They say that when you’re with someone you love your heart and soul will light up light the Fourth of July.
But for us that was actually the night it all began.
We began tickling and flirting, only reading each others silent reply.
Because at that moment, at that moment we started something we never mean’t to plan.

The instant our lips touched, there were fireworks much bigger and brighter than the ones that had been going off all night.
Seemed to be frozen in time with everything else happening around us, we fabricated our own reality.
Since then everytime our eyes meet my heart is filled with a wonderous sight.
Since then everytime we talked I fell more in love with your personality.

This short time we shared has been so much fun.
Even though we thought what was happening between us was so bizarre.
Now I am not scared because you might be with one.
I’m absolutly terrified because I know that you are.

I have to leave now but I promise I’ll be back.
Because you are what I’ve always lacked.

Re: Thank You to unknown
   tom, dick, harry, tam, dame,
   or dana from the MHS Class of 77,
   though this alum
experiences public education
   within lower providence jurisdiction

as a bum
er - minimally partaking advantage
   of extra-curricular,
   collegiate, inter-mural,
   et cetera opportunities,

   no not even a figurative crum
well nigh convey an impression of being dumb
bull door, deaf, and blind (with out faith no more),

   nor passing love notes from
some anonymous girl, who
   (after leaving a teasing message
   informed asper getting a smart haircut

   in ninth grade civics class
   taught by Missus Comly
   (do not quote me on my
   power fully pointed excel lent spelling,
   telling nothing, when out of desperation
   I experience primal yelling)
this singular potential fledgling flirtation,

   the extent from student,
   who appeared morose and rather glum
exposing such vulnerability to be hum
millie hated, and bullied relentlessly,

   whereat i wish to be a little boy
   comforted by me mum
since that option out of the question,
   thus aye didst never meet Miss Mot Toe
   (e plumbs e num), perhaps cuz eye whiz numb

body, mind and spirit triage as if inebriated by rum
imagining the fighting spirit within me to thumb
or rather "flip the bird" to those,
   this then anxiety prone

   metaphorically rolling stone
whose metaphorical diet of worms also included
   eating picked over sun bleached
   un beak coming road kill crow - how yum

me does that seem, but gnome hatter
   how grossly said foul dish
   spurred via carrion (an analogy
   representing verbal taunting

   best left for hitch cocked birds) didst not appeal
not in the least did i give nasty brutes a "what for",
twas fear of getting creamed, fricasseed, irradiated...

   sans to stand proud and tall
   (all five and a half feet, but blunted maximum height
   topped off just shy of seventy inches -
   in reference to yours truly) against bullies

to this very day such emotional repercussions congeal
asper anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, panic...,
   which physiological symptoms served psyche not to feel
and only of late (particularly with daily intake of about
   a half doe zen pharmacological prescription medications

   do check and induce schizoid personality disorder
   (the diagnosis encompassing,
   the gamut mental health issues) to heel
akin to a well trained service dog, which fractured

   psychological state i.e. garrison to pitch and toss
   upon the precarious tipping point i.e.
   surpassing the tipping point,
   where thy body electric doth keel,

which precarious state finds me socially awkward,
   and off kilter, and maybe this chap
   ought to take a page
   from professional athletes playbook,
   and take a knee qua to kneel

hence this improvisational explanation
   why yours truly felt discombobulated
   to attend the recently held reunion,
   now aye wanna axe something serious, and fur real,

which essentially constitutes whether
   a current list of 1977 students,
   who received their high school diploma
   could be sent to me, whereby at least one alumni
   could buffer end this contemplative, intuitive,
   and pence eave guttersnipe wannabe with zeal.

hie haint gonna hold ma breath,
   nor wait fir any religious chief such as allah
boot nothing

adieu - - matthew scott harris

CPM 3d

i wrote nineteen poems that carried so much of my vulnerability, confusion, self-love, emptiness, lust, self-destruction, and etc. that I felt all in that time.

I woke up every morning having bad habits that were difficult to let go of. It began to be a routine to go on with my day with toxic thoughts, actions and feelings.

