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CJ 4h
Under the moonlight there I sit,
A lost, empty, overthinking kid
He who valued his friends more than his life
Is now just a kid with no one

Used to have many friends who are problematic
They would sometimes invite me to cry
And I told them
I wouldn't cry anymore

And now that I have held back far too many tears
I want to let them out
But now, I don't have anybody to vent out to.
Dev A 5h
I went through my pictures today
And I realized I used to be happy.
Something I haven’t been in a while.

The person I see in those photos
Is not the same person looking back through the mirror;
There’s a faint resemblance, nothing more.

I used to smile and laugh, always so joyful;
I still do, but it’s no longer genuine
No longer healthy.

People used to say my smile made their day
And all I could think was
It’s just a smile, how can it make such a difference?

I never understood what they meant
When they said the smile should be seen in the eye;
That there should be a glitter, a sparkle.

Now when I laugh, when I smile,
It’s polite, lacking reassurance
Missing the light heartened warmth

I went through my pictures today
And I realized I used to be happy.
I finally know what that glitter, that sparkle is.
.
.
.
It’s what’s missing from the mirror.
The words don't link here
It's too cold
Too loud
Too messy
Too...empty
The words don't link here and I hate it
Jamilla 12h
Badly need someone to lean on
My knees are weak, so faint and down-and-out
My tears are falling, my pretention is over.
whenever i feel empty,
I try to evaluate myself,
much like how a student evaluates
the questions before skimming for the answers.

fill in the blanks,
the tiny crevices made by sadness,
the cracks and gaps of loneliness;
help me and fill them out with human company.

fill in the blanks;
sheets of paper, empty,
an untouched screen, the faint humming of a computer,
the pens and pencils, neat and free from human activity.

fill them in; draw and draw until your mind begs to stop;
write and write until the words don't make sense;
I've been trying to do so much
just to make sure that gaping hole of pure, slow, and excruciating loneliness and depression gets temporarily covered.

I've been trying to fill in the blanks in my life since day one.
It seems like it'll never work.
I want to keep writing until I can feel like I am something again.

It seems like I've lost myself and I will never be able to get myself back, much like a student who crams for a test and forgets everything, with no hope of recovering that information.
I tried suspending a heavy object
from my ceiling,
testing a hook screw I found
lying around in my room.

As soon as it fell,
I took some superglue
and squeezed it onto the screw's threads,
hoping it'll stick into the ceiling well.

Superglue advertisements often endorse
their superb sticking ability;
let's see,
can it properly hang me?
I should be studying but these nasty thoughts are consuming me.
Lost 1d
I don’t know how
To stop hurting

I’ve grown so used
To the aches and stings
In my chest and my
Hip and my arm
That I start to miss
It when it’s gone

How do I move on
Without this pain?

I’ve never lived
Without it and
I miss it like an
Estranged lover
When it starts
To finally leave
Me alone

Soaring through
Dirt and soil skies

I want to die
But mostly I
Just want to
Disappear

Falling asleep
Without waking up

Do you know
How much it
Hurts to want
Something
You can never
Have?

I feel fated
To live in
The ground
silas 2d
you can run
and hide
from every ray of the sun
that greets the trees from the horizon

you can scream
in the night
and disturb the sleep of the birds
who awaken early to sing their songs

you can play the cards
and turn the tables of ‘victim’
any way you like
to match your game

and you can blame me
for every tear you’ve cried
or every time your fist has clenched
out of spite

but the truth is
you
are the reason
you’re unhappy.
for christoffer, who is a whiny ass bitch
written 29 april, 2018
published 18 sept, 2018
Detached;
My strings have detached
Like the vowels and constants I speak detached.
I watch the world
Through eyes not of mine
And live in a body
Living a life that doesn’t feel mine.
My chest feels empty
And my tone sounds vacant.
I am floating
Further from conscious
With no one to ground me
Everything seems not to be mine
To feel to touch
No matter how much I try.
For it merely feels like mist
Through which I pass my hand through.
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