Roman 7h
Time has been still for far too long

It's time to stand still and prove time wrong

I haven't moved in 2 years, now I hope I'm strong

If I'm not, I do not belong

I feel the time I've spent is rock, I can't know what to do

But when I spend my next few years I hope I live them through

I hope to do the thing I never had the heart to do

I hope to push through you and blue and prove the life I knew

I want the life of admiration, the one with excitement

Not the boring illegitimate shroud of gloom and tint

The one that fills your mouth with shit. In the end, you learn to spit

The now and then of every day where you've no clue what you're to get
Making hard calls.
Hand in hand we go
Up and up through the smooth green forest
There is beauty
We hide behind a waterfall and let the droplets lightly land on our soft cheeks
Pure joy
We ascend down the path
It is narrow
Easy to fall
But we keep each other up on the path
We are in a clearing that smells of the sweet mosses and flowers of the forest
We set up camp and talk deeply and lightly by the warm fire before settling in each others arms in the large domelike tent
It is morning.
We continue on the path
The trees are thinning, and now we are surrounded by rocks of many different sizes
We have to clear them to get through to the lake on the other side
After many days of work
We are through to the lake.
It is very serene, clear, and we bathe in it with ease.
After awhile we journey on, through a heavy dark storm
The rain feels like needles on our skin
We fight through it to the other side where there is a cliff
We could jump, but we calmly sit on the edge
Old and wrinkly
Hand in hand throughout the whole journey.
We made it
Lovingly
Caringly
Painfully
Yet happily in the end.
I look upon the remnants of possible lovers and romantic interests like an architect looks upon blueprints. The ones that got away, the rejected and ignored, the ones I was too distant to carry on. Like all things we long for the unseen, the unfinished grasps us like hot wax and sticks to the skin. I find my desperate mind digging through old facebook messages like a survivor returning to the rubble. Why do I flee to dead cities? Return to a room without a roof when a downpour abates me. Like all things in life I find myself stuck on the incomplete, unable to focus on my work, finish my art or grow beyond the child I seem desperate to hold onto. My failed loves are another marionette without an arm, another unfinished chapter I can write and rewrite the end to without setting down. I look upon a stage of light hearted chemistry, a back and forth laid bare in texts, like the out of date actor who’s part was replaced I’ll rewatch it unable to change.

Open space is fearful, the blank page leaves me shaken, an empty canvas is a sight I cannot bare. Like open waters I fear I’ll drown before I make it to dry land, so afraid of swimming I will burrow my feet into well trodden sand and shelter under trees long since dead. I will wither away on my island of bones, looking through half finished love affairs and messages that have lost all meaning. If I can just tread my feet in the waters below I can finally set this island ablaze. Burn away the rotten skin that ails me so and watch the credits role on my final goodbye. But the water thickens like concrete ahead and the waves form a wall in my wake. I’m not ready to take the step, to let unfinished words be nothing more. When I’m finally ready to bury the page, I will wade through the waters to shore.
The past locks me in place like a clutch break, I will be stuck on the same chapter until I burn the old ones.
I have a fear of commitment;
A fear I can't lose,
For holding onto stardust
Is something I can't do.

I have a fear of attachment;
A fear strong and true,
For clinging onto ashes
Is something I would do.

I have a fear of contentment;
One that sticks like glue,
For getting far too happy
Would kill me through and through.

