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john 4h
i contemplate my existence in this small purple room
with no way in, but no way out as well
as i lay down, drowning in my own self-gloom
life seems to slow down to a crawl
the inevitable sound of doom sits on
the fringe of my identity
my words cut deep into myself
they leave my mouth breathlessly
i close my eyes and enter the cavity i find in myself
the darkness, the void,
the never-ending ravine
that sits inside of me
curling or twisting, but nothing i ever predict
i keep it hidden so no one can see
it is a silk blanket on the dark days
reminding me of what i am
a blip in the galaxy, a mere clump of space dust
little bits of me scattered along with those who i misplaced trust in
leaving me here, a mere lump who feels crushed inside
overwhelmed as my dried eyes cried
everything out.
cried the pain, the grief, the disdain, the lack of relief out
i run away from my problems. they scare me.
the run turns to a sprint as they rarely
leave me be.
Leave Me Be.
sometimes we are the biggest cause of the pain we feel
You hear those sayings
from people.
That you only will know
how much you love or miss
something until it is gone.
And I always thought of it
like, it is some sweet thing to say.
But after what happend
I think I do only now realise
what I really had.
It was something great
o yeah I knew it was great
but maybe not this great.
I hate my self for losing it
for letting it happen.
It is that moment
when you start to think
what if...
what if it had gone
differently.
What if it had gone
entirely different.
But a second later
you think
but it isn't, it didn't.
Life was great.
Life was good.
Now it *****.
Now i hate it.
It is gone
and it left me broken.
For some people,
some winters never end
Others begin to fade away
like sunlight when it fractures into a deep lake.
How to explain love when every reason you stay alone is made of flesh and bones?
Summer just pretends to be your lover for a while
until it leaves and sets ablaze the shape of the skyline you used to love so much.
One day you become increasingly aware that now
you paint everything grey
You start to forget faces and you stop playing dress up


Some things are infinite and some stay a l o n e
Christina 11h
sometimes the jokes go to far
but i still laugh at them
because i know that if i say something
you'll only laugh at me more

so i sit and i smile
and pretend everything is okay
so that i can try have a normal life

but eventually
i wont be able to handle it anymore
and you'll be able to see me
soaking in my blood filled tub
Day 21h
Do you ever feel TOO alive?
Day 1d
"I've never felt like this before"
but what i meant was
"I've (always) felt alone. (I guess I've never known)"
Is this (real) love?
i feel happy
Louder
Louder
Louder!
I hear them
Fierce clashing of swords
The constant fighting
The agony, the cries
The men.
Give a moment
For explosions
In the sky
As sprouts of blood
From open wounds
Make their way outward
Seemingly…
Vanishing.

There’s something about
The night
Especially around
10pm
The tranquility
Makes everything seem
Loudest
The war begins…
It draws closer
Louder
Louder
Louder!
You hear them
again…
Regrets
Disappointments
And
Everything that’s caught
In-between.
There’s a war
And
It’s raging on
It’s raging on
The venue?
My head.

Walked to my window
Saw the lights
Of the
Street
Buildings
And said:
“I’ve never raised a sword to ****
yet, here I am, fighting again”
In a moment of peace
My eyes met
A field of grass
Moving so
Effortlessly
In the wind
Without a care in the world
I smiled.
Feeling a
Bit
Jealous.
I used to think that all I wanted
was someone to love me,
someone to give me all their
warmth and trust and sympathy.
The more I sit here in this
empty room beside a window,
the more I realize that that
kind of life ain't meant for me.

I'm making friends with all the
shadows climbing on my rooftop,
and I hear music in the leaves
that rustle in the wind.
And I dont need no pity, girl,
I kinda like the struggle.
Like feeling 'round for the doorknob
when the lights are dimmed.

Each day someone will call and
offer me a new solution,
and while I do respect the
depths of their true concern,
they have to realize solitude
and silence both are virtues -
but that's a lesson that I
hope they never need to learn.
purdah (noun) - a state of seclusion or secrecy, often self-imposed.

Written in the style of "Solute Your Solution" by The Raconteurs.
October, 31
I've got painful on my own,
It's break to my bone,
When you are gone.
My love shall be shown,
For the hardest known.
I know that you won't
Feel alone,
I know that I want
To be your lovely one.
I don't hate you for
Not loving me anymore,
I hate myself now ,
For still loving you...
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