The thought now harrow a my mind,
And in that happiness is hard to find.
For I have become invulnerable and numb,
And I'm not even sure what from.
I'm simply filled with ecstasy and dole,
Because I am just a body, living with no soul.

Amanda 1d

You're here.
I feel you
You're underground.
I feel you in the nature surrounding your grave

You're ashes now.
It's as if you never existed
only in memory now.

What color are your clothes now?
Are they still blue?
What do you look like?

You exist in the air around me
as I sit beside your stone
I'm the only one in the cemetery

Do you know these other people?
What's it like in that other dimension?
Are you still writing poetry?
Do you know you're dead?
Is it better?
Do you miss it?

I've written to you
I read you my letters
Talking to air that you occupy

I lean against your stones,
Feeling cradled by you
even though it's been years
since you disappeared.

You will always exist
I walk around the corner
to visit another friend.

How have you been?
I'm sorry I haven't thought about you in awhile
I cry
I don't want your memory to disappear

I slowly walk out of the graveyard
Feeling empty and whole
at the same time.

I'm not leaving you here
I'm breaking you out of this "beautiful" place
You're coming with me

If I had a heart,
Maybe I could love.
If I had a heart,
Maybe I could feel emotions.

If I had a heart,
Maybe I could care.
But then again, If I had a heart,
You would break it.

But then again, If I had a heart,
I would care about useless things.
But then again, If I had a heart,
I'd have no use for it.

I have no time for useless things,
Like empathy.
And I have zero time for monsters,
Just like you...

Get out of my head.

Damn it! I said get out!!!


-Heart.exe is missing-

My first poem thing here.

I used to feel like I had meaning.
I used to hope, I used to dream.
Everything's so demeaning.
Everybody's tearing the seams.

I can't keep myself together.
My threads have withered away.
Patchwork can't patch forever.
All the repairs have begun to fray.

Little fingers pulled at stitching.
Like claws, digging into my mind.
Every thought had left me itching.
Every string undone on my sides.

The cotton stuffing's pulling out of me.
And these stained fabrics cannot hold.
Just as there's no reason to keep.
Nothing inside, rest my soul.

Do you want a round of applause? will that suffice your need to be on top? I will play along this time, but what is that grand finale going to consist of?  Doesn't it get tiring to put on a show for everyone in your life, to fill up that black empty void in your heart?

I'm tired of pouring my heart out
to one word

I'm tired of feeling
for you to feel

And when I wake up
and you wake up
with her,
I know you won't be thinking
of me.

And when I tell you
I can't talk
to you anymore
because it makes the breath
in my lungs
turn to concrete
and the air around my body
turn to
you tell me
"I understand".

And there I am,
the utterances
dripping off
my lips
and running down my chest,
an ugly black
reminder of the
honesty I felt comfortable sharing.

You sit emotionless.

You can't be empty now,
I'm empty.

Fill me up.

In response to my heart break
you share
only one short reply
reminding me that
of the lack of us
is directed
exactly where it should be.

I'm fucking tired.


Don't turn off toward me,
turn on.
Open up.
Tell me you hate me,
tell me I'm ugly,
tell me I'm an
irrelevant part
of your life.
Do as you have previously done
and tell
me I
will always have a
place in your heart.

A place where
good things
to die.

A place where I can
remember that
we were
never going to last.

A special place
that screams
a solem
"The End".

But for God's sake
do not
feed me silence.

I have felt those lips,
those arms,
that chest.

I have felt you,
I have heard you,
You are real.


Do not.
go away.

I've been awake for countless hours
Counting sheep and dreaming of flowers
Drilling holes into my thoughts
Feeling the stars and dreaming of power
And burning holes in the roof
To stare at countless navy blues
Wrap myself in the moonlight glow
to only conclude that time has gone
And I'm lying here undefined
Feeling like an empty sky

My heart pounded like the battle drums marching on the field.
Her words pierced me like bullets,
all life pulling through.
Love is a battle field,
and war never changes.

I'm fighting this up hill battle
losing hope and grip.
Tears stream down her face
this battle field has me losing faith.
I hope there isn't any more casualties
I've already lost enough.

A feeling so nothing but everything as well
seeps to your heart
then buries your lungs
making you fickle and pale

An emptiness so bare you can't even describe
of rotten smell
and nature's quell
only dust is left behind

A vacant stare
A man-set snare
A jet black mare
Sending you to slaughter

My depression is a figure
made of smoke.
It wraps itself around me
and suffocates me.
But I can't grasp it.
I only claw at my skin
as I try to make it release its grip.
It fogs my mind
until there is nothing left.
It filters through my being
until I'm left feeling empty.
It covers me like a blanket at night,
but this blanket doesn't comfort me.
It restricts me
and replays everything
I've done wrong.

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