I look at you, but you aren't there,
And I breathe a sigh of sadness.
If I look away I'll face my fear,
And succumb to a world of madness.

I reach for you, but you don't reach back,
And water wets my face.
I think of everything I lack,
In the game of the Human Race.

You didn't know what would happen that day.
What you reaped you did not sew.
I look at you and all I say;
"Why did you have to go?"
It’s funny how seeing things from a different perspective can make such a difference
When you look out of the window of a plane and you can see your tiny house
And the city is no bigger than your thumb
And cars on the highway look like ants running from point A to point B
And people so tiny you can’t even see their faces
But then, when you’re back on the ground
You feel like a tiny insect yourself
In a city so big it eats you alive
In a house where the walls swallow you
On streets surrounded by people whose faces you cannot escape
On the subway when it turns from empty to crowded to empty to crowded again
When you look up to the bright yellow ceiling and imagine sunlight
When you get off at your station
And everything looks the same
Exactly like when you got on the train this morning
And like yesterday, and the day before
And how nothing will ever make this stairs look different
No matter what angle you’re looking at them from
Because when you’re on solid ground and not in the sky
Putting things in perspective is so much harder
“It’s a two stuffed animal kind of day?”




“yeah”
My mom’s observation stuck with me
moon 1d
i played the keys in the sky in hopes you would hear me.
i laid out notecards of things that would make you proud of me,
all in order,
all for you.
your voice will always sound like the sun,
whether it be on the hottest day in texas
or it be on a beautiful autumn day.
i know that since your presence in my dreams is gone now too,
you're finally up there.
all light and peace and happiness,
living without fear or anxiety
or sadness.
just visit now and then okay?
do you promise to change streetlights that aqua pearl color again?
do you promise to make yourself near enough to feel your energy as a hug when we need it?
i read in books that it's really nice up there.
let my little brother hold your hand,
let my grandmother make you food.
please be happy up there.
i miss you
Mr Smith had never thought about

The fake flowers on the drawers.
That beauty which makes death feel ignored,
But looks unripe in any vase
And isn’t right for wedding cars -

Their petals never sought to solve
His seven word soliloquy.
There’s no rose bed on recovery
When after all, she loves him not.

He knows it from their scrutiny,
That untimely unchapped litany
That blush of plush longevity
Adored; while he withers.

Mr Smith’s preferred were pansies,
For ‘their faces crumpled under sunlight’,
He’d shuffle stems like decks; green necks
To warm and sweeten death.

The pansies were his calendar -
Life measured against death
Kept his watches ticking;
The thirsty amber skins were pages comprised

Of how he hated plastic petals
With a pale and putrid pith,
Their purpleness was slothful
And their pulchritude a myth

Of mocking murmurs mumbling
Memories -
As insipid as the very falseness
Binding up their limbs -
Of the August day in ‘54
When the fake flowers on the drawers
Were white against her whiter brow -
As perfect then, as they are now.
one I wrote thanks to the advice of a very dear friend and a knock-out lyricist
If I could have you back
for just one day,
I’d tell you all the things
I never did say…

I’d tell you I love you
and that I always will,
I’d tell you all my joys
even my little thrills.

I’d tell you my dreams
and sadness’s too,
I’d tell you my dark secrets
that you never knew…

I’d tell you about the love
deep in my heart,
I’d tell you of the day
I was torn apart…

I’d tell you how I miss you
and wish you were here,
I’d tell you everything
I hold so dear…

If I could have you back
for just one day,
I’d find a way
to continue the stay…
~
Sometimes the feeling of loss and grief can overtake you in a second, leaving tears streaming down your face. Sometimes, just by a smell, like the smell of lilacs floating through the air on a cool spring evening.

Just having a bad “Miss You Dad” day…
July 4th will be five years since he's been gone, it doesn't seem that long.
Going home, the dog lied down,
On the carpet floor,
Unable to stand, looking,
Seeing you standing.
You see it in his brown eyes
Barely any light
You smile at that big puppy
Petting his forehead
The IV set in him
His breath was shaking.

Will you be there?

A cry from mom startles,
"He's gone"

Now you wonder what you could have done,
To make that puppy even happier than he was before.
This was a poem about what just happened moments ago. My big white german shepherd died in my home, just an hour ago. He was an amazing puppy. Still the best puppy I have ever had and ever will have. 9 years old, he acted just like a little lap dog full of energy.
Enough already


I’ve taken enough of your patience in me,
To build a hospital bed and oh how I nearly lost my mind;
But concentration lingers beside me in time and nudges me in the side.
So once more I must get my act together,
So I can try to stand up tall, with pride.
Easy pissing’s, losing everything,
Silent thoughts are all you leave me with;
Disappear and leave me with my grief.
Who are you to think you know just what I need?
Pity me for claiming to be free.
In my head you don't belong,
Let me be and move yourself along.
Without you I can become someone,
But with you on my mind I will forever remain lost.
Get to being gone, we are done.


(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Discovery


As she walked through my life, she simply kissed me goodbye.
She was only with me for a moment; a moment in time.
But then she was gone from me and all I could do is cry.
I guess we never get the chance, to love for life.


As the years all rushed passed me and experiences made me grow;
I thought about her all my life and where she is, I just don’t know.
But each night I send a firework, flying high into the sky.
Maybe one day she will see my signal flare and she will send me a sign.


As my eyes begin to fade and all my hair has now turned grey;
I guess she just isn’t coming back to me; I guess alone I have to stay.
I sure did have a good life and I married my beautiful wife;
But she has passed away, three years now
And I still can’t get her off my mind.


I wish I could have been with her, for the rest of my life,
But some things they just ain’t meant to be;
I never said it would all turn out alright.
I lost you in my youth and now I’ve lost my second love too.
I know I should be grateful, but all my thoughts return to you.


So many years without you near, I would just like to understand.
I know you had to find yourself, but did you ever find your man?
Or was I the one you think about, the one you could come back too?
I hope you think of me from time to time;
I hope to see you soon.


You had to leave to find yourself;
Well, did you find your way?
Have you discovered what you needed to find?
I can only remember the day you walked away.
Have you completely lost yourself in love and did you raise a family?
Our time stopped, the day I watched you slowly walking out on me.


I guess you carry your own memories;
I wish they had been mine,
But fate decided we would part
And follow our own paths.  
Have your discovered, how to just, leave it all behind?
I never did;
I never did stop loving you,
But now I know…
You’re never coming back.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
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