Iska 13h

My dearest mother

do you see it?
that's the space put between us,
filled with unspoken words and heartache.

can you hear it?
that's the defining silence,
filled with quiet disappointment and shattered dreams,
because I'm not the girl you hoped I'd be...

I'm tired and your tired too
Coming to see me now and then. When
You have the time
Your tired and I don't blame you
I can't explain this type of tiredness
It's not a seasonal thing. It doesn't come
When the season comes
It doesn't disappear when the season
Is over. It kind of lingers
This tiredness permeats into the body
Sort of alien ever so slowly overwhelmed
Me and I'm powerless against the body
The mind is tired the eyes are tired. The
Limbs are tired too
Wearing the same old clothes and the same
Old shoes
Not that she can't effort to buy me new
Clothes. Right now I don't need to
I'm tired and your tired too
The same old folks friends the same old
Faces greeted me the same breakfast
Welcome me every morning and I'll be
Glad she comes and bring along her kids
To see their granddad
I can sit in the living room and watched TV
I can be by the window watched the grass grow
I can hear the birds singing the cock crow
I can hear the wind blow
I can't wait for you to show up
I know you're busy I don't want to interrupt
I'm tired and your tired too
And l longed to go back home. But I'll be
Alone all the time. I don't want to bother
You now I know you're busy. I know
Your tired and I'm tired too

As it was told to me at the old folks home where this man is one of the lucky ones who have a daughter who comes visiting him occasionally.

You never want your daughter to have to go through what you went through
So you tell her, "do not party, do not drink, do not hang out with those people, especially him, do not sneak out of the house, do not get caught up in drugs..."
You tell her that how mad at her you will be if she does these things and how disappointed you will be for her disobeying you
Only because you are trying to protect her from what your mother could not
Not because you don't understand her and why she would and all the temptations and fun that could've happened, but did not
You scare her so much that when she does go to that party and drink too much, or when she gets caught up with that boy, not a man, and he uses her home as a hotel, or when she experiments and goes too far with a drug, with something to take away reality
She will not come to you
She is too ashamed of the disappointment and too afraid of the punishment
That she will not come to you
So her guilt and depression grows like a weed until she cannot house it anymore
So what do you do and how do you protect her from what your mother could not

Poppy Oct 28

I made her a sandwich today.
Women make the best sandwiches.
Don’t let any man tell you any other way.
Mom your crazy, she took it and ran.
She is right
But I don’t see her father making sure both sides have jam.

Before you gave me a home,
you gave me life.

I was born to you, but
before you gave me the world
you gave me a home,
within you.

There I lived,
within and then without you—
though you are never far from me.

I carry you within myself
as you once carried me.
I carry you within my heart

I would be a part of nothing today
had I not once been a part of you.

Under the dark serene night and the star's flickering light
A stroll with you will make me forget the world
A gentle kiss from you leaves the time frozen
Melodies flow through my veins listening to your voice

Like an oyster containing a precious pearl
There you are in my arms, my beautiful little girl

And my mother looked at that hickey on my neck and said. “are you that lonely and that desperate that you go to someone who doesn’t love you”…I walked out the room. I wouldn’t expect her to understand because I don’t even understand. but for that to b her response made me die a million times on the inside because that is the exact moment when you are suppose to grab your daughter and hug her.

3 years ago
RoyHal-Nomie Nov 3

I looked at our picture
As remnants of  my innocence littered on the floor  with my clothes
Your eyes were vivid SCRIPTURE.
I cant explain how much SIN creeped up my body.
Entangled my legs with DAMNATION
I keep praying for SALVATION
Because at that moment I stood blind at the mountain of lust
and experienced a REVELATION of who I was not.

Im still the daughter you raised.

BA Khan Nov 2

A pious man had two daughters beautiful set forth ,
Till one day he married then off both,
one wed the farmer and other wed the potter,
the wise man called on them a year after.

To the farmer’s wife he asked how she felt,
"A lot happy father, only there is one thing I want yet
We sowed some seeds and the rains have not made the fields wet",
Do not worry dear I'll pray after I have left.

As he crossed the fields green,
He prayed for the  clouds  to rain.
and went to see the other one of his lineage,
who lived yonder in the next village,.

To the potters wife he asked how she felt,
A lot happy father, only there is one thing i want yet,
We made some pots and the sun is not as hot as it should get,
The wise man sat up and soon he went out and left.

Under the big tree.. he knelt down and prayed
Asked His forgiveness, uttering these words as he raved,
O Lord.. thou are the only one to know what to do,
The wisest of all, thou only  knows what is the best..!"

This is a story narrated to me by my mentor (Moula)..longtime ago and I only gave it a shape of a poem. Before this I had posted  it on my Multiply blog.

(By BA Khan..01-1-2017)

however man may try to alter the things  ultimately it is the Divine that sets is right.. the key lies in finding the path to Divine and stick to it..
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