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I'm starting to not remember how you looked.
But I remember little things,
like how you'd fold half the page to dogear
your place in a book.
The smell of old canvas
which you stretched when you were manic,
and watched it turn whiter
as you grew depressed thinking of how to paint it.

The grinding of your teeth in your sleep, ******* it
it drove me up the wall. Still does, because
as I sit here writing it from memory I shuddered.

The smell of your shampoo whose brand name I forgot.
Because if I could I'd have a case of it.
Just to be nearer to you.

You used to smile when I'd read you something I wrote.
Now I've found a website where I can post.
You always told me I had some type of talent to capture
moments nobody noticed,
a photographer with words instead of apertures.
But aren't they meant to be worth a thousand more than mine?
I think you held for me a little bias.

You told me I'd end up as a paragraph in an essay
of some American Literature student's midterm grade.
She'd ace it, and I loved where you placed me.
In the middle of everything better than I was,
in this future of whimsy where I kept writing
just because.

I can't tell you what you gave me for those years, as short as they were.
All I can do is tell other people that any confidence or talent is all due to her.
I miss you. Be well where you are. Sorry for all the ****** poetry :^)
Hand in hand we walk by,
the flower shop between,
unknown to loves goodbye,
a rose I bought for thee....

Such a smile of thine so bright,
dims the sun aloft in the sky,
and all that shines amidst the night,
withers beside thy gleaming eyes;

In thy soft voice cupid whispers,
a love's eternal paradise,
that no winter or desert piers,
nor the low moon is slight to prize.

Thy heart, thy soul, a golden stream,
of beauty so fair and so deep,
and by that brook, thy love a dream,
once known to me--now begs me weep!

For neath the sky that summers night,
a wind blew thee away from me,
as heaven above us in spite,
stole thy heart and our love to be.

And though my soul by sorrow nursed,
'tis the sun that shows me of shine,
because it reminds me of thine,
and though our love is dissevered,

They cannot dissolve thee from mine,
and when my fortune hath decline,
and on my limbs the sun belie,
together, forever, we'll fly.

Tears in tears I walk by,
the graveyard beneath,
beknown to loves goodbye,
a rose I brought for thee....
tongue in teeth
eyes shut tight
clothes on in the shower
back from the brink
back from somewhere
a dead friend's childhood home

the lies i tell myself
just so i can get by
become less convincing
every time i tell them
i know all the signs
my tells are obvious
and i know
when my heart's not in it

i am only 25 years old
but already it feels like
my body has lost something
a sense of youthfulness or beauty
that i had when i was 17
and do not have now
that strange men would crave
why can't i feel that way again?
would i even want that again?

the people ive trusted
and who were worthy of that trust
who treated me well and cared for me
have been so few
and never have any of them
shared their hearts with me
the way i wanted to share mine

how can i believe in my own worth
and value as a person
when i believe i am an object
of ****** pleasure
who has no more pleasure to offer?
what value do i have then?
what am i then?
what worth is there to be found
in a doll that is no longer beautiful?

make me clean again, lord
make me whole
make me beautiful
this is why i don't believe in ***
if he is real, the ****** abandoned me
like most men do
i have had only my friends and family
and the professional help i could pay for
to save my soul

your mother called me a deadbeat
a criminal and a lowlife
(did she feel the same way about you?)
she said i wasted my youth and my life
that i didn't love you
or i would have tried to save you
from the life you chose
like she tried to

but you never needed saving
from your death, but not your way of life
i was never cut out for it
but i was in it for the wrong reasons
i was trying to hurt myself
in order to feel anything i could
while you were trying to thrive
she'll never understand you
you didn't want salvation from her
you only wanted your mother back

she's a cursed woman
and i wish i understood this
before i let her words cut me so deep
she's drowning in an ocean of grief
and doesn't know how to do anything
but strike everyone else down with blame

i tried my best to change her mind
to turn her heart with my own
i hope you would understand, ******
it seemed her heart had hardened
turned to stone and shut away
i could not change her at all

i still go to bed with your ghost
i wanted to give you rest
i wanted to protect you
i dont know where this leaves us my friend
some hearts can't be turned
but i will not betray mine
zoey 12h
can you hear it?
it's scraping at the surface just
beneath my skin
it's mewling thrashing crying out for
release
can you feel it?
it's pulsing violently against my ribcage
jerking the ligaments and tendons
setting each nerve on
fire
can you see it?
it's fluttering frantically behind my eyes
it's calling out to you
why can't you see it?
look
it's pushing sweat through my pores it's painting my face with tears my body is trembling with the force of it now why can't you see
the hurt?