I had a fear of commitment;
That is, until
I met you.
You changed everything.
Carter Ginter Jun 14
The scary thing is
You could be enough for me
The intensity of these feelings
And our insane connection
Might be enough alone
But I'm afraid to give you all of me
The way things were at the beginning was enough for me to be monogamous. I'm happy I never told you that because things changed and my needs were no longer met. But I wrote this in January.
The stars cried when our love died,
When our sentiments fell apart when our hearts tried.
To Mend pieces broken as ourselves in battered wounds,
We floating away from tied ends like balloons.
Your edge on commitment called the rain,
Frozen mind to understand my every feeling bruised with pain.
Sometimes I need you, sometimes I don't,
And happiness dependent on you, but you like a made rock won't make it count.
You leave, your back, but against the wall,
Our relationship's like a shack and means nothing at all.
Category: Relationship
I am ready to swim
I am standing on the beach,  I can feel the ocean on the wind, and I think
It seems these things do not matter.
"How vast is the sea?"
"How deep is the water?"
"How strong is the tide?"
I am brave.
Uncertainty!
I've felt many things in life, and I know this is not
My convictions
I am convinced that in this moment I will be able to hold
Because of fear or a sense of pride
Because of passion and a sense of hope, not
Because I am simply ready
Today started the same way
Get up
Pretend I'm okay
Dress up
Look happy
Happy
So happy
I can't stop smiling
It hurts
It hurts to smile
It hurts to laugh
It hurts to pretend I don't feel
No one understands how I feel
You
make me feel
All that I try to block
I could talk for hours
To you
And never end the discussion
About Kipling or Plath
And the clowns that troll our city in the late night
Politics and the Alt-right
The naysayers and degenerates
How we really feel
All that we hide
In our day to day
All that we are in every way
Embrace it all
Swallow it all
Pretend it doesn't exist
As we watch the other fall
It's our fault
Really
We should have known
But how could we ignore
When it felt like home
Our bodies lying intertwined, as if meant to connect like the missing piece to a puzzle
My head on your chest, listening to every heartbeat
Feeling as if that's exactly where I'm meant to be in that very place and time
Your hands interlocked in my tiny hands as you laugh and tell me it's ok
They're cute
Our legs tied together like twine
As our lips press up against one another's
With every kiss, you inhale more of me
Until I cannot breathe
I'm gasping for air, yet I want more and more of you
Your big strong hands grazing over my body, groping my breasts, grabbing my face, sucking in my lips
Intoxicating me
God I fucking want you so bad
Everything about you makes me want you
You make me wet with your words
You touch me and drive me crazy
Your tongue sets me on fire
And every time I fall for you a little more
Even though my head may say no, my heart wouldn't listen
And my heart's a fucking bitch
Even if I never see him again,
I will still always remember him this way forever in my heart.
I wish I could just turn my feelings off. I can't.
Walang kasiguraduhan, ako, sa'yo ay sumugal
Nais ko ay kasiyahan, ngunit puso ko'y napagal
Ilang taong maghihintay sa  b u o  mong pagmamahal?
Ilang luha iaalay, para sa'yo aking mahal?

Isipang puno ng pait, pusong puno ng pag-ibig
Pagluha, saya, at galit, ano nga bang mananaig?
Tagal ng pinagsamahan, ‘di madaling kalimutan
Anong dapat asahan kung tayo'y nagkakasakitan?

Wala na nga bang katapusan itong mga sisihan
Magturuan sa kung sino ang dapat na parusahan
Isa, dalawa, tatlo, ilang beses na nangyari ‘to?
Aabot ba hanggang dulo, o mananatili dito?

Ninais kong kalimutan, masakit na nakaraan
Hangad ko ‘yong katapatan, tiwala ko'y alagaan!
Ngunit ano bang gagawin, kung sya ay di pa “raw” handa
Gusto bang ika'y hatawin pa upang ika'y magtanda?

Mahal, alam ko namang ika’y tuluyang magbabago
Sa ilang pagkakataon, sana’y wag akong mabigo
Dahil ako ay tao lang, napapagod sa kalbaryo
Puso kong nagtamo ng sugat, napuno na ng kalyo

Naniniwala, na sa huli tayo'y ‘di mawawala
Seryosohin lang sana itong aking mga babala
Sa pag-ibig, tayo man ay magkaiba ng konteksto
‘Wag mo lang sana hayaan ang puso ko'y maging bato!

© LMLB
Tired but hopeful. I still believe in us.
04.19.18
Next page