Why does it feel as though happiness is unattainable for me? Unreachable no matter how far I stretch. Untouchable no matter how much I yearn for it. And whenever I do seem to grasp it, it always vanishes into thin air. Leaving me wishing for a different time.
I remember being a toddler, standing in a candy store.. Staring in awe at the sweets around me and wishing I was big enough to grab one of the huge lollipops on the top shelf. With no adult in sight of my little eyes I had only one thought running through my mind “I can’t wait until I’m older..”
and now, here I am. Older and what I feel and see now are my thoughts and dreams, my wants and pains, my desires..
I see them swirling and mixing; one becoming the other until I can tell nothing apart.
What hurts me just might be my destiny.
I wish for a reality where all things are crystal and all paths are clear. To know where my soul truly belongs and to not wander.
A wandering heart knows of only temporary love and a temporary love can only end in abandonment.
You wonder, “Are you running from me?” And my answer is, “Yes, but only if you’re this reality”
Mereology studies whole and parts I am sum of body parts This is the view from outwards On the left my heart Pumps blood to every part Intricate relations Part to part Nervous system Originates from crown I am a whole of my body parts Physical appearance outwards Myriad of wholes in different garbs I talk of living part Non-living part made of parts Living, non-living make the universe The whole universe still a part A part of the Super Consciousness Super Consciousness is indivisible Has no parts Yet It comprises Living, non-living parts Individual consciousnesses Parts of Super Consciousness Their sum doesn't make Super Consciousness, The Ultimate Whole For they lose identity and merge No longer to be part Mereology studies whole and parts
Sometimes this is only a human word meaningless in reality I am always now not in the now cuz now just is
The words come the thoughts come too feelings emotions they come then go
Free? Free is creating the universe of which you exist there is only living and the mind
There are different ways various practices everything goes to the same end the beginning
a person - family community - nation and world missteps and seems to be forever off-track even being here one becomes lost the appearance of being lost the sense one is lost and blind yet still one is here
There is a hard way and an easy way a long way and a short way complicated and simple there isn’t time only now is real so only now one must see this is the easy short and simple way to reach the beginning at the end
Late afternoon, the darkness is about to steal the light We are about to head back down the mountains of Mindoro A fire and smokes all over the trees, a "Kaingin" we encounter a family of three camouflaging the forest Looks like "Mangangahoy" making charcoal for a living
A heart-crushing-afternoon scenario There is a man, who looks like the father An old woman seems to be the grandmother with a little kid, small and as cute as a button We barely see them as they're covered with dark smokes from woodfire
Our truck stopped, offering them a ride The father loaded the sacks of wood The little boy trying to lift it with his bare little hands so small but he seems can carried heavy loads It's almost dark we sat at the back of the truck cargo bracing ourselves praying not to fall on a bumpy mountain road
This little boy is beside me Indifferent I look at his adorable-plumpy-little face covered with dirt Eyes glistening with innocence A little jungle boy An angel of the forest he reminds me of Mowgli
This bambino inhaling wood smokes daily working at a young age is a definition of a heartbreak something made me tear up inside it comes to a point where you don't know what to feel at the moment Reality is hurtful and the hardest part is handling your emotions
This kid deserves better every kid in the world deserves better
This might be the saddest part of my outreaching journey I don't know what to feel that time. And I realized that moment, this is the reason why. This is my purpose.
In the part of growing up I realized that crying is not a sign of weakness anger issues are never an excuse out spoken is not attitude introvert is not an abnormality keeping secret is not a matter of pride being busy doesn't count under fake choosing alone doesn't mean hating people being sad doesn't mean you are not happy and feel of home doesn't always need a house
meaning of words always do differ beyond people time really do heal everything eventually choices doesn't count with any friendship mistakes are meant to be done just to learn and perfection is almost an illusion
in the way of growing up I tend to cherish the stays than crying on lefts love these abnormalities which were always nah's being a kid feel happy in dark days just remembering the proud time of future remembering this today I tend to thank my trauma which I used to hate the most I tend to accept the reality just while am writing this!
The day I found there's nothing beautiful than to grow up I felt my heart knocking in happiness and I don't know why
Had I had heart to love me, the way I loved you, I would have never been so stupid, vulnerable and misled, enough to let my heart be broken and my soul be condemned to shatter everytime I hear your name.
Its funny how far people can change, in this cruel world all everyone sees are thier options and choices that they could make so much so that they could forget that they are free of the choice but not of the consequence. One day you are somebody they love and some day you are just another stranger that passes by.
Breathing here Happens though a green straw Like a lotus rising though the mud Of societies lackluster grandeur Speaking here Best though inherent beauty In metaphors Harder to reach than Everest Walking along The ***** pond Satanic windmills above Rotating in the neon breeze Take a fresh breath of air In the metallic moonlight The only sunlight In this society Is the lotus rising From the artists’ demented dreams The truth will set you free Only in quiet reverie Nothing is, nor has ever been, As it seems