dark late at night. it seems like the weight of this body is catching up to me all at once, holding me down in an iron fist of the unknown. my pen runs dry and my fingertips bleed ink and the corner of my bedroom is my favorite spot to shut my eyes and sleep. my limbs are heavy, these aching parts begging to be freed. ghosts eat away at my brain like gray poison, but i can never fucking scare them away.
u either kill urself or get killed
please speak to me in a series
of sentences beloved + passionate,
this temporary oasis settling
into our curves and bones,
3 little words forcing a way out
from behind grinding teeth,
and the velvet of honesty
upon our hearts not shown.
it sounds ridiculous but after losing my first love i’m afraid to open up to someone new at the risk of getting hurt again. and i’m afraid to be honest about my feelings. i’m still so scared of vulnerability, i guess.
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