My soul grieves
for a soul;
a life lost,
to the world,

The world,
this life
full of pressure
she cannot keep.

So she frees
her soul,
for her soul
to cling to a

He tries
to stand on
the soles of
his feet

O how
he stumbles
and falls.

But how he bears,
for a life to be
shared with
a soul that
clings to his soul.

This spirit
from memory,
calls to his
bitter aid.

And as if
not even God can save him,
he is bound, chained
to the promise
he made.

O how my soul
grieves for
his soul!
And as he grieves
and weeps for
his own

It is far too late now.

between two dimensions
a chain.
'Til he fulfills
the promise made
to her.

A promise
for a dead soul.

Tribute to a friend of a friend
Jan Harak 18h

Another light went dark
so I am even more alone at night
they ended their suffering
will I end mine?

The body is a sickness
life is a disease
how long I have to suffer?
When will I be released?

Heart heavy like a stone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
like I’m somewhere I belong

RIP Chester Charles Bennington

A butterfly flies besides us
Like a sunbeam
For a moment in time.
It brings glory, beauty, and hope to us
But then it flies off again
And though we wish it could have stayed
We feel so lucky to have seen it

it doesn't stop the pain.
It packs it into a grenade,
andthrows it
to your loved ones.

Ive written the note
I'm ready to take the pills
Only to be told that what I'm doing is

Apparently it is selfish to commit suicide as you do not think of those
that you leave behind.
People clearly don't understand
The meaning behind suicide.

Yes you are leaving people behind
But it is not like you did not think of them
That is why I cried while writing the note
I cried while I thought of my mom at my funeral

To those that think suicide is selfish -
They should think of how selfish
it is to drive people into such a deep depression
That the only way to make it stop is to end their life

I'm not selfish
I'm selfless
As the world is a better place
Without me

Hello my blade
    My age-old friend
You've been with me
     Through thick and thin
And now I've come
     But once again
To use you now
     Once more to sin.

My life in shambles lays ahead
Behind, a falsehood, love is dead
No options, I agree, remain
So though I have, my best, 'till now refrained
I seek the bitting edge once, evermore
To ease the pain which ever-beats its sore

And as I open flesh-ed wounds to scar
So my soul numbs, heart as black as tar
The pain, it blessed, ebbs away quickly
And I can breathe again, rattling, sickly

No cure for panic, loss, and crippling pain
Have I found, but blood, which falls like rain
Not of a Savior, Christ within
But of the broken drowned in sin

So my life just went to shit-hell, where even the shittiest of hells become reality. Forced to love, and then stripped of all things good in life.

No stranger, yet, suicide has never sounded so nice. Anything to avoid. Anything.

They say that once you've actually decided all you feel is peace.
Is that where I am now?
Did I cross a line five miles back
and not even notice it? I remember how
all the pills felt and I remember I felt like the world was finally right
Maybe some people are born to suffer.

They said that it's a sign when you start to give things away but I don't have anything left to hand out
and maybe my heart made itself up before it told my mind.
I know I have too many doubts
but honey in this moment it's enough and I have everything.
I'm ready to go now, I've seen everything of this terrible cruel world that I have ever wanted to see
and I think that if I had gone earlier I wouldn't have missed anything
because nothing better has found me
and you know I'm not good at hide and seek
especially when I feel invisible and I'm not sure anyone else is playing.

Can I quit the game now?
I'm tired and I want to lie down and not wake up again.
Can it be enough for you that I love you?
because you never asked me to stay or I would.
Out of duty, if nothing else, but also because I can't tell you something that I know isn't true.

And I know this is, that in this moment everything is enough,
and I am enough
and the world is at peace,
and I am not afraid.
I'd like to pick my moment to die
and I think I'd pick one like this, where it's not okay.

Nothing is okay
and nothing feels good or comforting and I am all alone
but it feels like it does when you hold your breath-
before you run out of air-
in the seconds where you think maybe you didn't need to breathe, maybe you didn't need anyone to call.
because suddenly you have everything you need
And it's both enough and nothing at all.

If a bullet through my brain
Could end all my pain
Without killing me outright
I would do it in a heartbeat

my poetic thoughts at 1am

Trying to describe your depression to someone is like trying to describe a color to someone who has been blind their whole life.

mae 1d

every time you teach her that masculinity is strength,
you put a nail in her newborn coffin.
because you have taught her that she is simply an extra to a man's story,
she will wander hopelessly trying to find that strength in men who will only give her half-truths.
she will endure pain because she is nothing but a weak willed woman.

every time you teach him that feminity is weakness,
you have tied the noose for his little neck.
because he will always put himself down because he should be a man not a boy and weakness just doesn't fit in that box,
he will never learn how crying is an artform.
he will forever be a boy.

so keep your bigoted ideologies inside and throw away the key,
because the greatest gift you could give to your darling is to be free.

for those who have spent many years questioning gender.
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