By Arcassin Burnham
..And when I'm gone turn me out like a night light,
then wait for dawn,
not talking about death but what you picked up on,
like another built wall so wide as the border thats crossing
the road , due forget it all,
when you try so hard only to end up in a fall,
you kept me from so much , i will not be stalled,
in a country where literally anything could happen , please
stay off the alcohol,
Theres no purpose for unpurposed matters if everything happens for
so much trouble up in every ghetto , if you left , it'll be necessary
Almost uneducated with no family support,
A mom that'll rather see me killed than be on child support,
mooching off the fabric of my reality , blood sport,
You could had an abortion now what is this for?
Would you be sad if i left?
would you even cared if i died?
would you hate yourself if I just turned around and walked out that door
and never say goodbye?
turning a blind eye to the bullshit you think stresses you,
putting that on yourself including my existence, i will be better than you.
the city remembers -
our noons and nights we spent
reciting scoops from our favorite novel
how we spread our souls
to the cold sound of the wind,
sprawling through the darkest part of us
how love gently tickles us in between
before we even speak about it
This blank page haunts me
Telling me to fill up the lines
Defining words describing the universe
Transcribing between the lines
A little tool too often used
Softer than a whisper
Its aim sharper than a sword
Speeches lapped up by leeches
Letters of love
Declarations of hate
Signatures for war
Who am I to dictate?
From the scrawls on my little page
But present still is the “what if”—
When script fails
What is left?
Nothing but smudges
Faint remnants of faded pasts
Moving to fill blank spaces
Nibs dancing across canvases
Yes it is mandatory for me to smoke,
and I should do that quite often.
If words to speak are less
and love has been a hoax,
moving with the sway of wind,
blind as Harry Potter's cloak,
that I have never seen a knife,
so blunt to stab my heart,
Then yes I need to smoke,
at least ten cigarettes a day.
For it is hard for me to unfold,
the wraps of our memoirs around me,
the moonlit smile of your lips,
slithered down gently on mine,
like the night sky was now complete
with its stars.
Do you recall those days?
because you were busy finding,
the parched soul that needs sex drops,
In a bed that I made love
and you just had sex on
you were blind,
you had forgotten
what it meant
to say, someone, I love you
and act upon by being physical,
and so I smoke,
because I loved a girl,
who was pious in her heart,
who laughed like a child,
who flew with the wind,
who promised me to love
when I die.
charlie said ‘go back to zero’
i don’t have to dig too deep
i choose to go back
go home and to love
or to nothing
look from the perspective of the particle of air
be free of thought
but in control of surroundings i can only mediate alone
so no one manipulates me,
you can do it too with worries let them go
but be conscious of your energy
and place it perfectly for want you want
see that is a poem
and its truth
and that is what i am dad
because of you and mum
i love you both
and i will look after myself
I don't know what you see in "her"
You ask me to come over at 1 am
I go cause it feels familiar
But every time it ends
I say I'm never coming back again
Now it feels wrong
You say, "it's okay"
But I'm slowly becoming a ticking time bomb
And I really don't want to stay
Too many lies, and I cry
Cause with you I feel numb
I've never felt so dumb
In your arms
While there's alarms
Ringing in my head
Reminding me that I should leave instead
But I wait and wait till I'm kicked out
And theres something I hate about you without a doubt
So why do I keep doing this to myself
While you're out I'm avoiding everyone else
I don't understand anything anymore
I'm always left hurt mentally, emotionally, and physically sore
Maybe I'll know
When I finally have the courage to let you go
Let me just be honest with you,
writing this down and thinking it through
Shit, I fuck up
No I didn't fuck up
Shit, I fuck up
There my be rhyme or some reason
but the ones you loved should be banned from treason
and yet here i am breathing
while she holds her breath praying I'm seeing
I don't see all that well.
Writing a poem, reading a book, this is my hell.
From experience I most certainly well
This either ends great or he or she's going to break.
The optics of illusion need to be focused.
Not bred in us for lazy purpose.
Fuck, this is my mistake.
She doesn't even ask for something simple as a birth cake.
And this is the girl I'm throwing away?
What has she done to deserve this fate?
Who am I to behave this way?
I know that I must pay for my mistakes.
But know that at my core, my heart beat harder when beat yours
I can't stop what is coming. The table's are turned and the question of me is finally asked:
Now, what are you going to do?
I am not sure if comprehension can be achieved in this reading. But this is how I have been feeling.