Tonight I took a risk
And once again sliced my wrists
But instead of five I did ten
And little blood came out when
I pressed a little harder
And the blade cut a little farther
I looked like a tiger with it’s stripes
And I’m willing to face all the gripes
You’ll probably leave me when you see my scars
Because you’ll realize all the harm
It stings a little but still feels good
You didn’t understand and you never would
You can’t handle a basket case
To you I’m just a waste
Let’s see how they look tomorrow
Because tonight they filled me with sorrow
They didn’t bleed like I’d hope
Maybe next time I’ll try the rope
I’m a screw up and don’t deserve life
I argue with myself about what to do and with which knife
I lay here now wrists stinging
The sandman with sleep he’s bringing
I’m upset at myself more than you are at me
So don’t yell or use harsh words during your plea
I’m sorry for what I’ve done
There is nothing more I can do, none
Maybe it’s more than ten
I stopped counting around then
You’ll leave me tomorrow I know it
Whether or not I refuse to show it
The scars will still remain
And you’ll think of me with cruel disdain
Hate me for all I care
This heavy cross I’ll always bare
Give me another reason to hate my soul and body
Give me another bad habit to proclaim as a hobby
I’m an artist by nature and I paint with my blood
And when I’m done my sharp edged paint brush will drop with a thud
I don’t care anymore and I wish life was simpler
I suppose T.S Elliot was correct: this is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper
Freddie Ruiz May 29
Sometimes I feel I don't belong here or anywhere
and I feel it’s already taking me too long to belong somewhere.

Sometimes I feel so surrounded I get heavy-hearted,
but that’s a heavy load to carry and a lonely road to be left stranded.

Sometimes I feel like I’m never gonna get there, but I gotta get there.
Maybe I’m almost there and I just haven’t realized it yet.

Can you send me someone to guide me
or is the journey I’m supposed to travel the one in front of me?
Written on June 23, 2011
Composition number: 387
Rinav 4d
it was all just a lie
people told me that I'd reach the end
but I don't see anything
My family told me that I was going to reach the heights
but the only place I've reached
is a dull and grey street

I wanted to achieve something magnificent
but I ended up achieving pitter-patter
evocating my pronounced self-loathing
for what is, and what isn't
I wanted to feel pure
reach the tip of the world
and be the 'chosen one'

Yet here I lie
with a stupid self-loathing mind
the only tip being that of the rich man's kind
I wanted to reach my heights
and be the best I could possibly be
make the world proud of me
yet the only words I hear
are that of higher society's -
"What a laughable failure. Never to achieve,
never to reach, simply a wasted opportunity."

My head bobs in a twisted manner
my face full of exuberant despondence
I tried to reach, I tried to be free
unfortunately, the only thing I reach for now
are the alms of a kind man's heart
on this cold and lonely street
the life of a nobody
Freddie Ruiz Jun 20
This is an everyday issue we tend to neglect,
but it’s time for us to step up, because it is a regret.
The level of wickedness and the lack of respect
that’s been breaking down our children; what does that reflect?
So, let’s pay attention to what’s going on and let’s do something.
He and she are valuable, there’s no need for them to be suffering.
It’s time for us to show them that we are truly doing something.
Step up and let them see that tomorrow is always a new beginning.

Humiliating words said to me, cruel acts done to me,
and every day for me, I felt like a nobody.
Fear blinded me, I couldn’t see clearly.
Because of you, I almost lost my identity.
My courage you tried to break.
My happiness you tried to take.
It took boldness for me to demonstrate
that I was not the person that for years you made me hate.

Because of my beliefs, I was ridiculed many times.
Because I was different, I was ridiculed many times,
but with every tease, in time I came to realize
that I was stronger than you and I wasn’t gonna die around your lies.
My self-worth, at last, I regained.
My faith in me, you couldn’t wane.
You can no longer cause me any pain,
because I worked hard to be proud of who I am.

The only way things will change is if we take a stand ourselves.
If you don’t see the problem, you better check yourself.
With the increasing number of suicides in adolescents,
to know what our children are going through is a distress.
Let’s teach our children that their religion, the color of their skin,
their social status, their hobbies, their physical difference, their nationality
are no reasons to be ashamed of and let alone reasons to hurt anybody.
This crime is being overlooked and can’t be just fixed by a simple “sorry”.

We don’t live in a perfect world, but putting our two cents in can make a difference.
We don’t live in a perfect world, but it’s not ok to tolerate so much indifference.
We don’t live in a perfect world, but we don’t have to conform to oppression and ignorance.
We don’t live in a perfect world, but we don’t have to let hate destroy their happiness.
Written on December 14, 2017
Composition number: 601
Waves crashing and smashing into the rickety boat
Hardly staying afloat it cracks and snaps under the pressure that wraps around it
Spinning swirling and twirling the water fills every crevice and nook
From the most overt cabinet down to the rustiest hook
The stormy outlook brings dread
And in his head he thinks of the waves that could leave him dead
Losing all control he can’t grab a hold of the wheel or the rope that could keep him remotely safe or help him cope with the lack of balance
It’s all done
As the sea swallows him like it does the morning sun
Amber 7d
sorry if i caused u unhappiness
u always seemed unhappy with me
unhappy of what i do
u don’t seem to show it
but i know it
and why
why are u so unhappy
it’s okay
u can leave any time u want
i already told u
but u still stay
and i don’t know why
its okay for people to leave in my life
because it seems so common to me
that it is nothing already
just leave
i don’t want to see u so unhappy
Sharon Talbot Jul 12
I’m fading away, backing off from life.
Echoes of joy and faults pass like falling stars.
Every day has a few drops less of strife.
Silent shrapnel crashes in soft and witless shards.
And I’m shrinking from the Now;
I couldn’t even tell you how.

Moments of ecstasy and pain are sealed,
Like shrines to a life I still know.
Etched in summer’s softness or in steel.
I am vanishing, but I don’t know where I’ll go.
My once-beloved and my son are here.
One ignores me, while the other
Watches in helpless fear.

Five A.M and I am by myself…again.
Sun washes in with sorrow in its face.
For the thousands of times, I have slept alone,
I feel like a stranger in this place,
I once called our home.
Now it’s a cage to me,
Filled with broken promises and mis-matched lace.

I am going now, heading toward the West.
Leaving memories and pain behind with a sleeping wife..
Every day brings me closer to an end
Leaves fly in the road behind me, remnants of a life.
I am crying for the misspent years.
But no more of those; I am changing, switching gears.

September 17, 2010
Edited – January 5, 2016
This goes with a novel of the same name about a psychology professor who is so unhappy with his life, he begins to "shrink" away from it, back to the life he once knew. That's all I can tell you for now!
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