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In all my life
I have never dealt with anything
More difficult than my own soul
So what if I told you
That I'm incapable of
Tolerating my own heart
I close my eyes to pictures of my past life running through my mind almost
like watching a film stopping at the various point
to relive beautiful moments shared with Helen
The very first time I saw her as school girl not knowing she would become my
Many years later the first time we met, the time we sat In a parked snow falling bitterly cold then walking her back
home looking into her eyes and knowing I would marry this girl she would have my baby the wedding
day reception held In our back
garden such a warm sunny day how lucky we were that day unforgettable dream and wonderful memories that will stay with me forever
whilst awake or In
Close my eye's and she Is there as If she'd never been away my sweetheart Helen she will never leave
She asked me, "On a scale from 1-10, how much do you love me?"

I told her, "My love can't simply be labeled by a number. That isn't because it's non-existent. That's because it's never-ending."
Just a thought...
Lost 4d
Two pages
Of feelings never felt
Of cards never dealt
I wrote them both in less than an hour
But they both have words never spoken before
I dont know what I’m doing
Don’t know how to act
All i know is that in the end you’ll
Hopefully smile and laugh
She was my everything all that I knew never loved
another Helen being my first love, my only true love, stayed that way to the end
It was Helen that taught me all about love for I knew nothing about It, for I'd never been loved until I met my Helen
For she changed my life and now she gone left life here forever, taking so much of me with
And what's left of me will forever be struggling to cope with the loss for my darling
Has left me to face life here all alone together forever but won't be In life but maybe the next
Helen tought me how to love for I knew nothing of love and had never been loved
. . . I diluted myself for you
I spoke less and moaned more
I softened my spirit
I offered up yeses that once would've been no's
I held my tongue between *******
And wore pretty pink lace where there once would've been the blackest leather
I put fewer cigarettes between my lips
And instead pressed them together
To keep you from remembering
Why you didn't love me before
I put on an apron
To play my part
I served you smiles on dinner plates
And sipped white wine in place of whiskey
I put hearts in a lunch box
To keep you company through the day
Then mourned who I once was
While you were away

. . . I thought that if I was softer
More feminine
More pure
That you would be kinder
That I would fit better in your arms
That if I didn't talk back
My lips would taste sweeter
That you would listen when I spoke
I thought that if I became weak
We could be strong
That if slaughtered my Independence
And laid it to rest at your feet
That you would want to ****** my hair like you once had
When I stopped standing my ground
In the kitchen where I performed
And let the peanut gallery at the table
Critique my every adjective
Only to curtsey before their taunts
That when doors closed
You would whisper that I had done well
That your heart had space for me again
I thought that maybe if I hid it when I bled
You would leave the whiskey alone and finally come to bed

. . . But instead
I committed a ******
I killed the woman that I loved
I took a spirit and trapped it in a box made of yes dears and I'm sorries
By replacing her combat boots with pointe shoes
And her pride with warm baked cookies
I slit her throat with a knife made of compromises
Chained her ankles to the kitchen table and forced her to dance before lesser beings
I made an arrangement of the wild roses that made up her lips
And left her unprotected without any thorns
Then cut out her tongue and made her watch
in stunned silence
when you trampled through the garden with clumsy careless feet
I murdered the woman that I used to be
Sacrificed everything just to find that you never loved me
. . .

. . . But fear not, even the goldfish who lies belly up can swim again . . .
The Boy 7d
I said I was sorry I lied
because my Truth clenched your throat so tight, I immediately let it go and made myself feel the shame;
How dare sit and I watch your lips turn blue to purple and simply marvel at how beautifully they seemed to resemble the sky turn day to night?

I said I was sorry I loved and blackened my heart to match the pit of your soul your eyes let slip,
and I was disgusted with myself as you tugged and toiled at my soul, and I let you.

My love was always real, and my words always true;
Deep down I knew you knew.

I'm not sorry you're broken 'cause I'm more broken than you.
I'm not sorry you made me think I'm what broke you;
I'm just sorry I let you

I'm not sorry you made me feel like I left you,
I'm just sorry I let you.
An apology to myself for all the things I had no business being sorry about, but felt it anyway
Autumn Dec 7
I had told myself

You will never be enough

Until it was true
why is all my poetry so sad? why am i so sad???
Haylin Dec 3
2/5/09 - The day I lost my best friend (Grandpa)
7/?/12 - Moved in with dad
12/11/16 - Tried to KMS
9/16/17 - The day my dad and step mom got married
4/3/18 - Started dating my boyfriend

6/19/18 - The day my gave me up and kicked me out
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