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Canceled all my other plans
had conversations with nothing but our eyes

I hear your name and forget to concentrate
I call you in the middle of the night
Can't even tell you why,
Just felt like sayin 'Hi'

You fidget with your keys
Constantly glancing over your shoulder
With every glance pulling me further into something vast
The deep moisture in your eyes
Something inescapable
Finding reasons not to leave

Riding extra slow
Take the long way home
Get a little too close
Almost said ' I LOVE YOU'
Tryin' to hide the chemistry

Got drunk somewhere and talked about the future with you in it.
Getting chills with every accidental touch

Convincing myself there's nothing
One look into your eyes
And God! There's something

But hey,
We're just friends.
Interluding stolen kisses, as fleeting thoughts
traverse the corridors of time; often acting less
of our true selves in a desperate bid to win the
affection of those we hope to love - to be loved
But all bets are off, once the cards are laid bare
upon the table – as the choice to remain or depart
hinges on how long you are willing and able.

But if I'm falling, dreaming, waiting... in a caged
thought; plotting, scheming, believing that one's
love should also keep its word; can it truly hold
more weight than those three burdensome words?

And I hope they aren’t words more so said, less
expressed, or expressed in public, but having no
real private impression — just making up stories
for the press, as the headline reads you've been
pressing all my wrong buttons, I'm pressed.
"I love you," if that is your declaration, I guess
as some loves are just for period of time; acting
as an interval. But also, the ones that are so hard
to forget. But I wouldn’t remember you as a lover,
but someone who was once a friend - just friends.
It was the night of the concert
My very first one
My lips were cracking
From being bitten and chewed on

I was excited, you were too
You loved the band
And I loved you

You lent me the ChapStick
It smelt like ****
It tasted like you
It filled me with need

Need to be closer
To hold you
To taste you
Gods you tasted good.

I kept it
I'm not sure why
Maybe I forgot
Or my lips were still dry

Maybe it was conscious
I stole the **** thing
It tasted like you
I ignored the sting

We realized our feelings
You're my best and closest friend
I dont have that ChapStick
I lost it in the end

It smelled like ****
Tasted like you
I hope you still know hon
I love you too.
I really with I still had it, it was my favorite.
From the drafts again :(
🙏🏻

They feast with the wolves…

Bark with with the dogs…

Weep with the shepherds…

Guests at every table,

but a pillar at none.

Call them seasonal?
Situational?

Maybe,
Socially fluent? morally absent?

Friends to everyone…
and loyal to no one.

☝️
This poem reflects the nature of surface-level friendships. those who adapt to every group but commit to none. Present in moments of ease, absent in moments of need.
Apart from your mother…

Only insurance companies
pray you live forever
no crashes, no coughs,
no inconvenient surprises.

They pray for your safety
with more sincerity
than your friends ever did.

No backhanded compliments,
no masked resentment.

They’ll cheer for your success
as long as it’s mild.
Celebrate your fitness
but not too wild.
This poem exposes the transactional nature of modern relationships, using insurance companies as a metaphor for the rare, conditional loyalty found in a world where even love is often veiled in competition, envy, or quiet sabotage.
We sit in the coffee shop—
laughter spilling loud,
hearts full,
like the beans brewed deep in our cups.

For a fleeting moment,
we set the world right,
and nothing exists
beyond us four
and this tiny corner
of time and space.
--
Hymn (Whispered):
Take my hands, break my name,
shape me into something tame.
Hollow me and call it grace—
just don’t let me go to waste.
--

I come not to pray,
but to become the prayer.
To strip the flesh
from this tired form
and offer it—bleeding, trembling—
on whatever altar will take me.
Call it sacrifice.
Call it madness.
Call it love.
All I’ve ever wanted
was to be worthy of something.
So I kneel.
To nothing.
To everything.
To the weight of silence
where a god should be.

--
Hymn (Sung soft):
Light me up, let me burn,
give me pain that I can earn.
Bury me where saints once cried—
make me holy when I die.
--

I fast from joy.
I purge my voice.
I pour myself into the mold of what you want
until I am hollow and holy,
and still—
you do not answer.
Tell me what to become.
A vessel?
An echo?
A thing to be used,
discarded,
but never adored?

--
Hymn (Harsher, trembling):
I am ash, I am dust,
build me new if you must.
Bind my bones, make me small,
but let me matter—let me fall.
--
I will bind myself to devotion
if it means being seen.
I will twist each rib into an offering bowl
and fill it with obedience,
with quiet,
with pain wrapped in velvet.
Make me sacred,
even if it hurts.
No—
especially if it hurts.
Because somewhere along the way,
I learned that suffering is closer to love
than peace has ever been.

