during the rains
even without obvious clouds
distant weather systems
fed the tributaries of anger and insult
capacity endlessly breached
substrate delicately formed over time by layered injury
the dam holds firm
for the most part
every so often, words seep through
coursing gently down the lee side
a welling up occurs less often now
only when the pain returns
memories then tumble over
free falling in a riot of muted grey
an evolution of tears
plucked from life
like lily or rose
gone in an instant
petals of memories strewn
as we look back
on life's path
all is surreal
in those times
let us turn
not yet chosen
for death's bouquet
let us strengthen each other
a core of peace
may we love more profoundly
accept life more fully
be more conscious of those
Perhaps even say
the things we wish
to those who left.
i do not want to remember you
as you are right now -
all sticks and stones
and broken bones,
a rough sketch of a person,
shaky lines as if the artist
was having a panic attack in the corner of a coffee shop.
tears fall onto the page and blur the lines
so i do not know where you stop
and the medicated beat of your heart begins.
you were a work of art,
a statue carved out of marble,
the universe took its time creating you
long hair like princess
but the strength of a warrior.
but as you lay in your bed,
diseases erasing you so aggressively
they tore a hole right through the page
and we cannot color you in as fast
as you are fading.
you are fragile,
a paper doll
turned into a sympathy card
i'm sorry for your loss.
Wanna cry out loud
But my voice dies unborn
Wanna take off and fly
But it feels like I’m gravity itself
Wanna reach out and touch you
But my limbs are stiff
Wanna see the moon and the stars
But my hatred blinds me
Wanna hear the laughter and the songs
But I’m deaf with my own rage
Wanna live and let live
But death is all I feel
Wanna stand up and fight
But I know there is nothing to gain
Wanna die in peace
But what is dead may never die
Digging after some small perfect diamond
To place into a hand that never fondled one before
Nor could even hold one now,
It’s corporeal being burned away in grieving,
I reach for my pen
I cannot find it with my vision pulsing so in liquid sorrow.
It is mislaid among the clutter
That booby traps my days and roils my mind in darkened hours
The ready empathy took me by surprise.
She took precise aim with her eyes
And pierced my worn armour
Slowly and calmly
Drawing out my story
With her tears
Diluting my grief with her kindness
Lightening the weight with each smile
Beneath the spring blossom.
I'm standing here,
My limbs are shaking,
I can hear my teeth rattling like the sound of a plastic Halloween skeleton blowing in the night air.
Speaking of, the wind is crisp,
It sends a message of ice down my spine.
It dances it's way into my lungs,
I'm breathing it in like cigarette smoke on an early morning.
My insides are slowly working like churning of thickened ice cream ,
And when I look at you it feels like the sudden drop of a bowling ball that has soon to land on a wooden floor in an empty room.
My eyes have leaked but the sprig is now frozen to my cheeks. My skin tingling with each crumpled movement of my face, slight sounds of my dried tears cracking is like the stepping on of thin frost on dewy grass.
I am cold but I will stand here.
My body is cold but your memory keeps me warm,
you're worth it,
I will stand in this cemetery if it means I can share some more moments with you.
Your laughter, Your youth.
How unique you were.
I'm never going to meet anybody like you again and I'm sure of it.
Everybody else is a dime a dozen, but you..
you were astounding. Anybody who dared looked your way struggled to maintain direct eye contact for more than a few seconds. You were the essence of wild and free and I wish I could see you grow older with all of your friends. I miss you. I love you. I am screaming into the void for you.