we’re too tired, but we’re awake anyways --
as if no one will ever see
the sun rise if not us,
as if no one else can feel
the pain we force on aching bones.
as if, we are the only ones
ever to feel this empty.
we pile on excuses
like layers in the winter,
scratch out our dreams
onto scraps of old paper.
we can only scream when
our heads are underwater,
and they wonder why
we haven’t drowned yet.
the truth is, we don’t know.
we kick and scream
at the thought of giving up.
of being alone, of being with
someone, of being alive.
how have we held on so long?
someone must be the one to try
and hold the world up,
somebody must be the one to witness
the pink sky at four in the morning.
and if not us,
If you've ever had dreams,
Don't ever underestimate them.
Because dreams are
Just a step away from reality.
And reality is a mere metaphor.
What's real is not real and
What's not real is also not real.
There is no line or border
That his grains of sand cannot cross.
I heard the cartoon dinosaur on the ceiling gossip
That I was going crazy.
But the crumbs of the chocolate croissant I ate in my dreams
Are the proof of my sanity.
I sometimes wish I could have nightmares instead
Because at least in nightmares,
I would still be able to be scared.
I’m scribbling this numb.
Very, inexplicably, numb.
there’s a frigid draft coming in from my window,
and, at this moment,
I feel that if i were not bound by endless expectations and worldly aspirations,
I would probably go with the breeze and leap from the third floor.
praying that I land on the ground hard enough to wake myself up.
I’m scribbling this worried.
Very, knowingly, worried.
there’s a reoccuring dream, every other day.
when I am knee deep in my poison,
diving into glass shards and trophy caps.
an array of chanting.
I am the reigning queen, of,
and, here I am.
Up to my neck in caps, swimming in remains,
on the third floor,
ready to wake myself up again.
Wait, how did I end up back in my bed?
it’s a loss
to know that in some offset, far away world, there’s the possibility that I survived.
the almost time, when I stood, when I dragged my limbs across deserts and lived.
in a cave set on fire, I let the flames swallow me.
the last thing I knew was the devouring heat of a yellow glow,
clenching my pulse with a fist,
Telling me no more.
it’s a tragedy
to know that in that offset, far away world, there was the sometimes opportunity for you and I to thrive.
the would have been moment that could have opened our eyes.
in a deserted orchard,
the lemons, though sour, kept me alive, reminded me of you.
I bit fruit too pretty of a shine, for a rotten inside that tasted of sour hopes.
some unfortunate Adam and Eve parable,
I was taught to trust my own.
Telling me to move on.
it’s a victory
to know that in some offset, far away world, there’s the knowing that through fire and poor taste,
I learned to survive.
Bathing in a field of sunflowers,
drenched in sunlight,
the only color I know so well.
Sleeping satellites hide their threats in their lazy orbital drift
Winking charmingly disarming
Oblivious to the fact that one small change in trajectory
Will bring catastrophic catacylism
Hypnotically the thought drifts away as quickly as it came
Back to oblivion.
When the calm night breathes
I feel so restless,
something is missing
I be very sleepy but sleepless
There is something wrong
hidden in this silence
there is something there
just in slight essence
Ponder through my thoughts
venture through every corner
to get some relief
but nothing I concur
Anxiously I wait
for some suddenness
that makes this asleep night alive
so I can finally have my rest.