When I sleep at night: It feels like time and space are seperating and the idea of reality breaks through my bones, crippling my very structure. My thoughts are floating inside the void behind my eyes. Nothing is around, my brain is empty. The point is when I sleep: I do not dream anymore. I lay still unconscious, unaware of the things happening around me. My thoughts flush put of my head. Leaving nothing but darkness. I tell myself I'm strong, that I can survive. My favorite shape is a triangle.
I have felt the weight of so many feelings pile up inside me over the years The top layer of myself is composed of a loss for words I fell in love once and back then it was as if the words would never stop flowing out of me Poem after poem pouring out of my soul about a girl who i ended up falling so completely out of love with Ever since then i have looked at my notebooks, stray post it notes once equipped for a passionate flurry of words to be smattered onto and then neatly folded into an origami heart I’ve looked at them and felt only loss Falling out of love overtook me as slowly as falling in Shy moments persistently becoming noticed until i realized that I wasnt who i used to be when this all began And honestly? I dont know who i am anymore I really don’t And perhaps that’s why i havent found the words yet These past few months i have been urging myself to write, write, write, You know you will want to remember what this is like so write But i looked inside myself and all i saw was a confusing blob, a living person with questions for organs and i didn’t know what to do What had become of who i was And so i pushed writing away Words that so easily poured from my fingertips, trapped behind a self made dam I felt silly I feel silly How to i begin to describe that i no longer recognize myself That the image of who i was A scared angry depressed teenager has been smeared at, scratched away with rough greedy hands And i am left looking at an empty husk of an adult A living breathing ‘what could be’ And i am lost And i dont know I must really admit, i know nothing- at all.
i havent written a poem in months. I kept stressing and worrying so i decided to just, let my brain do what it wants. And this is wat it did.
I dreamed a sweet dream last night and for a moment all was right We were together again and we kissed in the rain Your hands were stroking my back As I was kissing your neck We were perfectly cut out in a vision soon to be about ******** I dreamed a bitter dream last night We were together again With all love and pain Kissing in the rain Eyes blinked, you out of sight Eyes open, empty arms in bed I wish we'd be together instead
Someday you’ll look back And you’ll see the mess you made The path you should have took I hope one day you’ll miss me I hope it makes you cry I hope it makes you feel just how you made me feel last night Please don’t forget I love you I hope every once in awhile, you’ll keep in touch Because you’re the only person I have eyes for, and such
You know the feeling When u thought You're special And you have different treatment Than others And then find out You're not You're just the same As everyone else Filling an empty spot That can be filled by anything Anything Not just You.