you know
when you climbed on top of me
pinned my limbs to those familiar sheets i almost believed that you would free me
that you would tear this useless carcass open and let my skeleton
breathe
but all you did was tighten my locks and i have
never
felt more trapped
Tegan 18h
In amongst the debris of everything we created
And everything we destroyed
I know that I still love you
Even though your heart is still
And your body is cold
The memory of you will always keep me warm
elle 19h
is across the room
welling in her eyes
as she thinks of her country so far away and burning
to the ground every night

grief seeps in and
under our skin
burrows tunnels in our bed sheets
mapping the places we tried to forget

grief
he lives on the tip of my tongue
a language I can’t speak
but mindlessly hum

grief is the anchor in my grandfather’s ocean
the sky and the sand, the captain to his call

grief,
spreads like vines
a yawn across the bus
stitching together our string-thin lives

grief has touched us all
J Ray 23h
Today I finally looked inside myself and saw my broken heart
I tried to find a tool that would fix it, maybe some kind of  chart
But my toolbox was as empty as my soul, and no charts exist
How then can I mend this broken heart, how can I get it fixed?
I went to my doctor, and he tried to give me pills, but it was no use
There’s not a pill in this world that can take away my hearts abuse
I tried to speak to my family,  they have the same symptoms as I do
I’m sure if I brought it up they would understand and get me through
But how can I speak, when the words I say are mingled with these tears
How do I comfort them when my heart is broken, because its full of fears?
When you left this world, it shattered my heart, everything stopped
When I heard the news, I just went numb and my heart just dropped
This is about the time that my heart must have been broken no doubt
Maybe Ill get a sign and attach it to my heart, a sign that says “keep out”
This way it couldn’t possibly get hurt again, and maybe it will fix itself
If I pick up all the shards of my broken heart, maybe I can fix it myself
I will try to piece this heart of mine together using all the tools I can find
Memories, Happiness, Love, all the good things we shared I can call mine
The cold rain pours outside, and the only warmth I find is memories of you
My heart skips, as it is drowning in the sorrow of another day of feeling blue
Beyond hurt and loneliness I take comfort in knowing where you now rest
If there is any consolation in tragedy, it’s that you are no longer oppressed
Just know that you can’t be forgotten, in my heart I can still feel your love
For I know that you will always be with me, watching over me from above
We have all lost someone. I grieve the only way I know how, I write....
It feels so long since I have been here, thanks for being my outlet.
My name is Hiro and yet I couldn't save you
If I hadn't picked up your hat
Maybe I would've caught up to you
I remember those flames
As if I've found **** on earth
Your disappearing silhouette continues to replay in my mind
As though foreshadowing you leaving from this lifetime
Just once I hated your caring nature
If you hadn't cared so much
You would still be here
I am blinded by regret
Over something I couldn't control
I was close to the flames but I felt so cold
As time went still
I froze where I was
My tears aching to be free
My cries wanting to mimic the explosion
Like those flames that took you away from me
Ari 1d
My brother died 12 days ago.
I held him until his last heartbeat passed.
I watched my mothers heart break
And fathers world shatter.

I was there.
I watched his lips turn blue.
I felt the heat leave his body
And sobbed into his hospital gown.

My brother died 12 days ago.
I was the one to make the phone calls.
I’m the one who broke the news
To our family and friends.

I was there.
I walked down those halls.
I left my shattered soul
Sewn into the cracked tiles of that hospital.

My brother died 12 days ago.
I swear he took my heart with him.
He left my mind here to listen
To the countless “my condolences”.

I was there.
I saw the 300 people who loved him.
I met some of the countless souls
He guided through life storms.

My brother died 12 days ago.
I am still crying when no ones looking.
I buried my brother in the earth he loved
But his light and love lives in me now.

-ARI
paper thin skin
the artist’s eye is drawn
moth to a flame
but darling, paper burns

fragile, the softest ashes
they say “it always ends like this”
porcelain quivers
artist’s eyes, closed lids

flicker, just minutes more
please, just one last kiss
tears wet the cracks
and salt your drying lips

this loss, feel it endlessly
let me taste you one last time
something to savour,
to agonise the mind
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