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sarah 1d
i stare more than i talk when you're around
and hope that you don't notice
it's not my fault you leave me speechless- i'm just bad with words
it's artless adolescence

when you're gone i miss you bad and i can't cope
i'm stuck here while i wait for you

tell me it's all going to be okay
it's fine to feel this way
tell me you feel it too
and when you're away- too far away
tell me that you miss me too

you've given me the proof i need, but my brain's still a wreck
a roller coaster of cynicism
but there's hope yet, you seem to like it when i'm all choked up
that's failure at it's finest

when you're silent i miss you bad and i can't cope
i'm stuck here while i wait for you

tell me it's all going to be okay
it's fine to feel this way
tell me you feel it too
and when you're away- too far away
tell me that you miss me too

i wish i missed the weekends
but now i'm torn up a day without you here,
staring at the white walls you splattered with green
i wish i missed innocence
being able to fall asleep at night,
but i'm wide awake and i don't hate it.
under the lake we were we
under the lake we sang about
than we then sang we sang we
what were we talking about then
what were we talking about then about
what were we then and when

under the lake shining where all around
flowers alone flowers and roses and moons on meadows
about the circle about where the
lake is where the lake is in the wilderness
about what we sang with you about what we were
about what we sang with you about what we went about

18.09.18
I can’t look into your eyes anymore
Because they don’t lie
the way that I could
When I realize I’m irrelevant
And how you are moving on I guess
I have to pretend that I’m over you too

But how could I just let this die
And leave you behind
When you’re all that I’ve wanted
That mystery
Of what we could be
Resonates with the parts of me that still dream

I won’t look into your eyes anymore
But oh how I covet your stare
That hellish gaze
Reminds me for days
Of how I was passionately nothing more than your fleeting memory

And I’d love to stop wishing every night
For my dichotomy of fantasies:
That love might give us another chance
Or that I could stop hearing the melody behind our memories

How can I just let this die
And leave you behind
When you harmonize with my soul
Your every note
Are songs I wrote
Long before they had names or I even knew yours

I’ve never wanted to look into your eyes any more
Than when I think of the love we should’ve had
If I had set aside my pride,
Or if you had really tried
To breathe so my love didn’t smother you

Do you think that I could let this die
And leave you behind
If I channeled my heart into moving on?
If I listened to your enemies
Maybe then a part of me
Wouldn’t forfeit the battle of forgetting your face

I know that I should really try
To say goodbye
To the ghost of the idea of who you are
But I think it’s my will
For her to haunt me still
So there’s a chance I might unite the ghost with your body
..So that one day you really could love me.
Ask me how I’m doing and I’ll make it sell,
Tell you all is well,
When all is hell,
Falling through the sky,
Ain't hit the ground yet,
Just me and God here playing Russian roulette,
The wage is set,
A bet’s a bet,
Final stages of rage but my mind won’t reset,
Mental vegan, seeking only the raw truth,
I got a residence in present tense,
And the future on mute ,
I could be wrong,
But at least I have the courage to face it,
My word is gold,
Yours is a fake ass bracelet,
Three steps to forgiveness,
But life ain’t a waltz,
It’s a dance with the devil,
And he leads till you’re lost,
You see I paid the cost and got nothing back,
But pages of thoughts and a midnight snack,
They call it "hell and back",
Ah the hell with that,
I’m burning for my sins,
No matter what the habitat,
Fully packed and ready to die,
I’m ditching this life like a runaway bride,
Too young to hide but never too old,
To wreak absolute havoc with the anger I hold ,
I’m as real as pain,
Yet far from a heathen,
Only reason I left heaven,
Was to make peace with my demons,
Problem is they just want to get even,
And now I'm barely breathing,
Barely sleeping at night,
So to answer your question,
No I ain't alright.
sarah 1d
take a step, take a breath
an ordinary day-to-day routine
while your life falls apart, nothing's changed
the world keeps spinning

take a walk in the park
blank stares straight ahead
but the birds keep on singing their tunes
above your head

and you know how you're loved so
but not anymore by him,
yet his voice still remains in your mind
like the birds you passed by

do whatever you need
to feel as though you're still complete
keep your eyes closed,
there's beauty in everything if you know to create it

and you know how you're loved so
but not anymore by him,
yet his voice still remains in your mind

and you go back to where you know
where nothing can hurt you
and the birds sing the songs that you love

though you long for his love
the beauty of love.
sarah 1d
noise getting louder
temperature's rising
room's getting crowded
but i'm still up pacing

why don't you tell me i'm overthinking
why don't you tell me i should start dreaming

i know i'm just being overdramatic again
what was i thinking? i should be content
with just pretending that i'm happy

breath getting heavy
i know what you're thinking
and you say you're sorry
but you don't mean it

why don't you tell me i'm overthinking
why don't you tell me i should start dreaming

i know i'm just being overdramatic again
what was i thinking? i should be content
with just pretending
that
       i'm
             happy
one of my favorite songs i've ever written
III 1d
302
Lately,
I've had you on my mind
Like an old song
You've rediscovered the beauty in,
And you've been occupying
The rooms in my head
For once without a chance
Of vacancy.
when you say my name
the sunset blinds me
your beaten hands have never felt my freckles
but the way your words sit in my chest
i know the warmth could last forever
i know this isn’t all in my head

red, blue, yellow cars
i wanna hold your hand in them all

i know it’s wrong for me to keep calling
but when i’m in the dark
laying on the hood of my car
and your music is playing
i can see the fucking stars swaying

