I’m learning the new language of love
It’s cloudy and I’ve only
broken sentences
unfortunately already-fluent in the tongue of
drunk hook-ups and
meaningless touches and
compromised endeavors and
disguised intentions

I have never felt what I was promised
I want to bathe myself in it
showers
pools
seas of infatuation
if it exists
desperate for affection
addicted to the idea that a soul could long for me
craving something
anything


something a little better than the french boy
panting I love you’s in broken english
mistaking my moans for those of intense, bearable pleasure

something a little more meaningful than the taxi-yellow lit disabled toilet on new years eve with a boy who flinched at the marks on my thighs

something a little sturdier than the 4:am coitus cuddling with a boy trying not to wake our friends on the shadowy bedroom floor

unreliable arousal
am I unfairly deprived?

and its like in this life this moment this mind
i could find you ten times
even in this small town

different souls
i don’t know (they keep saying one) (they keep saying it goes on and on and on) (multi chemical vessels carrying one) (and thats why it still feels long) (even when they tell you it goes fast you can’t comprehend that, its not fact) (you’ve never been dead)

they’re
all you
and i can feel it

at different stages
turning different pages of all your labels

this life next life after life

death i don’t know if you exist
show me you are just a myth

and if it wasn’t for another person
id be lost
and i am
questioning life all the time
in my room smoking weed
getting lost in my thought
to the point i’m so paranoid
spaced out
fate drops
thoughts lost
in a massive void
and can you read
thats what i am wondering

or do you just know from the expression on my face
emotions but laced with a trace of delusion
evil on his face
i might have just reacted to something
i created
are my thoughts are really powerful
or am i just getting to flu off myself
i look at you and you’re a you
and i'm a you but don't abuse
and if you could do this do
its not impossible

and maybe we are not
and we are just
are just keeping on going coping
but please try for me
cus is this funny but i just met you
and its it actually bizarre
cud i feel like i met you before

and it was here
and i know its now but
i'd meet you there
all of you
up that ladder
and in that flat

he was there before me
and that's scary
so he took me there
but actually
wait i met you before that
and it's coming into fruition
exotic curious
stood outside mangos
and thats not coming back

but you took me there
not him
and it's pure sin
and it's pure love

but safety net
and comfy bed
i'm so sorry
i met you a thousand times
you're the one who said it
you’re tired
you’ve lived a thousand lives

i know you know this
and you told me to stop
cus it's just fear
and i've walked even more miles
around the world inside my mind now
and seeds were planted
and its grown with flowers
from their garden
and it was dying
but you all learnt
and i'm learning from all of you
but there's an enigma

and that sticker
i did rip it off
but you are back
and Leonard cohen's nearly strached off
by my dirty frustrated nails  

i see, do you?

i stuck that sticker there unaware
then i knew i knew i knew i would have stuck it only there
but id done it. already. before that thought.
so why did feel so important after?
absolute stizko paranoia confusion

or deja vu

cus further on in -time- right now
i'm looking at a peeled off sticker
i put it there
i remember i've been here before
i peeled it off a thousand times
with my dirty frustrated fingers
and i'm important you nearly gone

you love Leonard Cohen too
and that's you
and it's important
please don't slip away

my love my love
i'd be yours

and now i understand its me
desperately searching for meaning
by attaching meaning
and not a coincidence
but that's okay i wont manipulate
will you?
i don't want to be sucked into depression
surrounding my self with snakes
and even you are still true
get me a tissue please
can up my mess.

whilst i listen to songs with videos
of old vcr tapes
real people
real life
now
here with you
it's beautiful
and you made it but i did too
and i hope we make it
because i love you too

and my favourite artists alex gray btw
so back to you
i think i understand this time
this time apart from you
miles away from you
with you

you know last year i used to look at you
in the mirror
in me
the love is strong
i knew we weren't apart
even last summer
even though it was fucked
it was you
and i know you know i was ill too
a series of unfortunate events
I’m just so sad

but you'd heard a it thousand times
watching it with your eyes
and it started to make you mad
and they somehow blame you?
how do they think they are best
cus you are.

you got tired.
fucking face yourself and help yourself
you know you’re making me mad
because you knew
i know
you've always been just as sad

and scared
i should’ve been there
but i am lost

alone
where are you all?

You breathing next to me

Is the only love song

I will ever need

A madness of touch
Skin, on skin
Lips, on every inch of you
Devouring you
Looking at you
Awe, undisguised
No mask or falsehood, I wear
In all my fumbling uncertainty
I am led, by my own passion
The heat of you beneath me
The taste of you on my tongue
I want to press closer
Make up for all the time before
This moment, every moment
My skin and yours were not
In contact, concert
Our movements, a dance
Our mingled moans, a song
It feels like we're birds
Denied to sing, until this moment
And I never want our little, finite
Infinity, to end

There is only one place
I can call home

          where I can hold your hands
              You put your arms around me
                
And I feel your breathing
     Oh, It's only in our dreams

               Colorless but meaningful dreams
         Keep me awaken all the walking moments
 All the way back to home

Should I teach my heart
                     Not to give words to my thoughts of you?
                    
Where stars don't refuse to shine
    I keep waiting for you
       Don't dare to be left
        Broken inside
           on my own hearts  
                                
Enough with the scattered words
I would rather turn you as a story
The story that takes a lifetime
to complete

   Thousand of nights
   together
        under the stars
    The story to be lived
  over and over again to be loved
to be told

               An encrypted story
             that only I can read
             The storyteller is void inside
      without you
               Oh, thee story

Mecherrum
when you come
where you are
where you're from.

Mecherrum
give me some
why you run
Oh Mecherrum, Mecherrum,

Oh Mecherrum
when you come
fall through my heart
it's where you're from
Mecherrum.

I want you to undress me
slowly
so I can savour the electric
that sparks when your hands brush my skin.
Feel your hands slide up my body to free me from my bra. Fingertips so eager, my nipples so hard and aware.

When your hands find my waist I will be undone.
Thirsty lips fall down my neck
Trace my collar bone as my fingers crawl up your spine.
Pearls of sweat clinging to the hairs stood on end
I will not wait any longer,
my body screams for you.

Fire rises as my body aches and arches.
feelings so overwhelming the world blurs out of vision.
Skin grows damp and heart beats free
Fast hands
Hot skin
Lips quick to steal sweet nectar
Your need growing so much
I can feel it now

Unleashed
Released
together we move
Our bodies rolling
Deep ocean waves
Pleasure washing over me
A tide building
to a crescendo that echoes your moans
My screams
Bursting at the seams
Reality dissolved
As we both erupt in ecstasy
Legs shaking
Nails scratching
Body trembling
Lip biting
Palms sweating
Hearts singing
As we melt
into each other
Hand in hand
Finished
and only just begun