If my hands
knew no limitations
to what my mind
speaks
papers would
blush
at the intensity
of what
a fire sign
feels

My poetry is open and bare on the examination table
While my brain falls into place in the exsanguination cradle
Pieces fit together like a monster from the old world fables
Set up to disassociate the Kanes from the Ables

We're all meant to die
There's no harm in asking why
Self harm, drugs left in the arms, premeditation, self incrimination
It won't matter when we're stitched up in a Y

Theres hidden meanings in every line
A chance to put aside all the woes and keep feelings burning inside
When things are on the decline
I can write down facts and theories
Like self investigation as to why I'm feeling weary
No Overbearing intoxication here just a rough cut heart of ice melting due to overheating and slipping liquidation

What's better on a Monday than some nihilism

I'll do something stupid, like fall in love with you and stuff

Until one day you realize that it wont be enough

I wont be enough for you.

And I will cry and tear apart my room.

And the dark days will begin to loom.

And I will begin to lose myself in this mentality to.

Overthinking shower thoughts about myself and how I must be at fault with everything that has happened.
Star BG 21h

Be creative with no judgement.

Let go fear and live inside love.

Listen hard, Laugh often.

Welcome the tears.

Play whole heartedly.

Continue to learn.

Love your neighbor.

Choose no regret

Appreciate friends.

Lead with your heart.

Do What you love.

Live in the now.

Whisper gratitude everyday.

Celebrate who you are.

Welcome in Miracles.

just some thoughts

And it ended there
he had said
but had it
ended then?

How was you
to know it had?

How do you know
he's not having it off
with another?

All thoughts of this
engage your mind
as he sleeps
beside you
his back turned
naked in the heat of night.

His odour
a compound
of sweat
and aftershave
and god knows
what else or who elses
perfume is wrapped
up in him
as he sleeps soundly.

Dreaming of her
whosoever she is
the silly cow.

But is it ended
as he said?

Or is there
some other tart?

Some bit on the side
as they say
him giving her some
but not to you.

You he lets lie
and mutters things
but says he's tired
and overworked
and sleeps
mild snores.

All ended
he said
my big mistake.

You want to
hit his head
or stab him red
until he's dead.

But half of you
wants him alive
shagging you
to heaven in bed.

A WOMAN AND HER PARTNER.

I am pencil on wax-paper,
They, they're a sliding eraser.
~
I just wonder...
How do I get out of this bogged down mindset?
Oh, how far I would walk to get out of my head.
I'm just wanderin'
this path to nothin' & dread
but these thoughts leave my mind & come back to stay fed.
These thoughts slowly slide-mammoth in size,
—into my mind, I'm not ready.
They destroy me & eat my memories,
I am pencil on wax-paper &  they— an eraser.
They're: splitting, split pushers, lifetakers, heartbreakers.
~
I am pencil on wax-paper,
They, they're a sliding eraser.

-Ashton Amstutz

I fought for you
I'm still fighting
You're not here
You're nowhere near
I'm uncomfortable
I'm scared
I know you safe
Know you're somewhere
Where my demons can't smile
But why are they joking around in my head?
I know you're safe
Nothing in your surroundings can hurt me
Can hurt us
But still my demons parry
All I want to hear is your voice
Saying those words
Meaning those words
To put the demons to rest
My best friend
My thoughts

Again and again
I do this to myself
I let the wrong ones in
I fall for the ones who don't feel anything for me
I'm too nice
Too sweet
Such an easy target for emotional manipulation
I think I have finally learned
To keep to myself
And not let anyone in anymore
Because I'm such a fool
To think I can change the mind
Of an emotionally detached individual
At least I try to enjoy the ride
While I'm being strung along.

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