Adore.
Thats the only word I can think of.
It's so funny how she helps me breathe,
Yet she is the reason my chest hurts.

So tell me, how does it feel to be
Adored by her? Do you smile when you
Wake up? You should, I would.

Does it feel like your blood is air,
And you could just float away
If someone blew?

I'll tell you how it feels to watch
Her adore you...it feels like my blood
Is empty. But not like air.

Just hollow, so hollow I could sink
Into the earth and never be seen again.
It hurts to breathe.

I want to say its not fair, but she is so
Happy. So who am I to object?
I guess I'll never know how it feels
To be adored by her.

I think about doing something
I think I should get a bike
My friend rides a bike
and she is happy
I think I should tell her to ride with me
I think about eating finger sandwiches
The ones in the deli
They look so pretty
It makes me happy inside
I think about tea
And making it with extra cream whip
And making it extra sweet
I think about riding a bike again
I don't have a bike
So I think about walking or
Running
Maybe getting some Oxford shoes
This time and wearing them to
church and looking nice
I think about a lot of ways
To feel happy
I think about scriptures
I should send to people that
Need them
I don't want them to die
I think about God's angels
Where are they?
I know they are here
They are doing a good job
While she is waiting for the abyss
I'm happy looking at the sky

Depression makes me think of ways I can feel happy but I don't actually do all the things I think about.

Mary undressed
for her Friday bath.

The water was steaming
steam rose
to the off-white ceiling.

She dipped in a foot
withdrew it again.

Feckin' 'ot.

She turned on
the cold water tap.

It cooled down
the water.

She turned off the tap
and put in
a foot again.

That's better.

She climbed
in the bath
and sat down.

Water reached
her small taut breasts.

Luk at de sight
av dem.

Two love bites
stained one breast.

Magdalene's work.

She picked up
a pink sponge
and soaped it up.

Washed her
neck, arms,
breasts and down
between thighs.

Nuns an' their
blather.

Buff an' blister
Thomas an' 'er
ideas for lent.

She wished the nun
would go to holy Rome.

She soaped
her sex standing up.

Magdalene
wud love dis.

She sponge down
with water washing
the soap off.

A love bite on her
right thigh high up.

Magdalene
lipped her
and kissed her.

That time
at Magdalene's
parents' house
while they
were out shopping.

Both naked
on the bed.

Nip as babes.

Mary stepped out
of the warm bath.

She grabbed
a white towel
began to dry herself.

Wish Magdalene
wus here nigh.

Ruba-dub-dub.

Once dried
she stood and gazed
at herself
in the mirror.

Jist loike Eve.

That time
at Magdalene's house
lying abed
with a thousand thoughts
going round
in her head.

AN IRISH GIRL ON HER BATHNIGHT 1963.
Alvira 12h

i hide behind my fear
pretending to have control
i lie to myself, fighting to
believe that it is my will

who am i kidding?
i'm transparent glass
i don't want to admit it
i don't want anyone to see it

i've change my name on here again, because i'm stupidly, stupidly not wanting my words to be found; ironic since i'm an author.
Kaya 12h

breathing in and out
breathing in and out
so many words
the beginning and ending
of the worlds words
the eternal loop from
word to word and to
the sound of silence
the sound of silence that overlaps
a lot of beginnings and endings
of words words and again words
a lot of words and voices
a lot of talking, talking and talking

a lot of a lot of things
the sound of eyes closing
lids clashing, open and shut
open and shut, open and shut
foots hitting the ground
left and right, left foot coming after the right and the same over and over and over and over and over the
beginning of the breath that goes in
to the ending of an exhale, breathe out and in and out and in  
wind over wind, that speaks and speaks and speaks to me
and at last the last clashing of the lids
eyes shut to blank silence a vision less vision in a tubular void
in the dark, and sound of silence
getting louder and louder and louder
it is never quiet in my mind and self that envies the ability of a needle in a clock
to move on second to second
and not dwell in the past

-Kaya

Natasha 21h

willow tree, on a lean
branches surround me gracefully
I go to touch your silky leaves,
but the wind takes them away from me.

where do the dogs go when
they chase the silver moon?
they hunt the night, stars in sight
that come and go too soon.

I wish to lie in a bed of grass,
surrounded by the night sky and city.
though not the jungle I prefer
the skyscraper lights look so pretty.

take my breath away, natural humming high
but not quite, as magnificent
next to the multitude of constellations
reflected in your eyes.

breathe in the morning summer air that makes its way across the grass
Sanny 1d
.

I thought I was over you.

I've been through all the stages.

And yet here you are, still in my mind.

Another process.

Of accepting that I'll never get over you.

Sitting, writing
Picturing a fantasized version of reality
Thinking if how it could be
Only if..
things were different

Shadow Wolf May 2

Going on forever
unreachable
continuous
never-ending
a concept
precieved to exist
yet never known how large
presumed to be a solution
but never known how far must be traveled

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