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Madison 2d
I'm not afraid of commitment.
I'm afraid of giving up control.
Of letting another person in.
Who can just walk back out.
Wrapped in a cloud, I see everything
Below are hard workers, children at play, everyone going about their day
At my side, love, sunshine,
And as if at the perfect time,
Flowing, blending with the sky and other clouds
Swooping, catching flies before they reach the crowds
It's a city.
The sun moves more naturally, taking me with
A cabin on a country side.
Trees lining the meadows in which we reside
The air, so sweet and fresh
The sun radiating and carrying droplets of life to the plants around
Night falls, the sun slowly touches down in the mountains, and turns into a goddess
The most picturesque lovely woman I ever laid eyes on,
Now joins me in the plush bed
Untill the next day, to venture out again.
eva-mae Feb 10
just how fast one flies away
when they are threatened with
a tether
Love is so fickle;
it can disintegrate
at a moment’s notice.
I just want to dive right in
and love someone
so badly and so deeply forever.
I could say these things
and declare my intent
but words are just breath.
Actions through my love and movement,
my choices and my heart
are the telepathy of love.
Hold on to what you have,
tomorrow never knows.
Zeleyha Mata Feb 7
It lingers on the tongue
Green banana with morning mouth
Picked too early
Turning brown under the sun
Bitter bite
Leaving sticky sap on your lips
Never quite what I wanted
Even as much as he flaunted his
Sickeningly sweet eyes
It just wasn't right.
I hate commitment, but that's probably just because I'm afraid of it
Kat Feb 1
Sometimes I think
Of the people at my university
Who will leave class not to go home
But to review reimbursements
Tutor students
Plan proposals
And I desperately want to be them
I desperately want to be that mentor
That some middle schooler looks up to
I want to be the club treasurer
Who does more than just show up to meetings
I want to be the person
Who has more to show on her resume
Than a handful of disparate activities
Disjointed, fragmented,
Chosen out of interest
Then abandoned when people
Started getting expectations

But I am too afraid
Of commitment
Too afraid I will become
The person I was in high school
Overextended overworked overwhelmed
It is better to say no
Than to succumb once again
To depression
To the apathy
To the voices in my head that told me
That life was not worth living
That I was not worth living
I am so afraid
That I will once again wish for death
That I sometimes find it hard
To do what I wish in life

I do it partly because I fear stress
But the other thing about not being in charge
About not being depended on
Is that you have no one to hurt
When you fail
No one to disappoint
When you don't show up
Because your anxiety has trapped you
In the prison of your mind
Because your pain has trapped you
In the prison of your body
I hate disagreements
I am too conflict-avoidant
To deal with confrontation
I can't bear to see people argue
So how could I handle being part
Of an argument myself?

I know many of these people
I don't know how they do it
Especially when I know
They too deal with demons
They so tactfully hide
I am trying so hard
But my fear holds me back
Encases me behind a wall of stone
That my desire to help
To belong
To be brave
Can't break through
And I know
I can't define my self-worth
By the things I don't do
But I wish I could feel more normal
Feel more useful
Feel more productive
Feel like the university students
People paint in stories
Even if the stories aren't true
Will never be true

I am too afraid
Because I could gain so much
But I have so much to lose
So for now
I see commitment
And expectations
And I hide
I run to a place where I know
My stress will not strangle me
My mental illness will not consume me
My doubts will not destroy me
I run as fast as I can
But no matter how far I go
My fears
Still follow me
Ruhani Jan 25
Do you think
It is fate
that I didn't
It is ME
who decided
not to be committed
when it was most needed.
So I don't blame
my innocuous fate
for the fall on the face.
A Yorks Jan 25
Another morning, another reason,
I guess that doubt's just back in season,
Getting colder and a little restless,
So I think I'll get this off my chest:
I think somebody did try to warn me,
"This sort of thing is never easy"
That didn't stop me from losing sleep,
But that's okay — darling, whiskey's cheap as f—

You never told me you loved me, that's okay.
Didn't quite expect that from you anyway;
All you asked was a bit of my time,
Another kiss — was it such a crime?
And maybe I'm a little bit naïve,
For having bought into a fantasy I'd conceived?
I guess it doesn't matter in the end anyway.
I'll take one more kiss and I'll be on my way.

Maybe I should have brought this up to you,
As we were basking in the afterglow?
And in my arms, when all you'd talk about was him —
That just didn't feel great, I'll have you know.
It probably wasn't on your mind to hurt me,
I asked to little and I gave away too much,
And then you left me feeling used and emptied,
But that's okay — darling, whiskey's cheap as f—

I know you never really loved me, that's okay.
Didn't quite expect that from you anyway;
All I got was a piece of your time —
Looking back, was I really so blind?
And I know I was a little bit naïve
To paint my heart into a picture I'd conceived.
I guess it doesn't matter in the end anyway.
I have no need for your kiss — now please be on your way.
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