--
Hymn (Barely a whisper):
Break me down, take what’s left,
whisper mercy into death.
Paint my name in wax and bone—
don’t leave me in the dark alone.
--

If there's a guidebook
on how to earn a place in this world—
then show me the first page.
I will carve its words into my skin
until I am scripture.
Until I am worthy.
I was never the favorite.
Never the chosen.
I’ve always been the shadow behind the flame,
the handmaid to someone else’s joy.
Unseen.
Unheld.
Unwanted.
--
Hymn (Fading chant):
Let me serve, let me stay,
take the light and walk away.
I’ll keep the cold, I’ll hold the night—
just leave me with a flicker of light.
--
But I learned how to serve.
To hold the pain of others
in a chalice carved from my own bones.
To carry their weight
as penance for simply existing.
And still—
I ask:
What more must I give?
I’ve torn out my name.
I’ve rewritten myself in silence.
I’ve given you my ribs as scaffolding,
my soul as tapestry,
my spine as ladder.
Yet you do not climb.
Each failure
becomes a hymn I sing through gritted teeth.
Each rejection,
a relic I wear like armor.
I don’t want worship.
I just want to matter.

--
Final Hymn (Broken, final breath):
If I fade, if I fall,
etch my worth into the wall.
Let them know I tried to be—
even if it wasn’t me.
--

So if I must be a martyr,
let it mean something.
If I must be broken,
let the cracks glow.
And if I was never meant
to be enough—
This Poem is about how I have struggled with feeling as if I am enough in life. To those I love. This poem is a cry for help. A cry to be seen.

I have added Hymn to this poem as I have always found myself singing them to myself when I needed to be seen the most.
You know I write my love songs
and my poems
when everything feels wrong
when there's pain
I feel it all
it makes my skin crawl
into a ball of unwritten words
I must let fall onto paper

So I sit here and I feel bad
that every note pad isn't about you
it's about him or her
and love and other blurs
but never about you
and all your hues

I want to explain why
if I may
You and I
Red and purple
passionate and secure
deep and for real
you have never made me feel
pain
never made me kneel
or strain
you have always been
my place
my home
the one who will never roam

I think that's beautiful
but maybe I need to say it more
write about you on the floor
write about our love on every door
but I only seem inspired to write
while crying on the floor

You have never left me bruised
or sore
never left me seeking more
we are together
in perfect harmony
it's never a bore
You and me are
as Taytay said
Forevermore

So I write this poem to you
my best friend
my sister
my soul mate
and my favorite person
I love you
and I think you know
every day with you
to me is like
dancing in the snow
<3
To my memory, I've fallen down the stairs twice
Once I was taken to the hospital, at an age when I wasn't aware of the word fright
The other when the sound of footsteps was taken over by the laughter, while I looked down and silently cried

The first time, there were tears, but there was no shame
I could see the blood, but there was no pain
When my head was wrapped with something white with red blood stains
The other time, it was different
It was the viewers' entertainment
It hurt me more because
As a kid, I've been too used to the sweet words and helpful hands

I decided to wait for someone who's worth the breath I'm saving or stay unloved
So I've seen those hands clapping together but I've also seen my fingers hanging in the air untouched
Because I wasn't looking for a pretend, a friend till it's all said and done
So I've had those empty so-called "stick-around" hugs

I've even tried to be a single person's pleaser
But the tailor never stitched me to be entangled with people
Sometimes the colour doesn't match,
Sometimes the needle picks out the bonded thread
And sometimes I didn't waste my days to find out the reason

Maybe the incidents where I couldn't sleep even in my own house
Or where I couldn't dare to stand alone in the outside crowd
The one which I still can't speak of to myself
Are the reason why I think that "believing in someone" is the shortest route to hell

I am sure everybody has had hard times
And I am not giving the importance to myself
I am not making it all about me
But there's no one, and to you, I'm justifying myself
You can tell how vulnerable I feel

To my memory, I've bought a rose twice
Once, it was never sent; in my hand, it slowly died
The other time, the rose was picked up
But it was sent by me, so it was disliked

Memories don't always bring the joy; sometimes it's best folded
And I'd say to every old me, who's been "never chosen," "left hurt," and "self distorted":
Don't blame your legs, because you couldn't run
Don't blame your hands, because you couldn't paint
Often days, your body will feel burned
Don't blame yourself, if you'll ever faint
Maybe what you've dreamed, you might not get
But a good girl always lives along and appreciates what's been served on the plate
I am grateful for my parents
how they're always there for me
listening to me when I'm sad
giving me hugs to make me feel better
how they make me laugh when I'm about to cry

I am grateful for my poetry
how it got me through dark times
and is with me during the happy times
always there to help me express my feelings
how it kept me afloat in the sea of depression

I am grateful for my friends
how they're there for me
as I am there for them
how they make me laugh
and we can share anything without judgement
I am grateful for many things, but I chose the top 3
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