An ocean. A body of water, a body of movement, a body of what?
A heart. A chamber of love, a chamber of hope, a chamber of what?
A mind. A place of thought, a place of reflection, a place of what?
A question? A way to look?, a way to find?, a way to what!
Mirrors stand on trial.
As my reflection has become treason.
Iris' clawing itself out of their sockets.
Screaming for blindness.
This cannot be who I am up close.
This isn't who I am on the inside
As touch becomes apocalypse.
Finger tips shaving and ripping
romantic runs down a spine
into an escape from hell.
The monster, applauding my imagination.
All fears confirmed by reflection.
The monster is me, stalking to taking stage.
Every pulsing orifice oozing out reality,
bites and endures flesh.
Pieces of everyone I try to get close to
Leaving the gluttons pink-red and full.
No dimension displayed without cauterized scars.
Deformation of the mind and DNA
Playing jazz backwards as the big band
Scolds its tune from the inside
I can hear the power tools of natures orchestra.
Brackish change, Chimera's blushing to proposal.
This is my favorite song
And it ends with anxiety of a new face.
The mirror telling it all.
Clumps of hair,
Eyes in hands.
Festering humanity in fetal position begging for death
Blowfly meals for two lovers, eaten alone.
God's hands in face peeking through her fingers.
Blood dripping from immoralities ugly head.
Tremors of night and knocks on the door.
Coagulating depression finally answers.
This is what I am on the inside, up close.
Make a plate for your eyes.
Anxiety is on the menu.
you claim that I'm a masterpiece
I wonder if it's because I let you study every layer
and better yet
let you leave your mark
I handed you my heart in the early spring
carving your initials in my bark before I could fully grow leaves
I let you storm my temple
and graffiti my walls
making yourself feel right at home
I felt no need to stop you
completely captivated by your ability to paint me in every color
you could claim me as your masterpiece
Waking up into the world
Foul words burn holes in my ears
Truths so raw they rot my young flesh
The instant they leave your lips
Kisses of death and decay
A power play that never ends
My personal hells undying fire
Pulverizing my mortal soul
Crazed thoughts meander in my head
I make my own meals
Milk and crunchy glass shards
Topped with freshly ground chillies
What a tantalizing trinity
The perfect homemade breakfast
To accompany our charming little pad
Savour our eclectic interior
Forget the artfully bloodied rooms
Someone's stiffened liver in our dining
Torn muscles stashed in a corner
A punctured heart in the kitchen sink
Some ground up bones in pepper shakers
Fractured ribs on my study desk
The brain sitting on the couch
Our latest wallpaper from centuries ago
News of our deaths on the headlines
Your acidic kindness
A raptured spleen in your bed
I belief that belongs to me
I'd give anything for your brutal love
The universe said "lets fuck with her head" so they sent me two exes in a day
In the same place
I was trying to perform but I saw her and my head got all cloudy
I forget my steps
She smiled at me
I broke up with her because she was boring
But I'd never say that to her face
I saw him through a shop window
His whole head followed me
In ripped skinny jeans
An hour later I said hi to his sister
We broke up because he missed me too much and when I kissed him I thought of his sister
Haven't seen either of you for a while
So I laugh to my friend Nzuki and he punches my arm and says I'm a player
When I don't see a chance at love I disattach
I step back
I saw two exes today
And it didn't hurt
Growing up is growing thicker skin
Shedding old until the body they touched
you no longer are in
It's smiling instead of crying
It's joking instead of dying
The pieces of you they loved
no longer exist
And soon I forget them
For their minds that I loved and their lips that I kissed and their bodies I touched
Don't belong to me
So I keep the memories in a folder in my brain that says:
If I ever do stand up comedy
This is me
It just takes
What is the body,
but a pile of meat?
seeking only to eat?
What makes us human,
what makes us strong?
What is it that pulls us along?
Do we have a soul?
Or just a mind?
Do we have an identity,
beyond what we can define?
What exactly lasts,
what thing underlies,
our very existence,
whose meaning is undefined?
Some call it "soul",
others simply "mind,
yet there are others,
who call it not "mine".
The first sees an eventual, heavenly life,
borne from the sacrifice of a holy Christ,
or the forgiveness and judgement of a heavenly being,
or the results of past actions, coming into being.
The second sees the mind,
a product of the brain.
No different from nature,
which never ceases or begins.
Having existed since beginningless time,
what comes to be, eventually declines,
and one is returned, to the darkness underlined.
The 3rd is one, who does not distinguish,
he sees the body and mind,
not as one who would wish,
for a lasting identity, or an eternal peace,
nor does he see it, as one who just is.
Instead he sees things, unlikely as it may,
the aggregates of consciousness and body, clear as day.
He does not deceive himself, thinking of meaning,
nor does he lie, thinking himself as "body".
He separates the speculation of a soulless man,
as he does the thought of a mind separate from man.
He overcomes the dualities which we normally comprehend,
With a sight that sees, what is simply at hand.
The truth that this body, its aggregates and mind,
are all but products of our imaginary mind,
which projects and creates,
in an endless thought-pattern,
a speculation that is ceaseless,
an identity to be had.
Instead he deconstructs,
he sees the body as it is,
an aggregate of thoughts, perceptions and things.
He overcomes the idea of "suffering" that exists,
and does not cling to the idea of "pleasure" for bliss.
He rests in the nature that is rightfully so,
not overthinking, whether he has a soul.
Because such things, are deceptions coming to be,
by the ever-thinking mind, always deceiving thee.
And even if he left her,
I can never stop imaging them together and that their bodies, lips and souls touched
and he loved her once