R 2h

plain dark yet I see thousand skyscrapers
emptiness filled with nothingness
and my pocket bleeds the word I spit
my eyes get drowned from its sweat
everyone is nowhere
and so are my emotions
like an old shell left because it's weak
heavy enough to be lifted up
silent, but not peaceful
wildfire slowly tearing down every walls
yet I hear happiness from the other side
it's far, but I know it is meant for me
they're happy when I'm alone
they're happy that I am alone

but it's fine
it is fine with me
it is fine with everyone who gets used to reality

Sorry for my nonsense

I love you
more in my
than in

I had a dream in the middle of the day
          About a boy with springs where his legs should have been
        He jumped so high he got tangled in barbwire clouds
             And it rained blood and viscera for a month

Mary 23h

Dreams are not
what they are supposed
to look like
A constant blur
of reality,
reality meaning sadness,
sadness being
the most familiar thing
in this house.
My imagination
being nothing
but let downs.
Because i only know my dreams,
and sadness
is the most familiar thing
in this house.

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because I can't seem to relive it again

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because I felt like I just woke up. Give me a hand to lend.

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because I have never felt every cell in my body shake like it would burst from existence

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because I can still hear My Lord's voice talking to me in the distance

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because I kept on looking up to Heaven and asked "Why?"

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because for a split second, I believed I could fly

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because my eyes could not look away, they were out of my control

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because I felt my Heart and Life began to unfold

Was Yesterday a Dream?

Because a Trio of disbelief slammed me into a pool of reality.

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because Number 1 returned home in the land of fantasy

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because Number 2 settled the questions of emotions in the mind

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because Number 3 surrendered everything to the Lord with all his life

Was Yesterday A Dream?

Because I feel like my body was just released from a shot wave of sleep.


Because what I experienced, what I saw, what I heard, I still can't believe

Was Yesterday A Dream?

No... No it was not, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday was not a dream...

Only Unrealistic mind blowing events that I least expected to happen it seems...

Was Yesterday A Dream?

No.. Gosh... I need a recovery of sleep... My mind is runned down,, My Heart is in an ache, and My Soul is in a stir

Good Night Everyone...

Dear Lord.... Grant me wisdom for the Trio of events, for these three things I did not expect to occur...

November 14 - 16, 2017.

you think this is real
smoke and glitter
backed up with mirrors
convincing yourself
it is all in hand
the floor has cracks
your stiletto is snagged


Got my hands tied
Ropes made of pride
Can't say how many times I've tried
No longer counting the lies
Every day, a little more dies
Of the girl who was inside
All my daydreams
That, used to seem
Like they were almost real
Like, I could almost feel
Another life begin
My losses into wins
But, everything I used to think was as it was-

Was just little man-made fairy dust.

And, I can't trust.....

What most people do.
Because, most people don't have a clue
About what's real.

Classics are classics for a reason.
Oculi 2d

I know now, or in a sense...
I've always known, I've always known
That I don't care about real life
It's hard to care if you never were.
But if I'm not real...
Will people care for me?
Will death just accept me?
Or do I have to stay and tell my story?
Either way, I'm more than unreal, less than real.
And I'm more conscious than I've ever been...
In a sense, I'm alive.

Is waking up everyday a sweet life warranty?
Or is it the most cruel punishment for people like me?
You see, everyday is a Sea of Perpetual Agony,
What with my head filled with Stress and Anxiety,
With all my warped and f*cked up perception of reality.

With all the voices urging me to fail, for every step is steep,
The flashes of graves and coffins are memories I'm forced to keep,
With it in my dark Void of a bedroom I wallow and weep,
For even if I try to fight a little, I always trip,
Always landing in the pit of Depression hurting me with it's jagged tip.

You see, everytime I stand at a crowded grocery aisle,
I feel my stomach lurch amd taste the bitter rising bile,
Even when I am ready to bolt and cover up the mile,
I just crumple there, a wheezing and weeping heaping pile,
Frozen yet I am burning in a hellish pyre made up of unwanted people smiles.

You see, people close to me kept trying to ease with a high cost,
To bring out the Happy in me from my heart covered in biting frost,
To make my eyes shine which already have an emotionless gloss,
To find 'Me', yet answer a question I have asked most,
How can you have found me if I myself am lost?

You see, every part of me screams in absolute Pain and Anguish,
Everyday a lethal poison more caustic than it is feverish
For every word I hear, claws from a monster so fiendish,
A cruel reality with dark creatures full of malevolence, ready to ravish,
You see... this is why for me Death is a welcome friend and my dying wish.

The Reality of the Depressed. One I still need to perform yet can't find the time to do so.

We have it all
Yet we seek for more
Because in reality
Nothing is ever our own.

We fear to lose it
Even before we grasp it
Because in reality
Fear is stronger than hope.

We gain it at last
Only to lose it soon enough
Because in reality
It was never meant to be.

We had it all
Yet we sought for more
Because in reality
It was never our own.

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