Often times, 
We get so many answers of
“I’m too busy" or “Hit me up later"
But no one realizes that I…
I don't want to be the one that reaches out
I don't want to be the one that initiates anything 
I just want you to be there, and tell me 
That life's crap, but you got me. 
That you know I’m down, and 
You're by my side to pick me up. 
That when I wake up, 
You'll be by my side, 
We'll be walking together, 
Laughing and smiling... 
Ha.
Too bad, this is only a dream. 
I’m not lonely, only alone. 
I’m not dead yet, only dying. 
I’m struggling, but barely holding — 
— on.

You see,
I feel like a fool.
Trusting too many people
With words of
Content and satisfaction,
Ambitions and aspirations.
A light in the darkness
A light at the end of the tunnel
A beacon of hope in open oceans
But there is no hope.
Only an illusion.
There is no peace.
Only pieces of what we
Believe is there.
But their belief
Is that we’re
In this together.
But are we really?

You tell me that
It'll all be good.
But I'm not good.
I only say it
Because if I say anything else,
You'll be at a loss for words,
Unable to say anything
And then, it fills the void
With an awkward silence.
And like everyone else,
You'll say that
You're there for me.
But when I reach out,
Only emptiness fills my grasp.
Silence is like my isolation.
It's the reason why
I feel so foolish and —  
— alone.

It's not like
I don't have "friends"
- so to speak - but
It's like there's
Not a person in the world
That's willing to listen.
It's funny, you know?
They say that
Sticks and stones
May break my bones,
But words will
Never hurt me.
Actions are the ones
That we forgive and forget
But words...
Words are the things that
We remember forever.

When someone tells you
That they're
There for you.
Because their word
Is their promise.
And so when you call out,
You wait...
And wait...
And wait.
But then you realize
That, like rules,
Promises end up being broken.
Promises are unreliable.
Words are unreliable.

Don't tell me that
You'll answer when I call,
You'll be there when I need you,
You'll listen when I talk,
Because you won't.
Don't tell me that;
Don't promise me anything.
Because like the rest of the world,
You don't actually give a damn.
But I don't blame you.

I'm not trying to
Victimize myself
Because I'm not a victim
I'm not a survivor.
I'm not who you think I am.
Underneath all  
My strength and pride
My discipline and determination
My fortitude and dedication
I've lied.

It seems like life's
All about performance
You want to be the best?
You have to beat the best.
Even if that person
Is yourself.

I changed my mind.


.


I’m gonna get an Indian.

I’m gonna get a Chinese.
Take away that takes me away
Small pleasures that sooth my heart

              Special Chow mein
           Special fried rice
        Not so special prawn crackers
But still special to me.

                                 Reminding me of when
I was a boy and I’d scoop up joy in a little edible bowl and glow as the taste hit me as hard as you did when you said you couldn’t give what I gave you back.

                                                          ­  Well I’m
gonna get a chinese tonight, so how about
that.

Because of her you neglected yourself. Subjected yourself to neglected all else, and now all you have are apologies. She’s gone and you were left with the sorries that need to be told. Worries of being left alone while their tone on the phone is stone cold. Your depression is an excuse they say, unsold. So like a piece of origami you fold in and around yourself till the paper is thin and time turns you old.

you will drown. you will rot.
this raw feeling of reality will swallow you whole,
and the only wish you will have
will be as to how fast it takes you.

Fighting that person in the mirror
Flashbacks of your future is what’s feared most
Why couldn’t you standup
Why are you so silent

SPEAK UP !!!!

No one can hear you
Are you really going to allow this to happen
I guess so cause like a coward you’ll crawl back into that bottle
Drink away the Shame caused by pain
Knowing this is temporary satisifation

Here’s your chance to seek help
Although it’s tough and heart felt
As you begin to think to speak
Your drowning in water with stones tied to your feet

OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH !!!
Because you truly need this help
Too embarrassed to say
I stood up walked out because I didn’t want you to find out this way

Face me to the east,
on a riverside run dry.
Tone callously
commenting as an aside.

Judge the unjudged, remind them at their peril.
Eskimos knew no god, and now priests send them to hell.

The sky is a bridge between which humanity sits.
Part the dried flake of my rest, I'll bear the split.
Then pardon myself for having ever exist.

There's a bear in my soul,
and she clamors to remain within.
First Nations knew no devil,
until we taught them about sin.