Without you
I’m no longer able to write

You were the key to my mind
The spontaneous combustion
That happened inside,

Was all because of you,

Your love,
Your affection,
Your lips,
Your way of thinking
Your hips,
Your laugh

Fueled me,
Made me happy,
Made me wait
For tomorrow
To come,

You don’t know
How much I needed
That in my life.

A reason to wake up for,
A reason I Can Hug,
A reason I can cry on,
A reason to write
To live.

And most importantly,
For the first time

Someone I could love.
It’s funny, how I write so much about love, but haven’t tripped for someone yet..
gab 吉 13h
We decided to part ways
and
Let go
but
I kept running
back
to you
and
I think,
it's time for me
to set my self free;
to set myself away from
you
and all the memories
that we've been through.
I hate trying
for I've been spending
the time
thinking about
the unanswered questions
The end of the road is here
it is infront of my eyes
I see no light
and no way out
It is suffocating,
in dire need of air
I keep on swimming
even when I know
that I am drowning
I hate trying
for the fact that
I can never stop
And I have always
been trying
to let you go.
They tell me friends are the family that you chose, but the boy with the curly hair is not my family and he is not my friend. Still, the boy with curls that twist like tornados has hair that's just like mine.
Ferocious brown hair loops on the top of his head like mattress springs and bounces like children on trampolines. His hair is just like mine.
My hair twists around itself and reaches to my chin. The strands coil like corkscrews and then they end up in millions of knots. These knots turn to naps tied on my hair, and what is supposed to be glorious locks, becomes a bird’s nest.
But the boy with the curly hair doesn’t have to worry about the pulling his hair with brushes and the boy with the curly hair is unfazed by the people who stare at him. He doesn’t have to care.
He walks boastfully and without hesitation. He does not comb his hair. I comb my hair. I am a lion, like he, so I tame my mane, so I iron it over and over and over til’ there is no trace of what used be. My hair only screams and screams, I know it wants to be free.  
Now every time I iron my hair until flat, the boy with the curly hair looks at me with shame in his eyes. Why? Because we are of the same kin. Me and him. We are the boy and girl with wild, wild curly hair. And we are aware our hair is messy.
No Notes
She paid the cost
Endured the loss
Bounced back and found her way.
Now she in her groove
Making all the moves
On a path that she paved.
Oooh everyone around her playing charades.
Oooh while she over here tryna get paid.
Everything about her is self-made.

See the jewels? Oh best believe she bought it.
See the car? She only drives in exotics.
Where she came from? Oooh she ain’t forgot it.
When we locked eyes, no surprise, these feelings yeah I caught it.

Oooh she’s the boss.
But that’s no shock.
Got a walk that match her talk.
That’s floss and gloss.
CEO of the life she lives.
She’s got the sauce.
Homies mad that she don’t show them the ass.
Mmm that’s not her fault.
She say she loves me but no need me,
Oooh that’s my boss.
All smiles as I pick her up at church,
As we walk towards the car I can't help but notice her smile that brings out the best in me.
All smiles as I drive as she speaks and laugh simultaneously.
As I park the car I can help myself out of excitement, as she does the same.
All smiles as we walk hand on hand going in the resto, as I opened the door for her I can't help but stare at her amazed face which was full of excitement.
All smiles as she told me to take the lead in ordering our food.
All smiles as I asked her to go to the bartender and order our glasses of Sangria.
As our food arrived as we both looked at each other with pure excitement.
All smiles as I explained the food that we are about to eat.
All smiles as she asks me to look away every time she slices a part of the grilled salmon we ordered.
All smiles as she secretly slices the mashed potatoes, but then takes the whole thing anyway.
All smiles as she becomes slightly tipsy from the red wine we ordered.
All smiles as she meets my childhood friends, I can't help but notice her giggling as I introduce her as my crush.
All smiles as we watched our favorite bands performed.
As I drove her to the place where she were to meet her dad I can't help but feel sadness for it was my day of farewell, as we said our goodbyes I wore a fake smile just to pretend the everything is well.
As she closed the car doors tears fell down my eyes and this feeling I couldn't understand. The feeling of sadness and happiness for the day was both glorious and defeat, but in the end it was all smiles cause I had one of the most memorable night of my life.
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A POEM
                  of light wings
             & pretty things
              & stops & starts
             & heavy hearts

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Not quite day-time, not yet quite night,
Is when we'd meet in briefest flight,
I, but dull moth, thoust, butterfly,
Under curt shadows of twilight.

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Thou would'st trade yellows, blacks, and blues,
For dusty monotones of grey,
Acting aloof, yet, with such ease,
Thy shades would give thee quick away.

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With such stressed seasons 'tween us now,
Surrounds me, life, and all it brings...
Yet doleful thoughts haunt noticing
Thy fading colours on my wings.

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Ah, but to fly now even still,
(Wish setting sun could ever stay),
Ah, but to have yet one more chance,
(Wish we could wish ourselves away).

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Forget me not, my Swallowtail,
Under thy body feel my air,
Through aether let my love reach thee,
Whisp'ring, "My sweet, know I yet care..."

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Though it's far better now you've gone,
For I knew well 'twas never right,
For thee to lose such 'lucent hues,
Turning a creature of the night.

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an  ode to papilio troilus

ღ ღ ღ

Tonight, just for tonight,
When we both go to sleep
With such distance and so
Many lives apart from one
Another, I still reach out,
I am stretching to you,
Asking with a long-distance
Whisper in your ear, please,
Let us say to each other
Just for one night
And only in dreams,
"We are butterflies...
let us fly together,
and see the world".

ღ ღ ღ

Running to Stand Still
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvUI-s4Azw4

ღ ღ ღ

piedmontgardener.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/spicebush-swallowtail.jpg
I’ve held on till it hurts, and then I held on till it bled. I’m to the point of letting go, because I’m only with you in my head.

I wish I could tell you goodbye face to face, I wish I could tell you I love you one last time. Yet most of all I wish, I wish I could stop wishing you were mine.

There never was a chance, never should have been an option. Yet here I find myself debating if there is some concoction to make this all work itself out... And that’s the reality I have to face. The one I can’t seem to understand.

There is no concoction, there is no door. There is only a glass window, no opening to the store. I can window shop all I like, but I can’t afford to pay the price.

Loving you would cost my purpose, keeping you would cost my life.

If I could cut out the memories, if I could put them to the very back of my mind. Still there would be some way that you’d creep back inside.

Sadly, life isn’t that easy, and technology not as advanced. So here I am trying to forget you, and it seems I do not have a chance.

I know deep down that one day I’ll forget you, that the memories will once again slowly fade away. I just have to keep reminding myself, that this is the price that must be paid.

We wouldn’t have worked either way, now that I put my feelings aside. You are too much of a child, and I’m too much of a ride.

So I’ll pray for you once more, and it likely will not be the last. Pray until I forget you, when God helps me give up the past.
Freeverse-ish poetry, aren’t broken hearts the best?
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