Nylee 13m
They won't shed a light on me
  they won't understand a part of me
I am all alone,
  and I don't mind when I know that
The problem comes when I forget that.

Little joys, crazy voice
Merry ways, glittering sunrise
balcony view, morning dew
few seconds, closing the mind chatter


It is not like I expect much now
I did once, I regretted it then
It shouldn't be that my opinion count
They'll will do what they want.

maybe I just want attention
need some recognition from everyone
I need to be someone special
for them, this quality is essential


I will walk alone journey ahead
I tell that everytime
But then lose my conviction
Repeat my mistakes time to time.

Heart just beats, it doesn't break as they say
Blood is flowing in every way
it is hard to go on
when my mind has turned off
.

My feet hurt now more
as I fall down again and again
My tears fall like they always do
They get no support from the rain.

Older the more colder
and  more time I spend to cry
there is no reason why
I ain't getting any better, no more


Tired bones and muscles
there are too many extra miles
There is no space for me to stand
I try to adjust, try to carry the weight
But then I sense the futility of it all.

There is no cure when you are a living disease
Contaminating, spreading the unease
I slide back on my seat
Not to have another repeat


Something about all this
is going so very wrong
I feel it inside growing that strong
Something in me is the real problem here

Stupid things I'll do
they come back through
making errors every move
making them disapprove


Spinning in my created reality
this prison will keep me bound
the light doesn't shine in my head
how will I ever be free?
Feel the heavy the sharp
life that twists and turns
battered and bitter loss
unholy rage unfettered
takes without a given
heralded forever alone
with walls weeping
deep wounds in my spine
how does one continue
when the final page
was three chapters ago?
Flicker
Breathe
I close my eyes
Taking a deep breath
Why am I here again?
Why?
Is there something important
For me to do?
Was there ever?
My body is always sore
Everyday it hurts
Why do I keep going?
I wait for my body to give up
For my time to stop
For the days to finally end
I’ve said I’m fine
But never really was
I’ve dreamt of places far away
But never really got there
Those places I want to go
To disappear
And call them home
Help me
An echoing voice in my head
A convincing smile
This is my lie
A lie no one has ever seen through
They never will
The voice responds
Help me
Another smile
Why can no one hear
No one hears
No one
Last night I sat lonely
Wishing for things that could never be
Out my window the moonlight bright on the garden stones
speaks to me

I putter to the gates
Perhaps among the rose bushes
And Lilly beds, I will find
nourishment in nature.

I sit in casted moonbeams
still wishing for things, that could never be
no solace in the garden green
just alone beneath
a midnight scene
Sometimes nature is magical and you think it will bring a peace. Sometime it does and other times not so much.
State decided to build
The tallest building

My objection
Let them stand being two
I can’t handle
The loneliness
If it is single.
Genre: Observational
Theme: When I was a child, I use to read to make my parents happy, then I read to make my  teacher happy. Now, I read with feeling of every words. I feel magic in it.
The power that possesses,
The young and restless,
Ahead,
To both death marches and weddings.
Did you question the message you were fed?
You should just seek warm bedding...
I guess.
So,
Is it the beginning of the ending?
Or just the end of the beginning?
Rotting,
From the inside,
Is youth's defining essence.
Can you smell the corpses rotting? A cubicle a coffin. There are few things that can keep a shell like me walking. Do you understand me when I'm talking?
what happened to you?
that you were so afraid of messing up
these words mean nothing
and being thrown to the dust
because all these gifts and memories take nothing to the test
hyper visions of misery heightened, the wise are unknown
curses and shadows brew 'round their heads
or stars and spaceships from the planet of the undead

what happedned to you that you felt so empty yet so mad and angry?
a raging fire of something unseen, something unknown
far from your reach
they say expeirence and memories shape who we are
but i cant recall a gooddamn thing that made us who we are

what happedned that you could take that bullet to the head placing that gun inside of their hand?
a trigger, a flash, a ringing sound about
yet nothing splatters at the wall because we know once and for all
that what happened to you happened to me and no matter how much you think it might be
our names will never be graved in that stone
for one
one can only
die
a l o n e
Honestly just a ramble of prose...
AA 14h
I cannot say I would officially change anything.

Yes, I would have liked to be a different person.
Yes, I would have like to have gone on a different path.
Yes, I would have like to have been more loved.

But I do like the person I am right now.
I like how I can handle myself when I am alone.
I like how I can take the time to process my thoughts.
I like how I can get through the day.

I cannot be who everyone wants me to be.
I know I am not truly who they think I am.
I feel so alone.

Why can’t I be someone better?
Why can’t I be someone love able?
Why can’t I be someone worthy of love?l
when I was younger.
I told my self that one day I'd fit in
that I'd find my place.
And be happy....

Its been years.
It got worse.
My chest still pains from this feeling.
I've carried it for as long as I can remember .

My chest pains from loneliness.
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