who knew distance could make so much noise
but the miles between us scream at me in the night
to drive and drive
until all i see is white in my headlights

and you’re so purple and yellow
with your big t-shirt’s and goofy ass smile
and you’re so red
switching up like the weather
twilight in your eyes
the sun keeping your head up

so ride the train into town
i’ll drive an hour in my junker
just to pick you up
and show you sunsets forever

and that night maybe we can even take a trip
into the lucy skies
and you’ll know what it’s like
to have a bonnie to your clyde

let me plant roses in your skull
and make a bed for you under my skin
so you’ll never know what it’s like
to feel the cold again

i know it’s hell you can’t touch me
but maybe if you open your eyes
you can hear me

i want you to be free
and give you the feeling of dreaming
the feeling you get bombing a hill on a skateboard and it’s all laughter and yellow
or maybe when you’re at a party and it’s late as hell and you’re smoking a cigarette on the porch with a cute girl and you get close enough to smell her skin
the feeling when you wake up in your own bed and it’s been raining for weeks and the sun is shining in and you can feel the warmth on top of your blankets

whatever feeling you crave
wanna give you a piece of me in an unforgettable summer
that will inspire you forever
our song
staring at you --
a second feels like an hour feels like a blink of an eye
and mine are slightly dilated
someone told me that happens when you look at someone
who you've fallen really hard for
but that must be nonsense
cause i don't really like you that much

i can see how other guys
could get lost in you
how you don't even realize how you smile
just a little bit everytime you speak
or just something about your voice
sounds like music to me
beauty is objective, i can see
but i really don't like you that much

some might say that the fact
that i fall asleep to dreams of you;
and push myself through challenges
by dedicating them to you,
is a sign that i've fallen

okay, maybe i have
a little crush...

okay, i admit,
i like you
exactly that much
xo
I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
Bloody ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm sorry for the way
I let you down
In your emotions
I let you drown
I'm sorry for not speaking out
When you clearly needed sound
Someone to just say it's all gonna be okay
I just looked the other way
Only cared about me
And now that thought plagues my conscience
I'm sorry that I am stuck in selfish ways
Only thinking of my own feelings
And not much of yours
I'm sorry that I couldn't save you in ways that you had pictured
You thought that I'd be different
I let you walk that lonely road
Ignorant to your hurt
Our lives drifted in different directions
Now you're somewhere out there
beyond my detection
Just hope these sorries find their way to you

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
Bloody ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm an ocean of emotions
When we hit rough seas
That's when you don't see
The best parts of me
I'm sorry in my anger
I can get violent
Sometimes I just can't stay silent
I lose control when this rage stays caged
And that is one of my greatest flaws
Hurt people that mean so much to me
Out of anger and stupidity
I'm sorry for the bruises and marks
I'm sorry for all the hurting parts
I'm sorry for the damaged soul
I'm sorry I lost control of my thoughts
Let rage overpower,
still, decisions made in moments of regret
These are moments that weren't my best
Maybe that's why they say rage is blind
Cuz we don't see in those moments
What we become, It's only after it is done

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
Bloody ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm sorry for all the missed signs
and all of the misinterpreted lines
I'm sorry to those that I've offended
I'm sorry to those I couldn't connect with
I'm sorry that sometimes I struggle to find the line
I cross that thing a lot of the time
I'm sorry for the worries
I'm sorry for the tears
I'm sorry for filling you with fears
I'm sorry for the times I just couldn't bring myself to write
I'm sorry for all the failed lines
And mediocre rhymes
I'm sorry this took me a long time

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
Bloody ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

Dear me, are you listening...
Most of all I'm sorry to you
And for all the things I've put myself through
I'm sorry for tearing myself apart for art
I'm sorry for holding out air from my lungs
I'm sorry for all the times that I've looked in the mirror
Only to call me ugly, a monster, a freak
Frequent hate to which most can relate
I'm sorry for all the self-loathing
I'm sorry for the sleepless nights
And the endless fights inside my own mind
I'm sorry for saying, I'll never be enough
I'm sorry for not being able to let myself love

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
Bloody ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm sorry to the girls
Who wanted my love
I couldn't the love they gave
Cuz I didn't feel the same way
I'm sorry to the friends that I cut off
I only did what I thought was best
I'm sorry that this life of mine is still a mess
I'm sorry to the girls that I hurt with words
Out of jealousy or rejection
I'm sorry for the lyrics that I wrote about you
May have been something said that hurt
I'm sorry I take so long to learn

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
Bloody ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

I'm sorry that in my weakness I want to die
I'm sorry that I struggle with this life
I'm sorry for all the crazy things that cross my mind
I'm sorry for all the broken promises
I'm sorry I haven't achieved any of my dreams
I'm sorry that I'm inconsistent
I'm sorry that I claim I'm a victim
I'm sorry for the times I don't accept the blame
I'm sorry for the jokes I made that were lame
I'm sorry that this song is full of sorries
I'm sorry to all those people I've wronged
I'm sorry to myself for never feeling real love
I'm sorry for having no faith in a god above

I'm going to write this one in blood
Just so you know it's straight from my heart
Where should I begin, where do I start?
Let me fill a new page with art
This was written in the dark
By the candlelight spark
Bloody ink spilt across the page
With all these things
That I just have to say
It all comes bursting out my chest
Just so you know I mean what it is that's said
So that this can all heal and mend

©2018 Written By Benji James
It's taken me so long to write something completely new, but I finally did it, I sat myself down and finally just gathered some motivation to finally finish something. :P
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