mjad 3h

can I never find
what I want to hear
but I cannot say
what I want to read
but cannot write
A million other
stories and tales
poems and novels
but none contain
what I can never

Images and instances from past
A few glimpses from past
As of now,
while in present,
everything in life is about what was taught in past keeping in mind a cause.
Time now to perform with regards to same.

Competition is a part of  life and will remain in life as long as life remains
No one is indispensible
Hence never take anything for granted because tomorrow might never come


I'm never ready
to take off and be with you
but i'm excited

DF 2d

You've cut my wings, but they've grown back.
They're stronger and fuller than ever.

You told me I was broken, but now my features are sharper.

You told me I'd never fly, but now I'm soaring through the sky.


Since it's April, Happy National Poetry Month!

On the other side of the lakes edge
You might say it must be right
That when I throw a rock in the water,
The ripples touch the other side.

With light transparent patterns,
A spider weaves webs like silk,
Every strings placement matters
No matter a leaf or branches tilt.
So if you feel your being watched,
Ever think it might be so?
The spiral made from leaf to leaf
Catches rarities that come and go.

Just as I was thinking this,
I felt I was being watched,
As though someplace in my midst
The sound of footsteps stopped.
Searching for a picture of you as in vain,
I thought I heard you start to laugh,
Saw your raven hair so I flipped through again,
One thing I know is that we're never going back...

Never ask me to leave ...

say whatever you need ..
call me crazy if you need ...
yell to me ..
beat me ...
even if you ask me to leave ...
i will never leave ...
do you know why ...
because you live inside me
running through me ...
staying all the night with me ...
so, ..
how could i leave you ..
never ever to do ...
however my heart ...
beats only within you ...

how could i do sweetheart ...
while you are ...
the letter to my words ...
all words to my all poems ...
the sweet feelings to my passion ...
and the air to my world ...
yes you are ...
my all world you are ...
the world which i love and adore ...
and to start my all mornings with ...
as you are always living into me ...
through my nights and even dreams ...
only with you my sweet angel ...

here i am ...
here with you ...
to start as every day ...
my morning with you ...

let's prepare our coffee ..
our sweet coffee ...
with no sugar ...
it's sweetness taste ...
from our lips ...
and it's blind ...
from our mouth's nectar ..

let's share our coffee now ...
it's ready ...
are you ready to share me...
sweetheart ...

hazem al ...

stank man Apr 20

of all the people
that cross my mind
when it came to you
my brain was blind

i write of pain
of hate and regret
but how about about
the first time we met

rain down windows
mascara down face
but next to you
i think I found my place

clouds didn't pass
the rain wouldn't leave
but the thought of you
i could do anything but grieve

and so i haven't wrote
about you yet
and of all the times
i hope never to forget

The Lonely Bard Apr 20

My list of antonyms of death,
Include not just life or birth,
Still not limited to just alive,
Some others I include in the list.

Youth is one of those,
Old humans never get,
Unyouthful they become.

Marriage is a name for youthfulness,
Youth never fades in faithfulness.

Loneliness never haunts few lucky,
Over the years of separation,
Veering away from love never,
Espousing the spouse forever.

My HP Poem #1513
©Atul Kaushal

Even though I don't remember the next morning
I know it reaked of violation and filth
The taste of my own tears lingered
Until the next day mid afternoon
Right before the sunset
Right after everyone let me be
If only for a moment

The morning after
When I woke up to a hostile sun
I screamed until my lungs were dry
And cried until my tears covered the kitchen linoleum
I ruined a new pair of clothes
And ripped out a few dozen stands of hair
Just because your fingers may have grazed them

In the shower I boiled the skin off my back
And tried to breathe water
Just to get the taste of you
Out of my eyes
I must've washed you off of me
At least a dozen times over
But I couldn't rinse the space behind my eyes
Where you left the most of yourself
Invasive and volatile

I had to tell my daddy
What happened to his baby girl
And watch him ache to break down your door
And straight into your chest
To take your heart
As some sort of payment
For what you've done
I watched my mother cry
And my sister cry
With pain that was never theirs to carry

And so each morning I wake up
To the memory of what you did
When I had just been out for a little fun
With sweet drinks that didn't taste like poison
Until you made them that way
When you touched me
When you had no right to do so
And I wonder if there's anything that I could have done differently

Since then every day
You rape me again
When I can't look someone in the eyes
Because I don't want to see their pity
Or their judgement, their doubt
When I'm scrutinized in the streets
Or my name is whispered
Behind a closed door
Or is screamed in my face that it was my fault
That it isn't an excuse

I'd rather die than face it
But I fear for my daughter
So I stay
To watch her
Protect her from my own fate
And shake quietly when I'm alone at night
Knowing you're loose
Waiting for someone to bring me some justice
To put you away
Leave you lying in a shallow grave
Anything to give me security again

But I have none
Because I have been robbed
And I smile to counteract it
And everyone tip-toes around the subject
Like it's a sleeping bear
That will maul them if they stir it up
But it's not an animal
It's something that happened to me
And everyone is so afraid of it

I had to be strong
But I'm afraid too
Afraid that it might never scab over
And become a scar
Because scars fade
But wounds bleed
And I am wounded
And every morning in the shower the blood drips from my ears
And leaks down the drain
When I have to look at MY body
That YOU used
And try to remember that I am strong
And that you haven't beaten me
Then wonder if that's really true

I have to make it true.

Written for a friend I wish I hadn't had to write it for.
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