Day by day I find myself drowning in feelings I cannot put my finger on,
Not like a carefree momentum-fueled skater basking in wind echoing off the dips of concrete;
Rather a feeble insect surfing in the linoleum of a running sink, barely missing the drain with each wave.
Albeit, I am the one turning the faucet. If only I would turn it off.

I am surrounded by a pool of my tears.
Familiar, slow, melodies travel through my nerve endings.
The memories are all I can feel in my frail, numb body.
Why am I shaking again?
Is it because I miss the validation I got from my teachers in kindergarten?
Or the unfinished self-portrait in front of me that reminds me too much of my insufficiency?
Perhaps the unbearable gaze of ones who only have love to spare? Love is enough…right?

I’m glancing all over my enclosure, for anything to distract from the thoughts caving in on me.
My eyes fixate on the photo strips on the wall,
My other home grinning back at me.
Half the world but only a text away.
Why can’t I do it?
They will ask how I am. I can’t tell them,
That I have to go back.
I cannot live in this silent house no longer.
Please set me free,
To where I really belong.

As I sit in my shallow pool,
every movement carries meaning.
I shift
a wave appears.
I touch
a ripple dissolves into silence.

In this still water,
I witness my connection to reality
and reality, in turn, acknowledges me.
When I force the waves,
push them with all my might,
they recoil and push back,
equal and unwavering.

As if to say:
all you do
will return to you
in equal kind.

So I see my influence
if not on the world,
then at least on this small surface of it.
My own lunar pull
on a body of water
that never needed the ocean.

I used to try to keep still,
to let the water settle,
to find some perfect calm.
But stillness, too, was a choice
a part of the dance.

And when I moved again,
the waves would rise.
The world would rumble.
And I would swim.

Seashells hold echos
Of life beneath waves
Hold one to your ear;
Listen, can you hear their story?

I float in my raft of time.

  ~~

     ~~Each passing wave is all sublime~~

           ~~Each passing wave takes, all crime~~

                    ~~

                              ~~­I bounce off these walls~~

                       ~~I’m confined~~

                       I start in the present

I am your past.                        I am your future.

I am last.                                          I am nurture.

                       I am on my last row;
                        For now, I shall go.
                          Darkness awaits
                                For none.

I was angry at the world,
Until I get to see you sleep;
There and then,
Turbulent waves grew calm ashore,
Stars twinkled more brightly than ever before,
You were the oasis I've been looking for.

I never knew love had a sound,
Until I heard you laugh;
There and then,
Your voice became music to my ears,
It was all I ever wanted to hear;
A hymn that erases my anxiety and fears.

I never thought a love like this was even possible,
Until you came along;
There and then,
I want to spend my eternity with you;
In difficult times, we’ll see through;
Thanks for showing me a love so pure and true.

Your beautiful wave washed over me,
When I was a lonely shore off the sea.

Wrapping its elegance over my sands,
The way we hold each others' lonely hands.

Replaced the dust with dazzling sea glasses,
Brought back the sparkle to my heart's masses.

It seems like a terrible peace,
How the waves drown and roar like a beast.

I imagine myself in its darkest depths
Taking all these deep, deep breaths.

Its creatures lie hidden to the naked eye
As if waiting for a reply.

But yet, I find in the treacherous sea-
A place called home, for you and me.

"Today I woke up like every morning,
the sea sounds angry at my window,
today I woke up longing to be loved.
But the wind only whispers emptiness,
and the waves embrace me with their cold.
Is love just a lost echo,
or a ship that has never sailed?"

I journey towards the night
watching the light recede.
Awaiting me, an unsteady
dreamscape of losing
things and beings
and never finding them.

But, there is also the ocean,
of waves cradling me to sleep
with the lullaby of my name’s
repetition- marooning me  
from the sound of others,
the fears, anxieties to come.

Yet, my unconscious tugs me
towards the new tomorrow, forcing
my drowsy mind to count backwards
from sixty to one, until the gravity and  
heaviness retreats into the
light and life to come—

the awakening that  turns
the dark blue inside to light blue sky,
the rising eastern glow that is
the morning star affirming
to my eyelids that this dark life
was just a dream of my fretful mind.

Awaiting me, the to-do list of my morning:
the ritual of the toilet, scale, finger ******,
Psyllium powder stirred in water, catering
to my dog’s and wife’s love language of
gourmet kibble and Nescafe— an  A.M.  life
measured out in watery tablespoons of love.

The cadence of my feet lives itself out in
thirty steps and half minute treks, a sacred
pitter-patter in rhythm with my breath that
allows the traumas of the past- the dead, the
cancers, the broken houses destroyed and rebuilt-
to exist in hidden memories and bad dreams.

We feel the same way
I know why you choose to be alone
There are so many things in this world
That I too cannot comprehend
But, we already know so much
You and I
We're two brains
Thinking of the same puzzles
However, we were never supposed to meet

Perhaps, when you and I
Have surrendered the
sea
of
thoughts
The waves that continue to keep
                                   pushing
                                us
                        back
                 to
           the
shore
Back to where there's comfort
Or not

We feel the same way
If only we could not read so much into things
Not so much with the thoughts
The concepts
Theories
Ideas
If we try not so hard to understand
Every detail––
every/group/of/words/put/together
We would not end up
Finding ourselves unable to understand the WHOLE
The big reasons
As to WHY we question
Or we DO not question
And the most miserable of them all
Why are WE here?

We feel the same way
I know why you choose to be
Alone
The waves
         would
               continue
                     crashing
                           before
T h e     v a s t n e s s    o f     t h e     s e a
The gloom
In the moonless night
                                 be
                           sure
                       to
                come
            back
         to
The shore.