Most times, it takes more than just nineteen poems to heal, sometimes it take thirty-two, eighty-seven or even a hundred. However, in that amount of time, you have grown stronger than the last poem you've written. And when you look back at all those words you poured out so effortlessly, you have not realized how much pain you gone through and survived. You are a healing wound, and your body and mind is working wonders without you even knowing every second of the day.

You will wake up one day, feeling exhausted for letting this heaviness weigh you down for so long and you'll realize you're meant to do more than just fall.

-you fell, but you will survive and live


Do you wanna runaway together..
If you asked me today...
I'd say it was your best line ever..
Too bad I fell for it..
Too bad I fell for all your lies..
You're good at nothing..
And you're good for nothing..

So, take my tortured heart by the hand and write me off...

Do you know how much I cried?
And no, it's not the good kind...

You forced me to become strong...
When I just craved being weak...
I need to forgive you, but its not that simple you see..

Do you care how much you broke me?
Do you know how many nights I spent broken and alone?

My heart broke that day..
And all I could do was cry..
And it's not the good kind..
You're not the good kind..

I'm tired of hiding..
Behind these lying eyes..
How I'm tired of this smile..
That even I don't recognize...

Please Stop, put on brakes
I don't know how to answer...

Please Stop, pause the moment
Life won't go on forever...

PLEASE STOP! Let me take it in...
Spare me your time...

Please Stop, I need a minute to breathe
Be patient. This Era is harder to climb

Please Stop...

Please Go... Your wearing me out
My heart can't take this pace

Please Go... Your burning me up
These ashes are leaving a trace

PLEASE GO! Your making holes!
In my heart! You are so cruel!

Please Go... It's hurting me so
My body has become a blood pool

Please Go...

Please Come! My eyes long to see thee
I don't desire to live alone

Please Come! I don't know who you are
I'm not suppose to bare these burdens on my own

PLEASE COME! Join me in this world
To do the work of Christ, and reach out to those who are lost

Please Come! I don't care where we go!
I wanna serve the Lord with you no matter the cost

Please Come...

Please Stay! My last breath is in your hand!
My final second can come with your words

Please Stay! You have forgiven my Betrayal
An Eternal future? This indeed I've heard

PLEASE STAY!!! My time on Earth is for serving You!
I'll cut off every limb! And break every decree!

Please Stay! For if there was no you...
There is no tomorrow, nor any hope of being set free!

Please Stay...

Who are these Letters To? Read Below and You will soon know.

Distractions... Please Stop!
Sins... Please Go!
Beloved Husband... Please Come!
Lord... Please Stay!

This is my prayer... and I will allow them to take their place...

Please Stop...
Please Go...
Please Come...
Please Stay...

I beg you...

Smoke as elegant as a woman
Dancing around you so gracefully,
But not for long
The blink of an eye and she's gone
Dissipating into the dark gloom
But like all of them, there will be more,
All the same
Dancing around you
But not for long


Though I know what it is I still choose to hide within it
A paradox to entertain
enveloped by change
Though I know what it is I still remain
Thoughts wander invariably
The labyrinth of quest
Is it the nature of desire that truly drives the ego?
Why then, do we fear it?
Though it brings everything into question I still thrive on discovery
These chemicals mix and bring about the same result
An expression of where the soul plays
It's perfect because it is and nothing is perfect too
Though an ego can be trouble, it's the catalyst for more
A secret God is the only God that will remain true
Harsh voodoo playing on the tongue
All to acknowledge ye be the bird that sung
Or the sword that swung
Or the bell that rung
Though it carries vanity, it also brings a melody
I see the spiral
I see the light
I hear the halo's birth song every single night
And I praise its glory in every way
I love you, dear shadow
You are not an enemy
In truth I know I am the one that beckons the
And though it plays a part, it always meet an end
In silver lines and diamond hills
A students will, a master's skill
A lovers passion, a sage's blessing
Collect the lightning
breathe the fire
Inherit the earth and waters
grow them higher
See the planes
Accept insane
Forgive the method of those in pain
Though the struggle urges to fall back, I adhere and then move forward
Let it roll
Ride in faith
Spirit tides calm the ocean
The music was heard and the dance began
Onward into the infinite wonder

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