On most nights the sky is my sanctuary
I feel safe and still
Laying under the stars

Meteor showers
Leave me refreshed; inspired
Engulfed by the beauty of our universe

Not tonight

I feel intimidated
By the empty spaces
Between the stars

It reminds me
Of the empty spaces
In my heart

I look to the sky
To find peace of mind
My celestial sanctuary

Not tonight

All I see is chaos
As streaks of light
Chase each other through the sky

My mind is crumbling
Bit by bit
With each falling star
My bed squeaks, filled
With empty thoughts.
I’d rather it be still,
Then sleep wouldn’t hide,
Scared of all the noise.
It’d bring with it dreams.
Sweet, golden ones
To fill my empty thoughts
With the warmth of you.
Exploring the ending/beginning of relationships, where all those emotions make it hard to sleep, but to sleep is to dream and they can be mostly pleasant.  But perhaps it's the fear of the unpleasant that really keeps us from the bed.
Susie 1d
Spring is back, and
the birds are singing.

but when will I start to
Feel the seasons again?

In this hollowed out chest that
I used to call my home.
I wish I could heal from this. It just feels like a wound that doesn't heal all the way and keeps getting torn open.
Tortured soul

Only in the darkest hours can I find my soul.
Only when I am falling can I see the rope, but I cannot take a hold.
When I hit rock bottom, I kneel alone;
I am scared to death of failing to live, but I have no desire to go.

When all is dark and I am without hope,
I find myself, the tortured soul.
When all is gone and the silence becomes deafening;
Only then can I believe I have done what I need to do and so…

With the lights turned out and no light to be found,
I am able to find the way inside my soul and write it all down.
When all is lost and apathy is my only friend;
I find a way to drown.

I sink to the bottom and I can find the peace I seek;
No noise to be heard, no vision to be seen.
Only beneath the surface am I truly free;
No feeling a necessity, no compulsion to breathe.

Inside I am able to escape reality;
Outside I am forced to hear and to see.
Within my dreams I am immortal, super human and unique.
Without foolish needs, I can make myself happy.

If only I was able to live a life of fantasy;
Maybe I would be able to erase this nightmare
And pretend this life is just a dream.

Somehow worth it;
Picture perfect.

(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
jul 2d
i want to tell you so much
how i enjoy your company.
i want to tell you that you make me smile
when you approach me
or how i feel so empty without you beside me.
maybe it's just the fact that i need some one to hold me.
i want to share how i feel with you.
i want to seem vulnerable.
i want to be with you.

and it hurts that i'm not.
so many questions that i'm afraid of asking you.
i want to talk to you so badly.
Another, another.

These words bite and nip
at my heels.
You can't possibly know how this feels,
but you look at me
still with those disgraced eyes,
the likes of which
you don't even try to disguise.

You say it's all self-control,
as though that'll assuage my soul.
I worked my whole life to be good,
and it left me empty.

Giving, giving, giving
left me with nothing.
I'm an empty shell,
like Humpty Dumpty.
Someone cracked me open
and fried the yolk within.

So, when you ask me,
"Want another one?"

I'll say yes, god damn it.
No energy for my thoughts
Feeling so cold
Feel like I'm lost
You can't understand
Your not me

Lonely comes at a cost
My mind screaming
Desire and need
Someone to care

Can you say you been here
Where nothing feels like home
Where you can be empty
needing something anything
to make you feel whole
Just to feel like someone cares

Tired from feeling so cold
The pain soaked in to my soul
Wanna feel warm and whole

Depression takes it time
Driving my brain
straight into a wall

Unless you know
Unless you have felt
what I'm going thru
You wouldn't understand

Feeling so blue
Feeling without a clue
hoping to feel better soon
When I say I am lonely

I'm not asking
I'm begging for you
to care to listen
It's me making anyone someone
to listen to care
to help me from lying here
dying into darkness
© Jennifer Delong 4/2018
Suffering from depression is at times very painful. So for anyone that goes through it it's important to have someone to talk to to listen. It's important to understand. So if you know someone who suffers learn about it and ways to be there !!
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