Belle 11h

How does the world expect you not to kill yourself?
I do not understand why we are put on this earth.
We are born and we already have expectations put into us, then we are put into school by the age of four.
Forced to stand in line like some militia.
We get 30 minutes of free time then are summoned by a whistle and teachers go down checking to make sure we are all aligned.
Tell me how that sounds moral!
We are in school for another 14 years after that, and it just gets harder.
Soon, teachers start choosing favorites and start telling you that you're not good enough, smart enough, or quick enough. You try to do a sport you love only to be told "somebody else was better."
Your friends start to leave you to go join a different group of friends and all you get is a subtle wave and half smile as you walk down the hallway.
You graduate high school and move onto college.
Another four years of school.
Maybe nursing, maybe education, maybe psychology.
Whatever it is it's preparing you for a job that you have to have the rest of your life.
You don't get to have fun everyday.
You have to work, and though they say "the right job is fun." The right job is stressful. The right job is hard. The right job is still a daily struggle. The right job is still a constant battle!
Why were we put on this earth only to continue working, and making our life into one big unhappy nightmare?
Yet, when someone say they want to kill themselves, everyone replies, "oh but the world is so wonderful."

Lydia 2d

Tossing and turning for two hours now,
My mind is filled with things at night that my daytime brain trys to push away
My soul has been crushed and I think that's what's bothering me
How a happy life can turn into this, tossing and turning until 5 a.m
Some things you feel so deeply they burn a fire in your chest and a wind through your veins, telling you to move, flow, be free
All I've ever wanted
Deep deep down, all I've ever wanted was to be free on my own but all I've ever been was held against someone else's will

A crashing silence,
Sores skin,
Blisters thine eyes,
For love be thy poison,
That blackness the mind

It's 2 am
And I can't breathe;
You said nothing's changed
It's wrong to believe
I can't find you
The same way I first had
It hurts eradicating love
But it's even more hell
To lose us as we were
- Friends

I always knew. But I thought it would be less than this.
chloe james Aug 8

No matter how hard I try, these abhorrent feelings will never die.
I’m so damn easy to replace, such a meagre waste of wanted space.
I don’t have any real friends, even when I try make emends,
Just a five-minute ditty, whenever they’re feeling pity.
Wishing I was deep underground, as my maddening mind spins around.
Never knowing when I’ll have my final breath as I lean closer to my inescapable death.
My biggest fear is to say goodbye, for you may not be there to reply.

Belle Aug 8

She lays in her bed feeling like she's laying on cement.
Nothing feels good anymore.
It all hurts, it all feels so out of reach. Just out of reach. Everything is always just out of reach. Why is everything just out of reach?
Why does she do everything right and get nothing in return?
Maybe it's not right.
She gets her hopes up. She really needs to stop doing that, it creates unrealistic expectations and those are ideas that she just cannot get herself stuck on.
Is this the punishment for trying to be happy? She doesn't understand what she has done wrong, she doesn't understand what she needs to do right.
She no longer wants to do right.
People are belittling her.
People are telling her how she should act.
Her strings are being pulled left and right, down and up all at once.
She ripped a long time ago.
She sits there with a blank stare. No longer caring, she just has to agree with everyones orders and what everyone wants from her.
Her life is not her own.
Has it ever been her own?
Will it ever be?
Then it brings up the question, but does it matter?
She tries to speak but they grab it out of thin air and shake their heads at her.
Her words are not valid.
She is not valid.
She will never be valid.
It's no longer just out of reach.
It's completely out of her hands.
They have locked it in a box and hid the key.
She has no chance here.
She never has,
she never will.

chloe james Aug 7

I feel like I’ve been living underwater.
Before I could even take a final breath, I was submerged into this eternal oblivion.
At least no one can discern my piteous tears while I’m drowning in this murky water.
Uncontrollably sinking deeper and deeper, my shrunken lungs yelling out for oxygen.
The last glimmer of light no longer visible through the fuzzy haze.
No sound reaching my ears apart from the subtle vibrations from above.
The pressure of the water wrapped tightly around my body, tempting me to inhale my last ever breath.
Finally, I submit to the aloofness,
slowly,
choking,
I drown.

chloe james Aug 6

I’m screaming but all you hear is silence.
The days go by and all I can do is cry.
Can’t you see the despair in my weepy eyes?
The torrent of tears soaking deep into my fluffy pillow at night.
Maybe if you took the ample time,
you’d hear the hopeless screeches.

chloe james Aug 5

The jealously spreading faster than ugly rumours.  
My once deep blue eyes now painted with a harsh green.
My heart so full of love, now frosted by a cold hatred.
Held captive by this simple-minded character.
Trying to drown out the annoyance with soothing melodies,
Only to be disrupted by the venomous emotion in my mind.
Jealously streaming through every inch of my body, although I hold back on flaring up in rage.
Oh, just look at them,
Aren’t they so gorgeous?
I’m convinced you would rather choose them over someone dull like me.
I swear I’m going insane, my jealously has no limitation.

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