I made you my religion
The definition of me
I saw you in my reflection
but you ran off with him.
those days I’d sit in front of
your picture
and pray for your arms around
me.
I’d wrap myself around a cup of coffee
my imagination of your being.
//My thoughts are focused on you
My heart
drums in my chest
so hard it
                 aches
The feeling you get
on the first real day of autumn,
the air crisp,
leaves falling at the edges,
wind smelling vaguely of smoke.
the end and the beginning
of something
All At Once.
//My heart tries to break out from the cage in keep it in
If the papers lying on my desk
had a voice, they would ask me
why don’t I write anymore.
They would ask for more stories
about us that I kept telling them
for years, we are their favourites.
I first started writing when you
came in with a smile and
filled my heart with your warmth.
One day you’ve left me grieving in
this cold, dark place and I thought
may be I could write for one last time.
Tears stained the papers instead of
ink, but they didn’t understand
this new language I wrote in.
Those papers are just lying there,
I never write again after
wiping the last tear off my face.
May be they do have a voice and
want to know what made me
stop writing, but I can’t hear them now.
have you ever
hung out the window
in love with
the lack of control
similar to the
red beaches
that i lay on
waiting to hear
the siren's song

she draws me in
needles and pins
and i never realize
until i look
into her hazel eyes
and i notice that
i'm trapped in paradise

have you ever
hidden behind the sun
not wanting to be
in the light
i do my best thinking
with no one around
a romantic but only
at night

she fills a void
and draws me in
like gravity towards
an asteroid
but i see her eyes
and i think she's realized
and i wake up
i'm just being paranoid
on a roll recently
the guitar plays
the intro music
for the showdown
at high noon
me and you
both standing
guns drawn
in the road

fighting, over her heart
desperate and without ruth

fighting for love, with nothing to lose

the dust
shimmers up
in front of the
door to the saloon
inside they have
all gathered
stopped the piano
and the beer

ready to watch, two lonely criminals
with fully loaded guns, and itching to kill

fighting for love, with nothing to lose

the only sound
are the crows
gathered
around
waiting to
fly above
landing on
the victim of

love
biiiiiiggggggg metaphor
my pen could never understand
how i feel inside my heart
but if pens could feel emotion
then my songs would be remarkable
it has always been there for me
a friend i could count on
from my breakup to my rejections
to when i wanted to be loud and sing songs

and i really wanna say
i need you
there's no other way to say
i can't express
my feelings they're trapped inside
of me
and you are
the key

i'm locked outside of my own mind
like a voyeuristic paradox
if my pen wasn't there for me
then God knows how i'd get it unlocked
i guess i owe it all
to the ink we've come to share
it flows through my veins,
and then through you
and then into the air

and i really wanna say
i need you
there's no other way to say
i can't express
my feelings they're trapped inside
of me
and you are
the key
What is it like?
To fit in with everyone around you
To not feel so small
To not be too soft spoken

What is it like?
To have countless numbers of friends
To constantly have plans
To never feel alone?

What is it like?
To get close to people
To smile so genuinely
To laugh so full heartedly

What is it like?
To not be me
Shanath 18h
And I wore a sweater yesterday
But today I bled through my skin,
And in the street today
Shedding of the hearts
Did flood my eyes
And I sniffed back the tears
While unscrewing the dull red bulb.
But I could no longer hold
When you went
And I guess this is it
This is where I end.
Survival is hard after a taste of love,

I always knew but I was cheated by hope.
Mina 18h
your face seems so calm
as if
you know
whats going to happen next
"i dare you"
i say and smile
"what else"
you ask
as you put the little figure down
and suddenly
"checkmate"

i am aware of the loss
yet
i am still hoping
"i won"
"i know"
i say
"what are you waiting for then"
"i dont know"
i say
my eyes burn
i try to fight back those tears
traitors
"i won"
you say
"i won"
again

i shake my head
"i dont care"
"but i won"
"lets play one more time"
i beg

i never beg

you look confused but do not refuse
"another one"
i position my king
you position yours
"what if you lose"
you look at me
gently
"then i lost"
i position my queen
you position yours
"the queen is indeed the mightiest of all"
i say
as i do the opening move

you put on your pokerface
i dont bother putting mine on
"your turn"
"this leads to nothing"
you say
you see it
dont you

you
are
losing

the game goes on
"this leads to nothing"
you say
again
I crack a smile
my fingers set the next move
this is your end

you stare at me
i grin
your face filled with
pain

"checkmate"
you say





maybe you really suffered more
even when you won
alexa 18h
when September came
i was reminded why exactly
our love had only stayed above water in the warm air.
with Autumn’s arrival
so did the realization
that our love had since drowned.
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