The sunlight penetrates the blades covering the window,
slicing into all corners of my apartment and piercing my eye lids.
My hand, in the shape of a knife, chops through the bed sheets and escapes to protect my bloodshot eyes.
Lightning bolts of blood red carve into them,
as if the scars of last nights drinking will remain forever.
My eyelids scrape across the canyons of blood and
nail themselves shut, they're not ready for the morning,
not sharp enough to be of any use.
But the sun is relentless, it swipes at my face.
My eyes split back open, as a tormenting thought
drills into my brain.
I rip off the sheets and tear out of bed.
The shower is ice cold, it shatters my nerves,
shreds my back with ice needles.
I scrape the sweat from the mirror and
stab into the reflection with my tired eyes.
I can't help but think that something's off.
Something puncturing the back of my brain,
trying to claw out of my forehead.
I'm not right... I'm not okay.
There's a knife in the back of my gut,
and I put it there.
Slashing through my insides,
poking at my heart.
Is it loneliness? Hopelessness?
With a slice of Anger?
My own skin feels like someone else's,
ripped from their body and forced onto mine.
And now I want to cut it off,
tear away this foreign invader,
bleed it dry of all it's confessions,
butcher away it's ugliness,
and rip out that which makes me so weak.
There are no racial issues in the United States any more.
Men and women are all equal.
We're living in a New Age of Enlightenment and Peace
Global Warming is a hoax perpetrated by the China and
The U.S. Government is a psychotically delusional Personality Cult.
I wake and search for you
Hoping for some relief
With you I'll surely be deceased
And everybody wants to blame me
Like why can't you be stronger
"You act just like your father"
I don't even bother to explain
You won't understand
What goes on in my brain
You can't tell me about my pain
It's my umbrella in the rain
An old man with his cane
It clears my vision
Calms my brain
Feel the tingle up my spine
As the smoke disappears
So does my mind
No more self doubt
Or wondering what they think about
For the first time
So today I stop this
Like an Ex i can't trust
I still must control my lust
Because i still want you
I crave you in every bone
The buzz you give me is incredible
I have to stop though
Until the next thing happens
That ruins my mental state
I'll need you to clear my dinner plate
Hold you in my hand while I meditate
Even without you
one day I'll die
but with you is suicide.
When days turn dark
And nights become long
When life loses spark
And you relate to a song
You stress yourself out
Reaching to a point of insanity
You just scream and shout
Unaware of the coming calamity
But your physical appears calm
While all this cooks up in your brain
Wiping the sweat off your palm
Hit by anxiety, yet you try to refrain
Soaked eyes, sunken with tears
Voices pushing you off the edge
Living each moment with your fears
Mind, heart all hanging on a ledge
So many things affects a person
Some commit suicide, some live and fight
Many are taught the right lesson
And so, the darkness slowly is replaced by light...
Is it just an image? Just a dream?
Trespassing my heavy eyelids in the dead of night.
Need my poor sight dazzling light?
Need my pupils a gentle breath,
To blow away some possible dust
A layer of lie beneath or upon the truth
They claim to observe with full might?
Have I let slip so sudden this world
Runs anti-clockwise in the region of my head?
Have I foretold a smile full of tears
Or a summer sky turning velvet red?
Which child of earth has seen
The horror I battle day after day?
Which reckless knight or gallant templar
Has reached the law of come what may?
this war goes on through bugle calls and snare drums.
On a battlefield, where I die and unbecome..
Yes! She was me in a way or two
She suffered from inadequacy
A pink rose who wasn't sky blue
In terms of beauty speaking,
She didn't have enough palms to hold attention
Her eyes no ocean to push a lover through
The girl I killed was petite and serene
khaki trousers ,white woolen pullover
Timeless words, her mouth full of God
She was a gifted, gifted scene in daily deja vu
I never saw her from what she was
I never breathed her breath or saw her cry
Instead, I destroyed her habitat, I cut her mahogany hair
I cut her tender voice through
I killed the girl I knew
In a sense, I've killed myself dozen times more ado
I lost the girl who whispered : I am you.
Tina RSH ©
I'm your very own
Tablet of artificial happiness.
You're not capable of doing it yourself.
But it's okay, just swallow me
And I will fix you chemically.
You'll still be broken
But for a while
I'll make you forget
Because with me you'll have no choice
But to smile.
Don't be mad, just swallow me,
I'll get rid of your anxiety.
I don't always work
But I'm not perfect, of course
Just like you.
For that's why I'm here after all.
Your brains mis-wired but swallow me,
And I'll fix that... temporarily.
I understand why
You don't want to take me
Since you want
Simply to fix things on your own.
But give it up and swallow me,
Because no way you'll fix it naturally.
Because without me
You'll be as lost as you were.
Back in the beginning
Of a dark life you don't want to live.
Because admit it.
If you don't swallow me,
When in your life will you ever be
As I turn my head from time to time
Years fly and my memories archive
My perspective changes from other smart minds
And my heart changes from what was viewed in my eyes
A forced mindset from many dull blades
With all this blood, could I ever stay the same?
I've never self-harmed, but I never needed to
I had friends to do that, with my back turning blue
I'm surprised I'm still alive, even when the void calls me
But life is like a TV series - I just need to know the whole story
I feel so lonely as I sit on my bed
Wondering why I'm an option, and not a priority instead
But when bad things happen, when its all my fault
I finally realise why everyone took me with a grain of salt
I'm not worth anything
And I never will be
No matter how hard I try
I could never be free
I want to end my life now
Cause this life just wasn't for me..